28. Cassidy
Chapter 28
Cassidy
I zzy is so beautiful holding her tiny little nugget as she likes to call her.
“Baby Stella,” I coo to the tiny human in my arms. “She’s absolutely beautiful, you guys.”
Ryker hovers next to me like a mama dog watches her puppies. He makes sure everybody washes their hands and holds her gently.
“Can I see her?” Maddie asks.
“Yeah I wanna see baby!” Parker says, now fully awake.
I bend down to show them how little she is.
“Aww, she’s so cute. She looks like a little doll,” Maddie exclaims.
“But she’s not. She’s real,” Ryker says, a little overprotective.
“Tone it down, Goalie-zilla. Nobody’s gonna hurt the nugget,” Izzy insists, taking a sip of the water in her branded Mercy General cup.
“Is that like the Stanley cup for new moms?” I motion toward the giant plastic cup.
Izzy laughs and then regrets it, holding her lower abdomen.
“You’re not supposed to make her laugh,” Joshua says, eyeing Ryker, whose now mama bearing his fiancée.
New dads are so funny to watch. They’re extra cautious. They act like the baby will break if you pick them up the wrong way.
But I know babies. They’re made of the toughest ingredients to withstand all the tumbles and fumbles that childhood provides.
Not to say we shouldn’t be gentle. But I’ve seen my own siblings take quite a few stumbles as babies.
And though a woman who just gave birth needs extra care for sure. She’s also the most powerful being on the planet because who in the world creates an entirely separate human inside their body in less than year and then births that whole human and then welcomes visitors mere minutes later except for a warrior queen?
Which I firmly believe that all mamas are.
Joshua hasn’t asked to hold the baby. He’s watching her from the corner of my shoulder.
“Do you want to hold her?” I ask him.
He looks shocked that I would even ask. “I don’t know.”
I turn to him and tell him, “Here. Make sure you support her head, she doesn’t have the strength to do it yet. And just hold her to your chest. Just like that.” I help position the baby in his arms and he doesn’t move from the position I put him in.
I swear my ovaries explode at the sight of Joshua Hicks holding a newborn baby and smiling down at her. If there’s a poster I need hanging up in my room… it’s this one.
My goodness.
He looks up at me like he notices I’m watching him. And I smile and turn to Izzy to ask about a meal train and what the plan is for when they get home.
She says their stocked on food and shouldn’t need to go grocery shopping again until next year with the amount of things that Ryker has bought to get the house ready for Stella.
Joshua offers to walk me to my car, while the kids wait in the waiting room with Keelan.
We don’t say much as we walk down the hall to the elevators. We wait until a couple exits and he holds the door open for me to walk through.
Once it’s shut behind him he turns to me.
“Did I do something wrong?” he asks, eyes solemn. “Did I not treat you right?”
Those deep blue eyes are watching my every move and I swallow hard. “No,” I whisper.
“Then why did you leave? Why did you leave so quickly? I would’ve protected you. You know I would’ve.”
I shake my head. “It wasn’t that.”
“Then what is it? Because for the last two weeks I’ve tried to understand what it is I could’ve done differently to make want to stay. I would’ve done anything, Princess.”
Oh, god. I wish I could tell him. But he’s not safe. Even being in this elevator alone with him. We’re not safe. Not until whoever blackmailed me by threatening them is found and put behind bars.
He reaches for my hand. His warmth radiating up my arm and those broken eyes staring into my very soul.
I want nothing more than to kiss him. To hold him and let him hold me. But the elevator dings. And the doors part. And we both step out.
When we get to my car, I unlock the door and he opens it for me. I slide into the driver’s seat but he doesn’t close the door right away, he stands there looking down at me with one arm on the top of the car and the other over the door.
“You are different for me, Cassidy. I need you to know that. And I don’t want you because of what you can do for me. Or how well you care for the kids. I want you in my life… because I’ve lived a life with you in it and a life without you. And with you, Princess, everything tastes sweeter.”
He cups my chin and I look up at him. He gives me the gentlest kiss on the lips. One full of pain and long-suffering. Our lips just barely part. And even then, I need him. I need all of him.
So it’s just cruel that I can’t have him. Now, that he’s begging for me.
He pulls away and sniffs.
“My phone is always on for you, Princess. And my door is always open. But I’m leaving in a few days.”
“What’s going to happen to the kids?”
“They’re coming with me,” he says matter-of-factly.
I look up at him. I think I might actually be in shock. “So… no foster ca–”
“No! They’re mine to care for. Nobody else’s.”
I could jump for joy at the sound of those words. I know how much this changes his life. And he’s willing to do it. To be selfless, for three kids that belonged to a man he couldn’t even stand to talk about.
“That’s really great news, Joshua.”
A tear falls down my cheek and he reaches for it, brushing it away.
“I meant what I said. My door is always open.”
I sigh. Smiling up at him. And he shuts the door, taps it twice and then backs away. Watching with his hands in his pockets as I put the car in reverse. And leave.
The tears keep falling. And this time, Joshua’s not there to catch them. Why does love have to hurt so badly?
Maybe if we didn’t have moments like these, then it wouldn’t matter. Maybe it’s the pain. The distance. The longing–that makes love taste even sweeter when you do have it.
I drive in silence trying to memorize the feeling of his lips on me. The way my skin heats at his touch–tender and protective.
I would much rather stay there with him. But it’s still not safe.
And until I can figure out when that is… I need to stay put.
I pull up to the apartment complex and sit in the car for a few minutes, just thinking.
When the sun has started to set, I decide I’ve sat long enough.
A text from Lillian comes through just as I’m grabbing my purse.
Lillian
You’re doing that thing again.
I smile. She likes to watch from the window to make sure I actually come up the stairs. We’re all a little on edge after what happened to Parker.
Me
I’m coming up.
Lillian
*eyes watching emoji*
She opens the door before I’m even up the stairs.
“Hurry up!’ she whisper yells at me.
“What is it?”
“You know I hate it when you just sit in your car. It’s not safe.”
I walk in and something smells amazing. “What are you making?”
“Oh, Eddie had sent this fruit basket over and I noticed the peaches were getting a little too ripe. So I made cobbler. You want some?”
She pulls on an oven mitt and takes the cobbler out. Setting it onto a towel on a counter.
She scoops out a corner of it and serves it onto a plate. “And can’t forget the ice cream. There!”
She slides the plate across the counter to me and I dig out a fork from the drawer. The second I taste it, I know I need more in my life. “Lillian…”
“What? Do you like it?” She serves herself a plate and smiles when she tastes it.
“You have to show me how to make this!”
There's nothing the face of Georgia peaches would love more than to know the product he's repping is being put to good use.