CHAPTER 35 #2
I glance up, heaving as I struggle to take in deep breaths. Florian does the same as he stands, catching his balance on Kaine’s shoulder.
“Serene,” Koen exhales. It used to make my heart flicker, my blood run wild, my chest heave. And now, all I want to do is burn them both.
“Do not talk to me!” I hiss through clenched teeth. “All I want to know is how the hell did Alice go through the stones, and if she is alive!”
I’ve lost my sister. Truthfully, I lost her centuries ago. However, I am unsure if my heart can handle losing someone else I love. Alice and I were always stuck together like glue. She was the missing piece to our puzzle. She might just be the sister I always needed.
I can’t lose her.
“If you keep your promise, I will bring you to her.” Lykia takes Koen’s arm, pulling him in close to her body as he avoids her lingering glare.
Heels tap against the gravel, echoing from the entrance of the Pyre before Koen can speak.
“You all have a few hours before we must begin the next battle games.” It’s the Queen.
“Make sure you are equipped with your daggers in case one of the four decide to try and kill you. They sense fear, remember this. You shall fail if you let that fear dictate your ride.”
She does a swift glance our way, brows rising at the scene, but turns to leave without questions.
My eyes beam a violent, raging glare towards the two of them.
He had my friend this whole time. He used me only to save his mother.
I wonder if the night he promised to take me to the archives in the frozen waterfall, was his plan to take me to the Darklands in exchange for his mother.
I could take my dragons out right here, right now, if I wanted to.
Throw this damn fire straight at them, scorching them within seconds, but I am in the Pyre.
I cannot allow more bloodshed here. This will save them, for now.
“I told you I can explain.” Koen’s eyes soften, scanning my face for any signs of forgiveness. But there isn’t any.
“You don’t need to explain anything to her.
” Lykia grabs his shoulder, tiptoeing up to his ear.
“After this training, you will never speak to her again.” Her eyes trace down towards me.
“Or I won’t stop next time. I understand if she dies, the Queen shall lose her shit.
So don’t make me take the one thing she is obsessing over. ”
My eyes burn, letting the gravel dig into my knees as I force my body up.
“I understand.” He sighs, a tick in his jaw pulsing as he looks towards the others. “As promised, I need to train Serene, in case the Fireninze is the chosen horse for her.”
“Absolutely not.” My eyes widen, my voice blaring in the breeze. “I am not staying here with you. Not after all of this.”
“Koen is the only one that has almost bonded with the Fireninze.” Kaine nervously walks towards me, his hands in his pockets.
“Let him teach you. If you could ride the horse of fire, the Realms would bow to you with no hesitation.” His voice drops to a whisper, making sure the others cannot hear.
“Have revenge after you bond. This is more important than…”
“More important than my friend?” My eyes burn.
I glance up to the sky, shaking my head as my teeth dig into my lips.
Koen clears his throat as he scratches the back of his neck. He is nervous, the first I have seen with him. He turns to Florian. “Florian, can you take Klayra and Lykia back to their chambers?”
Florian responds with a cold, wordless grunt, shoving past Koen with enough force to ram into his shoulder. Koen lets out a weary sigh, his gaze following them.
“You messed up badly this time,” Florian sneers.
“The least I can do is give her a fighting chance against the horse of fire.” Koen sighs, rubbing his hand over his face with exhaustion.
“Train her well, brother. Or her death will be on you, and you don’t want that,” Florian warns.
Lykia's gaze fixes intently on Koen, holding him in her stare for an unsettlingly long moment.
She should be lucky she is here, this place will be her only protection.
Then, her attention shifts to me, and her expression shifts abruptly, her lips twisting into a disgusted frown before turning her back towards me.
I don’t understand what Koen saw in her.
“I don’t want your damn help, especially now that your woman has the same damn curse as Skie. She could have killed me!” I retort. “And this whole time, you have been in my life only to take me to the Darklands… for what, Koen! So they can kill me?”
As I turn to leave, something strikes against my back. I glance over my shoulder to see black, long leather gloves tumbling to the ground, kicking up a cloud of white dust from the gravel.
“You are staying.” Koen rests his hands on his hips. “You need this time before what is to come. Hate me. I want you to hate me. Take that anger and use it to fight this game.”
“I don’t hate you.” I lean in, my eyes brimming with tears, overwhelmed by the storm of emotions inside me.
“I despise you,” I continue, my voice breaking with each word.
“I’m looking at you right now, and all I want to do is let you burn to ash and watch you float far away from me.
I see you, and all I want to do is cry out to the heavens, scream to the Gods, questioning why you still breathe and not Alice if she is truly dead.
I see nothing but a monstrous dragon that tried to kill me in the Vitaei with that cursed fire darkling. You have betrayed me.”
“Serene, last night…” he breathes out.
“No.” My voice shatters. “I have meant nothing to you this whole time!” I rip my gaze away from him as a tear traces a path down my cheek. “I loved you,” I whisper, my heart aching with every word. “Don't you remember? I know you have to remember now that Tilly would allow you to!”
“I can’t speak of it.”
“Don’t you remember!” My scream cracks through my trembling voice, breaking as I speak. “Quit lying to me! You lied to me in the Vitaei saying you have never loved, and that’s bullshit! You loved me! It was supposed to be us, not you and her!”
“Damn it, Serene, I do!” His eyes meet mine with such intensity that my knees tremble, daring to give.
“But I don’t want to. Can’t you see that?
Understand that? Once I remembered the night you fell into the water, as if my memories rushed back to me all at once the moment that stone connected to your arm, I have forced away every feeling I have for you.
” He grips his chest, pulling his attention away from me.
“No, Koen, I don’t understand.” A tear falls from my chin, swiftly whipping my face dry. “You have known this the whole time, yet still do nothing but hurt me!”
“Because everytime I remember it…” His hands run through his curls before falling down to his chin.
“It rips my heart out over and over and over again. Just with the thought of seeing you lifeless on the ground. Just with the thought of the last bit of good that was once inside of me, the remaining few pieces clenching onto any strand of light just to have the slight chance to be good enough for you, only to have it completely ripped from my chest. I have just a flicker of the light that the Gods gave us left inside my heart. Without that light, I am nothing more than a monster lurking in the damn night.”
I catch his jaw clenching, avoiding the tears that fall down my face.
“So you push me away.”
“I keep you away!” He strides towards me, hand covering his heart. “Because only darkness is inside me now. And you have always feared the dark.”
“I don’t fear you. But right now, everything inside me wants you dead. My heart is broken.” I rub my nose, sniffing uncontrollably. “I loved you with all my heart, and despite everything, I fear I still do. But all you've done is hurt me, again and again."
“Good.” He deeply sighs. I look his way, watching his emerald eyes glisten with tears.
“I need you to hate me. I want you to hate me. You are right, I have nothing inside of me that can protect you… only hurt you. I could kill you, and I cannot control any of it. Use this hatred for me and undo every bad thing I have done.”
With my trembling hand, I whip my tears away, sucking in deep breaths as I lift my chin high. I take the leather gloves, slipping them on violently as I stare into the eyes of Koen. He’s hurt. It's written all over his face.
I need him to hurt.
He needs to feel the pain I feel.
“You're damn right I will. After this, you will never look my way. You will never speak to me again,” I say through clenched teeth. “The next time I see you, I will take your soul and send it to the Gods for them to decide where you shall rest.”
“I deserve that.” His nostrils flare. “We were never meant to love. You know that, right?”
I choke on air, holding in the sniffles that want to release. My eyes burn. My heart aches.
“I remember that night you died. I remember dying for you. The Gods have punished us for loving each other, and they are still punishing us now.” Koen’s voice drops to a trembling whisper. “We are no good for each other. We are like fire and ice, whenever together… one must die.”
My breath shakes as I inhale, wiping the tears that are falling down my face.
“This will be my last gift for you, training you to survive the Fireninze, then after that… we are dead to one another. Just as we both died that night.” He lifts his chin, eyes glistening. “We only destroy one another. Stay as far away from me as possible.”
My chin rises, forcing back my tears. “Done. Easy.”
“Good.” He shifts his body. “Now train hard, listen to what I have to say, or you die out there. And I won’t be able to stop it. No matter how much I want to protect you… I don’t know if the Gods will allow it this time.”