Chapter 28
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
NICOLE
Akio brought me to the library, where a couple of students lounged around during their free period. We sat at a table off to the side and away from the door, near the computers. Akio fumbled with his fingers.
“Nicole,” he whispered, an expression full of anguish crossing his face, “I didn’t mean what I said back in the hall. I … you’re …” He paused again and looked at my hands, as if he wanted to grab them. “I …”
I waited impatiently for him to finish his sentence, for him to explain what he didn’t mean.
Was it you’re important to me or I didn’t mean it ?
All I wanted him to say was that I wasn’t just someone he only wanted to hook up with, that I meant more to him than a couple of blow jobs at school, that he wanted me to be in his life because he cared about me.
For once, I wanted to be important to someone. And not for my body.
“Akio, it’s fine,” I said to get this over with and to stop feeling so upset about my shitty life. Nobody was coming to save me. Nobody would ever care about me for more than just my body. “I don’t mind hooking up with you.”
“You don’t mind?” he repeated.
I shrugged. “I don’t mind.”
Suddenly, Akio tensed and looked away from me. “I know that I’m not as good as Jace Harbor at stuff, but I don’t want to be pitied.”
Akio had always been soft and sweet, and I had rarely ever seen this side of him. The side of him that snapped.
“I don’t want you to hook up with me because you feel like you need to so I’ll do our project.”
My eyes widened. “No, Akio, that’s not what I?—”
He pressed his lips together. “How was he?”
“What?”
“How was Jace on Saturday night?” Akio asked. “I saw you two together.”
H-how does he know? He saw me talking to him, but how does he know I was with him Saturday night?
“Akio, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, curling my finger around a strand of my blonde hair and tugging on it nervously. How the hell does he know?! “I wasn’t with Jace on Saturday night.”
Akio clenched his jaw. “Why are you lying?”
“Where did you see us?”
“At your house!”
As soon as the words left his lips, Akio snapped his mouth shut and cursed underneath his breath. The librarian shushed us, and a couple of students looked over, including Sakura Sato, the class valedictorian.
I grabbed Akio’s hand and yanked him toward the back of the library, my mind racing.
Akio was at my house on Saturday night? Did he see … everything that happened between Jace and me?
It hadn’t been anything, but from an outside point of view … it could’ve looked like a whole lot more than what actually happened.
The bell rang through the library, and Akio tried to leave, but I tightened my grip.
“Forget I said anything,” he mumbled, pulling on his wrist.
Instead of releasing him, I continued to march to a secluded area with hundred-year-old encyclopedias, and I cornered him, standing between him and his escape route. If he wanted to get past me, he’d have to push me out of the way.
And Akio wouldn’t do that.
“You were at my house?” I asked, nerves bubbling up in my stomach.
He stared at me so harshly for a few moments, and then his gaze softened. “Sorry.”
“Were you at my house?”
His lips turned into a frown, and he dropped his head. “Yes.”
Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God.
“For how long?” I whispered, tears building in my eyes.
Because I desperately hoped and prayed—not that there was actually anyone listening—that he had left way before Jace Harbor left. I drew my fingers over the bruises on my legs that I had hidden with makeup and some tights. If he had seen what Dad did to me that night …
Akio shook his head. “I didn’t see anything.”
“How. Long?”
“Long enough to see you with Jace.”
I placed a hand on my forehead to ease the tension between my brows. Too much stress led to wrinkles, and wrinkles led to getting needles jammed into my face. I had to be picture-perfect for Dad and his friends.
When I blinked, two tears slipped down my cheeks. I wiped them with the back of my hand and stared at the center of Akio’s chest. So many questions ran through my mind, but all I could think about was that …
He hadn’t seen anything.
At least not between Dad and me.
And, fuck , that gave me so much relief.
“I’m sorry, Nicole,” Akio said, grasping my face and pushing away the tears. “I should’ve never come over or confronted you about Jace. It’s none of my business what you do or who you’re with in your free time.”
A sob escaped my mouth, and I pressed my hand over it.
He didn’t see. Thank God. Thank fucking God.
“I won’t ever do it again,” he whispered, drawing me closer. “I’m sorry.”
I wrapped my arms around his torso and placed my head on the center of his boney chest. If he had seen Dad fucking me on Saturday and me pretending that I liked it, he would think that I was disgusting.
He wouldn’t want to talk to me ever again. And I needed him.
Nobody else in this school or this town liked me.
Nobody else cared.
Everyone had it out for me, like Allie and Imani, and rightfully so.
But Akio had been the only person that I could lean on these past few weeks. And if he saw me with my own blood-related father, if he saw him inside me, I would’ve killed myself from straight-up embarrassment and guilt.
“Why were you at my house?” I asked between sniffles, unable to look up at him.
“I was”—he paused—“with Imani.”
My chest tightened, and I lifted my gaze. “With Imani?”
Jealousy pooled throughout my body.
Why was he with her again? Last time, he told me that she meant nothing to him. But if he willingly decided to hang out with her on a Saturday night, that had to mean something, right?
“What is she to you?” I asked.
Akio paused. “What is Jace to you?”
“Jace means nothing to me,” I said honestly. “He’s just someone …”
“Who can fuck you’d better than I can?”
“No, that’s not it.” I grasped his shirt in my weak fists. “He’s just a friend,” I said.
Because how could I explain anything to him? Where would I even begin?
“So is Imani,” Akio said. “But I don’t sleep with her.”
“I don’t sleep with Jace,” I said, my voice dropping. “Not willingly.”
Akio tensed. “What did you say?”
“Nothing,” I reassured. “Nothing. I said nothing.”
But Akio didn’t seem convinced.
“I promise,” I said, setting my hands on his chest. I moved them up to his shoulders, then to his neck, and then I gently grasped his face to pull him closer so our lips were millimeters apart. “You mean more to me than anyone in my life right now. Please believe me.”
Akio blew out a shaky breath.
“Please, Akio …”