Chapter Fifteen
The Hotel
Monday Night
Nine P.M.
While in his new room, Corbin Price was able to calm down. He’d been able to catch his breath, now that there was space between him and his partner—well, his soon to be ex partner, Alex Bartlett.
A little piece of him hated that, but at this very moment, Corbin was at his weakest.
Whenever he was coming out of a nightmare, and dealing with the aftermath, he tended to be more susceptible to bad choices.
Like drinking.
Like going out to have random sex to purge that memory.
Like anything that made him hurt more for living while Will had died.
He’d meant what he’d said, countless times. Honestly, he wished he’d not lived, but Will had.
This burden had been so goddamn hard to carry alone. So much so that he hated it.
Because he was hurting, he did the one thing that every person would do. He reverted back to being a child.
He needed to talk to his mom.
Picking up his phone, he called Alice to make sure she wasn’t creating any problems, and to maybe help him through his own.
He told himself it was because she was on a new side of the country, and trying to assimilate now that she was retired, but it was more.
So.
Much.
More.
On the second ring, she picked up, thankfully. At that moment, he didn’t want to do something stupid, and he needed someone to keep him focused.
“Hey,” she said. “How are you, Crotch Goblin? What are you doing?”
He laughed sardonically.
“I’m alive. I’m in a hotel room, and I’m just checking in with my mother.”
Oh, boy.
Alice was curious.
Corbin didn’t check in with her. In fact, he did everything in his power to do the opposite. That one sentence told her everything she needed to know.
“What happened, Corby? Do you need me? I can come find you. Maybe I can help on the case.”
He laughed.
“Absolutely not. I’m not really working right now. Something came up, and I’m crashing for the night. I just needed company. Everyone else is busy.”
And he didn’t want to discuss his issues with them.
Hell!
He didn’t want to discuss it with Alice, but he had to get grounded, and fast. There was no doubt he was heading back to Damascus tomorrow, and he’d be working with a new agent. It was only a matter of time.
Now, Alice was worried.
“What happened?”
He wasn’t going to tell her. Honestly, Alice was a pain in the ass more times than not, but she was a good listener, and knew what he lived through.
What he wanted was peace.
“I took a nap, and I dreamed about Will. It seems my partner wears the same cologne, and it took me back there. I then asked Elizabeth to give me a new partner to get away from him.”
She was silent.
Which was odd.
Alice was known for a lot of things, but silence was never one of them.
“Uh, no comment, Mother? Normally, you say something inappropriate. That’s your MO on most things.”
While that was true, Alice didn’t know what to say.
“You don’t want to hear what I have to say. Whenever I give you advice, you lose your mind. I’m learning that it’s best to stay silent, even when I know my advice could help.”
Well, she wasn’t wrong there.
Only, this was the one time he might need her help.
“You can say it. I already know what you’re going to say to me.”
Alice went there.
Since he felt like that, then, she wouldn’t be shocked.
“I wish with everything in my whole being that I never introduced you and Will all of those years ago. Had I known it would have destroyed your life like this, I would have scared him away.”
Oh, shit.
Yeah, that wasn’t what he thought she’d say to him.
Not.
At.
All.
For all the years, he’d never suspected that she felt that way, but now, he had to address it.
“MOM!”
She stopped him.
“Will was a good man, but he became your identity. You stopped being Corbin when you married him. You threw your whole self into his life. His business. His problems. You stopped being you. When he was taken away, you spiraled. I’m sorry that I interfered. I’m the reason your whole life is ruined.”
He was flabbergasted.
What?
Was?
This?
“I thought you liked Will!” he admitted.
Alice was honest.
“I loved him. I just hate how it destroyed you, and keeps coming back to do it again. You have to let him and it go, Corbin. You need to stop mourning a man that was only a portion of your life.”
And that hurt.
So, Corbin said nothing.
Alice continued.
“I was with your father for a very long time, so I understand the pain of losing someone you love. When John died, I lost half of me. I get it that when Will died, you lost half of you, but here we are, Corbin, and I’ve healed.
Your father wouldn’t want me living like that.
You need to let him go. I know this is going to make you angry, but you picked up and found a new life. Start living it.”
He said nothing.
Oh, but Alice wasn’t done.
“You liked working with Alex. You told me he was funny, and that you guys had a good time after work. You said that you were lucky you got a great partner like him, who could make you forget the misery before. Now, you ditch that because of Will. Again. The haunting of Will Barker continues.”
He wanted to cry because deep down, he knew she was absolutely right. He just didn’t know how to end the cycle, even to that day.
He didn’t want to be attracted to Alex, especially when he knew it was going nowhere.
“Please stop,” he said.
Only, someone had to save him, and Alice kept trying. She didn’t have unlimited years left. She wanted her last thing to see to be Corbin coming alive again.
“When you and your partner were out, you said it stopped hurting. Now, you throw away the one thing that makes you feel safe because of cologne? Because of a man who died fifteen years ago? You’re going to lose a friend over a dead man who haunts you?”
He was so sad inside.
Empty didn’t cover it.
“I know my son,” she admitted. “You’re attracted to your partner, and you desperately want to move on. You suddenly feel guilty that you are to the point where you’re healing, and instead of following it, you’re using Will to protect your heart.”
Ouch.
It wasn’t like she was wrong.
“This is your excuse. As long as it stays a simple partnership, you’re good, but anytime you feel something for another person, you shut it down by using Will as the way to kill it.
You have to move on, Corbin. Get your partner back.
Will has been dead for over fifteen years.
You weren’t even married to him that long. ”
He got angry when she said that last part.
“Stop. You have no right!”
She did.
“I’m your mother, and I won’t be here forever, Corbin. I have every right to want to see you find happiness again. You throwing away a great partnership that gives you peace over a dead man…it’s insanity.”
She wasn’t done.
“You’re shoving him away because you feel something for someone again. Instead of random sex, and playing celibate for the memory of a dead man, you’re pushing a person away who gives you peace. You need to stop…”
Corbin did the only thing he could.
He hung up.
Then, he turned off his phone, and tossed it across the room until it landed on the floor by the windows.
His heart was racing.
And not in a good way.
Corbin was mid-panic attack over what she said.
Oh, he knew everything his mother said was valid and real, but how did he move on? He didn’t know how to take that first step. It was like when he’d been assaulted.
It took a while to get back on the horse.
What was the time frame when you lost your husband?
Days?
Weeks?
Years?
Never?
When would someone tell him how to fix this hole in himself so he could move on? Telling him that it was there didn’t solve it.
It just hurt more.
Sitting on the couch, he hated that he was trapped, and couldn’t get past any of this.
It felt so…hopeless.
When someone started banging on his door, Corbin headed there, and peeked out the hole.
Yeah, this was bad.
It was Alex.
This was the worst possible moment for him to show up. Corbin was barely hanging on.
Well, shit.
It looked like he was about to have a fight.
Meanwhile…
Minutes Earlier
Alex’s brain said to go back to the empty hotel room, and sit his ass down. He was three drinks in, and already, he was tipsy. That’s when he always did stupid shit.
Alex and alcohol didn’t mix.
It was always a horrible choice, but it always seemed to happen to him.
Now, here he was, back to the doorway that always led him down the wrong path.
He was back to making stupid mistakes.
Again.
What he knew he should do was go back to his room, or get the hell out of this hotel altogether.
He should call Elizabeth and quit ASAP. He should turn in his badge.
Instead, he was going to get answers. He was going to figure out what he’d done to feel this betrayed.
What he wanted to know was why the man ditched him without a word to him.
Why wouldn’t he say it to his face?
For the first time, in a long time, he had hope. He had joy, silence, and good moments. The last time he felt this happy was when Noah needed him.
It was just like yesterday.
Noah had escaped his foul abuser, and showed up at Alex’s apartment to be saved.
He’d moved in.
They had breakfast together.
They worked together.
They went to the movies together.
They got tattoos together.
The two of them had been as thick as thieves, and for the first time in his life, he didn’t have to worry about being alone. He’d found his person.
Saving Noah didn’t just save him, but in a way, it saved Alex, too.
Yeah, they didn’t have sex, but they had something more.
Connection.
Trust.
A relationship—of sorts.
When they’d watch a movie, and fall asleep on the couch, countless times, Alex would watch Noah sleep, and wonder what it would be like to be loved.
Because no one ever had before.
Then, that was torn away, and out of the pain came a miracle. The day he’d met Corbin Price, it all stopped hurting again.
Elizabeth had called them into the office, and they met. In that moment, something happened.
There had been a click.