Chapter 14 Cooper #2
This situation wasn't like my other impulse purchases. The drone that lasted three days before Wade shot it out of the sky, thinking it was a pesky bird near the chicken coop. Couldn’t fault him, damn thing was made to look like a hawk.
Didn’t think that one through at all. The hall linen closet didn’t hold towels anymore, since it was completely stuffed with things I’d bought far too early for the new house.
Drunk one night, I’d bought a dirt bike off a social media ad.
Hundred bucks. A steal. Turned out to be the perfect size for a G.I.
Joe. The high-end espresso machine gathering dust in the attic.
Thank my lucky stars that I’d been able to cancel the hot tub before it was delivered.
I’d ordered the damn thing before Eros went South, even been annoyed when a two-month delay email arrived.
Turned out to be a blessing. I couldn’t imagine the look on my pack brothers’ faces if that shit had shown up.
Those were jokes, really. Ways for me to make the others roll their eyes and call me an idiot while secretly enjoying whatever ridiculous thing I'd brought home. This was different. This was me trying to do something real, something permanent and meaningful for all of us.
And I was failing.
So, yeah, I understood Wyatt on a deeply personal level now.
I had to see the poorly hidden flickers of disappointment in their expressions every day when I told them ‘no news isn’t necessarily bad news’.
I had to hear wistfulness and worry in their voices anytime the subject of an Omega came up.
I had to watch them lose their shit at minor inconveniences, when they all used to take issues in stride.
“Ain’t nothing but a thing.” Wade’s casual, calm dismissal during a crisis.
“Sun comes up no matter what.” Boone, always circling back to nature for balance.
“Fucking sucks. Let’s handle it.” Wyatt, going into leader mode.
“I’ll run numbers.” Levi, ready to quantify and calculate until he got an answer.
Currently, Levi worried me most. Levi with his meticulous ledgers and careful planning, who had been increasingly distant.
I think this time my thoughtless spending without discussion was really eating at him.
I knew he was feeling redundant lately. Unimportant since we didn’t need his accounting sorcery to stay afloat.
Think he felt my wild spending combined with not asking the others, was a personal slap in the face.
It wasn’t though. I just… did shit in the moment. I didn’t think about tomorrow.
I saw a pricey ass shirt with a great front pocket and my brain went, “Levi would look great in this. Lots of room for pencils.” If I happened upon gourmet jerky Boone could toss in a pack to eat during one of his disappearing acts, the price was the last thing I worried about.
And so it went—gag gifts for the twins, early Christmas presents stashed under my bed, farm equipment that might make a job easier.
“Got to get better about that,” I spoke the words out loud, the truck’s rearview mirror playing witness as I glanced up to star into my own damn eyes. “You keep telling them the money belongs to the pack, yet you spend it without consulting anyone. It’s bullshit, Coop.”
My gaze flooded with judgement.
As I turned the steering wheel to navigate a curve in the bumpy road, I felt myself spiraling once again into self-loathing.
Took about an hour to manage the round trip into town.
I pulled back onto our property armed with bear claws, sourdough blueberry muffins, and custard tarts.
Hell, I knew it was a flimsy offering. Fucking pastries couldn’t fix the problem.
I had to keep trying though. Until recently, my degree hadn’t helped a damn bit to keep the ranch going.
Freaking B.S. in Environmental Horticulture.
I’d felt a bit selfish after returning to Pinedale after college.
I was supposed to go to school, study something beneficial to a cattle ranch.
I’d just not been interested in animal breeding or agricultural business or basic farm management.
Besides, Levi was the business guy. Wade knew more about livestock than any college boy.
And ranching ran through Wyatt’s marrow.
Though Boone’s degree—Sustainable food practices, coupled with Bioenergy systems—was in the same vein as mine, he didn’t have my inflexibility issue.
He was a work horse, more than willing to put aside personal aspirations to be in our pack and honor Sagebrush’s original legacy.
Sure, he was now diving in full force with the greenhouses and laying out new planting fields, but he’d contentedly waited for a time when it was good for our whole pack.
He put me to shame.
Though, I’d never regret that my college path meant sitting next to Boone in a lot of lectures. I’d fallen for him. Levi had fallen for him once they met. And Boone fell for both of us. Back then, I’d had zero doubt he’d fit right in at Sagebrush. And I’d been right.
Thigs had changed though. I couldn’t just act goofy, look hot, and offer up pies to balance out my nonsense. Now that Wyatt was on board with expanding into crops, I’d make sure I was worth having in the pack. Not just a clown in rubber boots and duck boxers.
I turned off the ignition, lingering for a moment, then I pushed out into the bright sunlight.
As predicted, no one seemed to realize I’d left.
Wyatt was, once again, in the training paddock with the new horse—don’t know how he was putting so much time and effort into the gift I’d bought a nonexistent Omega, that shit would depress me—and Wade was carrying a small calf across the yard towards the smaller paddock reserved for heifers, along with new mommas and their young.
We had one cow ready to burst soon, but the calf he carried now was probably a month old, about the size of Tater.
Maybe needed bottle feeding. We’d had a few mothers not take to nursing over the last year.
Couldn’t spot Boone anywhere, though the ranch had a dozen barriers blocking my view. He’d had that look this morning though… Really hoped he hadn’t pulled a vanishing act again. They were getting too frequent. Felt like he was gone more than he was home.
Though I tried not to, I looked over at the new house.
It was finally past the skeleton stage, stone shielding the lower half and shaker shingles lining the upper.
Tin roof was finished, and I was already looking forward to Spring storms. There was just something about sitting on a front porch, listening to the rain pinging against a metal roof.
Now that the inside was drywalled, the contractors and subcontractors were wrapping up plumbing, electric, and HVAC this week.
The timeline to finish could still be upwards of twelve weeks; they wouldn’t give us a hard estimate, always citing backordered fixtures and scheduling complications.
Still, we were finally getting there, finish line just past the horizon.
Though the new house should be a point of joy, looking at it made me mighty sad.
Would our pack have an Omega by the time it was done?
Would we even want to move in without one?
How did shit get so tangled?
Supporting the pastry boxes, I made my way into the house and back to the kitchen I’d left only a short while ago.
First thing I noticed was the bucket gone from the sink, towels rinsed out and hanging over two open cabinet doors.
I placed the treats by the sink, then turned around to lean against the counter.
I found myself closing my eyes and crossing my arms. Found myself adding up all the times when I’d been a pain in the ass.
The summation of my foolishness left me with zero reasons to like myself.
“Stop beating yourself up, Coop,” a voice pushed into my brain, some imaginary creature of self-preservation coming to my rescue.
Coop, ha, I was thinking of myself in third person now. Maybe I was going insane.
“Coop?” My nickname was a question now, and I finally realized the voice wasn’t inside me.
I parted my lashes.
Levi was standing in the doorway, his almost lavender eyes behind thick-framed reading glasses looking me over with concern.
He only wore the readers when he had a headache bad enough to blur his vision while working.
On top of that, his black curls looked wilder than usual, like he'd been running his hands anxiously through them during the video call with my broker. Not a great sign. I looked at Levi, really looked at him, and realized I’d not done so in a great while.
His button-down shirt was winkled, the sleeves haphazardly pushed up to his elbows—which he never did because it revealed the faded cigarette burn scars from childhood—and his slacks bore a large coffee stain.
Levi didn’t walk around looking so disheveled.
He changed if he spilled. He dressed like he might need to lead a business meeting at any moment.
He brushed his hair almost immediately if he mussed the curls.
I loved Levi, and I was the biggest reason why he was in this state.
He must have seen my torment written on my face, because he gave me a small smile and strode over.
I dropped my arms as he approached, and he put his arms around me, in that firm gentle way of his.
My pack brother, who’d dealt with my endless bullshit since we were kids, murmured that everything was okay.
I couldn’t lift my arms, though I wanted to hug him back.
“You don’t know that, Levi. I’ve really outdone myself this time.
” Though I was bulkier than Levi, and only an inch shorter, he pulled me tighter against his body.
He seemed to wrap around me like he could endlessly, protectively expand.
I pressed my face into the curve of his neck, inhaling deeply, like he was smelling salts and I was on the verge of passing out.
“Not the end of the world. It’s only money,” Levi said flippantly.
“Now I know it’s the end of the world. Otherwise, Levi Briggs would never say something like that.” I chuckled into his shoulder, the sound thick and wet as I fought tears.
“Look, Coop,” he spoke slowly, running a hand over my head and down the length of my braid, “I was pissed at the beginning.” He paused, thinking.
“Pissed in the middle too. I’m not pissed anymore.
We’re all in the same boat. You were just trying to give us a motor instead of slow fucking paddles.
I get that. I forgive you. We all do, even if the others haven’t said it. ”
“I don’t fucking forgive myself,” I growled, my words muffled as I spoke against his skin.
“You got sort that yourself.”
“I’m not spending one damn cent in the future without talking to the pack first.”
Levi laughed in surprise, tugging on my braid playfully. “Don’t make promises you definitely won’t keep.”
“I can do it, Levi. I’m not just a waste of space, pain in the ass.” More hot tears fell, soaking the collar of Levi’s shirt.
“You’ve never been a waste of space. Pain in the ass,” his tone changed, rising a few octaves as he dragged out the next two words, “maybe sometimes.”
I raised my arms and slid them around my pack mate’s body.
We changed roles now. Me the enfolding protector, him the man I loved so dearly.
His body was warm against mine, familiar in every way after so many years together.
His heartbeat was steady as it pulsed against me, reminding me how to feel alive.
I wanted an Omega so damn bad, to complete our pack and safeguard our future, yet I wondered if I could feel for a new person what I felt for Boone and Levi.
What I felt for Wyatt and Wade. I wondered if a new person could even love me.
Me, with my flaws, foolishness, and impulsive nature.
"I really wanted this for all of us. I wanted to contribute something important.” My voice came out rougher than intended, scraping against emotions I preferred to keep buried by jokes and retail therapy. "It wasn't some selfish, stupid purchase like normal. I didn't do it for a laugh."
“We know, Cooper. We all know.”
I pulled away from him, locking gazes. He truly forgave me; I could see it in his stunning eyes. I leaned forward, pressing my lips to his. Levi’s mouth was soft. He responded automatically.
Our love was practiced.
Each small affection a cherished habit.
I had to believe we’d find our Omega. I had to believe there’d never come a day when our baser Alpha natures would tear us apart.
When we finally found the right sixth person, it would go the way it had with Boone.
They’d slip into the cracks and crevices naturally, like they’d always been there in the first place.
Damn, I wish Boone was here too right now. I wanted to hold them both.
“Where’s Boone?” I asked after ending the kiss.
“Take a wild guess.” Levi shrugged.