Chapter Eleven #3
Ivan went to the small kitchenette and grabbed a bag of ice for his face to give them some privacy, and Uriel accompanied him.
As soon as they were alone, Corbin shared.
“It caught me off guard. I was working with Alex, and I smelled him.”
Elizabeth lifted a brow.
“You smelled him?”
Gene set him free, and they walked him to the couch where he could sit down.
“You might need to explain that one, Corbin. I’m trying to figure this one out.”
“His cologne. It’s the same as my dead husband’s. It set me off, and it was downhill from there. We got back to the room, and I needed a nap. We ran hard this last week…”
She reassured him.
“Corbin, it’s okay. If you needed a nap, and you finished the assignments you were given, your downtime is your downtime,” she offered, refusing to bust his ass.
There was just no need to do that.
She trusted the people they worked with, and who were on her team. She’d just busted Axelle’s balls over that, so she wasn’t going to be a hypocrite.
Gene ran his hand up and down his back as he sat beside him.
“I just got pulled under in the dream. It was Will. It was again, horrible.”
Gene was curious.
“Did you find him dead again?” he asked, knowing that was a common occurrence with Corbin.
He shook his head.
“Worse. It was one of the nights before he died. I came home from work, and we had sex, only, we didn’t this time. We revisited our wedding in Puerto Rico. I wanted to wake up, but he kept telling me that this was fate, but how could my misery and destruction be fate?”
Gene let him talk.
Corbin needed to get it off of his chest.
“I couldn’t accept that. At the end, he was telling me I had to move on, like it’s that easy. It’s not. Losing someone who is your soulmate is crushing.”
No one there could attest to that.
But they still saw it happening a lot in life.
Yeah, Gene lost Ethan, but not to death. Preston was someone he loved deeply, but he wasn’t his soulmate.
Elizabeth had lost Chris, but they were back together after a few years. Death didn’t take him. One day, she knew she’d have to live through that, but that was tomorrow Elizabeth’s issue.
Even Callen understood.
He’d lost Desdemona, but she hadn’t been the love of his life. Losing Chris, Ethan, Elizabeth, or even Gene would be traumatizing.
One day, there would only be one of them left, and that would be a fate worse than death.
“How do you move on?” he asked. “If someone could just snap their fingers and do it, they would.”
Elizabeth had to go there so she could find a way to help the man.
IF she could help him.
“Can we ask questions, or do you just want us to listen, Corby? That’s Elizabeth, your friend, not Elizabeth, your boss asking.”
He took a deep breath.
Deep down, he was grateful he had people to come to so he could get this off of his chest.
“I need help. If you asking questions does that, ask away. I need to figure this out. I’m so tired of always feeling like part of me is missing,” he said.
What he wasn’t saying was that he felt something for his partner, and that also was part of the issue. He wasn’t sure how to even address that.
How shitty was your luck to be attracted to a man who didn’t like men?
That was an even bigger clusterfuck for Corbin, and he knew it.
Elizabeth went there.
“So, you smelled cologne, and it kicked this all off. Was there anything else?”
Corbin said nothing.
Immediately, Callen saw the hesitation, and knew there was something else there.
“You can trust us, Corbin. What is said here stays here.”
He needed help, so he put his faith in them. If Gene and Ethan trusted them, he knew he could too.
“I’m attracted to him.”
That hung there.
Oh, and that explained a lot. He didn’t have to say who, but they all got the picture.
The ‘him’ was absolutely going to be Alex Bartlett.
They’d bet on it.
Oh, and Gene wasn’t shocked either.
“To be honest, Alex is very Will-like,” Gene admitted. “He dresses like Will did, and other than his habitual sex history where he bangs anything that breathes, he would remind you of him.”
Corbin explained.
“It’s more than his physical appearance.
We were talking to the homeless people before, and Alex caught me off guard.
He was gentle, and beyond kind. That’s how Will was.
He had a way of soothing a person when they were upset.
I watched him handle them, and then, be protective of me when one got angry.
It’s messing with me, because I know he’s not gay, and I also know I promised Will I’d die loving him. I took a vow.”
Elizabeth didn’t ask about work.
She could ask Alex all of that in a little while. She was genuinely worried about Corbin.
“It just all hit me.”
Gene rubbed his hand up and down his back.
Because someone had to, he went there.
“Corby, you vowed until death do you part. Death parted you. Maybe it’s time to…”
The look Corbin gave him was one of rage and extreme pain. It made Gene stop.
Corbin was to the point.
“I can’t move on. Will…he was my world. When I married him on that beach in Puerto Rico, I meant what I vowed. It would be him until the day I died. Not the day he died.”
Gene was gentle.
And he tried again.
“Corby, we all mean the vows. Only, fate has other plans. It’s okay to move on, especially after fifteen plus years. I knew Will well. He wouldn’t want you living in this frozen state. He’d want you alive and thriving. If you died, would you want Will suffering like this?”
He shook his head.
“I wish it was me. Then, I could not suffer like this. I’m tired,” he said, for the second time. “I’ve had to fight this for so long. There are moments where I wish I never met Will, and I hate myself for it. Then, I wouldn’t know this pain. It’s overwhelming.”
Everyone had sympathy for Corbin.
It was clear he was struggling.
“So you don’t date or…?” Elizabeth asked.
He laughed sardonically.
“I mean, I’ll meet someone and have sex, but it’s with no attachment. Then, I hate myself for that too. It’s one big circle of hate for myself.”
Gene had to point something out.
“Alex is straight, as far as we know, so it shouldn’t be this hard for you to be around him.”
Oh, Corbin was aware.
But it was.
There was something about him that now that he’d seen it, he couldn’t ignore it.
The scent of Will’s cologne was the final straw.
Yeah, he was sexually attracted to a straight man, but he was so scared there was more.
Not only because Alex wasn’t gay, but because he was getting over Will’s death, and he’d promised that he’d love him forever.
How did he break that promise to his dead husband when his heart was finally opening?
A vow was a vow to him.
His mother was still faithful to John, even though he’d been gone for years now, too.
“Well, it is,” he said. “It’s damn difficult to be around him. It just suddenly turned on, and now, I can’t turn it off. I don’t know how to do this. I haven’t felt shit in so long, and now, I do. I can’t breathe anymore,” he admitted.
Oh, Jesus.
That wasn’t good.
Elizabeth had a solution.
“We’ll switch up the teams. You can work with Duke, and Axl and Alex can partner up. They work well together, and Duke is very much a decent guy who will understand. He’ll help you through this.”
There was relief, but also regret. He knew that he and Alex clicked as partners. There was a good team there. Now, it was his fault he was closing that down.
Still, Corbin was grateful that she was offering him that, when she absolutely didn’t need to.
The best part was that he spent time with all of them, and Duke wasn’t his type. He didn’t go for the big mountain man guy ever.
Sue him.
He liked who he liked, and Alex was a little too close to Will for his comfort.
“Is it going to be a problem?” he asked. “Because I hate that I’m making this mess for you, Elizabeth.”
Oh, well, this wasn’t a problem for her. The teams often switched up like when someone was on vacation, or sick.
Now, Alex on the other hand…
He got attached.
BIG.
TIME.
It took forever to find someone who he clicked with after Noah. When Noah got married, and she’d placed him with Lawless, that’s when the issues began all over again.
She saw the falter in Alex’s game, and she kept moving him to keep him from having any issues.
Cam.
Duke.
Axl.
Corbin was his permanent partner, and when he found out he was pumped again, he was likely going to be spicy—as in pissed as hell.
The timing was bad.
Especially since she’d just had a meeting with him, and he said how much he loved being Corbin’s partner, and how it was like with him and Noah before he got married.
Already, Alex was attached, and tearing them apart would bring problems back to the surface.
Deep down, she fully believed that Alex had a crush on his partner, and didn’t know it, or didn’t want to admit it.
It was something about the way he changed when Noah was with him.
He was so damn protective of Noah when he was going through his things with his ex. Alex had kicked the crap out of the man, and she’d had to save his ass.
Telling him his partner, who he clearly felt the same thing about wanted out…
Jesus.
This was going to add to the mess.
Bet.
On.
It.
Now, she had to find more people so she could get Corbin a permanent partner, and one for Alex. Maybe hiring Tora and Mac was a godsend. She could put Tora with Corbin, and Mac with Alex.
That might work out.
Instead of telling him how down and dirty this was going to get for all parties involved, she kept it to herself.
This was the burden of being the boss.
“No, it won’t be a problem. I can juggle the teams,” she said, and both Callen and Gene were staring at her because they knew.
She.
Just.
Lied.
Oh, it was a huge pain in her ass, but she knew Ethan and Gene had special ties to this man.
The circle was getting bigger and while she loved that, she also hated it. It was a juggling act.
Corbin was grateful.