Chapter 15
TANNER
The job interview was a bust.
Another polite smile, another stiff handshake, another “We’ll be in touch,” that meant absolutely nothing.
I walked out of the office lobby and into the too-bright sunlight, already pulling off my tie before I hit the sidewalk.
I hated how these things chipped away at you—the performance of professionalism, the pretense of being someone who’s not desperate but also not too aloof, just the right amount of hungry. Exhausting.
I believed in monogamy in my professional life as well as my romantic life.
I was at my previous company for nine years before I was canned.
I could’ve spent my whole career there. Not because it was the dream job.
But it was a fine place to work. I was comfortable.
I didn’t have a drive to climb the corporate ladder like Des.
Something stable and pleasant enough allowed me to focus on my family.
I’d rather be a slut for monogamy than go through this job search hell more than necessary.
By the time I get home, all I want to do is crawl into bed and sleep for a week. But as soon as I pull up to the house, something stops me cold.
Davy and Des playing hockey in the driveway.
Des is still in his work slacks and a white dress shirt, sleeves rolled up, sweating a little under the low golden sun. He’s holding Davy’s hockey stick in one hand, trying to coach him through footwork, but Davy keeps tripping over the cones they’d laid out in a lopsided pattern.
I crack my window to hear their conversation.
“Keep your knees bent! You’re not herding goats, bud.”
Davy laughs so hard he snorts. “Why would I herd goats with a hockey stick?”
Des puts a hand to his heart. “Blasphemy. All true hockey players know how to herd goats. Gretzky? Goat herder.”
“Wait—seriously?”
“I don’t know. Who knows what they do in Canada.
I had to do a million of these drills when I played in high school, and they actually helped me be more agile on the ice.
When I was more agile, I could get around opposing players and get more chances to score.
Let’s try it again.” He tosses the stick to Davy.
Davy weaves through the cone course on his roller blades, dipping in between each cone with grace. Des cheers him on like he’s at an Olympic trial.
“Yes! That’s what I’m talking about!” Des shouts. Their hands come together in a loud, proud high-five.
I bite back a smile and lean on my steering wheel, just watching.
There’s something surreal about it—the way Davy looks up at Des with this effortless trust, the way Des crouches down to fix the Velcro on Davy’s shin guard.
I wasn’t sure when the shift happened, but Des was starting to look.
..comfortable here. Stable. Like maybe this could be a fine place to stay for the rest of his life.
Eventually, they see me.
“Dad!” Davy waved. “Des is teaching me goat herding!”
“Useful skill,” I say, joining them on the driveway.
Des grins at me, flushed and proud. “I ordered pizza. Cheese and bread are part of a balanced diet, right?”
“I appreciate that,” I say. “And the goat herding.”
Davy grabs his stick and skates inside to get water. Des turns to me, his eyes flicking over my face. “How was the interview?”
I hesitate. “Short.”
He gives me a sympathetic wince and opens his arms for a hug. I don’t even think twice; I step into him and let myself rest there for a beat longer than I mean to. His shoulder smells like sweat and that cologne he wore to work. Strong, clean, expensive.
“Pizza’s on the way,” he murmurs. “Pizza solves everything.”
“Thanks.”
We go inside, and the chaos picks up again like someone hit play on a sitcom. Dean and Lulu argue over control of the TV; Davy gulps down water, letting his hockey gear fall to the floor; Lena texts away in her armchair.
I go upstairs to change out of my interview outfit. I hear the doorbell ring, and Des yells out “PIZZA!!!” and my kids chime in. The noise could shake the house. I can’t stop smiling to myself, the stress of my job hunt lifting away temporarily.
When I return downstairs, Des hands out paper plates like a man on a mission, and it’s adorable how seriously he takes it. “Okay, two slices each to start. No hoarding dipping sauces.”
Des hands me the first plate. The hot, greasy pizza beckons. “Since you had a rough day,” he says.
“Daddy and Des are married and love each other very much,” Lulu recites. Des gives her a thumbs up.
“I did a little Stan dinner prep with the kids.” Des bites his lip, feeling caught. “Am I psychologically damaging your kids?”
Well, nothing Lulu said was a lie, at least not for me. I don’t have a suitable answer, so I take a bite of my dinner and flop onto the couch.
The doorbell rings again, and I wonder if it’s more pizza, when Lena races to the door. Matthias steps inside.
“Hello!” He gives all of us a big wave. “Happy Friday!”
“Hi, Matthias.” I wave back, too tired to get off the couch.
“Dad, is it okay if I go bowling with Matthias tonight?”
“They just waxed the lanes, and I want to try a new spin move,” he says.
“What time will you be back?” Des asks before I can give my okay. He gets up close to Matthias, flexing the few inches of height he has over him. Matthias’s lower lip trembles.
“Is ten okay?” Matthias asks, looking back at me for confirmation. I nod yes.
“Which bowling alley are you going to?” Des crosses his arms, not letting up.
“Empire Lanes.”
“Where’s that?”
“Off Maple?”
“They serve alcohol at bowling alleys. If I looked in your wallet, would I find a fake ID?”
“No, sir.” Matthias holds out his wallet. “You’re welcome to check.”
“Are you giving me lip?”
Lena is crimson from embarrassment, and I’m almost there with her. I hop up from the couch and put my hand on Des’s shoulder, like telling an attack dog to stand down.
“Des.”
“Just making sure these kids follow the rules.”
“Sir, I don’t drink alcohol, and I’d certainly never drink in the presence of Lena.” His Adam’s apple bobs in his throat like a Geiger meter.
Des leans into Matthias and sniffs. “You wear a lot of cologne, Matthias. When I was in high school, I used to douse myself in cologne to cover up anytime I smoked. Or I guess it’d be vaping now.”
Lena seems about ready to fall into a pit. I fear a stern phone call from Matthias’s parents in a little bit.
“I don’t smoke, sir. I just sweat a lot when I’m nervous. Like now,” he says, his voice cracking.
Des just nods. I cut in between this interrogation.
“You kids have fun.” I kiss Lena on the cheek, which she seems to find as mortifying as Des giving her boyfriend the fifth degree.
“Thanks. Bye.” She pulls Matthias out the door with her.
“Whoa! Don’t mess with Uncle Des!” Davy says.
“It’s Daddy Des now,” Lulu tells him.
Des raised a skeptical eyebrow. “You sure about this guy?”
I narrowed my eyes. “What?”
“He’s taking Lena bowling on a Friday night? What next? The malt shop and a sock hop?” Des cocks an eyebrow.
“Kids go bowling,” I say, returning to the couch. “We went bowling in high school.”
He leans in to my ear. “First, we got high in the parking lot. Well, not you. But some of us did.”
“No wonder I always beat you.”
After pizza, the kids decide to have a movie night.
Through multiple rounds of negotiation, we all agree on Wall-E, which Des has never seen.
We dim the lights, drag out the sleeping bags and blankets, and fire up the movie.
Lulu immediately worms her way into Des’s lap, curling up like a baby kitten.
Dean wedges himself between us and demands to be the guardian of the remote. I help Davy make stovetop popcorn while Des deals with Lulu wiping her hands on his slacks.
He doesn’t even flinch. I’m afraid to ask what part of Italy those pants are from. “I’m gonna assume this is grape juice and not blood,” he says.
“You’re so delusional!”
Halfway through the movie, the kids finally settle. My arm brushes against his every now and then. It’s just light, casual contact, but every time it happens, it lights something up in me I don’t want to look at too closely.
“I’m confused,” he says.
“By Wall-E?” I ask.
“If the adults are all super fat, stuck in their chairs, and don’t communicate with each other, how are they able to make babies?
” He points to the screen where a classroom of babies on the spaceship are learning their ABCs.
“Were Buy N Large customers artificially inseminated without their knowledge and consent?”
“Ew.” Davy squirms on the blanket on the floor.
“What’s Daddy Des talking about, Daddy?” Lulu asks me.
“Oh, nothing. Daddy Des really likes the movie,” I say, hoping that suffices.
“Disregard,” Des tells Lulu. “Sometimes adults say silly things.”
He looks at me over Lulu and Dean and mouths “I’m sorry.” I don’t think I’ll ever be able to watch this movie in the same way again, but apology accepted.
Des’s face splits with a lazy smile that zaps me right in the belly. Then he reaches up, absentmindedly, and runs his fingers through my hair. My breath hitches.
“You’ve got popcorn in it,” he says softly.
“Oh.” My voice cracks. I clear my throat and look at the screen, trying not to think about how starved I’ve been for adult touch.
Des doesn’t stop. His rough fingers make circles in my hair. I sink into the bliss of his impromptu massage. I run my hand up his thick arm and begin rubbing his beefy shoulder. He lets out a low groan that I want to record and play on repeat until the end of time.
His fingers dip from my scalp down to my neck in an effortless move that lights me up.
Back and forth he goes from my neck to my head, fingers slinking up and down, electrifying me.
One finger caresses the top of my ear. How the heck is that an erogenous zone?
One of the perks of playing the field is that Des is efficient when it comes to his hands.
Or so I assume. I let it all happen—even lean into it.
I don’t know how long I sit there before I realize I’m getting hard.
Shit.
I shoot off the couch like it was on fire. “I’m gonna grab some water.”
Des blinks up at me. “You okay?”
“Yeah. Just...hydration. Important.”
I duck into the kitchen and lean on the counter, breathing hard. My heart is thudding like I’d just sprinted across the rink.
This wasn’t supposed to happen.
Des is my best friend. We are playing house. There are rules. There are kids. This is a temporary fix, not a...a romance.
So why did my skin burn everywhere he touched? Why did my mouth ache with the need to kiss him?
I run a hand through my hair and force myself to breathe slower.
I can’t fall for him.
Even if I already am.