9. Bella
Chapter nine
Bella
Another storm blows in overnight.
The howling wind makes such a ruckus that I can’t sleep. Every time I think I’m about to, a boom of thunder jolts me awake again.
Finally, I can’t stand it any longer. I get up and grab my headphones. The music helps drown out the storm, but when I lie back down, the headphones instantly slip off.
Groaning, I turn on the light. If I’m not going to get any sleep, I can at least get some work done.
Not that I have much work to do.
I grab my sketchbook and flip through my designs, pausing to study my favorites.
I didn’t end up getting a machine and fabric to sew dresses for myself and Ellen. Sadly, Castleton doesn’t have any stores that sell them.
So, we plan to hit the clothing boutiques tomorrow to see if we can find anything. The dance is tomorrow night, after all.
It’s a shame. I would have liked to have tried to whip up something.
My fingers skim over one particular design that would have been perfect for a barn dance. It has cold shoulders with frills, a fitted bodice, and a flared skirt that would swirl beautifully when spun in.
I close my eyes and picture myself in it, smiling.
The image is pleasing.
As I move to my next design, it hits me suddenly that while I’ve been focused on my career, it hasn’t been in the way I’ve wanted.
Over the last few years, my main focus has been to increase my pay. To get to a stable place so I can set aside enough money so that one day I could venture into my own designs.
I haven’t been doing what I need to make my designs perfect. I’ve been using it as an excuse because nothing is ever perfect.
Part of me wants to blame it on Steven. On his spending habits, his insistence that I pay for the wedding, or planning vacations that were more expensive than I wanted.
I have to examine myself, though. I’m the one holding myself back. Maybe I let him hold onto me too tightly, but ultimately I’m responsible for myself.
A surge of warmth sweeps through me as I close my sketchbook. It surprises me at first until I understand where it comes from.
Aaron.
He was so sweet today, listening without interruption, except for asking questions to clarify his doubts. He offered no judgment, and just let me talk about my passions.
He really is a good man. I can see why Ellen quickly felt at ease about staying with her ex-boyfriend when we were stuck here.
Speaking of… a knock comes at my door.
“Come in,” I call, knowing who it will be.
Ellen pads in, wearing her plaid t-shirt and shorts, her braided into a crown around her head.
“I saw your light was on and thought you might want some company.” Ellen hops onto my bed. “Can’t sleep?”
“The storm,” I answer.
“It’s really coming down, isn’t it?” A crash of thunder enunciates her words.
Ellen shudders. “Ugh! And it’s so cold, too.”
Laughing, I pull back the blanket. “Come on in, the bed is warm.”
“Thanks.” Ellen slips under the blankets. There’s barely enough room for both of us in the narrow bed, but it does make it warmer.
“I bet you wish you could be snuggled up with Mike instead,” I tease.
Her cheeks go pink, but a silly grin crosses her face. “Bella, he’s amazing. He’s so funny and he gets what I’m saying, even if I stutter like an idiot. Honestly, I’ve never met anyone like him before.”
For many people that would sound dramatic.
Not Ellen, though.
She once told me that she had met all the ‘types’ of people in the world. No matter how smitten she’s been, she has never gushed this much about a guy.
“Really?” I ask.
Ellen nods. “He’s kind and gentle. And he’s so romantic. I didn’t expect things to turn out this way. We were just along to start with.”
I narrow my eyes at her. “Playing along?”
A sheepish grin crosses her face. “Oops.”
“What do you mean, playing along?” I insist. “Spill it, girl!”
“We knew that you and Aaron were setting us up. It was obvious ,” she says.
I throw a hand over my eyes, groaning dramatically.
Ellen laughs and pulls my hand away. “Come on, it wasn’t like you were trying to be subtle. Oh, let’s do a scavenger hunt, but Ellen and Mike, you be partners,” she sings in a high-pitched voice.
I have to give her that one. “Okay, okay. But even though you were just playing along to start with, you like him."
“I do. I’m selfishly glad for the landslide because it means I get to have more time with here.” Ellen puts her head on my shoulder. “I just hate that it was Steven who took our old cabin. If it had been someone else, then I wouldn’t feel so bad.”
“You don’t have to feel bad. He lurks, but he hasn’t done anything since the day of the scavenger hunt,” I say. “At this point, he’s like a garden gnome, creepy but harmless.”
“Good.”
I got the sense Ellen had more to say, though. I sigh. “Spit it out.”
Ellen laughs softly. “Promise you won’t get mad at me?”
“Uh, oh. That’s not a great way to start.”
“What about you and Aaron?” Ellen pulls away. “In making sure that Mike and I spend time alone together, you two have been spending a lot of time alone together, too.”
“So?” My cheeks turn hot.
Ellen gives me a knowing look. “So how are things between you two? Do you enjoy spending time with him?”
“I mean, yeah.” I clear my throat. “He’s nice. I don’t know why you’re acting like that, though. It’s not like we’re spending time together in that way.”’
“That way,” Ellen repeats, a devilish grin crossing her face. “You mean holding hands and staring into each other’s eyes? Or do you mean hiding out behind the gym making out?”
I swat her arm.
“Hey, don’t get physical. Not with me, at least,” Ellen teases. “I bet you’re wishing it was Aaron who came to see you tonight.”
I laugh in response, but my voice is breathless. She’s hitting far too close to the truth! What would I have done if Aaron had come to my room?
It’s not even a question, really—I would have let him in, regardless of any flimsy excuse he gave.
He wouldn’t take things too far. Even if I lost my head, he’d be aware of where the line was.
Although, I should know where the line is, too. It’s not fair to put all the work on him.
“Why so serious?” Ellen asks. “It’s not like you already have a boyfriend.”
She’s still teasing, but her words hit harder than anticipated.
How long has it been since I officially ended my relationship with Steven?
How long ago was it when I thought I was getting married?
Oh, this is all happening way too fast! We haven’t been in Castleton very long. We’ve been staying with Mike and Aaron for only a few days.
Do I really know him? No! I sort of knew him while he was dating Ellen, years ago! I didn’t even know the sort of guy he was back then, let alone now.
Yes, he’s been kind and attentive. But that doesn’t mean anything. Anyone can wear a mask for a few days.
“Bella?” Ellen grabs my hand. “Are you okay?”
“I’m not ready for this,” I murmur. My heart pounding in my ears. “I’m not ready for everything that comes with this.”
“Bella, you don’t have any commitments. You don’t have anything that comes with this, except your own feelings.”
I shake my head hard. “No. That’s not true at all. There’s Aaron’s feelings, too.”
Ellen opens her mouth but closes it again, apparently at a loss for words.
I rub my hands over my face, playing back all the conversations I’ve had with Aaron. Were we flirting? I feel like we were at some points.
The point is, it’s all gone far too quickly. I’m not prepared to move on just yet.
Oh, I don’t love Steven. I haven’t for a while. That doesn’t mean I’m ready to love someone else. I’m not ready to commit.
“I need time,” I whisper. “I need time to heal myself. To figure out what I want. Any relationship I start right now is only going to end up hurting someone.”
Ellen squeezes my hand. “I’m sorry. I won’t tease you anymore.”
“No, I needed to hear it,” I tell her. “I needed to face what is developing here. Before things go any further.”
Even though it hurts to admit, I’ve already let things go too far.
For Aaron’s sake as well as mine, I need to put the brakes on this relationship.