Chapter 26
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
NICOLE
After sucking in a quiet but long breath, I reached up to the button on Jace’s pants and undid them. I didn’t want to do this, but I honestly didn’t have much of a choice anymore. As soon as Jace left, Dad would be home.
Once I pulled down Jace’s pants, I swallowed the bile in my throat at how disgusting I was for doing this to Allie Hall and to Akio. Then, I ran my manicured fingers over Jace’s cock pressed against his briefs.
Sometimes, Dad told me why he forced me to sleep with the guys he did. Sometimes, I could easily figure out his reasons. But other times, like this one, I had no fucking idea. I didn’t know what he wanted from Jace Harbor, Redwood’s football prodigy.
I squeezed my eyes closed and placed my mouth on Jace’s underwear, sucking lightly on his dick through them, all the way up until I reached the head of his cock nearly peeking out around his waistband.
I’m sorry, Akio, but I have no other choice.
My tongue traced his head near his waistband, and suddenly, Jace’s dick softened.
Pausing, I pulled away and looked up at Jace. “Why is your dick getting soft?”
I wasn’t complaining, but I really, really didn’t want to do this, especially if he didn’t want to do it either. He loved Allie, and I didn’t want to ruin what they had. Hell, I refused to do it. I would rather take the punishment from Dad than ruin another relationship permanently.
Jace’s eyes snapped open, and he zippered up his pants. “I need to use the bathroom.”
When he slammed the door closed, I sat back on my heels and stared up at the ceiling through teary eyes. Thank God.
If Jace hadn’t pulled away, then I might have. Because all I could see in my mind was Akio’s expression last night.
Those sad eyes. His frown.
A tear fell from my eye, and I quickly pushed it away before Jace came back.
I couldn’t have him see me like this. I couldn’t have anyone see me like this.
After twisting around to sit on my ass and lean against the couch, I stared emptily at the wall and wrapped my arms around myself. All I wanted was to be normal. For once. Allow myself to be happy with Akio.
Yet I would never get to be normal. I would never get to go on dates. Never be happy.
Twenty minutes later, Jace emerged from the bathroom with puffy, bloodshot eyes, as if he had been crying. I pressed my lips together, not knowing if I should comfort him or … maybe make him something to eat?
“What do you have to do?” he asked.
My eyes widened, and I looked around in an attempt to figure out what he meant. He wasn’t going to go? If he didn’t want to have sex, then why the hell would he stay here with me any longer?
“Huh? Anything fun?” he asked.
What do normal people do together?
The only normalish thing I did was do makeup. But that was to hide bruises.
“How about you practice your makeup on me?” he suggested, almost as if reading my goddamn mind.
“What?” I asked, completely confused.
He scratched the back of his neck. “At lunch, you keep saying how none of the other girls on the cheer team let you do their makeup. So, why don’t you practice on me? Until, uh … my dick gets hard again.”
I slightly arched my brow because Jace Harbor would never get caught in makeup and headed to my room to grab my makeup bag. He was doing this to pass the time, and I was completely fine with that.
I didn’t want to fuck him anyway.
After returning to the couch, I sat beside him and pulled out some concealer. Jace turned on a football game on the television as I blotted some cream on his skin to cover one of the bruises on his face from the game last night.
Jace would never be a friend, but this was the closest thing I had to normal.
“How are your tremors?” he asked.
My eyes widened. He’d remembered?
I had told him about my hand tremors right after Hannah died a couple of years ago, after he asked me to meet him at the Overlook, where he staged a whole scene between me and him in front of Allie, his girlfriend at the time.
“They’re better,” I said.
Around Dad, not so much. But around Akio … I didn’t feel any anxiety.
“Hmm,” he hummed. “Your dad still have them too?”
“What?” I asked.
“Does your dad still have tremors too? I think you mentioned a couple of years ago that they ran in your family.”
“Oh.” I cleared my throat and remembered that I had lied and told him my tremors ran in the family even though they didn’t. I thought mine were caused by the constant state of stress and anxiety that I was in because of Dad. “Um … no. His went away.”
“Cool.”
“Yeah, cool,” I repeated because what else could I say?
A while later, after an unbelievable amount of small talk that led nowhere, Jace gathered all his things from the coffee table and headed to the front door. “It’s getting late. I should get going.”
“Jacey,” I whined, desperately clutching his arm, “why don’t you stay the night?”
As soon as Jace stepped out of the house, Dad would see the security cameras and would race back over here to see what I had gotten out of him. But I didn’t know what Dad wanted me to get out of him.
And if I didn’t have anything, he’d punish me because I was useless to him.
Like Hannah.
Jace curled his finger around a lock of my hair and tugged. “You know I don’t stay over.”
I frowned. “We didn’t even do anything fun.”
Which I am so grateful for because it wouldn’t have been fun for me.
“You caked me in makeup, Nicole.” He took a deep breath, as if he was pushing his frustration away, then presented me with a smile that I knew was fake. “Isn’t that what you wanted? You never get to do that.”
Game recognized game.
Liars recognized liars.
Actors recognized actors.
And I recognized that Jace Harbor didn’t want this either, so I wasn’t going to push it.
I’d already semi-ruined his relationship with Allie, and I wished to take it all back. I wished to explain everything to him, to her . I just wanted a friend that I could tell everything to. A friend who’d hold me, like Imani had held Allie the other night. A friend who would tell me that every story had a happy ending.
But life didn’t have happy endings for everyone.
Sometimes, life gave those with the brightest smiles the most horrific endings. Sometimes, a soft giggle that calmed every one of my nerves turned into a washed-up body at the Overlook. Throat slit and eyes gouged.
And I’d be a fool to hope that my life would be any different.