Chapter 51 Nelly
NELLY
Standing by the microwave as yesterday’s coffee warmed, I stared at the empty kitchen.
The space felt simultaneously warm and welcoming, yet cold and hostile. It almost made me wish for the morning when my Alphas were fighting a war with themselves, reeling from Eros’s email that I could leave them. That was better than right now.
When the confusion I felt was far greater.
When I was stuck in a waiting place between going and stay.
When I felt like screaming at the universe for making things so damn hard.
I wanted to rewind time.
What I would give to go back to the day I stepped off that plane!
I’d start over with my men, flush with the knowledge that soon—impossibly soon—I was going to love them. I’d immediately surrender to my inner Omega. I’d immediately kiss them, hold them, mark them. I’d make them mine in such an irrevocable way that nothing could tear us apart.
The microwave beeped and I took out my ballet mug. I made quick work of adding a spoonful of sugar to the bitter blackness and walked over to the table. Settling into one of the worn chairs, mug cradled between both hands, I knew with zero doubt that Wyoming was my home now. They were my home.
I thought of Wyatt, who’s steady, authoritative mannerisms had so recently worn down into a balance between dominating and being dominated.
Heat flooded my lower body when I thought back to straddling him in the barn while his shocking emerald eyes watched.
Then there was Wade, all gentleness and curiosity.
I think I’d been falling in love with him since the moment he’d taken me to meet Dotty, when I’d seen the way his hands so tenderly moved over the large, pregnant animal.
And Boone. Striking, crow-haired Boone who seemed to have woken up in nature one day as a human being instead of a wild creature.
Sometimes, when I looked at him, I wondered if he might not walk back into the woods one day, transform again, and never return.
Cooper’s face filled my mind. His silly, half-cocked smile.
His deep blue eyes. His boyish energy that made you smile even when you didn’t think you could.
My thoughts shifted one last time, landing on Levi.
I couldn’t doubt he loved me, because he’d probably worked out every possible equation not to.
He’d calculated, and recalculated. He’d checked his solution by reversing the operation. The answer was always: he wanted me.
I sighed, knowing what I had to do, and hating it.
Because even though I wanted to stay here, even though Sagebrush had seeped into my soul so quickly it was insane, I had to leave if they said no.
We’d request the forms from Eros. We’d sign our names, breaking this beautiful bond we’d only started building.
How much would it hurt to separate from Alphas that I’d marked and mated?
Was that something I’d survive, or was it the kind of injury no surgery could fix?
Sun hadn’t risen yet.
The house was quiet.
We’d left the barn around midnight, Wyatt sleepily driving the truck with all of us sandwiched inside.
He’d left the vehicle angled right in front of the porch, not bothering to park it properly.
As soon as we’d piled through the front door, we’d collapsed onto the living room sofas, falling asleep again.
Well, in my case, I fell asleep for the first time.
I’d woken up first, needing to pee.
And then I couldn’t fall asleep again.
I was dreading them waking up. But I was also desperate to get this over with.
How would they react?
To what I wanted?
What I needed?
The thought of leaving them killed me.
I took another sip of the day-old coffee that I’d heated in the microwave. It was bitter, despite the teaspoon of sugar. The kitchen clock ticked softly, marking each second that brought me closer to the conversation that would decide my tomorrow.
Setting the mug on the dining table and pushing it away, I folded my arms and rested my head down. I closed my eyes, trying to push away all the worries.
A scratching at the back door made me raise my head almost instantly.
I stood up, fairly sure what was on the other side of the wood.
Turning the knob, I pulled the door open to let Tripp and Tater pad inside.
I trailed my hand down their spines as they entered, smiling.
The dogs roamed the property, appearing whenever they wanted, or when they were chasing off a predator.
I loved it when they were in the kitchen, curled in the corner of the room.
“You guys hungry?” I asked as they beelined for the fridge instead of their makeshift beds. I obliged, closing the house door, then opening the fridge door. A plate on the top shelf held raw beef bones. Their favorite. I handed them each one and they happily loped over to their spots.
A floorboard creaked in the living room as I walked back to the dining table after washing my hands. I tensed, fresh anxiety rushing into my system.
"Nelly?" It was Wade's voice, soft and concerned. "You okay, sweetheart?"
I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. He moved into the kitchen barefoot, yesterday’s clothes rumpled from sleep, his hair sticking up at odd angles. Something in my chest squeezed painfully at the sight of him.
"Couldn't sleep?" he asked, pulling out the chair beside mine.
"No," I whispered. "Too much on my mind."
He reached for my hand, his callused palm engulfing mine. "Do you want to talk about it?”
I shook my head. “Not yet. Not until we’re all awake.”
Wade's thumb traced circles on the back of my hand, a silent rhythm that matched the ticking of the clock. I watched the dogs gnaw contentedly at their bones, wishing I could feel even a fraction of their uncomplicated happiness.
"Whatever it is," Wade murmured, "we'll figure it out together."
I wanted to believe him. But what if what I wanted wasn't what they wanted? What if my desire to stay here, to build a life with them, wasn't enough to outweigh my nonnegotiable request?
I had no idea how long Wade and I sat there in silence.
As the sky outside began to lighten with impending sunrise, sounds of movement in the living room flowed into the kitchen, followed by approaching feet.
Wyatt appeared first, his eyes immediately finding mine. Cooper was right behind him, followed by Boone and Levi. All of them appeared as disheveled and exhausted as Wade had when he’d first woken. All of them also held wariness in their faces.
"Morning," Wyatt said, his voice rough with sleep. "Seems we're all up early."
"Nelly has something she wants to talk about," Wade said, giving my hand a gentle squeeze.
I shot him a look, both grateful and terrified that he'd put it out there.
"I'll make fresh coffee," Cooper offered, moving toward the kitchen counter.
When everyone was sitting, five of us at the table and Cooper perched atop the island, I took a deep breath, preparing myself.
Just say the words.
Just push them out quickly, rip the bandage off.
"I want to stay," I straightened in my chair, making myself meet their eyes.
For a heartbeat, no one moved. Five pairs of eyes widened in synchronized disbelief; five Alpha bodies froze in place as if afraid the slightest movement might shatter the moment.
Then Cooper let out a whoop that probably startled wildlife miles away.
He lunged forward, tumbling off the island, running to me, and grabbing me out of my chair.
He lifted me off my feet and squeezed me so hard I had to hit his shoulder and beg for mercy.
"She's staying!" he shouted, as if the others hadn't heard me perfectly well.
“Put me down, Cooper.” I hit my palm against his body.
But he kept holding me in the air, squeezed against his hard chest. The other men sloughed off their stillness.
Wade's face transformed with a smile so bright it rivaled the Wyoming sun.
Levi's features cracked into unrestrained joy.
Boone's dark eyes gleamed with emotion. And Wyatt looked as if someone had knocked the wind from his lungs.
Cooper’s arms tightened even more around me.
“Cooper,” I insisted. “Hey!” I pinched him hard.
“Ouch!” He pulled away enough to lock eyes with me.
“Put me down. Okay?”
Reluctantly, he placed me down. I pushed away from him. Closing my eyes, I inhaled, trying to work up the nerve to say what needed saying. When I parted my lashes, I saw confusion pulsing through five pairs of eyes.
“You’re staying right? Did we hear you wrong?” Cooper looked at me with such transparent hope that my stomach hurt. Clenching like yesterday, only not with heat, not with desire. With my need not to hurt him. Not to hurt any of them.
“I do want to stay, but I have to say something first.” I bit my lower lip, then spoke again. “No, I need to ask something of you first.”
"Anything," Boone promised immediately, the word carrying the weight of an unbreakable vow.
“Don’t promise, not yet.” I told him, sitting back down and crossing my arms in a hug, just in case I needed to hold myself together in a moment.
“Whatever it is, Nelly. We’ll do it.” This from Wyatt, his confidence in full force.
What if they say no? The louder voice in my head asked.
What if they say yes? That higher, quieter voice countered.
“I want to bring my grandmother here,” I said quickly. “I know it's asking a lot. She doesn't really remember who I am anymore. She gets confused too, sometimes wanders around at night. She’s only going to get worse, and she’ll need round the clock care probably. But I don’t think—”
"It's the bare minimum," Levi cut me off, his voice firm and brooking no argument. His calculating eyes had never looked warmer as he stepped forward. "She raised you, Nelly. She gave us you. Taking care of her is the bare fucking minimum."
The unexpected profanity from usually precise Levi startled a laugh from me, tears pricking at my eyes again. Cooper nodded enthusiastically beside him.
"She can move in here,” He bounced on the balls of his feet. “When we move to the big house, this whole place can be retrofitted for her. It’ll be great.”
Wyatt nodded slowly in agreement. “We were going to talk to the contractors about something else we wanted them to build once they finished the new place. We’ll have them prioritize the renovations here first.”
“Widen the doorways, fix the master bathroom up to be more accessible, redo the kitchen,” Levi listed things, his eyes rolling back and forth, likely calculating cost. “One of the bedrooms should be made over for a live-in nurse.”
Steady, scorching tears slipped down my cheeks now in rapid succession.
"You said she likes being in the sun," Boone offered unexpectedly. "Office gets the best morning light. We can make that her sitting area."
I stared at them in disbelief. They weren’t just accepting my condition but embracing it. They were already imagining Grandmother here at Sagebrush. My heart swelled.
"You really want me here," I whispered, the realization still somehow surprising despite all evidence.
"Nelly," Wyatt stood, walking around the table.
He dropped to his knees beside me, cradling my face between his palms. “We want every part of you. We want your joy, your heartache, your past, and your future. They're part of who you are. We’ve been looking for you for longer than you can imagine. Eros was the wrong way, but God help us, it gave us the right result.”
The dam broke then. I flung myself against his chest, falling out of the chair. He wrapped me in his arms, and I sobbed uncontrollably. I felt safe. God, I felt so safe.
The scents and warmth of my other Alphas moved in closer. A hand touched my waist, my back, my shoulder, my hair. With my face pressed against Wyatt's chest, I finally felt like I had a home again. I cried until I couldn’t cry anymore. And they let me.
"Thank you so much for cleaning up the barn more,” I murmured against Wyatt's shirt when I could speak again. “I don’t know which of you did it, or all of you, but it means the world. You can’t know how much it means.
And being willing to bring Grandmother here.
..” I couldn’t say anything more, I was barely holding back a new onslaught of sobs.
“We’re going to give you more than a broke down barn filled with old tools,” Wade responded, hand stroking against my hair. “We’d planned on building you a studio once the big house was done, but your Grandmother needs to come first.”
“I don’t need anything else,” I protested. “You’re doing enough.”
“Never going to be enough, Nell,” Cooper said fiercely. “We could never pay you back for staying.”
“You don’t have to pay me back.” I shook my head, face rubbing against Wyatt’s body. “Honestly, what did I have in Seattle? What did I have left in Tacoma? An empty apartment. No job anymore. My only family forgetting me. I didn’t realize how much I needed you all.”
“We always knew how much we needed you,” Levi’s voice quaked.
“We’ll get your Grandmother here, and then we’ll build you a real studio,” Wade insisted. “Then you can dance as much as you want. Any time you want.”
“I love you,” I said, closing my eyes to savor this perfect moment. “I love you all so much.”
After years of barely surviving, I’d found sanctuary.
With five men who saw me completely and loved what they saw.
Five men who would help me care for the Grandmother who had sacrificed everything for my dreams.
Five men who had somehow healed my heart in the blink of an eye.
I was staying.
God help me, I was staying.