Chapter 33
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
NICOLE
Headlights shone on me from behind. I anxiously sat on the rocks with some food for us beside me and stared at the sea, hoping that Akio wouldn’t think I looked too bad after Dad’s stupid little makeover today. Every time he brought me to Lucianna, I felt more and more like a bimbo.
But I didn’t want Akio to think any differently of me.
I wanted him to like me for me. Not because of how I looked.
When the car door opened, I pushed some tears off my cheeks and clutched Hannah’s necklace. Still, I couldn’t believe that Dad had given it back to me. Based on how he’d treated me in the past, it should’ve been gone forever.
“If I knew you had picked us up something to eat, I would’ve—Nicole, what’s wrong?”
After shoving away a few more tears, I wrapped my arms around my torso and burst out into cries. “I’m sorry.”
He sat down beside me and pulled me into his arms. “Did someone hurt you?”
“No.” A lie that I’d always tell to protect him. “I’m just thinking about my sister.” I clutched the necklace harder. “I miss her.”
“Is that her necklace?” he asked.
“Yes.”
“You haven’t worn it in a long time.”
“My dad took it away from me,” I whispered.
But how had Akio known that I’d even had it to begin with? He had said it like he had seen me wear the necklace a million times now, yet it hadn’t been around my neck in weeks, before we started hanging out.
After completely wiping my tears away, I smiled at him and handed him a McDonald’s bag with burger and fries—the only place that had been open this late at night. “Here. I didn’t ask you to come so you could watch me cry.”
“It’s okay, Nicole,” he said. “I don’t mind.”
My smile trembled for a moment. Who wanted to watch someone cry?
Only Hannah had done that for me.
Akio stared into my eyes for a few moments, and then his gaze drifted up to my bangs, then down to my nose and even lower to my lips, which were plumper than plump. I shifted uncomfortably beside him, hoping that he liked how I looked.
That was one of the reasons I had invited him out. Not only did I want to spend time with someone who wasn’t trying to face-fuck me every moment, but I wanted him to tell me that … this didn’t look as bad as I thought it did.
“I like your bangs,” he commented.
Warmth spread through my chest. “You do?”
He nodded. “Are you wearing lipstick?”
“No, I …” I paused, thinking that this was a horrible idea to tell him. What would he think of me? I wasn’t naturally pretty, and as soon as he found that out, then he’d think less of me. Maybe he wouldn’t like me as much as he did. That was assuming if he did. “I got lip fillers today.”
“Oh.”
I kept my gaze on my food. “What do you think of them?”
“Did you get some in your nose too?”
“Maybe …”
“Why?”
I opened and closed my mouth a handful of times, not sure how to respond. If Akio said he liked it, then I would feel bad because I didn’t look like this in real life, and I didn’t want to keep going to her, even if—by some miracle—Dad released me from his grasp. But on the other hand … if Akio said he hated it, then I would be self-conscious of it for the rest of my short, pathetic life.
“Huh?” I asked, hoping that he’d forget it.
“Why’d you get fillers?” he asked again, smiling softly at me.
Waves crashed along the rocks a few rows down, the sound actually calming.
“I mean, I think they look really good, but I don’t think that you needed them.”
“I just wanted to,” I lied. Again.
I didn’t know how—in whatever fantasy world that I was living in—we’d ever work if all I did was lie to him.
We sat in silence for a few minutes while we ate and stared out at the ocean.
“So, is this, like …” He paused and readjusted his glasses. “Never mind.”
“Is it what?”
He shrugged and looked out at the waves. “You know …”
“What?” I asked because I surely didn’t.
“A date,” he asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
Was this, like … a date?
My head didn’t know what to think, but my heart started beating like crazy.
I never thought that I’d ever have a normal life, and while eating McDonald’s at one in the morning at the Overlook with a guy I liked wasn’t the ideal first date, I couldn’t stop thinking that this was one step closer to normal. That, with Akio, I might get a glimpse at a simple life.
Even for a couple of hours a week. I’d be happy with that.
“And if it is?” I asked because I didn’t want to overstep. If Akio just wanted to be friends that hooked up sometimes, then I sure as hell didn’t want to ruin what we had. Because I would rather be friends than be nothing. “How’d you feel about that?”
With his cheeks tinting red, he shrugged again and looked away. But I caught a small smile on his face that he tried to hide from me. I popped another fry into my mouth and smiled softly, my lips still a bit tingly.
“I’ve never been on a date before,” he said after a few moments.
“Me neither.”
He snapped his head in my direction. “Y-you haven’t?”
“Not one that I actually wanted to be on.”
His smile seemed to stretch even more. “You want to be here with me?”
I gently knocked my shoulder into his. “If I didn’t, then I wouldn’t have invited you.”
He fidgeted with his hand, moving it toward his face and then back, pulling his jacket zipper up and down a few times, as if he didn’t know what to do. I moved closer to him until our legs were nearly touching and waited for him to do something to show me that he also wanted to be here with me.
His gaze flickered down to my knee, and warmth spread through my body. Then, he lifted his hand, hovered it over my knee for a few moments, and placed it down. Although I was wearing sweatpants, his touch still drove me insane.
“Is this okay?” he asked nervously.
Unlike Dad and all of his buddies, who shoved their hands up my skirt without questioning their goddamn morals, Akio was respectful enough to ask if placing his hand on my knee— on top of my sweats —was okay with me.
My heart swelled at how simple and … thoughtful it was.
“It’s perfect,” I whispered, glancing at his lips.
All I wanted to do was reach over and kiss his pretty mouth. So many feelings were rushing through me, and I felt like nothing— nothing —could ruin this moment. Until … suddenly, thunder rolled overhead, and a sheet of rain fell from the sky.
Akio went to stand. “I’ll get us an umbrel?—”
I wrapped my hand around the back of his neck and pulled him into a deep kiss.
Maybe this was normal. And maybe, one day, I could be normal too.