Chapter 41 Tessa #3
“It’s nothing bad,” I managed, “It’s just,” I felt awkward saying it, but these were my mates.
And having healthy, normal heats was important to our future together.
“I’m in heat?” I swallowed hard, pressing my hand hard into my belly as yet another cramp hit.
“I’m not sure why that sounded like a question. ”
“Fuck, we’re stupid.” Dixon clamped a hand over the back of his neck. “All the signs were there.”
“That’s not important right now, Dix. What do you need, Tessa?” Ryder asked gently.
Tray was already bouncing on the balls of his feet, ready for a mission. I probably would have laughed at his boyish energy, if I wasn’t currently dying.
“I’m not sure. Homeless while in heat means limited options.
” I swallowed down my embarrassment, “But even before that, I just took care of myself. I could order anything I needed. I didn’t need anyone to…
” My voice cracked, and I had to stop speaking.
I remembered my mom during my first heat.
She’d helped me pile pillows up, put on my favorite movie, and we’d laughed while eating out of a ridiculously big bowl filled with chocolate ice cream.
The stupid bowl was yellow, made for rising bread dough.
I remembered her stroking my hair gently, welcoming me to womanhood.
Tears filled my eyes. I hated that. I wanted to be doing something different right now. I absolutely didn’t want to be crying.
“You’re not homeless anymore,” Dixon said fiercely, taking my hand and lifting it to press against his cheek. “You’re not alone. You don’t have to take care of anything by yourself now.”
“We’re all here, Tessa. We all love you,” Mac’s voice was thick with emotion.
“Blanket fort,” Tray suddenly said, hand in the air triumphantly. “My sister was a raging nightmare during her cycle, but she taught me the fine art of building a kick ass blanket fort.”
Without further explanation, Tray jolted out of the room.
No one spoke for what felt like an eternity. The buzz was gone.
“Points to me for really terrible timing,” I frowned, angrily swiping away hot tears. Was this why I’d been feeling so amorous earlier? Was it why the world had seemed unfocused? Why was I such a damn wreck now?
“No, it makes sense.” Mac was sitting on the bed next to me.
He began rubbing gentle circles against my back.
“I honestly thought I was going to need to call the clinic. Started regretting canceling the last treatment. I’ve felt a bit…
” he paused, searching for the right words. “wild the last few days.”
“Glad it wasn’t just me,” Dixon admitted. “I almost broke down the suite’s door last night. I woke up soaked in sweat, dick hard as a rock.” He blushed, titled his head down a little and looked up at me through hooded eyes. “Sorry, Tessa. That was crude.”
“Honest though,” I pinched his chin and gave his head an affectionate little shake. When I went to pull my hand away, he grabbed it quickly, wrapping his much larger hand around mine.
“What do you like when you’re in heat, Tessa?” Ryder was kneeling in front of my legs. He stroked up and down my calves. Each time his hands brushed my knees, there was a little hesitation, as if he had to remind himself not to rub higher.
I blinked around the room, trying to grasp at clarity while the world stayed out-of-focus. The cramping was already growing less intense. The white-hot desire I’d felt out by the pool was rising again to replace it.
I want them. I need them.
No, I’m better off alone.
I want them inside of me.
No, tell them to leave. I want to be alone.
Take me. Knot inside me. Mark me.
God, what is wrong with me?
I shook my head, lifting both hands now to press against my face like I could hide that way.
How did I tell them that I wanted them to fuck me, but not fuck me?
I wanted them to be rough, but also gentle.
I needed them to touch every part of me but also touch nothing.
I felt desperately alone, wishing they’d wrap me up in their arms. Yet, I also wanted them to burrito wrap me in blankets, put on a good movie, and spoon feed me stupid ice cream.
Firm fingers curled around my wrists, tugging my hands back down.
I didn’t fight them, letting my arms drop and go limp against my lap.
I opened my eyes, looking down at the two different hands still holding onto me.
Mac, cleanly manicured fingernails. Dixon, chipped black nail polish.
They were seated on either side of me now.
I hadn’t even felt the mattress move when Dixon left the floor.
“Tessa, we’ve never talked about it, but we know you’re a virgin,” Ryder’s voice pushed into my bewilderment.
I blinked slowly, shifting my gaze to his face.
“Omegas in heat can benefit from sex, but being in heat is also confusing as hell. It happens to us too, with our ruts. Just a damn mess of pheromones and lust. Dixon’s right, we should have seen the signs. ”
“I can’t blame you for not seeing them,” I admitted, feeling wilted.
“My cycles have been all messed up. A Beta at The Institute said I was having dry heats due to stress and malnutrition. There was no way to guess. Even if I’d suspected, I probably would have written it off as a false start again.
” I gave a little shrug, as if my messy past was no big deal.
“Well, it’s not a false start,” Ryder soothed. “So, what do you need?”
“Anything, Tessa,” Mac added.
“All you have to do is ask,” Dixon’s deep voice thrummed.
"I don't—" My voice caught as another wave of heat rippled through me. "I want you all here, but I'm not ready for... everything."
They exchanged glances, communicating silently. Mac's thumb traced soothing circles on my wrist while Dixon's grip remained firm, anchoring me against the rising tide of conflicting emotions.
"No pressure," Ryder assured me, his honey eyes soft with understanding. "Your heat doesn't mean we have to mate. We can just be here for you."
“But I did want you. I wanted you all. Only moments ago.” I sighed. “My head is just a mess.”
“It’s okay, Tessa. We’ve got nothing but time. When you’re—”
A thunderous crash from the hallway interrupted Ryder. Startled, we all stared at the suite entrance. Seconds later, Tray burst through the doorway, arms laden with blankets, pillows, and what appeared to be every soft thing he could find in the mansion.
"Fort supplies!" he announced triumphantly, dropping his haul onto the floor. "And I hunted down every piece of candy in the house!” He lifted his right arm, a shopping bag slung from it.
The scene was so perfectly ridiculous—the mountain of items at Tray’s feet and the joyous enthusiasm on his dimpled face as he pulled a massive chocolate bar from the bag—that every feeling except for happiness was exorcised from my body.
For the first time, there wasn’t a single doubt in my mind.
I was safe.
A few hours later, I was wearing the silkiest pajamas ever and thickly cocooned inside the fluffiest, softest collection of bedding a person could imagine.
I was also surrounded by stuffed animals which Tray had same-day delivered to the house from a local store.
When I’d asked about the toys, my golden retriever Alpha had simply shrugged and said his sister had a thing for teddy bears.
I had to admit, the polka dot stuffed elephant was particularly cute.
As soon as the guys left the room to get me hot cocoa, another snack, and heat supplements, I’d pulled the elephant closer for comfort.
“What should your name be?” I mused out loud, playing with its legs. “Dot? No… Ella?” I scrunched my face, think. “I agree, that’s too on the nose.” I twiddled with the stuffed trunk. “Peanut.” I decided, even though it was by far the dumbest choice.
I tucked the stuffed animal against my side, staring up at the ceiling for a moment as a fresh wave of intense cramping knotted my insides.
My face felt warm, but fever hadn’t fully set in.
I pressed the back of my hand against my forehead.
Tonight, or tomorrow. I’d be able to take a cool bath when it happened at least; that was something I never had on the streets.
Somehow, I knew, without proof, that this was going to be an actual heat.
Mine normally lasted seven to nine days before I was homeless.
It was always wild mood swings and pain for the first half, morphing into crazed sex drive once the discomfort faded.
I was a little nervous about how bad this heat would be, though I knew its arrival was a good thing.
It proved that my body was healing thanks to my Alphas’ tender care.
“This is pretty amazing, isn’t it, Josie?” I shifted a little so I could look at the cat that had helped me endure so much. “No box. No newspapers. Not going through it alone.”
Josie was curled against a pillow within arm’s reach, purring gently.
I reached out and stroked my palm down her back.
She was fluffy, freshly brushed by Tray, and wearing the collar I’d painstakingly earned back in Seattle.
I could get her a better one now. Heck, I could get her the best. But it was a reminder of things I’d been through, and I didn’t want to replace it.
Not yet anyway. The collar did now sport a new tag though.
The mansion’s address. The landline phone number. Josie belonged here as much as I did.
“I can’t decide if we’re insanely lucky or fate is just revving us up for another heartbreak,” I whispered out my worst fear.
“I love it here. I didn’t want to love it, because then I had more to lose again.
It’s been hard enough living scared every day that I’d lose you.
” I tickled between Josie’s ears. She lifted her head lazily, doing one of those adorable kitten yawns.
She blinked slowly, giving me a brief stare before going back to sleep.