Chapter Two #2
“Yes, my boy. It’s nice to see you. I’m going to guess that this isn’t just a social call. I saw what just went down in the tipi. When are you going to cut him a break? It’s like you’re trying to break him.”
Ethan sighed.
That was exactly like what it was like. An eye for an eye was a shitty way to live, and he knew it.
“I’m angry.”
He laughed.
“Who? You?” he asked. “That sounds so unfamiliar when discussing you. Are you sure?” he asked, joking.
Oh, Ethan wished.
Ethan moved closer, and sat beside the older man. Ironically, they were about the same age now in the smoke walk. Ethan had gotten older, and Timothy had grown younger after his death.
“This is the age I liked the most,” he admitted. “My boys were my boys, and I felt well—most of the time,” he added, as if reading his mind.
Ethan wished he felt ‘well’. After what just went down, he felt nauseous about it.
“Coming back here wasn’t easy,” Ethan admitted.
Timothy put his arm around him.
“I know.”
Blackhawk purged his feelings to the man who had been his grandfather at one point. Now, everything felt foreign to him, and he didn’t understand it.
Timothy felt gone for so long.
“I want to not hate him, but this was the straw that broke the camel’s back, Granddad. When he asked the attorney to tell me he wanted me to raise his son…”
Oh, he got it.
“You see that as a burden?” Timothy asked, trying to help his grandson the best he could.
Ethan shook his head.
“Absolutely not. I love TJ. Hell! I love all of the kids. I’d have more if people didn’t try to commit us. Kids are so pure and full of love. I feel accepted and like I matter when it comes to them.”
Timothy listened.
He didn’t want to upset the man, so he never came back to talk to him. This was his only way of talking, and Timothy enjoyed it.
Death wasn’t all fun and games.
He spent most of his time watching over the other raven to make sure her path was still intact.
That was a full-time job.
“It just pissed me off when I was called by the attorney and told that I’d be picking up a kid. It was cold, and it reminded me of the cruelty that Wyler could hand out.”
Timothy handed Ethan the pipe that magically appeared. He took a hit from it, and then passed it back. The whole time, the smoke moved around them.
“And if he’d come to you and asked personally?”
Ethan opened his mouth.
Only, his grandfather shut that down.
“Don’t lie.”
Well, shit.
The old man was policing his thoughts on the other side. That was not exactly playing fair, now was it?
Ethan went there.
“I would have been irritated, but I would have not been as hurt. I do love TJ. He’s my brother. One day, he’s going to be feeding me pudding in the nursing home. I absolutely want to make sure he has a good life, or I’m getting tapioca. I really hate tapioca, Timothy.”
The older man laughed.
His grandson’s sense of humor was dry, and very much like his own.
“Well, that forty-plus-year age difference might pay off after all,” he admitted.
Ethan smiled.
“I mean, Takoda will have someone else to rely on then. He’ll be in his fifties like I am now. He’ll have a backup to the crazy.”
Timothy took the pipe and inhaled.
With Ethan, the information shared had to be delivered carefully.
Someone got cranky.
It was why he’d been able to tell Callen that the woman who would save him would come, and he couldn’t tell Ethan jack shit, or he would have lost his mind.
“My boy, I can’t tell you what to do. I mean, I can, but we know you aren’t going to listen to me. You’re just as angry at me, but you’re letting it all direct at Wyler to preserve my memory. I only let you down a little. Wyler let you down a lot.”
That was the truth.
“I just want to not be angry. I feel like every day, it consumes me. He abandoned me, Granddad. When I needed him most, I was alone. I found my mother dead and cold. I crawled into bed with her thinking she was asleep, and the second I leaned on her, I found her cold.”
Timothy knew who was behind them.
That Ethan didn’t show how much his anger was clouding his gift. When walking through the smoke, you were cognizant of everything, since your mind manifested it.
“I ran through the snow barefoot to your cabin. I had to move in there, and I lost my mom and home on the same day. I never had what I needed.”
Timothy was curious.
“And what did you need?”
He didn’t hesitate.
“I needed my mom. That’s all I needed. I love you, old man, but you were a disaster. What I needed was my mother, and I lost her way too young.”
Timothy laughed.
“Oh, well, we can’t all be good dads like you, EJ.
You’re a damn good father. Some of us…we falter.
When I lost Naomi, I did a bad job. It snowballed.
You have Elizabeth. If Wyler had his mom, who was a lot like your wife, I bet he would have been more like you. Sometimes, we don’t get what we want.”
Yeah, unfortunately.
That was the nonstop storyline in his life, and it was goddamn exhausting.
“I want to hate him.”
Timothy sighed, but didn’t get to say anything.
“I really wish you wouldn’t,” came the voice from behind him, and Ethan was up fast, turning.
That’s when he saw her.
The sound of her voice hit that tender spot in his heart, and made him ache all over again. It had been over thirty-eight years since he’d heard her.
“Mom?” he asked.
What astounded him was that she still looked the same.
Catherine was gorgeous, and truth be told, Elizabeth had a lot of her characteristics. He’d picked a woman who was just like his mom.
She moved closer.
“Hello, my baby.”
At her voice, tears filled his eyes. They were the words he’d been called as a child.
At one point, he’d been someone’s baby.
He’d simply been EJ, when the weight of the world wasn’t on his shoulders.
“I’ve missed you,” she said, moving toward him. When she did, Timothy held out his hand, and helped her down off the rock and to the ground where her son stood.
Ethan just stared at her.
It had been so long since he’d seen her. Honestly, his memories were slipping away. All he had was one worn photo in his wallet that had been there for so goddamn long it was wearing out.
“Mom,” he said, meeting her halfway.
Like any mom, she opened her arms, and enveloped them around him. Hugging him to her body, she let him find some peace.
“I’ve missed you,” he whispered.
Timothy backed up, giving them time alone. This was what Ethan needed, and he only hoped that he’d find peace in it.
For his sake.
And for Wyler’s sake.
When she broke the hug, she took his face in her hands, and stared into his eyes.
Her eyes.
“You’re so handsome,” she admitted. “God. I can’t believe how you grew up, EJ. You’ve grown into a very good-looking man. I made this,” she said. “You’re my most perfect son.”
As she spoke to him, he could smell her.
It all came back to him.
It was the scent of roses and mint. She always smelled like it, and he’d never realized how much he missed it until that moment.
Because he had.
As a grown man, he hated to admit it, but he missed his mom so damn much.
“Thanks, Mom.”
She held out her hand.
“You need me. Let’s talk, Ethan Jackson.”
Leading him, they took a walk, and he knew where they were heading. He was astral projecting toward the burial grounds where her physical remains were.
Her grave called to her.
“I do need you.”
She kept talking since she wasn’t sure how much time they’d have speaking. This was a long time coming, and she only hoped she’d see him more.
“I see your babies, and I’m so enchanted by them,” she admitted. “Your Charlie is a sweet one.”
He laughed.
“Sweet or just like her mother?” he asked. “She’s so precious to me, but she scares me. She’s going to fight the world, just like Elizabeth one day, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold back the evil that’s out there to keep her safe.”
Catherine smiled.
“Oh, both. She looks like her, but I see her gentleness that was from you. It’s clearly there.
She’s going to do great things, and you don’t need to hold back the evil, Ethan.
Some people attract it because their souls are meant to do battle with it.
Charlie is meant to be a warrior. She’ll be okay. ”
Well, that scared and soothed him.
Catherine continued.
“Oh, and then there’s CJ. I love that you named him after your brother. He’s devilish like you with that grin. The ladies are in so much trouble.”
That made him laugh.
There was no doubt there.
Hearing her talk was calming him down.
“You’re a lucky man, Ethan. You’ve been blessed tenfold. You have people who love you, and you have so many moments of joy.”
He was aware.
He was blessed.
When she reached her headstone, she saw the flowers there, and pointed.
“Your wife has been here. She came to speak to me yesterday after she got off that case she’d been working. She came, prayed a little, and found some peace. She was seeking strength. I have to say, I love her for you, Ethan. You chose well.”
Ethan stared at the white roses.
“She never ceases to amaze me,” he admitted. “I can’t manage one thing, but she can hold fifty things up and not drop one. I stopped thinking I chose her a long time ago, Mom. She absolutely chose me, and I’m glad she did. She saved me.”
Catherine kissed him on the cheek.
“She is a good wife. I wish I were as good a wife as she is,” Catherine admitted.
Ethan looked over.
“You were.”
She shook her head and sat on the tombstone to have a talk. This was a long time coming.
“I wasn’t, Ethan. It takes two people to destroy a marriage, and I had my hand in it.
Yes, your father cheated on me, and he broke my heart, but I didn’t forgive him soon enough.
I didn’t take into account that he, too, was damaged.
He was always looking for that female contact to replace the pain he felt when Naomi died. As you would say, mommy issues.”
Ethan sat on the grass, and stared up at his mother.
“You didn’t do anything wrong,” he said. “You were the best mother in the whole world.”