CHAPTER 20
“As healers, your duty is to protect the warriors and hunters at all cost. When failing to do so, your gift shall eventually fade away and leave you with only a few heals left before the Gods take you away.” - Book of Azure
WHAT THE HELL.
The corners of my eyes burn, and I’m unsure if it's from the dust and stale air finally getting to me, or if it's something more. My nose scrunches, holding in the emotions that have been bottling inside me preparing to explode like a damn volcano. But, I can’t let them out. I won’t let them out.
The rage and sorrow I have felt since arriving here in Azure will stay inside, deep in my body where they belong. Losing my sister, losing Alice, losing myself. Sometimes, I don’t even recognize who I am anymore.
Thoughts run wild in my mind, and I think of the moment Florian’s tender eyes offered to heal me over bruises, scratches, and palms that had been burned and battered by the reins. And all I did was scream at him.
I don’t know if in that moment, he just thought I was weak, pathetic, and needed the pain to vanish, or if everyone else has seen something that I have been blinded to.
Have I not seen what Koen saw at the Ice Nation, the Realm of Nilak? Even Kane and Theon have sensed something that I never noticed. Unless, I never wanted to.
But no matter what he feels, I do not belong here. I must fight my way to return home, I cannot feel for anyone like that here.
I will not fall in love.
Two more heals. If Florian heals someone, he dies, as if he is attached to some sort of lifeline and the curse punishes him with death if he mends anyone.
If I become one of the eight, somehow if their Gods here have mercy over a soul that does not belong here, maybe they can help me survive.
Or maybe if I beg the Queen to let me be one of the eight, I can help destroy the Wailing Mother and Florian can be free from the curse that could kill him. They could all be free.
I will bow, bend down on my knees at her feet, my palms in front of my lips, and do a damn pouty face in order for me to have the chance to save him. Save them all. My heart has softened for him, for Florian. I don’t know how I can help them, but I will give it my all.
I stare at the new suit with a golden envelope that sits against my bed.
Serene is written in cursive with a shimmery, white ink that sparkles as I tilt the paper side to side, letting the light of the fire cast a warm glow along it.
The smell of fire tickles at my nose and it's not from the torch that flickers as men begin to leave.
Most of the men are gone, out to celebrate their last night before the battle games start in the morning.
But some are still here. Skydance stares at me from the wooden table in the center of the dormitory, stabbing meat with his dagger and ripping out chunks with his teeth.
I ignore him, surprised that he isn’t over here trying to kill me since no one is around.
Death isn't here, who I haven’t seen all day.
I wish I knew his name, Kaine and Theon both don’t and Death is a nickname they gave him last year at the games.
They said he slayed three dragons all on his own, killed most of the men, and was the victor last year for the Realm Eekatia.
Supposedly, this Realm has had the reigning champions for the past few years, letting the Royals, Skie, and Theon, be curse free for the year.
As well as protecting the Realm from its curse, protecting their people.
Death became one of the chosen eight, as well as Kaine and Theon, but the Wailing Mother still lives.
No one has destroyed her, and the curses still reign.
But if the Light Stone removes the curses for a year… why should I be scared of Skie?
Unless Koen isn’t telling me something.
My lips pull between my teeth, and I absorb all the knowledge I have learned this past week.
Thankfully, the men are almost completely gone to celebrate.
Dryden walked out a few minutes ago with the men that surrounded me in the pit.
They already had steins in their hands, foam spilling down their necks as they chug their beverages of choice for the night.
I’m glad they’ll be too intoxicated to worry about where I will be.
But as the rest of the men leave, leaving me alone in the dormitory, my finger glides across the envelope and I break the golden seal on the back.
Serene,
I had promised I would get you out…
I close the note, my eyes widening as my heart thuds against my chest. Florian.
Knowing I will see him tonight makes my insides twist and turn like a snake, taking the breath away from me.
The rage etched into his eyes when he saw his brother's hands on me replays in my mind, but I need his help tonight.
He did promise to get me out of the games, but I fear this letter is him breaking that promise.
My trembling hands open the paper, closing my eyes as I prepare myself to face the truth, the truth of never leaving the games. Unless I die, win, or become one of the eight. But knowing the Queen chooses the eight, the only way out of the games is death. Or winning.
Or as I said, beg the shit out of the Queen to let me help take down the Wailing Mother.
Serene,
I promised I would get you out, but the Kingdom is crumbling.
Queen Antivianna is in a state of mind I have never seen before.
She has been to the oracles almost every evening trying to find you, to see you, to understand you.
But, she can’t. She has now involved Skie, my soon-to-be bride, and I fear you might be in danger.
I need you to stay alive, to fight like hell in these games.
Stay alive, so I can find a way to remove you from the games without them knowing. I must keep Skie away from you.
This suit I crafted in the Darklands for you, no one must ever know I went there.
It’ll protect you from the heat tomorrow against the fiery breaths of the dragons.
But it will also protect you from the spikes of their tails.
No one can know you have this, or they will kill you.
If they know I helped you, they will kill you.
Burn this in the flames.
Stay alive,
Florian.
My eyes dart in a panic, every direction possible, scanning the room to see if anyone is here witnessing me reading this. With a swift motion, I run to the wall, letting the letter hover above the torch, and watch the paper burn to ash.
The char floats in the air, embers dying out as they fall to the ground.
My jaw tightens and my palms begin to sweat, knowing that the Queen is on edge with my arrival here in the Realms. How far will she go over someone as normal as me?
I am no one. I wish she could see that. All I have wanted is to find my sister, return with her to Seattle, and get back to a normal life.
But, I feel our father will now lose us both.
Normal feels impossible.
I start to unbutton my suit, fingers fumbling and trembling, eager to remove the suit as quickly as I can before someone walks in.
Night has fallen, and we have only a short window to find the archive.
To find the answers Koen and I both need.
My stomach clenches with a mix of guilt and fear as I carefully remove the suit Koen gifted me, deeply aware that it once belonged to his mother and now is in tatters because of me.
Completely ruined. The fabric clings to my skin, tugging on me before I slip out of it, removing the memories with it.
I swiftly slip into the new suit Florian has given me, smooth leather against my skin yet bulky around my chest for protection.
I begin to wonder what the Darklands crafted this suit with and how the hell is it going to protect me against dragons.
I’m also curious as to why the Darklands are so forbidden to the people of Azure.
But this is better than not having anything that might protect me out there tomorrow.
Though it mirrors the design of the old one, this suit covers both my arms. Within seconds, I begin ripping at one of the sleeves, frustrated with the suffocating feeling this gives me.
The fabric breaks at the stitch lines, the sounds echoing in the for once, quiet dormitory.
My bare arm shows, and my finger glides over the healed scar, reminding me of the anger that has built up inside me.
My blood boils as I can still hear the Queen saying my sister's name.
My chest rises and falls. This is the way I entered the games, and this is the way I intend to leave them.
These scars do not define me—I want my healed wounds to show, proving to them all that no matter how many times they hurt me, I will always heal.
I want to prove to these men who have hurt me, that they do not have the right to dictate what I will become from this.
They will not have the pleasure of killing me, or hurting me, ever again.
The journey that led me to this moment has molded me into exactly who and what I’m meant to be.
Every scar will mold me into the woman I must become.
A woman that will not let this world burn me into ash. No man. No damn dragon.
And with the burning desire to revenge those who have wronged me, they should fear what I might do.
I fear what I might do.
I NEVER BELIEVED IN MAGIC, even as a kid.
It was Tilly who saw something different with our world. I saw nothing.