Chapter 13 Tanner
TANNER
There was something about dropping off the kids at school that always left me a little lighter on my feet.
Maybe it was the brief silence that followed. Maybe it was knowing they were safe for a few hours, learning about ecosystems and long division while I got to pretend—for just a second—that I had my life in order.
One of the benefits of not having a job is that I didn’t have to rush through drop-off. I could indulge them (and myself) with extra hugs and hear about all the recess gossip.
This morning, as I watched Lulu strut into her kindergarten classroom in her glittery rain boots, hand-in-hand with a teacher she adored, I found myself smiling wider than usual.
And not just because I’d remembered to pack Dean’s lunch and sign Lena’s field trip form.
Des had made breakfast.
The omelets looked passable, edible. But my favorite part was the smile on his face, the same kind that Dean and Lulu get when they show off an A on a quiz.
I couldn’t stop thinking about the way his cheeks lifted and eyes widened with pride on his strong face.
Even now, hours later, as I walked back through the school parking lot and nearly tripped over someone’s forgotten water bottle.
It shouldn’t have been so attractive. The way Des had held the frying pan like it was radioactive. The way he’d helped Lulu cut her omelet into bite-size pieces. The way the laughter of the chaos echoed on the walls. I miss hearing someone else’s laughter.
Des was trying.
He didn’t have to. This whole thing is a front—a strategy to keep jobs and medical coverage. But this morning, Des had been someone else entirely. He’s playing the part, even though he doesn’t have to.
And I liked that someone. A lot. Des as doting husband and harried dad. I could get used to it.
“Hey, Tanner!”
I turn and spot Russ waving at me across the parking lot, his crisp dress shirt remaining tucked into his also crisp dress pants as he jogs up to me.
Right behind him is his portly husband Cal, wearing a Golden Girls T-shirt and cargo shorts, and a grin that made him look like he’d just won the lottery in someone else’s name.
How these two ever wound up falling in love is one of the great mysteries of the universe. Even oil and water seemed to have more in common. They had wound up in a power struggle over leading their sons’ scouting troop, which apparently was a form of extended foreplay.
It’s always great seeing them. We gay dads need to stick together. Although, the urgency in Russ’s march gives me pause.
“Tanner,” he says.
“That’s me.”
Cal pushes past his husband and wraps me in a tight hug. “I heard about what happened.” He leans in. “With the job,” he whispers.
“I’ll be okay, Cal.” I pat his shoulder, wondering why I’m consoling him right now.
“I don’t know what your company did, but I’m never patronizing them again.”
“Thanks, bud.”
“There may be an opening in my department, as a matter of fact,” Russ says.
I offer a polite smile, wondering if our friendship could survive in an office where Russ is likely very meticulous. Working on school committees with him made me feel like Anne Hathaway in The Devil Wears Prada at times.
“Thanks for keeping me in mind,” I say as diplomatically as possible.
“He’s not going to work for you,” Cal says.
“Why not? I’m a great boss!”
“And The Hunger Games is merely a fun competition.” Cal raises his eye at his husband. “Sweetie, I love you with all of my bacon-saturated heart, but I wouldn’t want to work under you either. Tanner’s too nice to say that, so I am. Friendship and business shouldn’t mix.”
“Tanner can be the judge of that.”
“I’ll think about it. Thank you for thinking of me.”
“I can see if there are any openings at my old grocery store,” Cal says.
When he married Russ, he quit to be a full-time voiceover artist. I love hearing his shapeshifting voice on commercials.
Cal snaps his finger, a brilliant idea coming to him.
“Oh! Okay, I know this is going to sound a little cray…”
Russ presses his fingers to the bridge of his nose. “Never a good sign when he starts a sentence that way.”
“Have you considered Only Fans?” Cal offers the idea as if it’s perfectly logical.
“I know…crazy. But also sexy. And cool. I know people making good money doing it. You can set your own hours. And because of all the hockey sports you play, I’m sure you have a good body under there.
You probably own a lot of jockstraps, too, which will come in handy. ”
Russ shakes his head, his ears red with secondhand mortification. “I am so sorry, Tanner.”
“What? It’s a legitimate career path. Sex. Work. Is. Work.” Cal presses his finger into Russ’s chest to emphasize each word.
“Who do you know who’s doing OnlyFans?” Russ asks his husband.
“The gal who works behind the counter at For Goodness Cakes. I go in there every Friday for my weekly ‘You Made It Through Another Week’ red velvet cupcake. We got to talking, and it came up.”
“It just came up?” Russ asks.
“We’re both entrepreneurs navigating the ever-shifting digital landscape for creatives.”
It’s never a dull moment talking to Cal Hogan. He and Russ are like the Barbenheimer phenomenon brought to life.
“I’ll give it some thought,” I tell Cal with the same diplomacy as I used to brush off Russ’s job.
Russ turns to his husband. “Have you been considering Only Fans?”
“I thought about it. But I prefer that you’re my only fan, Russ.
” Cal winks at him, and despite their bickering, the fire burns bright between them.
For a second, I think of the playful banter Des and I had while washing dishes the other night, how the purr of Des’s smug tone can get me flustered in all the right (or wrong) ways.
“Since you’re not currently working, we could use some more help at the Halloween carnival,” Russ says. “I need volunteers.”
“The school is putting on a Halloween carnival? Last year, we did a trunk or treat.” I scratch at my head.
“Everyone does trunk or treats. They aren’t special anymore.
I’m envisioning a festival slash carnival, right here at the school.
Hay rides, haunted house, possibly a ride or two.
” The blaze of ambition twinkles in Russ’s eyes.
He was never a man satisfied with the status quo when it came to school activities.
“That sounds like a lot,” I tell him.
“It’s going to be great,” Cal gushes, nudging his husband proudly with his elbow.
“We’ll see. I worry I’m over my skis a bit.” Russ shrugs.
“You are not! If there’s anyone who can orchestrate the first Sourwood Elementary Halloween Carnival, it’s you. I believe in you.” Cal leans up and sneaks a kiss from his husband.
“Are you helping out, too, Cal?” I ask.
Cal barks out a laugh. “No. For the sake of our marriage, I am staying away from all school volunteer gigs.”
Halloween is something to look forward to, a nice distraction away from my job search and whatever is going on between me and Des. Why not?
“Sure. I’m in.”
“Perfect. Our first meeting is this week. I’ll give you a schedule,” Russ says, already pulling out his phone.
“You don’t want to check with the rest of your committee first?” I ask.
To that, Russ simply laughs.
He and Cal bicker all the way back to their car, and I stand there for a moment, chuckling as I watch them go.
Russ is a lot—loud, opinionated, and intimidating in a crisp-button-down way—but he has a heart under there. And Cal is the chaos gremlin that keeps him humble.
Katie and I had a solid relationship like theirs.
Having four kids meant a sense of humor was needed to survive.
I wonder if I’ll ever find a connection like that again.
Dating isn’t on my radar. Yet those thoughts of me, Des, and the kids crowded in the kitchen, or struggling through the chaos of a family photo stir feelings in me that had long since been dormant.
And for the sake of my family, I need to tamp them down.