Chapter 37 - Cooper
Cooper
Sitting in the courtroom gallery feels so surreal.
This time last year, I never would have believed I would be here, facing my past head-on and not crumpling.
Most of the trial is a bit tedious, but hearing Silas’s character witnesses speak highly of him almost sets my blood on fire.
Teddy’s firm grip on my knee is the only thing that keeps me from standing and yelling at them.
How fucking dare they sit up there and describe that abusive asshole as “kind, respectful, and always willing to help.” It’s the moron who describes Silas as being “good around kids” that finally snaps my tenuous control.
I surge to my feet and make my way to the door, just barely managing not to run.
I’m pacing in the hallway when Teddy joins me.
“Fuck,” I all but yell, tugging on my hair.
“People actually allow him around kids, Teddy! How many other kids’ lives have been ruined by him?
I should have spoken up sooner. If he hurt anyone after I left, that’s my fault.
Mine!” My knees hit the ground. “I should have been stronger. Braver. Better. But I was weak, and someone else may have had to pay the price.”
“Stop,” Teddy says firmly. Squatting down in front of me, he pulls at my wrists, forcing me to release my hair. “You know none of this is your fault. Not what happened to you, and not what may have happened to anyone else. Don’t let your brain lie to you.”
He’s right. I know he’s right, but my brain is a persistent bastard.
I work through some of my calming exercises, and Teddy remains by my side the entire time.
Calm. Quiet. Present. It takes about twenty minutes, but eventually I calm down enough that the urge to rip my own skin off fades back into one of the dark corners of my mind.
“I think I can go back in now.”
Teddy just holds out his hand. I take it, and together we return to the courtroom. Miraculously, I manage to keep my shit together the rest of the morning.
When the judge calls a recess for lunch, Jillian approaches me. “How are you feeling, Cooper?”
“Like someone has taken a cheese grater to my skin.”
“It’s hard to hear people describe someone in a positive light when you only know them as a monster.
” She gives me a sad, knowing smile. “You will have your chance to set the record straight once we come back from lunch, but you also need to be prepared for Silas’s lawyer to rip you apart.
He is going to do his best to discredit you.
Don’t let him get to you. I know that will be easier said than done, but that is how they win. ”
“Do you think they have an actual chance at winning?” Max asks, making me aware that they’ve all stepped up to join us.
“No. I don’t. Especially not after what he did on Monday.
However, the jury is comprised of humans, and there has never been any accounting for human emotions.
Try not to stress over it too much before you have to, okay?
It doesn’t do any good.” At my nod, she continues.
“I know you guys aren’t from around here, but there’s a really good deli just a few blocks down if you’re hungry. ”
When nobody says anything, Mom steps in. “That sounds real nice, Jillian. Thank you.”
“Court will reconvene at one o’clock. I’ll see you then.” With one last glance at me, she turns and makes her way out of the courtroom.
The deli Jillian suggested really is amazing.
Their cookies are almost as good as the ones I made with Mom, who just rolls her eyes when I say as much.
Overall, though, lunch is a quiet affair.
I’m too stressed about testifying to talk much, and everyone else is too busy watching me to hold a conversation at length.
At a quarter till, we silently make our way back to the courthouse.
I startle when Jillian calls my name. My time to take the stand has arrived, and I want nothing more than to tuck tail and run.
Teddy squeezes my hand as I pass by him, a much-needed reminder that he’s here.
Steeling my nerves, I approach the bailiff.
He leads me to the stand, and we go through the motions of swearing to tell the truth, the whole truth, and blah blah blah.
Once all the formalities are complete, Jillian approaches me.
Her voice is soft as she asks her questions. As she promised, she sets the stage, allowing me to pull back the curtain that Silas’s character witnesses put in place to reveal the real person behind it. The monster. The abuser. The man that nearly cost me my life.
As I tell the story of what Silas put me through, I make sure to focus my attention solely on the jury.
I could have chosen to stare down Silas in an attempt to prove that he hasn’t won, but that doesn’t feel right to me.
Silas knows exactly what he’s done. He knows the damage he’s caused.
The jury, however, does not. I want them to look me in the eye.
I want them to see the anguish I feel as I recall the years spent in Silas’s home.
I want them to see that real damage was done.
And they do see it. I can tell the exact moment that it hits them.
Eyes no longer meet mine. Brows furrow. Faces go pale. Legs start to tap.
Good. That reaction is exactly what I want.
When they leave this courtroom, I don’t want them to remember me looking at Silas with hatred.
No. I want them to remember this feeling they’re experiencing right now.
The discomfort. The disgust. I want them to remember the look in my eyes as I recalled everything I endured.
I want them to remember me, Cooper Gray Sorenson.
I want them to remember that I am a flesh and blood, real person, and their decision today has real consequences.
When it’s Silas’s attorney’s turn, he does exactly what Jillian said he would.
He tries to discredit me with questions about my history of drug use, my mental health, and why it took so long for me to report it.
He does his best to make it look like I’m mentally unstable and delusional.
Ironically, it’s the disassociation I learned during my time with Silas that helps me stay calm.
I step outside of my body so I can answer the questions honestly, if a bit dispassionately.
When I fail to rise to the bait, he switches tactics. His approach changes to making it seem like I’m harboring a grudge against my uncle and lying to get him into trouble. One look at the jury, and we can both tell they aren’t buying it.
Deciding to quit while he’s ahead, he walks back to the shared table before announcing, “No further questions, Your Honor.” Defeat is written all over him as he slumps down in his chair.
When I make my way off the stand and back to my seat in the gallery, I snatch Teddy’s hand up before my butt even makes contact with the bench.
When Silas is called to the stand, nervous energy floods my veins.
“Why would he testify?” I hear Lane ask Max. “Surely, he knows how bad this is looking for him. Does he really think he can charm his way out of this?”
When Silas makes eye contact with me, I see the answer. “No,” I whisper. Tearing my gaze away, I look at Lane. “He’s doing this to me. He knows he’s lost. He just wants to hurt me as much as he can on his way down.”
The defense asks basic questions in an attempt to avoid delving too deep. They do their best to get the jury to view Silas as the man his witnesses had presented, but it’s clear to see on their faces that they aren’t buying what he’s selling. After ten short minutes, the defense rests.
Jillian shuffles some papers around, glances at her watch, and takes a sip of water before she ever even looks in Silas’s direction.
When she finally makes eye contact with him, she smiles cruelly, and Silas flinches, immediately recognizing his mistake as Jillian’s expression grows even more predatory.
She is a shark, and he just released blood into the water.
I turn to Teddy. “Can we go?”
Cautiously, he asks, “now?”
I nod. “It’s over for him. I don’t need the jury to come back to know. He’s dug his own grave. I don’t need to watch him be buried.”
He leans forward and presses a kiss to my forehead. “I’m so proud of you.”
With that, we stand as a unit and walk out.