Chapter Six #4
Then, her.
Elizabeth continued.
“It’s not easy to get into the FBI, as you’ve found out,” she said, repeating what Tora had said earlier.
“This is your one opportunity to get the golden ticket. If you do the job, and show me that you can work autonomously, without me babysitting, you can have that access. The bottom line is that my people are driven, smart, and very good at what they do.”
Tora was shocked.
“And you want to give us a shot?”
She nodded.
“It’s rare I take partners when I find that diamond in the rough. Agents Sophia Warner and Axl Thorn were the last two.”
Ethan let his wife talk.
“I usually only take one cop, when I hire someone, but if you two work as well as you appear to, that’s my advantage. You have skin in the game. The last thing I want is to carry the death of an agent on my shoulders. I’ve done that before, and it sucks.”
Ethan kissed her on the cheek.
His wife was a good person, and it wasn’t lost on him that she was also doing this for him. There was no way she didn’t notice that he and Gene had a fondness for Tora.
Elizabeth was a watcher, and she’d know it, instinctually too.
“I won’t be in Damascus forever—or I don’t think I will be. Who knows?” she admitted. “But I need people here who can do the job. I’m out of the office in DC, and I don’t even stress it. My people are good at what they do.”
They were both smiling.
“Now, show me what you have, and don’t get overly excited. This is a hands-on job interview. You aren’t on the team until you get the packet to fill out. Until then, you’re detectives and have to earn this. Doctor Blackhawk will be analyzing you, and seeing if you’re a good fit.”
Tora bounced.
Then, she hugged Mac.
Then, she hugged Ethan.
When she hugged Elizabeth, the woman patted her on the back.
“Okay there, we have a hugger. I’ve been warned,” she joked.
She laughed.
“We’re going to make you proud.”
Elizabeth was to the point.
“EJ, is she tough and capable?” she asked, since he knew her past.
“Yep. I’m proud of her already.”
She focused on Mac.
“Tell me about him.”
Ethan profiled the man and hadn’t even looked him up. Everyone had tells, and these cops absolutely did too.
“He’s single, loves his job to the point he’s married to it.
He’s attached to Tora, and doesn’t like when men think she’s not a good cop.
He’s loyal, and wouldn’t betray a friend.
He’s a lefty, but he can use both hands with his gun, since he handled the pen at his desk the same way.
He does the paperwork, and she handles the legwork.
They’re a good team—like we were in our younger days. ”
He had a point, and she’d not noticed it until now. They did remind her of her and Ethan fifteen years ago.
Huh.
The universe did funny, funny things.
Mac grinned.
“You forgot that I’m handsome and funny. Now, tell me what color my bedroom is.”
“Green.”
He gasped.
“What witchcraft is this?” he asked, caught off guard.
She laughed.
“And that’s why he’s my profiler,” she said, continuing to walk. “Keep this to yourselves, because I don’t hand out jobs often. If it gets out, I’ll have a line of ducks heading my way, and I have little time to play momma.”
They both made zipping motions on their lips, and she rolled her eyes.
It appeared she just got two more kids.
Life was funny like that.
No.
Her life was funny like that.
Elizabeth was a creature of habit.
A people collector.
* * * The Blackhawk Family * * *
The Hoover Building
Same Time
Monday Afternoon
Axelle was annoyed, and that was nothing shocking. When you ran the FBI, that tended to happen a great deal.
The president was a pain in the ass.
The military was a pain in the ass.
Pretty much everyone with a dick, as of late, was a pain in the ass.
Then, add in that she’d gotten dressed down by her deputy director, and that was problematic.
For her.
Axelle didn’t like that there was a wedge between her and Elizabeth, but ever since they had that one falling out, and Duke went shit nuts on his sister to take his wife’s side, there had been distance.
Oh, she and Duke had reconciled, and were right back to being buddy-buddy, but there was tension there for her and Elizabeth.
Now, there was even more.
Picking up her phone, she called her husband, just to hear his voice.
When he answered, he was happy.
“Director Maverick of the FBI, to what do I owe this pleasure?” he asked.
She laughed.
“I missed my husband. Can’t a girl call and check up on him?”
Duke had been thinking about her. He was trying to find a way to make this long-distance easier, since it was causing tension in their marriage.
She wanted him home.
Only, he needed to be there for his mom and sister.
Axelle needed to focus on her career, and the kids seemed to be too much for her.
There had to be a solution where they could meet in the middle.
“She absolutely can. I was just thinking about a way we could give you more time with the girls.”
There was a pause.
“Oh? I wouldn’t worry about it.”
Duke lifted an eyebrow.
Why did that sound…bad?
He tried to explain.
“I don’t know how long I’ll be here, but what if we did two weeks on, and two weeks off. That way, you could still see them every two weeks, and get some good mom time in.”
Honestly, Axelle was good as it was.
She called them every day, and that was more than enough for her. She had a busy career, and it had been so much easier without them there.
Yeah, that sounded terrible, but the truth was the truth.
This had always been her fear.
It had always worried her that she wasn’t meant to be a mother. What she’d learned was that she loved the kids, but she wasn’t maternal whatsoever.
Her suspicions had been right.
They’d tested that, and it had the same outcome that she’d worried about.
“Really, Duke, you should keep them full-time. Actually, I’m good.”
Duke was caught off guard.
Why did that sound like a divorce agreement in the making?
Was he reading into this wrong?
“You don’t want to see Abby and Charlotte?” he asked. “Really? At all?”
That hung there.
When neither of them spoke, she knew she had to explain, and this had been what she’d been worried about, too.
The truth had to come out.
She sighed.
Because here came the fight. Now, she regretted calling him.
There was no doubt this would piss him off.
It was always about the same thing when they had a fight.
She’d been burdened with them when they were here, and she had to focus on her job.
It wasn’t easy being a single parent as Director of the FBI.
She sometimes had conference calls early, and even with a nanny, it was difficult.
Duke taking care of them was the best for them.
“I like seeing them. I call every night, Duke. I’m just not the hands-on parent you are. You like couches with cartoons, and sharing crackers with the girls. I’m more a go out and work kind of a person to bring home the paycheck. I like paying for dance classes, and pretty dresses.”
Oh, boy.
That didn’t sound good at all.
“So you want me to take all of the responsibility, and keep them here with me so you don’t have to be bothered with motherhood?” he asked, saying it just like that for a reason.
That’s how she made it sound.
At his question, Axelle didn’t mince words.
“Basically. I didn’t want kids, Duke. You did.
We had this conversation many times before we got pregnant.
I wasn’t sure I wanted to keep the baby.
Remember? Hell! I’ve told everyone over the last thirty years that I wasn’t into being a mom.
You knew that when you tied yourself to me as a wife.
I’m not maternal, and what I feel for them isn’t what you feel for them,” she admitted, laying her cards on the table.
At her words, Duke was surprised.
He.
Was.
Appalled.
“So, you had a child with me, when you didn’t want to have one.”
She was honest.
“You took Abby in when your half-brother was killed, and we already had one, so at that point, I was screwed. It made you happy, and I like seeing you happy. You seem to not like to see me happy, and that’s where we’re having issues.”
What?
The?
Fuck?
Now, this really did sound like someone was getting ready to bail. God knew he’d had issues when his first wife, Salem, had put work before their marriage and having a family.
“And our kids don’t make you happy?” he asked. “Because they make me damn happy. They’re the best thing in my life.”
She was annoyed.
Maybe it was the earlier issue with Elizabeth, or that she was all pissy, but she went there.
“I used to be the best thing in your life. Now, I’ve been replaced. How do you think that makes me feel, and why wouldn’t I dislike that?”
Ouch.
That was cold.
And it pissed him off.
He grew up with a mom who made him the center of her world. She didn’t date because she wanted him to feel like he was her everything.
Duke was that kind of parent.
Now that she’d said what she’d said, he didn’t know how to process that.
Not.
At.
All.
The bottom line was that Duke loved his kids. He loved them more than anything in the whole fucking world, next to his sister and mom.
To hear her say that, like the girls were a burden…
Yeah, no.
He’d never let her say that to them. That’s the kind of shit that destroyed children.
“Well, maybe you should have thought about that before we had Charlotte.”
She was honest.
“YOU agreed to take Abby in. Remember when you told me she’d go to foster care? I told you then, Duke, that I’m not mother material. Instead of hearing what I said, you insisted, and we became parents. Then, you left to go help Elizabeth with Wyler, and left me here to be the mother.”
Huh?
“Uh, because you are the mother.”
Axelle was annoyed.
This was NOT the life she wanted.
It wasn’t even close.
“To one of them, yes. Abby is sweet, and I love her, but she’s not my child, Duke.
Charlotte is my child, and I’m really trying to be a mom to her.
Put them both together, and it’s way too much for me.
Yes, I made Charlotte, but Abby…I have no maternal feelings toward her at all. I’ve tried, and I can’t manage it.”
Fuck.
No.
“She’s our daughter.”
Axelle stopped him.
“No, Duke. She’s your brother’s child. You took her out of familial obligation, and that’s how I feel. I still would die for her, but it’s not the same for me. I grew up with a mother who wasn’t maternal, and I know how this ends. Trying to force someone to be a mother doesn’t end well.”
Now, he was spiraling.
This was wrong.
Axelle continued.
“So, I don’t need to have joint custody of our kids while you’re out in Damascus. When you come home, we’ll discuss it, but things aren’t as rosy as you think. Our marriage was better before kids.”
Oh, he was aware.
This conversation was proof of that.
“What are you saying?” he asked.
“I’m saying that when you get back, we should talk about this.
I don’t think I can be a full-time mom. If you want my complete candor, I like you being there with the girls.
Seeing them by video call is plenty for me right now.
I’m down my director, and I’m holding the FBI together.
It’s not been easy either. Toss in kids, and it’s too much. ”
He was horrified.
“We’re too much for you? Your husband and kids?”
She stopped him.
“No, you’re not too much for me. Motherhood is. I don’t like it.”
Well, fuck.
She was already a mother.
That wasn’t something they could undo.
“It’s how I feel, Duke.”
Maybe she should have been on better protection when they got pregnant with Charlotte, or she should have terminated the pregnancy.
All Axelle knew was this was not how she saw her life, or who she thought she’d be.
Over the silence of the phone, Duke was appalled.
He’d not forced Abby on her. He let her decide, and all he did was offer what he wanted so she was aware. As for Charlotte, he told her the decision was hers on whether or not she kept the pregnancy. He never forced her once.
EVER.
“I hope you understand,” Axelle offered.
Yeah, no.
“I don’t, since they’re our children. My wife is telling me that suddenly, she doesn’t want to do this anymore. She’s telling me that she only loves one kid out of two, and that’s going to do nothing but hurt both of the girls in the long run.”
She was honest.
That was all she could give him.
“Duke, the CIA has offered me a cushy job, and I’m considering it. It involves travel, and moving around the world…Motherhood doesn’t fit my narrative right now.”
He stopped her.
“I’m not leaving my family to live all over the world, Axelle.”
That hung there.
And that’s when he got it.
She was leaving HER family—as in he wasn’t part of her exit strategy.
“Oh, I see.”
She sighed.
“We’ll talk about this later. I don’t want to fight with you, Duke, but I’m not happy. I sincerely wish that we didn’t have kids. Now, it’s more work, and it’s very little joy for me. I hate Christmas, and I hate planning a birthday party that I don’t see a reason to have.”
He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
Had Axelle lost her goddamn mind?
Was she having a mental breakdown?
Or had he just missed the cues the last two years?
“I have a meeting, and then, I’m heading home to work from there. I’ll call you tonight.”
He said nothing.
“Duke?”
That was when he did finally speak.
“Goodbye, Axelle,” he said, and then hung up the phone. When he did, he knew he had a huge problem.
His marriage was over.
There was no way he’d let either Abby or Charlotte be hurt by their mother—or whatever she wanted to call herself. It was time to do what was best for them. He needed to do what he could to keep them sheltered from this mess.
Pulling out his phone, he sent off a text message.
Then, he sat at his desk.
What the unsanctimonious fuck had just happened?
Seriously.
The world had just collapsed around him.
And Duke Maverick was in a freefall.