Chapter 31 Nelly #2
His jaw tightened. Was he angry? I wasn’t sure.
The sound of rain hitting the barn roof grew deafening suddenly, drumming above us like impatient fingers. Then, as quickly as it had intensified, it faded away. The world around us stilled. Our breathing became the only thing I could hear.
"Wade?" I tried again.
He took a step toward me, his wet shirt clinging to his chest in a way that made my mouth go dry. "My pain?" His voice was rough. "You really want to know?"
I nodded, unable to look away from his intense gaze.
"My pain is that I don't know how to do this," he said finally. "I don't know how to convince you to stay when everything in you is screaming to run. I’m not good with people, Nelly. I’m not good at love. You’re not a frightened pony I can soothe with a few tricks. You’ve been here for such a short time and I’m dying inside because I never want you to leave. "
A horse nickered softly from one of the stalls, the sound oddly comforting in the charged atmosphere.
Now I was the one who couldn’t speak. I was the one who couldn’t give him a proper response.
Wade moved closer, so near that I could smell him beneath the scent of fallen rain and fresh hay. He was burning wood, graham crackers, clove. There was an undercurrent of something sweeter that made my Omega instincts purr.
“My life isn’t here,” I choked out, “I’m not brave enough to start over. Not again.”
"You are brave enough," His voice dropped lower. "You’re brave enough to stay and love us, Nelly.”
“I’m not,” I shook my head, tears threatening. “I worked so hard, Wade. I clawed and fought to become a principal ballerina. Losing that killed me. But I resurrected. I fought again. And I’m…” I paused, swallowing back the sob that wanted to escape, “I’m just so damn tired.”
His expression softened. "Why can’t you dance anymore?”
"I tore my ACL. Career-ending. My Alpha at the time—Geoff—he was the company's male principal dancer." I let out a bitter laugh. "We matched before the injury. After the injury, I wasn’t good enough."
Wade's jaw tightened, his eyes flashing with anger. “How could you ever be not good enough, Nelly? It’s not fucking possible.” His voice deepened with every word, into a growl that seemed to touch my body and tingle down into my toes, curling them.
His conviction touched something deep inside me, a place I'd thought died with my broken dreams and Geoff casting me aside. I stared at this man—this rugged, yet soft-hearted cowboy—and I knew I was entering a dangerous zone where I’d not just contemplate staying here, but I’d actually stay.
My lips parted, but no sound came out. The way he defended me, the way he made me feel valuable, helped wash away the many times over the past three years that I’d felt worthless.
"You don't know me," I finally whispered. "You don't know what I was, and what I could have been. If you did, you’d understand that what you’re seeing," I gestured up and down my body, indicating all of me, “is a pale imitation.”
"I see you, Nelly. I see you as you are right now," Wade countered, stepping closer. "A fighter. Someone who doesn't give up even when she thinks she has nothing left. Even running away from us proved that you’re strong, that you’re special, that you’re perfect.”
I shook my head, feeling the cowboy hat shift. “I ran away and ran right back. That’s not a fighter. That’s a coward."
"Nelly," he said, his voice softening, “sometimes coming back, sometimes staying, takes more courage.” He reached up slowly, his fingers hovering near my face without touching me. “May I?”
That question held childish hope. I couldn’t refuse him.
I nodded, barely breathing as he gently removed the hat and walked a few feet away to hang it from a black hook.
I fidgeted with my hair, trying to come fingers through it.
I felt exposed somehow, vulnerable in a way that had nothing to do with physical nakedness.
Funny how removing a hat can remove other things, things like the walls you’d built to keep yourself safe, walls that had already been close to crumbling.
"Do you know what I see when I look at you?" Wade asked as he closed the distance back to me, his eyes never leaving mine. He stopped within arms’ reach, and I wanted him closer.
"Someone who's still running from something?" I offered weakly.
"Someone worth running to," he corrected. "Someone worth running for. Someone who needs a home base she never has to run from.”
The air between us crackled with tension. I could feel my Omega responding to him, my body betraying its attraction with each passing second. My scent thickened around us, sweet and inviting. His responded in kind, until the stables swirled with the combination cologne.
"I don't know how to do this either," I admitted. "I don't know how to trust again. How to believe that I won't be... discarded when I'm no longer useful.”
Wade's expression darkened. "That's not how packs work. That's not how we work."
"You keep saying 'we'," I pointed out. "But you're all individuals. What if one of you decides I'm not enough? What if Wyatt never warms up to me? What if Boone compares me to his past mate and finds me lacking?"
Wade ran a hand through his hair, his mouth began curving into a grin, showing off his gap. “What if Wyatt never warms up to you? Are you insane?”
I didn’t understand his smile; it didn’t make sense. Wyatt, the take-charge leader, clearly would prefer someone who followed orders better. No matter what he said at the breakfast table, he was used to being in charge and not having a wild card mucking up the works.
“I’m not insane. Wyatt wants someone he can control. Stay in her room. Listen to what he says. He might have tried to play it off this morning, but deep down you and I both know I’m not the docile Omega he’d prefer.”
Wade let out a slow whistle. “You are so off base it’s funny,” he chuckled. “You are exactly my brother’s type.”
"Excuse me?" I snorted, absolutely sure Wade was mistaken.
Yet in his face I found no trace of mockery, only his endearing smile.
I frowned, confused. "I saw Wyatt's face after I tried to run away. He was pissed. That man would rather hunt a mountain lion at night than go back in the house where I was.”
"Wyatt was terrified," Wade rebutted, taking another step toward me. "He puts on a tough front, but underneath all that bossiness is a man who's scared of losing what matters. And you matter, Nelly. Already."
I felt my chest tighten. "You can't just say things like that."
"Why not?" His eyes searched mine, and I felt more exposed now than I ever had at Club Midnight. "It's the truth."
The air between us seemed to shimmer with possibility and I became hyperaware of every detail.
Water droplets clinging to his lashes.
Shirt still clinging to his chiseled chest.
Smile gone, but lips oh-so-kissable.
"You can’t say things like that, because it makes me want to believe you," I whispered.
"Then believe me." His voice was a rough caress. "Believe all of us. We want you. When we signed that Eros paperwork, we had no idea what would happen. We only knew that we’d searched for our person. We’d searched and we’d failed, and we had to try something different.
I can’t regret it, Nelly. I can’t regret it, because it brought us you. ”
“I... I don’t know what to... I don’t have words.” The sob was pushing against my tonsils, desperate for release.
“You don’t need words, Nell. Just give us a chance.” He must have seen my expression minutely shift when he said that, because he rushed out the next words. “A chance while we wait for Eros’s answer. Give yourself a chance not to hate us, a chance to really know us.”
“I can’t promise anything.” I crossed my arms. “I’m just… God, I’m just so confused.” I hung my head, closing my eyes. What do you do if the supposed loves of your life betrayed you from the beginning? Even if they didn’t mean to, how do you forget that?
“You said you and horses don’t get along, right?” He changed the subject so quickly that I had to shake my head, as if my ears had gone out of focus and I needed to jog them back working again.
“What?”
“Few times you’ve ridden, you’ve been knocked off. You said that earlier,” he reminded me.
“Right...” I let the word hang in the air, wondering where he was going with this new topic.
“Cooper bought a horse a while back. We had no idea why, but the guy impulse buys like a teen with daddy's credit card. We’re never surprised when something random shows up.”
“Okay,” I said, waiting for the point.
“Horse was supposed to be as gentle as they come. Guess she didn’t care too much for labels though, because she’s got spirit in spades. We’ve all been working with her, getting her ready.”
“Getting her ready for what?” I wrinkled my forehead as I tried to understand what the heck he was talking about.
“Ready for you.” A new voice answered. Wade looked past me at the new arrival.
Heavy footsteps sounded behind me, and a shadow fell across the wooden floors.
Large, completely obscuring my own, a haven that clouds couldn’t steal inside the confines of the stables.
I turned around, finding Boone. His hair was neatly plaited, the braid pulled over one shoulder.
His deep, tanned skin was so warm that it seemed to glow with trapped sunlight.
The black shirt he wore had a few artful bleach stains, and the jeans were likewise faded.
He looked effortlessly masculine, even with the bead and shell necklace hanging in a V down his chest.
“Hi,” I breathed out, wishing I either hadn’t said anything in greeting, or something far cleverer. I also wished I didn’t sound like a porn star waiting to get stuck in a dryer.
“Hi.” Boone’s eyes locked with mine, a crash of obsidian against hazel.
Who in their right mind would reject this man?