Chapter 24 Tessa #2
I got through the rest of the day with Lily’s help.
As soon as it was reasonable to do so, I crawled into bed. The boys and Lily tried to get me to play longer; it was still an hour before lights out, but I was depleted. An empty balloon.
If I’d known what the next day would bring, maybe I’d have given into their pleas. Maybe I’d have enjoyed myself a little, had I known what new hell I was about to enter. No one could predict the future though, not even with a crystal ball.
The day it happened...
I woke up the next day with a singular thought.
If playing poster girl for Hearts Over Seattle would let me stay in the shelter with Lily and the boys—I’d finally remembered their names; the older brother was Mateo and the youngest was Julian—I would suck it up and do what I had to do.
In a matter of days, I’d felt the first real sparks of belonging.
Even the boys’ mother, Lucia, was wonderful.
Besides, would it really be so bad? I’d been the cause of a lot of Fortune pack bad press back in the day.
This time, I would use my paparazzi powers for good.
It was after breakfast, when the boys were teasing Josie with a feather they’d found in the park yesterday and Lily was diligently reading a driver’s manual—she’d never had the chance to practice and test for her license—that Sister Grant unexpectedly arrived at room 6 again.
She called out a ‘room check’ warning and opened the door immediately after.
Though we all scrambled, we couldn’t hide Josie quickly enough.
The Beta sister stared down at the cat, who was currently rolling on her back because she’d been batting at the feather held by Julian. Then, one by one, she’d locked eyes with every person in the room.
“Well, I’m afraid this is an unpleasant surprise.
You all know that animals are strictly prohibited in the facility.
It typically means immediate dismissal.” She spoke sternly, zero trace of the kindly grandmother figure she’d always been.
It seemed like a disproportionate response to finding a playful cat.
“It’s my fault,” I said quickly, cutting off Lily who’d tried to get a word out before me. “I snuck her in the first night. She’s been with me since she was a kitten.”
“If that’s so, Tessa, then the weight of accountability will fall on you.” She raised both eyebrows, studying me.
“It’s the truth. I asked them all to lie for me. It’s completely my fault.” I’d be damned if I let Lucia and her boys or Lily get kicked out because of me.
“They agreed and concealed. I would not say they are without fault,” Sister Grant reasoned, pursing her lips now. “But I will not blame them if you wish to accept full responsibility.”
“I do,” I rushed out the words, slapping my right palm against my chest for emphasis.
“Very well,” she said, “It’s for the best anyway. I’m afraid the wonderful offer the good father made yesterday cannot come to fruition.”
“I’m sorry. I know it was wrong, but please don’t kick us out.
I can’t be without Josie, but I can’t go back to the streets, Sister Grant.
I don’t think I can survive it again. I’m more than happy to do whatever the father has in mind.
I could be a great for optics, remember?
” Before I realized it, tears were streaming down my face.
“Please gather your things, Tessa. Even if I allowed you to stay, you couldn’t,” she sounded a bit melancholy when she spoke this time. And I didn’t understand her words. Why couldn’t I stay, if she allowed me? That didn’t make sense!
“I’m begging you, sister, please don’t do this.” Giant, splashing tears hit the silky, soiled tank. Lily came up beside me and wrapped her arms around me.
“Sister Grant, this isn’t fair,” she moaned out, fighting her own tears. The boys were crying too, their mother comforting them through it.
“The rules apply to everyone. I can’t make exceptions.
” The sister looked at the ground, then back up.
“I really can’t help, Tessa. I am sorry for that.
The church has... partnerships that come first sometimes.
For the good of the ministry as a whole,” she tacked on the last bit quickly, as if to justify it to herself more than to me.
“I don’t understand,” I whimpered. “Hearts Over Seattle just made the offer. What partnership would have a problem with the church playing savior to the last surviving Fortune? It’ll be national news.”
“I can’t explain, child,” she sighed, looking smaller and older now somehow. “All I can grant you is thirty minutes to say your goodbyes and get your things in order.”
Mistakenly, I’d thought the worst that could happen was behind me, so nothing could touch me anymore.
For a fleeting moment, I’d let light back into my dark life.
I’d accepted help, and friendship. I’d… connected with people.
Days had felt like years, like I’d been here for ages and these people were my lifeline.
I stayed motionless, rooted to the same spot for precious minutes.
Even as I felt Lily stoop to the ground next to me and lift my feet, one by one, while a weird sort of ripping sound greeted my ears, I didn’t move.
Both boys tugged at my jacket sleeve, trying to get my attention.
Lucia stood off to the side, face ghostly, as if she’d seen this tragic play too many times already.
Lily brought me back to life when she stood back up, pushing Josie into my arms, as if she knew that was the only thing to wake me from the nightmare.
I couldn’t stop crying as I loaded Josie into the briefcase. Then it was a flurry of quick hugs, quick goodbyes, darting out the door and not looking back… because if I did, I’d fight tooth and nail to stay, even to the point of self-destruction.
It wasn’t until I was out on the street that I realized Lily had taped my shoes together, making sure they wouldn’t fall apart. My lip quivered with emotion when I saw the quick, efficient work. It reminded me of the bell. But in the end, it hadn’t mattered. Josie had still been discovered.
I moved like a zombie, not knowing where to go.
There was zero chance my spot in the underpass hadn’t been claimed.
I’d gone three blocks before I remembered the money, so I changed direction.
A car whizzed by as I stumbled, spitting up gutter water left over from last night’s rain.
It splashed against me, soaking and further staining my clothes.
When I got to the shitty motel, I felt like half a person.
No, not half. I felt like a hollowed-out person.
The shell of a human being. Just the skin somehow still pumped full of air so that, though dead, it looked alive.
I paid for one night instead of the week. Something Sister Grant said was still boomeranging in my head.
Even if I allowed you to stay, you couldn’t.
My mind was trying to piece something together.
Whispering at the sight of me that first night. Unorthodox. Special request.
The Beta randomly vacating his spot on the exact day I’d been to the Eros Institute.
But no, that would be too far-fetched. I just felt so broken that I was grasping at straws, trying to understand how my improving circumstances had so quickly spiraled back to an utter catastrophe.
Besides, if it was never the plan to let me stay at Saint’s Shelter, why bring the priest in? Why make a big show of offering me the world?
The room was small with a coin operated vibrating bed.
The carpet had such a crazy pattern that I couldn’t distinguish between stains and intentional marks.
I collapsed on the bed, functioning just long enough to release Josie.
I don’t know how long I stayed there, staring at the ceiling, dissociating.
Somehow, though, I shook myself alive again.
I breathed in and out, blowing myself up until I transformed back into a real person.
Josie meowed happily, as if greeting me after a long absence.
I hated that we were unmoored yet again.
We’d barely had a chance to anchor. I dug through the briefcase after sitting up, pulling out one of the Omega tonics for my dry throat and a can of cat food.
There were no plates in the room, but I used the compact glass plate in the ancient microwave as a serving tray for Josie.
After popping the pull lid, I had to tap it repeatedly to dislodge the cylinder of compressed salmon, carrots and rice.
When she sniffed at it imperiously, the same way she’d treated dumpster sandwiches, I started crying. Josie didn’t care where we slept. She didn’t care what we ate. As long as we were together, we’d find a way to continue.
I twisted off the lid to the tonic and gulped it down quickly.
“What now, silly cat?” I mused, still trying to fight waves of fear and sadness which threatened to backslide me to a near comatose state.
She stretched, arched her back, and padded over to one of the pillows, nesting against it after a moment of pawing and kneading.
Watching her reminded me that I would be in heat again soon.
It hadn’t been at the forefront of my mind while at the shelter.
I’d felt more stable there, less fearful of going into my cycle.
It had been that way when I was younger, safe at home with all the creature comforts and my mother making sure I was pampered.
As if thinking about it undid the pause that the peace of the shelter had provided, I was suddenly hit by a wave of paranoia. My body grew warm, then hot. Sweat built quickly, running down my back and pooling against my buttocks.
I moved to the janky floor air conditioning and turned it on. It rattled and protested but eventually puffed out dust and a stream of cold air. I leaned against it, hoping it would be enough.