Chapter 36 Verity
THIRTY-SIX
Verity
“So Monk did get back in them draws, huh?” Tessa teases on what used to be our weekly FaceTime call.
It started out as weekly when I first moved to LA, but it has dwindled to whenever three incredibly busy grown women can carve out time to chat.
“Tess!” Mel chokes, coconut water spraying from her nose.
“I mean, he did!” Tessa cackles, popping a chocolate-covered pretzel in her mouth. “But I knew that was gonna happen soon as I heard y’all would be working together.”
“I did, too, actually,” Mel admits. “It was obvious there was some unfinished business there. Have you two discussed what happened back at Finley?”
“Um, well, no.” I twine a loose curl around my index finger and avert my eyes. “Not exactly.”
“How ‘not exactly’ are we talking?” Mel frowns. “It was your first manic episode. He deserves to know what you were dealing with.”
“Why does he deserve it?” Tessa asks, irritation wrinkling her brows. “Just because she fucked him for a few months in college doesn’t entitle him to know everything about her mental health. Not everyone can be trusted. Believe me, I know.”
A note of bitterness in Tessa’s voice catches my attention. Of course, we have both lost jobs and friendships and opportunities when the wrong person found out we had bipolar, but the defeated look on her face prompts me to probe.
“What’s up, Tess?” I ask, watching her expression for clues. “Something happen with the show?”
Tess’s acting career hasn’t exactly taken off. She’s had jobs here and there, but struggled to find a breakout role or work as consistently as she would have liked. She did land a part on a new soap opera that she’s been excited about, though.
“One of the producers found out about my diagnosis,” Tessa grits out, the soft lines of her face stiffening into a cold mask. “And I lost the job, so like I said. Not everyone can be trusted with the truth about our diagnosis, and they certainly don’t deserve it.”
“How’d they find out?” I frown. “You’ve always been pretty careful and selective on jobs about who knew.”
“I’m not sure,” Tessa answers vaguely.
“Oh my God, Tess!” Mel erupts. “You were unprepared and behaving erratically on set. You even missed a few tapings and we both know why.”
“Wait, what?” I bounce a confused glance between my two best friends. “Erratic how? And you’re always so prompt and prepared.”
“When she’s on her meds, she’s prompt and prepared,” Mel inserts. “But she isn’t, are you, Tess?”
“Mind your own damn business, Mel!” Tessa shouts. “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”
“I saw your prescription bottles in the medicine cabinet,” Mel fires back. “The bottles were full.”
“Not all of them!” Tessa says. “Look, some of those meds suck the life out of me. Verity, you get it. How am I supposed to act when I can’t feel? I didn’t even want to have sex for so long. Me! You know how much I love dick.”
“It’s, like, in your top three fave things,” I half joke, trying to lighten the tense atmosphere on the video call.
“And it ain’t two or three,” Tessa replies, silently thanking me with her eyes. We’re usually near telepathic, and yet I didn’t know.
“Being on those meds is like looking at the world through a veil,” Tessa continues. “I just want to lift that for a bit. If you can’t enjoy your life, why even live it?”
Worry and panic rise to the surface, but I try to school my features so Tessa doesn’t detect it.
“Of all people,” Tessa says, tears in her eyes, “you understand, Ver. I know you do.”
“Of course, honey,” I reply gently. “You know when we were trying to find the right balance for me, I was miserable, but you can’t just stop cold turkey. That’s really dangerous.”
Tessa’s eyes narrow and her lips thin. “I gotta go or I’ll be late for an audition.”
She disconnects, leaving me on the call with only Mel.
“Jesus,” I whisper, and blink away tears. “This is bad.”
“Yeah.” Mel blows out a breath and lifts her eyes to the ceiling. “And we both know from experience, if she doesn’t get back on her meds, it’s only gonna get worse.”
“I’ll come for Christmas. I need to see her. And we did say we’d go somewhere. Let’s plan it.”
“I won’t be here,” Mel says, and her lips twitch against a smile.
“Wait.” I wave a finger at my own mouth. “What’s going on in this area? Anything you need to share with the class?”
“I met someone.” Mel lets the grin out. “He’s amazing. His name’s Clint. He’s over in HR at my cousin’s firm, and we met at her company picnic. I was tagging along and BAM!”
“How long have you been seeing him?”
She looks a little sheepish and one-shoulder shrugs. “A few weeks.”
“And this is the first I’m hearing about him?”
We’ve always been oversharers when it comes to our love lives, telling each other every detail as soon as there is a detail.
Mel sighs and shakes her head. “Tessa and I haven’t been good. This turn she’s taken has affected not just her work, but some of her friendships. Our friendship. I’ve been spending more and more time at Clint’s.”
It’s only then that I notice her background is unfamiliar, not any room I recognize from their apartment.
“So Tessa’s basically living alone right now?” I ask cautiously. “When she’s not taking her meds regularly?”
“Not alone. I haven’t abandoned her,” Mel rushes to explain, a defensive note in her voice. “We still live together, but I needed some space. It’s a lot. She’s a lot right now.”
She’s a lot.
I’m a lot, too, when my moods swing. It’s more than most can handle, even people who know everything and have been with you for years.
The hazard of letting people that close is the pain when they pull away because it’s too much.
I just got Monk back, even if it’s casual.
He’s close enough to touch again, and I don’t want to lose that.
“I know it’s tough, Mel,” I tell her, holding her eyes with my own, spotting her guilt. “You’re a good friend to us both. Thank you for all you’re doing, how you’re taking care of her while I’m out here.”
Mel swallows and pastes on a smile that tries really hard to look normal.
“So,” she says, her tone overbright, shifting us away from this contentious topic and back to the one I wanted to avoid. “When are you gonna tell Monk what was really going on back then?”
Yeah, no. I don’t think I will.