Chapter 13
Zane
As the door closes behind me, I finally take in a breath.
Hands clenched and chest tight—I don't know whether I'm angry, heartbroken, or about to go back in there and accept her offer.
When she stood up, the blanket slipped down her legs like water, pale skin glowing in the warm light. A quiet defiance in her as she let me see those long legs. Vulnerability like an open wound.
Then she sank to her knees before me as if she was falling on the altar of a god she didn’t believe in. Quietly handing herself over to me, embracing whatever came. A sacrifice. As if she thought that's what I wanted from her.
Hell, I do want that. I want her.
But not like that. Not when she's only doing it because she thinks she has to.
I can still feel her soft skin beneath my shaking hand. Warm… and willing.
And I just sat there like a fucking idiot, heart hammering, dying to dig my fingers into her thigh harder. To grip her properly. Dying to grab her by the throat, kiss her through those bars and hear what pretty sounds she would make.
My mouth watered with the need. I hated how my body betrayed me, fingers twitching like they already knew the path up her thigh. Hated how easy it would’ve been to fall back into my old ways. To ruin her and call it kindness.
But I made a promise to myself. I couldn't let her think that was the way to earn her place with us. She deserves more than that. More than what the world's tried to make us both.
Exhaling hard through my nose, I drag my hand through my hair.
No. She doesn't know what kind of monster she’s soliciting. She wants survival. Not me.
But I almost took it anyway.
That's what broke me.
So, I couldn't stay. Not with that offer in my hand and the knowledge that accepting it would mean I had failed her in the worst way.
I only make it ten steps before I crash into Phoenix as he rounds the corner.
“Whoa. Watch out,” he laughs, catching me by the shoulder.
Ignoring him, I try to push past, but he steps in my path.
“You good?” he asks, brow furrowing as he scans me.
Averting my gaze, my jaw twitches, words catching in my throat.
“You look like you've just been gut punched,” he notes, folding his arms over his chest.
“Leave it,” I mutter through gritted teeth.
“No. Talk.”
“I said drop it,” I grunt, trying to push past him again.
“I heard you,” he retorts, voice staying calm, but there's a bite under it now. “Something's got you rattled, and if it affects this group, I need to know... Is it something to do with that girl?”
“No,” I lie.
“Bullshit. You were just with her, weren't you?” He glances down the hall behind me. “You’re literally leaving the holding room,” he adds, gesturing to where I just came from.
Dragging my hand down my face, I exhale hard. “She… offered herself to me,” I force the words out.
He raises a brow. “Did she now?” His tone morphs into curiosity, almost amused.
I bristle. “It's not like that.”
A smile plays on his lips. “Oh, isn't it?”
“Drop it, Phoenix,” I growl, rougher than I mean to.
His expression hardens, but his voice stays level. “Zane. I just need to know if we're gonna have a problem. You know how Myles can be.”
I look down at my boots as I shift in place. “There won’t be a problem,” I huff out. “I said no.”
“Seriously?”
“Of course I fucking did,” I snap. Phoenix knows the vows I made and the urges I struggle with.
They haven’t been truly tested since the flesh traders garner women like jackals. Sure, we kill any that come close to our town, but they’re scouting, not transporting merchandise.
He nods thoughtfully, then smirks. “Didn't really look like an ‘of course’ kind of situation… just judging from the way you came storming out of there.”
“She wasn't doing it because she wanted to,” I growl defensively. “She's scared. Just trying to survive. She only did it because she thinks it's what she has to do to stay safe. Like she thinks she has to earn her keep.”
He nods again, slower this time. But there's a flicker in his eyes. “Wise girl,” he mutters, almost to himself. Then he steps a little closer, voice teasing again. “And you said no?”
My nostrils flare as he makes me relive the memory. The way my body raged for it, mind flashing with images of ways I could fold her.
“That couldn't have been easy for you,” he continues. It sounds condescending but when I look back up at him his gaze softens slightly.
“What the fuck do you think?” I grind out.
“Just sayin’,” he shrugs. “Might be a gift from the universe… rather than a test,” he smirks knowingly. Almost like he's taunting me.
I fall silent, refusing to indulge in such wishful thinking, hoping he’s finished and will let me fucking walk past.
He sighs, not annoyed, just thoughtful. “Look, I get it, after everything you went through with the flesh traders, you don't want to be like that again.” He nods.
“But this world doesn't care what kind of man you want to be. It throws girls like her in front of men like us, and waits to see who breaks first.”
“No. You don’t get it Phoenix!” I snap. “You don’t get how hard it is to see another girl in a cage, after years of being forced to abuse them. I fucking hate myself for what I’ve done but it doesn’t stop my conditioning. I came so close to giving in. That’s what makes me feel so sick about this.”
Phoenix sighs, finally stepping aside. When he speaks again, his tone is full of understanding. “You’re right, I’ll never know what that was like. Take a walk and cool off. I can't have you losing your shit too.”
He turns and leaves before I can find my feet. As if he didn't just see the exact moment I started falling for a girl who can barely look me in the eye. A girl that Myles claimed. A girl we technically kidnapped.
I lean against the wall and breathe in deep. But it doesn't help.
My hand still remembers the shape of her thigh. The warmth. The blind trust. I want to memorise the rest of her. And God help me, I don’t think I can keep pretending I don’t.
No.
I did the right thing.
I know I did.
So why the fuck does it feel like I failed her anyway?