4. Callum
There’s my girl’s backbone. Took a bit to grow, but damn, it looks good on her.
She’s making fun of you, dumbass.
I know, but it’s nice seeing her angry and speaking up.
My internal monologue kept the same tone, but different voices popped up when things got heated. Like now, where Ivy was mad at me, and instead of feeling even more guilt, pride weaved itself way in there. She never quipped back at others, often taking the higher road and avoiding confrontation altogether.
Her large doe eyes stared back at me, the hurt she wore on her sleeve shining through the anger. I didn’t believe in the word regret because it was a waste of feelings and energy. You couldn’t fix shit that was already done, so why worry about it? It made me a beast on the field, and that was a good thing.
I had no regrets in my life because every decision, choice, conversation, and moment led me to the present, and I loved living in the current, but the summer of losing Ivy as my person caused an unfamiliar, horrible pang deep in my chest that bordered with the feeling of remorse.
I’d hurt her, and instead of owning it, I avoided it and her. Then, when I tried to reach out, to find normalcy, the girl I knew was gone. No one wanted to admit they were the asshole in that moment, but she wasn’t innocent in this either. However, being the empath I was, I recognized now wasn’t the time to refute it. Plus, she seemed to not give a single shit about me.
I never stopped caring about her or checking in on her. I stalked her on social media, not in a creepy way but in a way to make sure she was happy. Like the time she got a flat tire? I hung around to make sure it was changed from the distance. Or the time the shelter closed down because of some electrical issues—I called the guy and paid for it.
Because of course Ivy came here. It was pure her. I was comfortable protecting her from afar instead of acknowledging the truth of what happened that summer, but now that was all for shit, since she worked for my goddamn team.
Look at her twitching eye. She is big mad.
Good.
She looked good angry at me.
“Yeah. High school friends grow apart in college all the time.” I shrugged, squeezing my fists in my pockets. I wanted to go work out, run or something to burn through this energy. Seeing her indifference at me Friday ate at me, pissed me off to the point I wanted to see her get angry. I might’ve driven the wedge between us, but she’d grabbed a shovel and made it wider and wider. At this point, what harm would it do to make it an inch larger?
I liked the way her cheeks reddened and her eyes grew bigger when she was pissed at me. She had fire in her. She pushed back on me in a bold new move, and I was selfish as fuck to want more. Who was this version of Ivy Emerson?
Ivy adjusted her glasses, took a deep breath, and flexed her jaw. The greens of her eyes dulled to a pale emerald, like peas, before she forced a fake-ass smile. “True. You’re right. We grew apart.”
Lorelei frowned, her brain going a million miles an hour trying to figure out the lies surrounding us. She did this tongue clicking thing when she was on the hunt. The tension was as thick as the smell of dog shit. It’d take a fool to not feel the hurt clouding around us.
You can’t lie to Lorelei. She’ll sniff it out like a drug dog.
Yeah, man, what are you gonna tell her?
The truth? Ha, you’re an asshole. She’ll know the truth then.
I mentally duct-taped the inner voice, which only worked for a few minutes. Honestly, being trapped on an island alone would still be too many people.
Lo practically bounced as she watched the kittens, whatever concern she had disappearing. “Well, I just reconnected with this girl who I hated in high school. She played on a rival team, and she just had this punchable little face, and I don’t say that lightly. I’m not violent.”
“Eh, I call bullshit on that.” I snorted.
“Okay, not super violent. And really, it’s only on the field. If we’re hanging out again, I promise I won’t hit you.” Lo nudged Ivy’s arm gently.
“Oh.” Ivy blinked, cracking her knuckles like she used to do when she was caught off guard. The movement caused me to eye her midriff, two inches of it exposed with her crop top, some dark ink teasing the waist of her jeans, and a flash of interest surprised me.
She had always been petite and cute, but ink? A tattoo? What in the world would she get? She’d wanted to get one since third grade but never figured out what to do. Clearly, she had. And I had no part of it. I hated not knowing. It sucked.
You don’t have the right to ask, so shut up.
But had Ivy always been hot?
No. This is new.
My gaze moved along her body, my breath catching in my throat at her skin. The craziest, weirdest urge to touch her had me stepping backward.
“Anyway, I’m reconnecting with this girl, and it has been incredible. So, if you two were really close in high school, there is never a bad time to form connections again with someone.” She smiled, glancing at the two of us before going back to the cage. “You are so sweet, little baby. Look at your nose and whiskers!”
“We can get them out and play with them if you want?” Ivy asked, her posture way too straight.
That girl had the worst sitting position ever. I saw social media ads all the time for the chair for people who sat goofy, and every time, I wanted to buy it for her. But now… she was on edge.
Because I was here.
Yes, focus on that instead of how hot she is now.
Ivy carefully got the kittens out of the cage and set Lo up on the floor to play with them. They had to be bottle-fed too, and Lo about cried with joy. I was glad she wanted to come. It was right up her alley, and Luca had to visit his grandma for the day, so it was perfect.
Watching Ivy and Lo laugh and play with the kittens made me smile. In another life, one where that summer hadn’t happened, these two would totally be good friends. Lo was all fire where Ivy was the wind.
Ivy was had layers you had to get through to know her, but Lo burst right through them with ease.
“I love this so much. Oh my god, do you come here every week?” Lo asked, two kittens on her chest.
“Yeah. I do.” She swallowed, not looking at me. “I’ve tried to help out shelters as often as I could since middle school.”
“Wow, that’s incredible. I was just all soccer in middle school, not volunteering unless it was on the field. Do you want to work with animals or athletes after school?”
“Was that an either or, because they’re the same to me.”
“Ha!” Lo cackled again. “You’re so funny. Mack, my roommate, would love you.”
“You didn’t tell the whole story, Ivy Lee.”
Shit. I Ivy Lee’d her. That was also a middle school mistake. I thought it was so funny her middle name was after her grandpa and refused to call her anything but Ivy Lee for two years because I was a dumb preteen boy.
Even now, her eyes flashed at me. “Don’t start that, Calliope.”
“You embarrassed to admit you cheated on a test in algebra, so you had to ask this jock for the answer?” I fired back. “They caught you and made you do community service at twelve. That’s why she’s been coming here for almost ten years.”
“Yeah, but you gave me the answer, so you are equally complicit.”
“Because I wanted to help my best friend out who struggled with math? Psh, you’re the criminal, not me.”
Ivy rolled her eyes. “Oh my, not this again.”
“Wait—” Lo said, grinning so wide she looked like a cartoon character. “Let’s revisit Calliope.”
“Let’s not,” I said, glaring at Ivy. “Ivy Lee misspoke.”
“She sure didn’t.” She beamed, feeding a kitten with a little smirk. “His mom was obsessed with the sister goddesses in Greek mythology and named Callum after Calliope, which is hilarious because it means beautiful voiced, often a master of poetry and arts. His three sisters made him perform all the time growing up. I think there are even videos of it somewhere, but Calliope over there missed the mark.”
Lo opened her mouth, shaking her head back and forth in disbelief. “This is the best day of my life. Do the guys know?”
“No, and they won’t.” I narrowed my eyes at Ivy.
“I don’t know. I’m around them all the time. It could just… slip out by accident. I have to entertain them when they’re in pain and I’m helping with injuries.”
“Ivy, what do you do on Tuesdays?”
Ivy tilted her head. “Um, I have my internship.”
“I have weekly girls chat every week, and I want you to attend. You would fit right in. Callum comes to every other one, but we can plan it so he’s not there so we can get the scoop on him.”
“No,” I said on reflex. I shook my head, a flash of high school coming back to me. Girls would use Ivy to get to me all the time. It killed her every time someone got close to her, where she thought she had a new friend, only for them to use her. After the third time, she stopped trying to make friends because the risk of the hurt was too much.
It’s Lo? What are you doing? She has no reason to use her.
Lorelei frowned, but before I could retract or explain my statement, Ivy’s shoulders slumped, her face falling.
“Wait, no.” I pinched my nose, my stomach dropping. “I meant you can’t dish stories on me.”
“It’s… I have a lot of homework and stuff that I do on Tuesdays anyway. It’s probably for the best.” She stood, holding two of the kittens still. “Will you please make sure they are secure when you’re done?” she asked, not looking at me.
“Sure, but?—”
“I’ll walk the dogs today.” She kept her head down, shoulders turned in on herself. She got to the door, stopped, and turned around to look at Lorelei. “It was nice meeting you.”
“You too, Ivy. I hope we can hang again.”
Ivy didn’t respond. She left, letting the door slam with a bang.
Not even a second passed before Lorelei pointed an aggressive finger at me. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
I lifted my hands, my mind already planning something that night as a way to distract myself from this event. That was what my life had been the last three years—ways to escape the feelings I had. Whether they were about my cheating, asshole father or my future or the hole in my chest since losing Ivy. All I needed was to distract instead of cope. It had worked for me for three years, so why wouldn’t it now?
Being around others, doing things, actively thinking about something else helped with the chest-aching throb that started five minutes ago.
I had a burrito for breakfast, but that couldn’t be it.
“What?”
“You brought me here, a place Ivy clearly has been, and she looked hurt, Callum.” Lo stood and snuggled two of the kittens. “Why can’t she hang out with me? You barked at me when I suggested it.”
I gripped the back of my neck. “Yeah, that’s on me.”
“No fucking shit. Now explain why you’re acting like this.” She studied me. “Was all this fun and flirting, playboy go-with-the-flow thing actually just a way to hide hurt?”
“Don’t…no. I’m me. I’m the clown, the goofball. I make sure others feel good about themselves—” My face prickled at her insinuation. Lo knew too much.
“So you don’t focus on yourself. I see through it now. Holy shit.” She tapped her temple, like she was a detective on a crime show.
I hated being analyzed like this. My sisters and mom did this all the time. I was fine with myself, loved myself actually. Why did we have to unpack why things were this way? We couldn’t go back to change anything until time travel was legal. (I refused to believe there wasn’t a possibility right now). “Lo,” I said calmly. “Don’t make something out of nothing. Ivy and I were close once but aren’t now.”
“Clearly. The girl looked on the verge of tears.”
Make her cry like everyone else in her life.
Make her feel less than, her biggest insecurity in her life.
Where is the duct tape, fucker? Shut up.
“Nah, I’m pretty sure she’s done with me.” The skin on the back of neck tingled, like it got too much sun. It probably was burned.
“Callum, my dude. You’re not dense.” Lo eyed me with disappointment seeping out of her pores. Seeing her face lined with displeasure was somehow worse than my sisters being upset with me. “You two have some unfinished business. I suggest you figure out a way to deal with it. It’s not healthy, and you’re both hurting.”
And have the talk we’ve been avoiding for years? Oof. You can’t handle that, man.
Why do you think you’ve partied so much? Avoidance 101.
But like, you want to talk to her. You miss her. We all know it.