CHAPTER 39 #2
My lips tighten in a line, and I let my fingers glide over the shimmering material. The heart-shaped neckline forms flames that will wrap around my chest. But no sleeves. No gloves.
“I suppose she is making sure I dance with nobody tonight, huh?” I tease.
“You know how she is.” The mattress shifts under her weight as she takes a seat. “She always has a motive behind everything she does.”
I scratch my head aggressively, recalling all the words she spoke in front of Kaine and I about never wanting her daughter to take the throne. He doesn’t trust her. Neither do I. Something inside me is screaming there is something wrong, I’m just unsure what.
“Are you going tonight?” I take the dress in my hands, twisting the material around to catch the delicate beads that are woven in.
“I never miss a party.” She hops up, walking over to the window. “Seems as if the men are already heading towards the castle. Ivker sure looks good tonight.”
My lips tug into a soft grin, noticing Klyara tiptoe, gripping the window seal tightly and steadily watching the men leave.
“I suppose it’s time.” I lift, placing the dress against the bed. “What happens if the Queen can’t read someone's mind? What if the flame doesn’t turn blue?”
She leans against the edge of the window, her fingers tapping the edge. “Then they don’t move forward. But, death won’t come for them either. She always lets them live.”
“I’m surprised the Queen allows anyone to live,” I laugh.
“I agree with you there.” She sighs, catching sight of my fingers fidgeting along the dress.
“At least I know you will be with us when we fight the darklings. The Queen better let me fight this year.” Her lips curl into a pleasing grin.
“I say we make a little competition on who can kill the most of them?”
She catches my attention, pulling my gaze away from the dress and up to meet her smirk. “Oh—” I cock my head to the side. “You really think you can kill more darklings than me?”
“Oh, I am sure.” She doesn’t hesitate.
“And what happens if I win?”
“You already know she would outbeat you in this little competition,” a deep voice interrupts, starling us both as we jump.
Koen leans against the door frame, arms folded across his arms and hair—air dried, a little frizzy, yet perfectly… perfect.
Which is quite annoying.
“Of course you would be here,” Klayra mutters, rolling her eyes towards me. “Do I need to stay?”
My lips pull into a soft grin as I shake my head no.
“Ah—” She breathes in a deep breath. “Well, try not to kill each other while I am gone. Or let Lykia find out.”
She isn’t wrong. Koen is reckless.
But sometimes, I love that side of him.
My eyes trace down, catching a small spider that climbs along the rocks. “Can I ask you something before you go?”
She crosses her arms, her two teal buns bobbing side to side as she moves. “Go on.”
“You’ve been around the games for many years… when a chosen has bonded with a horse, have they ever communicated with them?”
She chokes on a laugh, holding her hand over her mouth.
“Absolutely not.” She pulls away from the window, walking towards the door next to Koen.
“We have never communicated with the Gifts from the Gods. No horse. No dragon. Not even a Royal has had the ability to hear from them. I feel as if we will never truly understand why they are here, but we are taking it day by day.”
My hand rubs the back of my neck, forcing a fake smile to spread along my lips. “I figured.”
She grips the door, resting her head against it. “Are you good?”
I nod. “Yeah, I’ll see you at the dance.”
Her hand beats against the door, smiling before turning away to leave.
“Are you communicating with the horses now?” Koen’s brows pull into a confused expression, tilting his head to the side before stepping foot into my room. “And you said I have gone mad.”
I pull my legs up, crisscrossing them. “You have. You are here, next to me again… knowing Lykia watches your every move.”
His boots tap against the floor, his arm hanging over the bookshelf. “Death came to see you, didn’t he?”
My heart skips. “I’m sorry, how’d you—”
“How did I know? Tilly.”
My jaw ticks, brows raising high with the sound of her name. I scuff aggressively. “And how would she know about this?”
“I told you, Skydance is watching you.” His emerald eyes glance out towards the golden sunset. “I can feel her in my mind, communicating with me. She’s a constant reminder of how far I have fallen since you left.”
I lean forward, studying him, preparing myself in case she has him under her control. “You hear her?”
“When she wants me to, yeah.” His jaw ticks, pulling his bottom lip between his teeth. He pushes himself off of the bookshelf, running his hands through his tousled hair. “Trust me, I don’t want to hear her.”
“Why is it important to her that Death came to see me? Why would she care about that?”
His hands fall over his neck as he sucks in a deep breath. “She doesn’t, but I do.”
My stomach twists into knots the moment his eyes lock onto mine. “Why’s that?”
“No man should be in this damn room except me.”
My brows raise, controlling my trembling breath as I exhale. My heart stops beating.
I am speechless, watching him walk over towards me as his eyes never linger from mine.
My body shifts backwards as his hands grip the edge of my mattress, the bed dipping under the weight of his hands.
My breath hitches as he leans forward towards me, and I lean back, further away from him.
His eyes flicker to my lips every other heartbeat, driving me mad.
The knot inside my throat is growing by the second, and I’m unable to breathe. Unable to speak.
Unable to feel anything beside the goosebumps that prickle against my skin.
“I still hate you,” I exhale. “Why are you doing this? Let me hate you.”
My back hits against the wall, knowing I have no more room to back away from him. I don’t fear him, I fear his deranged mind thinking he can be this close to me.
I’m afraid to hurt him. Afraid to burn him.
A curl cascades along his brow, covering his left eye while a soft smirk tugs at the corner of his lip. “Do you fear me still?”
I swallow, chest trembling as I exhale. “When have I ever truly feared you?”
“The day you fell into the frozen lake?” His eyes drop to the healed wound along my cheek. “What about when I shifted?”
“Never.”
“Sometimes I wish you did.” His eyes soften. “It would make loving you easier.”
My heart flickers, beating erratically by his words. “And how so?” I whisper, feeling his breath tickle my lips as he closes the distance between us.
“Because loving you, knowing I can never touch you… will be my forever hell.”
My bottom lip drops, eyes falling to the spot against his neck where his veins bulge. As if he is fighting every urge inside him not to place his lips on mine.
Damn it, I am fighting it too.
I cannot kill the man I love.
But I hate him.
I hate him.
Everything inside me mourns the relationship I once knew between us. The lies. Him hiding the truth of Alice from me, the truth of him being around me only to kill me. I wonder if it’s all too much.
He tilts his head, toying with the thought of finally tasting my lips, but only tormenting himself. Fighting himself. His mouth parts as he deeply breathes out. “Sometimes I wish you’d forever hate me, despise me, for what I have done, so one day you can put me out of my misery.”
“Koen,” I breathe out, closing my eyes.
The mattress lifts, and I feel himself pull away even if everything inside me screams for him to stay.
My body shifts forward with him, just to have his scent linger around me for a few seconds longer.
Then the sounds of his boots beat against the floor before the door shuts.
My heart jumps at the sound. My eyes open, allowing a tear to escape.
But just one.
No more. I fear one day, I might dry out and there will be nothing left inside me.