Chapter Ten
Hotel Bed
Dreaming
Monday Late Afternoon
The darkness around him shifted, and Corbin didn’t know where he was, or what he was doing. All he knew was that he’d been taking a nap. Then, he’d woken up here. Where was here? Well, it was a familiar sight.
One he never wanted to see again.
He was standing in front of his brownstone’s door, back in Philadelphia.
On the door, there was a cheerful wreath, and he remembered that too.
Will had hung it up every single year when they celebrated the holidays together.
After they were married.
Looking down, he saw that he was in a very familiar outfit too. He had on a suit, and at his hip was his badge and gun.
Oh, Jesus.
He was back in Philly and on the force again.
Sitting beside him in the driveway was an Audi, and that was Will’s car.
Now, his heart began racing.
Apparently, he was going to be taking a walk through his past, and there was no way this was going to end well for him. Already, Corbin knew.
This was going to suck.
Building up the courage, he made the last few steps. Going to the door, he threw it open, like he had so many times after Will’s death, only to find him gone.
And their home empty.
Vacant.
Desolate.
As soon as the door was opened, he heard his husband talking again. There was the scent of his cologne, and he knew that he was in there.
His body reacted to that, and it haunted him.
Why?
A part of him was still aware that this wasn’t real, and it would never be back again.
Ever.
“Will?” he called, going in and closing the door with his foot as he dropped his messenger bag.
Heading his way was his man. In his hand was a glass of wine, like it aways was when he’d greet him after work. On his face was the smile that brought back memories and tears.
“Hey, babe. You’re home on time. That’s crazy. I thought you were going to work late tonight.”
He wanted to cry.
Corbin wanted to weep.
This was the man he loved so much that it nearly destroyed him when he was stripped away from him.
Those painful moments didn’t make him stronger.
They broke him more.
Losing Will had been the last straw, and he’d been a shell of a human being for so many years after that. It wasn’t until he started marking time until he could see him again that he’d given himself something to look forward to.
“Hey,” he said, taking the glass.
Will smiled at him, and the crinkles around his eyes crushed Corbin’s soul.
What was left of it.
“We have two choices. It’s Friday night, you’re off, and we have to eat. I was with a client late today. It’s an adoption case that I’m handling. Pizza or sushi?”
Corbin’s hand shook.
This was one of the last times he’d get to be with Will. He remembered this conversation, like it was yesterday.
God.
Why was he reliving this?
Why?
Nightmares stayed away, for the most part. Only, here he was, reliving a moment that should bring him joy, but it didn’t.
It brought him pain.
Excruciating pain.
What wouldn’t he give to not have to deal with this? Because this would just add to the burden on his soul.
His lover.
His husband.
His mate.
He was gone, and Corbin was still left alone to survive out there in the world when he was promised by Will that he’d never leave him.
But he had.
Resentment and anger rose up.
What he wanted was to be bitchy, but he craved this one last moment together more.
The dreams came few and far between, and he knew why he was having it.
Alex’s cologne.
Alex’s smile.
It was all coming back to him now, and he knew, like the early days after his death, when they were more frequent, that it would break him all over again.
“I’m not hungry,” Corbin said, not wanting to do this. He was trying to wake up, and he couldn’t pull from sleep.
Will grinned wickedly.
“Well, then, I know what else can be on the menu, my handsome cop.”
How many times had he laid in bed at night missing this man’s touch?
How many times had Corbin wept until sleep claimed him?
There had been so many that he’d lost count.
There was no doubt that this dream would damage him further, and he’d be forced to carry one more burden. He was the reason Will had died, and there was nothing he could do to undo the outcome.
For Corbin, life had stopped.
He was merely existing.
Yet, there was a little piece of him that craved having some time with him. How could he not? It had been so long since he’d felt anything.
In his dreams, those were the only moments where he felt like he was living.
Well, existing.
To Corbin, this moment mattered.
And he knew it.
“I don’t know if that’s a good…,” he began, but didn’t get to say anything more. His husband, his sweet, precious gift, was against him, and his mouth found his for a kiss.
And it was the same.
It was always the same.
Nothing changed over the decade and a half where he’d been without him. That moment was locked in time, and was all he had left.
Will held onto him, and the kiss was electric.
There was always chemistry there. There was no doubt that Corbin was his other half.
Forever.
Only, he knew that this man needed to be set free—once and for all. He may have died, but Corbin needed to live. He’d come to him in his dreams, hoping, trying to set him free, but someone was stubborn.
Incredibly.
So, Will would try again.
When Corbin felt his belt being pulled from the loops of his pants, he moaned, but it came out a whimper.
The wound was still fresh, and each time he dreamed about Will, the scab came off, and the infection spread.
“Please don’t,” Corbin whispered.
Will stared into his eyes.
“This will be the last time. We both need this, Corbin. It’s time for me to let you go.”
His heart hurt.
“I had to let you go a long time ago,” Corbin said. “But I haven’t been able to cut that final thread.”
Will knew.
“There’s a new life to begin. Let this one be what starts it up for you.”
Then, he kissed him again, and Corbin held on. He wasn’t sure what he wanted more. To suffer or to finally be free of the weight on his shoulders.
The burden of carrying the guilt was destroying him. He still didn’t recognize himself in the mirror when he stared at himself.
There was a corpse staring back.
The wound was still there.
Instead of fighting it, Corbin let go. He needed to regroup because when he woke up, he knew that he’d have another battle to fight.
“Hurry,” he begged between kisses. “Get me naked.”
Oh, well, Will was most definitely going to do just that. He needed this too.
It was time to say goodbye.
As Will’s hands moved over Corbin’s body, the space around them shifted, and they were no longer in their living room. They were in the place where Will had lost his life.
They were in the bedroom where Corbin found his husband eviscerated in bed. His cold dead body laying there, as he stared up blankly at the ceiling, his face locked in the many horrors he’d suffered while Corbin wasn’t home.
How did one forget that?
You didn’t.
“Please,” he whispered.
And Will understood.
He wished his death had been something completely different, like a car accident, or a heart attack. He wished his demise wasn’t tied to Corbin, or to their home.
He’d watched over him for years after his departure, and he knew how it destroyed the man.
Corbin was the strongest person Will had ever met, and he’d survived so much. The last gift to him would be finding him peace.
So he could carry on.
As the kiss was broken, they were both naked.
And Corbin clung to this moment.
He had no choice.
His life was a string of memories stuck together to create a past. He’d stopped living a long time ago.
Taking a step back, Will’s body was the same, and like he’d remembered, it was what he craved.
He had a type, and Will was it. Smooth, sleek, and the boy next door. Every man he’d ever been with had been the same. Whether he’d been chasing perfection, or chasing the memories, he wasn’t sure.
But Will had checked off every box.
He was a sucker for a smart man.
“Please,” Will whispered. “I need you, and you need me this last time. Give me all of you so I never forget what we had together.”
Corbin was so incredibly sad, and the weight of it all weighed on him.
“So you’re leaving again?” he finally asked, as the whole time he kept trying to wake up to escape this dream.
Will nodded.
“Yes, Corby. It’s time.”
Honestly, Corbin wanted that too.
He was so tired of feeling hollow, and he knew that in order to be himself, he had to stop coming back to this moment. In two days, Will would be dead.
On that Sunday morning, he’d leave for work, to do some paperwork, and meet with his boss, and in the time he was gone, Will would be killed.
In.
Their.
Home.
A place where he was to be safe, he wasn’t, and that was on Corbin.
When he ran his fingers across Corbin’s cheeks, he stared into his eyes.
“No matter what happens, don’t forget that we had this,” Will said, needing to start severing the bonds. When Corbin called him from slumber, he wouldn’t come anymore.
He wouldn’t return.
It was time for the man to let him go and start a new life. It was time to find love again.
When Will’s fingers wrapped around his erection, his body crisscrossed with goosebumps.
“How could I forget?” he whispered through the pain that tormented him. “You are the love of my life.”
Will knew that vow needed to be broken.
But first, he needed to show Corbin one last moment they shared, so he could carry that in his heart to remember him. Going forward, there would be nothing but new beginnings.
That place card was being torn away, and an opening was there for the new person who would be the love of Corbin’s life.
His very long life.
Finding his mouth with his, Will shared it all.
The kiss made a statement.
It said one thing.
Forever.
What wouldn’t Will give to make that true?
What wouldn’t he do to go back to that day and change the outcome?
Only, he couldn’t.