7. Bella
Chapter seven
Bella
Forgive me?
Yeah, right.
My hands clench so tightly around my lemonade that I worry about breaking the cup.
There’s no point in trying to stop him.
I honestly can’t even blame him for being so angry.
I could have gone through with the wedding. It wasn’t as though I needed to sign the certificate right away.
Why couldn’t I have pretended like everything was fine until I was able to talk to him later?
I did embarrass him in front of all our friends and family…
Wait, what am I doing?
I release my glass, letting Steven’s words flow over me without touching. This is exactly what always ends up happening.
Why should I have gone through with a wedding, knowing that I didn’t want to marry him? I could have perhaps said something rather than leaving the church like I did. But why should I have pretended that nothing was wrong? Why should I have swallowed my anger for his sake?
“That’s enough,” Aaron’s voice rings out.
I jump.
He stands up, glaring at Steven. “For someone who supposedly forgives her, you certainly have been ranting about what an awful person Bella is. You have issues. Leave her alone.”
Steven’s face goes beet red, like a tomato that just heard a really bad dad joke.
Aaron holds his hand out to me. I don’t care about people staring at us as I accept it.
He pulls me to my feet, and we quickly leave the café. I don’t look back to see Steven’s reaction.
“I think I’m going to be sick,” I moan. “Either from the awkwardness or that questionable pastry I had, it’s a toss-up!”
Aaron chuckles softly under his breath. “After that, I don’t blame you.”
I wince. Here he is, being such a gentleman, and all I can think about is myself.
“I’m so sorry for that scene,” I say apologetically. “I can’t imagine how embarrassing that was for you.”
Aaron’s eyes widen and he comes to a stop. “For me?”
“Well… yes,” I say, caught off guard. “Wasn’t it?”
He lets out a heavy breath and lifts his face toward the sky. “You didn’t do anything, Bella. That was all him. And he was embarrassing you. It had nothing to do with me.”
“But—” I cut myself off.
Steven would no doubt blame me for that scene he caused. He probably is blaming me right now to anyone who will listen.
I’m not the one that approached him. I didn’t even invite him to sit with us.
He did that all on his own.
I’m uncomfortable with trying to talk about it, so I pull my cell phone from my pocket. “I’m going to message Ellen. We should meet at the cabin instead.”
Aaron nods. “Yeah. Maybe we’ll see them along the way.”
We head toward the paths next to the lake. The cool breeze has turned into a stronger wind, the black clouds rolling in faster. I wrap my arms around myself, wishing I’d thought to bring a sweater just in case.
The waves on the lake are large and choppy. The few people out in canoes and kayaks are heading in toward the shore.
Despite the change in weather, the further along we walk, the calmer and happier I feel.
Honestly, a huge part of that is simply that Aaron is with me. I’ve never known anyone whose mere presence is this soothing.
I find myself breathing more easily. The knot in my stomach slowly disappears, and all the blame I want to fling at myself and Steven wafts away in the wind.
It is what it is. Regardless of who has done what, I’m ready to let it go. I want to let it go—not just my anger, but the relationship.
I can’t do that if I keep comparing everything other people do to what Steven would do.
I can’t do that if I keep justifying myself or blaming him.
The truth of the matter is, I shouldn’t have been in that church to begin with.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Aaron asks.
My shoulders slump as I sigh. “I’m not sure. Yes, I guess. If you’re okay with it.”
“I am.”
“Steven and I weren’t working out for a long time. The night he proposed, I told him I wanted to break up. As soon as I did, he whipped out the ring and threw it at me, asking why he wasted so much money on it if I was just going to break up with him.”
Aaron frowns. “Why did you agree to marry him?”
“I… I’m not sure. I guess I felt like I needed to,” I admit. “It’s hard to explain. Everything that I felt was wrong, I blamed myself for. I thought I needed to work a little harder. And there were good times, too. Times when he was so loving and attentive.”
“Ahh. I see,” he murmurs.
“Then everything with the wedding happened so fast. Before I knew it, we had deposits everywhere and even though the date wasn’t for two years, within two months, I’d sunk over ten thousand dollars into it.”
I wince as I admit the number.
I know many people who’ve dropped that much on a dress alone, but that was never what I wanted.
“Let me guess, you paid for everything?”
“Most of it,” I admit. “It kept me pushing onward, ignoring my doubts.”
“Until the day of the wedding?” Aaron supplies.
I nod, sighing. “Until the day of the wedding. I was getting ready with my bridesmaids and opened up the bag that held my dress. The one I’d spent countless hours designing and sewing.”
The look on Aaron’s face tells me he already knows where this is going.
“It wasn’t my dress. It was some godawful thing off a clearance rack. The tag was still on it,” I add, my hands clenching into fists again. I blink rapidly as the swell of emotions I’d felt in that moment comes back to me.
“What happened?” Aaron asks, his voice a low growl.
I swallow hard, forcing myself to continue. “Steven donated the dress I made to a thrift store and had his mother buy something he liked better without telling me. It was the sort of dress that I hate most on my body,” I say.
Aaron chews the inside of his cheek, looking furious.
“And I know he did it so that I wouldn’t kick up a fuss.” I shake my head. “I did try it on. It was a size too small. And I realized that the relationship didn’t fit anymore. I was trapping myself with a man I didn’t love. So I left.”
“He’s a real charmer, isn’t he?” Aaron growls.
He glances over his shoulder, as though he wants to go back to the café and cause a scene of his own.
I grab his hand. “Don’t say anything to him, please. I know it sounds awful, and yeah, it is. But I don’t want to entwine my life with his anymore.”
I let out a shaky breath.
“I’m done with Steven. Which means a clean break. No more engaging with him. If I see him, I walk the other way. It’s done. And I’m ready to move on.”
The feeling of Aaron’s hand in mine is nice. It’s too early to enjoy another man’s touch like this.
But I don’t let go.
Not yet, at least.
Right now, I simply enjoy holding his hand. We’ll both be gone to our own lives soon enough. It’s just a step toward my eventual goal. One small step.