Chapter Twelve #5
“Park it. Don’t make this a spectacle, Alexsander.
This isn’t exactly what I wanted to do tonight.
You know that’s the truth. I have a million problems on my shoulders, and I don’t want a screaming match in a restaurant.
The media is likely going to descend on us shortly, and we need to get our shit together. ”
He sat, but he was honest.
“You promised that I would have stability. You promised that this was the last partner I’d have. You know I need that,” he said, the pain in his voice evident. “I believed you.”
She hated this.
All of the people on her team were like family. She didn’t just hire investigators. She hired people she loved.
And she loved Alex.
God knew he’d been the most difficult ‘child’ too. He’d run her ass through the wringer, trying to get him settled. The bottom line was that she believed that Alex and Corbin were good together.
It was just the haunting of the dead husband that was the problem.
Not.
Alex.
She could tell that for Corbin, that attraction to Alex was the real reason. He wasn’t ready to let go of his dead husband, and Alex would bear that burden because of it.
“I know, Alex, but he has needs, too. It’s not as simple as just moving people around. In order for my unit to work, I take a lot of things into consideration. Corbin asked to move, and the reasons are valid.”
He went there.
“I know about his husband dying.”
Still, she said nothing, making sure she kept that poker face, too. Again, being boss sucked seven ways to Sunday, but here she was, taking it like a champ.
Or trying to.
“I can’t tell you why, Alex. We’ve been together for a LONG time. You’re one of the original people on my team. You, Johanna, and Brody have been with us the longest. I love and respect you, but I have to give EVERYONE that same thing.”
He was to the point.
“So, I’ll never know?” he asked. “I’ll just be ditched and broken all over again. One more partner shoving that knife in my back?”
She stared into his blue eyes.
“Alex, I can’t make him tell you why,” she offered. “That’s his personal business,” she said, giving him a hint that if he needed to find out, that was where he needed to go.
To.
The.
Source.
If you lit a powder keg, it would blow up. He needed to be that match.
She’d bet on it.
“You and Axl get along well, right?” she asked, changing the subject.
He’d done a stint working with Axl for a while, and he had nothing against the man. Honestly, he was decent and funny. It was easier working with a profiler than another straight agent, but it wasn’t the same.
“I’ve worked with a lot of people,” he said, point-blank.
He’d worked with him.
Her.
Johanna.
Brody.
He’d worked with the others, too.
Noah.
Axl.
Cam.
Duke.
And no one ever fit like Noah and Corbin. In fact, he felt safest with Corbin, and now, it was done.
Dead.
“Then we should be good.”
Yeah, no.
He was not good.
“I’m not able to work as well with someone I’m not comfortable with, and I’m not the same with them. Life was getting good. I was happy again…”
She was aware.
That’s why she really believed that there was more there under the surface for Alex, too. The man just hadn’t come to the realization that the reason it was hard to lose Noah was that he’d been in love with his best friend.
And now, he was feeling the same for Corbin. At some point, he’d figure it out.
Maybe.
As for him getting better, he had been.
Alex hadn’t been drinking, sleeping around, or making questionable choices. He began living again, and light had come back into his eyes. She’d watched him and Corbin leave to get dinner and a movie after work, and there’d been laughter.
Or go bowling.
Hell!
He was early to work, and smiling all of the time. The real him was back, and like Noah, Corbin had been able to calm the storm.
“I’m sorry, Alex. You know I don’t do this to you on purpose. Last week, it was permanent. This week, I had to change the game. I am not in control of all of the circumstances, unfortunately.”
He said nothing at first.
Then, he finally went there.
“I’ll get over it,” he finally said. “What choice do I have?” he asked.
“I will be honest, though, Elizabeth. I won’t make it much longer in the FBI.
I’ve been bounced from partner-to-partner, unable to trust and believe in anyone.
You know that our jobs require that we put our faith in our partner. ”
She was aware.
It was why she preferred agents work with someone who really cared and had their backs. Gabe was anti that when he ruled the roost, but she saw it differently.
You needed skin in the game.
What wouldn’t you do for your wife or husband?
“Alex.”
He stopped her.
It needed to be said.
“For years, I’ve been the odd man out. I’ve been the one who never had a partner he could trust. There was Noah, and he left me alone. I know he found love, and I’m happy for him, but he was my best friend and world. He left us, and I had to adjust.”
She was aware.
Deep down, she understood.
Alex got attached, and when he did, it was like a full-blown romance for him. He’d never had sex with Noah, but he loved him like they were in a union.
They did everything else together.
Then, Lawless came to town.
And Alex lost it all. He had the one thing for Noah that Alex didn’t.
Sex.
She swore to God that if Alex was just gay, he would have married Noah. He loved him that much, and this separation, of sorts, was breaking him.
Then Corbin came into the picture, and the men clicked. She saw it happen all over again, and knew it was real to him. It was a relationship, and it was special.
Until it was done.
“I was happy again. I’m going to ask that you let me run solo,” he said.
She stopped that.
“We work dangerous cases. That could be counterproductive. You could get hurt.”
He didn’t care.
Really.
His heart hurt.
He’d been dumped again, and he didn’t understand why. They had a good partnership. They hung out, they had meals together, and they were friends. He loved being around Corbin, and the demons…they’d calmed again.
What didn’t he have to make that partnership work?
Why was he so unlovable and uncared for that no one stuck around?
“So? It’s not like anyone will miss me. Noah won’t.
Corbin won’t. I certainly won’t. My whole life, I’ve been abandoned and tossed away.
I fuck my way through everything and drink while doing it.
I don’t feel anymore because no one cares about me.
All I want is to find someone to have my back, and Corbin was it. He was my last chance.”
She went there.
“He’s gay. You’re not. He was married, and that’s a problem for him,” she said, trying to give him what she could without betraying Corbin or the rules.
Her.
Job.
Sucked.
He actually laughed.
“So what? What does me being gay, straight, or bi have to matter? Sex is nothing to me. It stopped mattering a long time ago. I’d fuck a rock to feel something. Sex is just sex. I would give it all up to feel like someone had my back. All I wanted was a chance, and his past matters more. I get it.”
She sighed.
This was about as well as she expected it to go.
“You have feelings for him,” she said. “And they are far deeper than partner.”
That hung there.
In his eyes, she saw it.
Yeah, she’d been right. It wasn’t just the partner thing, but that attachment at the soul.
He knew.
Alex was in love with someone, but didn’t understand what love was. Like with Noah, he didn’t realize that attachment was more. It wasn’t just trust and partnership.
It was love.
“Have you told him how you feel? Like you didn’t tell Noah?”
That was all he had to hear. Being reminded that he’d been a coward and not able to be honest had cost him Noah, and now, it would cost him Corbin.
Suddenly, the weight was too heavy.
He gave up.
“Fine. But give me Duke. Axl likes to mind fuck me, and I already have a goddamn therapist. That’s a bad idea.”
It was clear he was going to ignore what she just said. So, instead, she went there.
“Do I need to get you a new eval?” she asked. “Don’t do anything stupid.”
He shrugged.
“My whole existence is stupid. I’m going to go back to the room, and I’m going to bed. Fuck this today. I’m going to do the best thing I can and go to sleep. I’ll see you in the morning. Text me the meet-up location. If I’m up early, I’ll head to the morgue.”
She stood up.
“Alex, don’t make me have to wrangle you. I’m up to my scalp in issues. Just go to sleep and call it a night. I’ll talk to Corbin in the morning.”
He heard nothing she said.
Why?
The demons were screaming in his head.
When she walked away, instead of leaving, too, he headed to the bar portion of the place.
Sitting down, he orders two drinks.
Doubles.
And once again, Alex Bartlett was alone in the world. Once more, he’d lost a little piece of himself.
So, he’d take care of himself.
The hard way.
Meanwhile….
Out in the lobby, her family was waiting for her. By the look on her face, they already knew how it all went down.
“Bad?” Gene asked.
She said one thing.
“Yep.”
This was likely the last thing she needed. There was already so much on her plate.
“What are you going to do?” Callen asked.
She was to the point.
“Alex is a grown man. He wants to know why, and hopefully, he asks Corbin, and they can work it out. He’s got a crush on him,” she admitted. “It’s clear that he’s taking this hard because he’s attracted to Corbin too. Like with Noah, he fell for him, and now, it’s heartbreak.”
Gene lifted a brow.
“Uh, he’s not gay. How is it that he’s fallen for not one, but two gay men and never had sex with men?”
She couldn’t tell them either.
His sex life wasn’t something she had any idea about. For all she knew, he had. Alex got wild when he got drunk.
What she did know was that Alex needed a strong male figure to lead the way. He needed someone to protect him, as he did the same.
He had granddad issues.
Welcome to the Blackhawk club, where father, and grandfather, issues ran rampant.
Been there.
Still doing that.
“Let’s just say he had a lot of trauma in his youth.
To him, sex is nothing. He only uses it to hurt himself—not enjoy it.
Alex would go the rest of his life without sex just to have faith in one person and to know they’d never let him down.
He literally used to sleep at Noah’s place on the couch after a night of movies and dinner.
He was dating the man without the benefits—because feeling loved mattered more to him.
He was stupid in love with Noah, and never told him.
That bit him in the ass when Lawless entered the picture. ”
They didn’t say a word.
“We should try that,” she said, busting their asses. “Who needs sex?”
That got one of them protesting.
“Uh, no way,” Callen said. “I like sex. I already have to share and that’s cutting into my humpery.”
She stared at him.
“Humpery?”
He just grinned, and that one look said it all. Oh, someone thought he was a clever letch.
Elizabeth rolled her eyes.
“I’m not going there. Anyway, he feels betrayed, and unless Corbin decides to be his partner, or they admit that they are both attracted to each other, I can’t do anything about it.”
Ivan laughed.
“Fifty says she’s going to talk to Corbin to fix this,” he said, holding up a bill.
She pointed at him, and took his money.
“That’s for making me look at that face of yours, Marine. No betting on this pony. You always lose.”
Except, that was exactly her plan tomorrow. Yeah, she was crazy like that.
“Anyway,” she said. “I want to go back to the scene of the crime.”
Ivan stared at her.
He did NOT just hear her say that.
“WHY?” he asked.
She was to the point.
“We focused on the eyeballs more than the dead veteran. Don’t you want to find who killed him?” she asked, knowing how he thought. “A soldier?”
He stared at her.
Oh, she knew he’d want her to solve it for that reason, and that reason alone.
“That’s dirty.”
Yeah, she was aware.
But a girl had to do what a girl had to do.
Right?
“Well, I like dirty deeds. Look at Callen. He’s the dirtiest thing I do all the time.”
He grinned like the Cheshire Cat.
Oh, he was proud of that, too.
“You should see the dirty deeds I’m thinking about,” he admitted. “You and me, later. It looks like I’m last man standing in the bunch.”
Gene busted his ass because it was just too easy to do it, and fun.
“Um…I’m right here.”
He stared at him.
“You don’t like what she brings to the table. I do. Back off and go have phone sex with your husband.”
He snorted.
“Sorry, Elizabeth. I tried,” he joked. “You’re on your own with the ‘humpery’.”
Elizabeth just laughed.
Because he needed to make sure they were safe if they were going out, Ivan glanced over at Uriel.
“Get the ride ready. Everyone back into body armor. We’re going to a death building that had eyeballs, skulls, and a body. Why not? The night is young, and I have nothing better to do with my life than this.”
She snorted.
“I love my job too, Toady,” she joked. “Suck it up, buttercup.”
Only, she knew the truth.
There were days.
And today was about to be one of them.
For all of them.
* * * The Blackhawk Family * * *
The Cemetery
Across Town
Same Time
Oh, they were making him so angry.
Not only had they touched his precious things, the collection that he worked so hard for years to cultivate, but they were digging where they had no business.
That had to end.
There was no way he could take this sitting down. Maybe a smarter man would cut his losses, and cut out of there, but he liked a challenge, and how lucky did he get?
Elizabeth Blackhawk?
The poster girl for the FBI?
This was years in the making.
Oh, well, this screamed challenge, and if she wanted one, he was more than willing to pull some goodies out of his bag of tricks.
It was time to have some fun.
He wasn’t the ordinary killer, and if she thought he’d make this easy on her, he wouldn’t.
They were about to start a game where she wouldn’t win. In fact, by the end, she’d regret it.
The Grave Digger was here.
And he was about to leave his calling card.
For the pretty lady.