Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Dahlia
Dahlia woke with a massive headache and more body aches than she could count.
Without opening her eyes, she ran her fingers along the taut material beneath her.
A cot.
Someone had moved her.
The shrieks of warfare had gone silent.
It was almost deafening. Eerie.
Lia cracked her eyes open, pain ricocheting through her skull. She blinked repeatedly as her vision slowly cleared—the familiar warm brown beams and stone ceiling of their tiny home greeted her. The Asterans hadn’t brought it down on them at least.
She gently probed the right side of her temple, noting the thick bandage. She must have really bled a lot for Loshika to use so many bandages.
A low curse reached her ears from the right.
Carefully, she turned her neck, the cot creaking with the small movement.
Cosmos stood on top of Loshika’s workbench, staring out the small round window. There was little light outside, barely highlighting his profile. Her heart ached at the expression on his face. It spoke of vast grief and loneliness.
So much loneliness.
“Little lion,” she whispered.
His head jerked her direction. “Dahlia?” he croaked.
Cosmos leapt down from the table and in five steps was at her side. He plopped onto the cot, jostling Lia. She groaned and his eyes widened.
“I’m sorry,” he apologized.
“You’re fine, Cos,” she shushed him.
He made a face and leaned over to pull a sweaty strand of hair from her cheek. “You going to stay awake this time?”
“How long have I been sleeping?” She snuggled deeper into the covers, relishing this moment with the boy she remembered.
“Almost a whole day.”
Lia blanched. “What?”
“Yeah. Loshika made me wake you up every thirty minutes. You don’t remember that?”
Little snippets of water being held to her lips and herbs placed underneath her tongue registered.
“A little, but not much. Speaking of which, where is Loshika?” Lia glanced around Cosmos toward the bathing room, frowning when she spotted the door that was open.
Fear wrapped itself around her throat as she scanned their one-room home for the nonnae once more.
No Loshika.
“Where is she?” Guilt, fear, and panic churned inside her like a sickening cocktail.
She tried to sit up, but Cosmos pressed his hand to her shoulder, forcing Lia to lay back down.
“Lo has been in and out all day. She’s been gone for a few hours though.”
Bile burned in the back of her throat at the idea of her friend traipsing through town among the very enemies who sought her life. If Olwen was here, surely more from the palace would be too. Someone would recognize her. The king would know her on sight.
Lia squeezed her eyes closed and panted. She couldn’t have another life on her conscience. Loshika could not end up like Dahlia’s mother.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Cosmos crooned.
Nothing was okay. Everything was a disaster, and Lia was going to get everyone killed.
Her brother wrapped her fingers around his wrist so she could feel his pulse. “Take a deep breath. Count my heartbeats.”
She focused on the life thrumming beneath her fingers. Cosmos had her place her other hand on her chest so she could feel her own heart.
Slowly but surely, she was able to breathe again.
“Thank you,” she said, squeezing his wrist once and letting go. “How are you doing? Any episodes?” Cosmos tended to seize up when things overwhelmed him.
He shook his head. “No, not since Lo made me that tonic. I haven’t had one since Mum . . .” He swallowed hard. Cosmos blew a long curly strand of hair from his face and bit his bottom lip. A sure sign that he had something on his mind.
“What is it?” she asked gently, moving her left leg that had fallen asleep. The tingles bothered her, but the burn on her shin and leg was worse.
He huffed. “When did you start having attacks?”
Since the royals threatened to kill her entire family. Since she’d lost her mother and her brother in the process. Since she betrayed the one man who helped her realize she was enough.
Lia glanced away, blinking the tears back. She needed to be strong for her brother. “It’s been a stressful couple of months.”
“Was this . . . was this my fault?”
Her gaze snapped back to Cosmos’ dear freckled face, and the devastation there just about gutted her. Lia slowly sat up and wrapped her arms around her brother. “No, love, no.”
“I messed up. I’m the one who brought the Giver into our life. It’s my fault Mum is . . .” his voice broke.
Lia leaned back and cupped his cheeks, wiping tears as they fell.
“You listen to me, Cosmos Skysinger. Our mum made a choice to protect us. She loved you that much. No one is to blame here but The Giver and the greedy royals.” And herself.
“You made some bad friends, but that doesn’t mean you have deserved anything that has happened to you. Do you hear me?”
“You cry in your sleep,” he whispered, gaze haunted.
“I what?” she asked, chest tightening.
“You cry. Sometimes for Mum. Other times for Neve.”
Tears slipped down her own cheeks. “It’s okay to cry.”
“But you don’t cry. You work, you help Loshika, and you take care of me.” He pulled her hands from his cheeks and squeezed her fingers. “Even when I’ve been rotten to you. You don’t have to take care of me all the time. I can take care of myself . . . and you, if you let me.”
Oh, little lion.
She forced a trembling smile to her lips. “You already have. All night, it seems.”
His shoulders slumped. “Even now, you’re pretending. Why can’t you be real with me?”
When was the last time she hadn’t pretended to be okay?
“Cos, if I let it all out, I’m not sure I could put it all back together.” She was barely holding on.
Cosmos gently hugged her. “Maybe some of it shouldn’t be put back together. Maybe we need to leave things behind.”
The tears really did come then.
Lia cried for innocence that had been taken from her.
Grieved for the little boy who had to grow up too fast.
Wept for the mother who’d been taken from them too young.
Cried for the pain she’d caused to those she loved.
And sobbed for the love she’d lost.
There seemed to be no end of tears.
Throughout it all, Cosmos held her.
Lia hiccupped and leaned back, wiping her cheeks on the sleeve of her flannel nightgown that was three sizes too big. Her head hurt, and her eyes were swollen, but she felt a little lighter, and that was something.
“When did you get so smart?” she asked, a little proud of the young man her brother was becoming.
Cosmos smirked, sitting a little taller. “I’ve always been this intelligent.”
She rolled her eyes and picked at the blanket that had fallen into her lap. Her smile somewhat dimmed. “Are we okay?”
Her brother blew out a breath and looked away.
“I know you’ve had to raise me, to protect me from the world.
I can even understand why you kept the truth about mum from me, but it still hurts.
” He picked on his thumb. “Is that why you worked all the time? It wasn’t just about paying for my medicine but mum’s care too? ”
He was a smart boy. “Yeah, Cosmos, it was. She deserved comfort after what she’d given for us. Also, I just wanted you to have a childhood free from guilt. I didn’t want mum’s sickness to hang over you. She didn’t know us anymore. She didn’t know who she was or where she was.”
“I know.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Me too.”
Despite the outpouring of feeling, the fear and anxiety had not waned. Lia stared at the door. “When was the last time Lo was here? Did she use the cosmetics I got her?”
Now it was her brother’s turn to roll his eyes. “She painted her face before she went out this morning and has been wearing her scarf. Lo is smart. She has taken care not to be discovered. You have to trust her.”
“I do. I just don’t trust everyone else.
” She shivered and pulled the blankets up to her chest. “I don’t like it.
” She hated the idea of Lo being vulnerable and alone in Mizar.
The people here owed them nothing. It would be so easy to turn the healer in if they thought they would receive a life changing payment.
Cosmos shrugged his shoulders, shoulders that had begun to fill out. “She’s of the nonnae. What did you expect?”
“When did you start learning Loriian?” Lia asked.
“I’ve been picking up words here and there. Plus, Lo has been teaching me while you’re at the tavern.” He smiled, and it was a little sheepish. “She’s been teaching me the healing arts too.”
“You’re her little nonnaette?”
He puffed out his chest. “I’m not little.” Some of his humor drained away. “If you weren’t so sick, I think you would be out there helping people too.” His tone turned a little sullen, and he scowled at the door. “I wish I could be out there too.”
“I know, Cos,” she murmured, placing her hand over his.
They’d agreed to keep him home as much as possible.
They didn’t know what either monarchy knew about her brother.
For all Lia knew, there could be assassins with contracts to kill any or all of them.
She refused to have Lo or Cosmos’ blood on her hands.
Lia would do whatever it took to keep them safe.
Even if it meant keeping him home when he wanted to go out and make friends.
“I’m tired of being trapped in here.”
“It will be over soon enough. Fierre is getting closer every day.” The Fire Nation was the safest place for them.
“That’s what you said months ago.” He nodded toward the jug on the floor. “You thirsty?”
Her tongue practically stuck to the roof of her mouth. “Yes, please.”
He poured a cup of water and handed it to Lia. She licked her dry lips and took several long sips. Carefully, she set the blue crystal glass in her lap. It was odd. In Astera, crystal glasses were a luxury, but in Loriia, they were commonplace.
A knock at the door.
Lia practically jumped out of her skin, sloshing water all over her lap and bumping her burned calf against the edge of the cot. She hissed, tossing the wet blanket on the floor as Cosmos leapt to his feet and crept to the door.
Three short raps and then two slow knocks.
Her brother sighed and then heaved the bulky table out of the way and unlocked the door. He cracked it just a smidge, his shoulders tense.
“Move, please,” Lo’s familiar voice sounded from outside.
Cosmos opened the door, and she rushed inside, making sure to stomp her snowy boots outside first. She locked the door and then helped Cos push the table back in place. Loshika shucked off her cloak and tossed it onto the table before unwrapping her scarf from around the bottom half of her face.
“What’s it like out there?” Lia asked. “Are you alright?”
“I’m fine.” Lo sat gently on the cot, placing her fingers beneath Lia’s chin, tilting her face left and right.
“In the end, it wasn’t as bad as it could have been.
Many burns, broken bones, smoke inhalation, and lacerations.
There was only one local death. The surprise was too much for an old giant.
His hearts just stopped.” She exhaled heavily.
“Mizar was very, very lucky the Loriian army was prepared for an attack such as this.” Loshika’s expression darkened.
“If they hadn’t pushed back the human army, their trebuchets would have devastated this town. ”
“How is Felix?”
The nonnae lifted the bandage, uncovering the burn on her right ankle. “He’s doing well. I only had to stitch him in a few places. Most of the wounds were superficial.” She smiled at Cos, who hovered nearby. “You did well with these dressings.” She covered the burn again.
Cosmos flushed at her praise. “Thank you.”
“The fires?” Dahlia asked, wincing when the giantess probed the small cuts on her palms. She hadn’t even noticed those.
“It seems many of the homes and buildings along the border are made mostly of stone due to frequent raids in the past. Porches burned and a few roofs. The stones did some heavy damage to many homes. There are some displaced families, but they’ve found shelter with other family members or friends.
” Lo studied Lia’s face, her large hand resting over Dahlia’s heart.
“I know what you’re thinking, but there is nowhere to go. ”
“What do you mean?” Lia croaked, her throat suddenly dry.
“We can’t leave.”
Lia’s bottom lip trembled, and she bit it hard. The time for emotions was over. “It’s not safe here. We have to leave. The Loriian army is here.”
“That is my point, Reilleve.”
Oh no, Loshika was using honorifics. “What aren’t you telling me?”
Loshika sighed, running her hand over her face, smearing the cosmetics covering her scars. “We planned on crossing the border into Astera to get around the mountain range so that we can reach Fierre, no? But the human army is blocking the way.”
“Then we go through the mountains.”
The healer shook her head. “At this time of year? It is too dangerous. Even if we had enough supplies, which we don’t, you and Cosmos would not survive the journey. I wouldn’t survive it.”
Dahlia painfully swung her legs over the edge of the cot, her feet swinging as she frantically tried to come up with a plan. “Then we go west and backtrack.” They had to do something.
Lo caught Lia’s hand, her skin so much warmer than Dahlia’s. “The army has set up camp there. They surrounded the city for the inhabitants’ protection. No one will get in or out without their knowledge.”
“So, we’re trapped.” Her breath shortened and her eyes lost focus.
“No, we’re safe.”
A lie. . . and they both knew it.
Her gaze focused and turned to Cosmos, who’d crawled back on top of the workbench to stare out the window. She needed to keep it together for his sake.
“We have to keep our heads down,” Lia finally said, turning to Lo.
The nonnae nodded, her expression creased with chagrin. “Which means paying our rent and buying food.”
Meaning Dahlia had to return to work. Despite the wealth she’d managed to smuggle with her, it was too flashy here. It would be noticed immediately.
“The tavern is still open?” she asked woodenly.
“Yes. One of the only places today.”
Dahlia swallowed hard. “Okay. I need to bathe, and then I will go in.”
“I’ll prepare the dye for you. Your skin is a little faded after I cleaned your wounds.” Lo squeezed her hand and stood, her attention moving to Cosmos. “I swear, if you’ve crushed any of my herbs, boy, I will have your hide.”
Lia watched her brother grin at the giantess and mischievously nudge his toe at a drying flower to which Loshika playfully hissed.
The moment should have been silly and light.
But all Dahlia could think was . . .
When will it all end?