Chapter 37
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
NICOLE
After cheer practice, I sat in my car at the end of my street and stared at Akio’s contact. I didn’t want to go home yet. All I really wanted to do tonight—and every night—was be with him like I had been last night.
Falling asleep on his chest had made me feel so safe … and I had to ruin it.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I pressed the Call button. My heart thumped so loudly that I could hear it in my ears. I waited and waited and waited for him to answer, only for my call to go directly to voice mail.
“Hi, Akio. It’s Nicole.” I chewed on the inside of my cheek. “I just, um …”
I sputtered out a few more words that didn’t make sense in the same sentence, then immediately ended the call before I could embarrass myself more.
What was I thinking?! I’d sounded so desperate.
And I totally was.
Last night, Akio had given me a taste of what normal could feel like. It wasn’t walking on eggshells. It wasn’t hiding my tears when I thought about Hannah. And it surely wasn’t living in fear of anyone who might like me.
My fingers tightened around my phone.
I wanted a normal life more than anything now.
I wanted to be happy.
I wanted to live …
Three things that I never thought I’d get or want. Dad stood in the way of all of them, and now … right now … I needed to find a way to get rid of him or maybe to run away. I wanted out of this situation.
Once I wrapped my fingers around Hannah’s pendant, I closed my eyes. “I’m going to get out of this for you,” I whispered, tears pricking the corners of my eyes. “I didn’t think that I had a chance, but I … I’m going to do this for us. Soon.”
My phone buzzed on my lap, and I snapped my eyes open, hoping that it was Akio.
Instead, Dad’s name flashed on the screen.
Dad: Where the fuck are you?
Stomach tightening into knots, I placed the phone back down onto my lap and decided to ignore him—at least for the next few moments because now was my time with Hannah. I didn’t get many moments with her anymore.
I closed my eyes again and rested my head against the headrest. “I miss you.”
And I swore I heard her say, I love you too.
I could see her smile and those pretty eyes that had always been clear of tears for me because she wanted to stay strong. I tightened my hand around her necklace.
“I’m going to make you proud,” I whispered.
Again, my phone buzzed on my lap.
Dad: Get back home now. We have a problem.
After sighing, I picked up my phone once more and scrolled to Akio’s contact.
Me: Sorry about earlier.
Me: I didn’t mean to make you feel awkward or uncomfortable. It just slipped out.
Me: Totally get if you don’t want to see me.
I typed my next message and hovered my finger over the send button.
Another message from Dad popped up, and I slammed my finger down on the screen to send one last message to Akio for the night, before I went home and had to listen to God knew what from Dad.
Me: But I meant every word.
Warmth spread through my chest at the thought of admitting it again to him.
Even if he hated me for it, even if he never wanted to talk to me again, it was the first step at being normal. Admitting my feelings to my crush … was such a rush of adrenaline, of terror and excitement.
Once I set my phone back into my purse, I started my car and headed back home. I pulled up the driveway with a smile on my face, feeling so fucking giddy. When Hannah had been alive, I hoped that she’d had a chance to experience this feeling …
Being in love with someone …
After shutting off my car, I grabbed my purse and backpack from the passenger seat and walked up the front walkway in the rain to the front door to get a few more moments of peace to myself for the night.
I didn’t know what Dad had in store with his buddies tonight, but if I got to see Akio tomorrow and the next day and the day after that, if he responded to my messages with anything , all this pain would be worth it.
Because I would be leaving soon.
Hopefully.
When I made it inside, I dropped my backpack by the door. “Dad, I’m home.”
A bottle shattered in the kitchen, and I glanced over at the walkway to the kitchen, where Dad emerged, dressed in an alcohol-stained white wife beater with a brown bottle of beer in his hand.
He snarled at me, “Where were you last night?”
I opened and closed my mouth a handful of times and shook my head. “I … I was …”
Come on, Nicole. Come up with something believable!
Yesterday, I had told him that I would be home in a few hours. But once I got to the Overlook, I didn’t want to leave. I’d thought Dad wouldn’t notice. I’d thought he’d be conked out on his recliner in the front room.
“At home,” I whispered, mouth drying. “In my bed.”
“Bullshit!” he growled, taking the side table and throwing it across the room. It hit the door and clattered against the floor. He stalked closer to me, his lips in a snarl. “You were out with Yui’s son at the Overlook.”
“Only for a little bit,” I whispered, shuffling back. “I p-promise that I was only?—”
“You promised me that you’d be back, but instead, I got a call from the station that your car was parked at the Overlook and you were sleeping on that boy’s chest.” He stalked even closer. “You’re not getting out of this.”
“I’m not trying to get out of anything,” I said, my heels hitting the door. “I swear, I?—”
Dad seized my throat. “By the end of the night, you’re going to know who owns you.”