17. Samantha
17
SAMANTHA
I narrow my eyes at him. “Don’t even go there,” I say, but my tone is too sharp. However, he’s right. I rarely take time for myself and I’m long overdue for a night out. I also know that getting a break invigorates me. A night off gives me time to decompress, it’s like a total body reset and I notice my mind is clearer the next day. And the most important part is my patience is restored. The fact is, a break from my life makes me a better human.
Jake is a smooth talker, but he has a valid point. He also has an uncanny ability to reframe situations, and I’ve learned that often, it’s how he keeps me from flying off the rails. I hate how smooth he is–especially in a crisis.
His presence calms me, even now, when I’d be paralyzed with apprehension at the thought of leaving Ellie.
He’s great with her. He listens to her and validates her feelings. I hate to admit it but he has more patience in his pinky than I have in my entire arm!
Ellie can be a handful. She talks non-stop, and it makes me dizzy trying to keep up. But Jake takes it all in stride, even when Ellie can’t sit still. She has him tirelessly throwing the football at her for hours. I’m impressed with his parenting skills, and I wonder why he doesn’t have kids of his own. He’s a sure bet as a life partner and as a father.
The bottom line is—if I can’t trust Jake, then who can I trust?
Why in the hell am I dragging my feet?
I’m scared to ruin our track record. Everything is great—so great, that I worry I’ll find something I won’t like about this charming man with a penchant for making me scream with nightly orgasms. Can I risk our perfect blitz?
I know that if I refuse his request, it’s a silent vote of no confidence. He’ll see it as such, and it would be justified. I would feel slighted if our roles were reversed.
“Fine,” I huff. “But if she demands chocolate chip pancakes for dinner, that’s on you.”
Jake smirks. “Fine.”
“You’re sure you want to do this? I won’t hold it against you if you want out.”
“Never, she’s a sweetheart. Besides, we’ll have fun.”
“Okay.”
“Okay, then,” he reiterates like he just won a Supreme Court case.
My stomach rumbles. “You want some lunch?” I ask, pulling myself to my feet. I’ve been here longer than I planned and I’m starving.
“I thought you’d never ask,” he teases.
“I know you love bacon so how about some BLT sandwiches?”
“I’ll love anything you make,” he says, pulling me into his arms as I walk past him.
“Jake,” I say, as a weak protest. But I’m being ridiculous because no one is here. He’s breaking down my defenses. What am I doing to do?
“Has anyone ever told you that you think too much?” His chiseled chin lifts as his lips curl into a smirk. Desire flashes in his eyes as his hands slide, gripping my shapely butt.
“Guilty as charged,” I reply, then I roll my eyes in silent protest, but instead of a reply, he’s off his chair and warm lips cover mine. I moan under his tender kiss and he hugs me tighter. His arms become bands of steel and I know there’s no escaping. I snake my hands up his thick biceps and wrap them around his neck, pulling him into me and that’s when I hear the office door slam shut.
“Jake,” I murmur my protest.
“You’re mine and we’re christening that desk of yours. I want you to remember me when you’re working.”
I’m kinda getting into the fact that I love a man who isn’t afraid to take charge. I’m used to being alone and in control all the time. But it’s refreshing when Jake takes the lead.
He’s unbuttoning my capris as I tug his athletic jersey over his head.
Thank goodness Ellie is still at camp.
I’m barefoot in the kitchen, walking around as I crunch on the bacon. I pull iced tea from the fridge.
“Do you ever sit down?” he asks. He’s sitting at the counter, and I know his eyes are following me. I don’t know if I’ll ever get used to the fact that Jake wants to make love to me at the drop of a pin. I turn, looking at him briefly and I catch him giving me the once-over .
“Down boy,” I tease.
He growls in response.
“We need to leave soon. Ellie would be disappointed if we’re not there before camp is dismissed.”
He glances at his phone on the counter. “You’re right. I need to pop in so the kids can say goodbye. I admit I’m going to miss the little rugrats.”
“What? Rug rats?” I raise an eyebrow.
“The littles, the kids,” he smirks. “I’m sure Ellie will be wired on all that junk food and sugar.”
He finishes his sandwich. Then, he carries his plate to the sink where he washes all the dishes that I left sitting in the sink. “She’s fine. Besides, it’s every kid's rite of passage. If you never let her have a cheat day, I’d seriously have to rethink our relationship.”
“Relationship, eh?” I wrap my arms around him and stare into his blue eyes that remind me of the ocean. I could get lost in them for days on end.
“I take co-parenting seriously,” he breaks my trance and places the last plate in the drainboard.
“You do, do you? You’re the funny one.”
“Not all the time. I can be tough.”
“Right,” I tease. Jake is tough on the gridiron, but I’m not sure he can be that tough with Ellie. She’s a precocious little girl with the sweetest face and she’s resourceful.
He dries his hands before he pulls me into his chest. “I’m really glad your father told me about the Doc down here. For what it’s worth, I honestly think your father wanted me to look you up when I got here.”
“Really?” That’s interesting.
“Yeah, I do.”
“Mom kinda alluded to something like that. About Dad being all weirded out over the fact that I don’t have a man in my life and then when I do, he’s weird over the fact there is a man in my life. Sometimes, I can’t make him happy no matter what I do,” I sigh.
“Your mother is on your side regardless.” His lips curl into a smile and I couldn’t be happier.
“Maybe.”
He kisses my lips and trails them down my neck and it causes me to giggle like a schoolgirl. “We need to go, or we’ll miss the festivities,” he says, breaking away.
Damn it—I’m disappointed when his arms fall away. Did he have to choose now to be a responsible grownup?
“Right. And Ellie will never let us live it down,” I state, burying my frustration.
“Exactly.” He walks to the kitchen counter and grabs his keys. “She’s a lot like you.”
“What does that mean?” I ask, following him out of the house.
“You two are sticklers for keeping your word, that’s all.” I’m sure he’s being gentle with his words. He knows we’re all about following the rules. Or, at the least, I am.
“You keep your word too,” I add as he opens the door of the truck for me.
“Yes,” he, “but I’m okay with adapting to changes. It’s like a football snap, it happens so fast that a player has to think or just act. I can change and adapt to situations in seconds. You are…let’s just say, less flexible.”
“I can adapt.” Is he saying I’m not fun? If he can’t accept me for how I am, he needs to reconsider the possibility of us is through running through my mind.
“You’re working on it, I’ll give you that. I have to say the picture I have of you smashing the plates in the restaurant was quite,” he turns to me in the cab of the truck, an impish grin washes over his face, “inspirational.”
I surprised myself that day. I don’t know what came over me. I think I just decided to hell with it and got rid of the plates I was forced to buy because that’s all that was in stock at the time. I chuckle, it was a memorable moment for me as well. It was—cathartic. Liberating. It felt— fantastic!
“Ugh. I hated those plates. I had to get them as that’s all there was at the time. Who the hell wants a boring white plate? It shows a lack of vision! By the way, I ordered replacements yesterday. They come in vibrant greens and blues. They remind me of dragonflies.”
“That’s perfect,” he replies as he starts the truck. “I know you love dragonflies and they are beautiful, like you.”
My breath catches in my throat. He’s too smooth. He’ll never fall for a girl like me. He’s a famous football player and I’m not even close to him with his devastating looks, jaw-dropping physic. I don’t have millions like the models he dates. I don’t see how we would fit in his fast-paced world of high-powered lights on and off the field. Not to mention the social events, the fundraisers, and the never-ending pull of the media the fans, and his endorsements.
I like the simple things in life. The slamming of the screen door on a hot day, a cold iced tea on the porch, walking over the grass in bare feet, and listening to Ellie’s endless talking and her cute giggles.
I wonder where I would be if she weren’t in my life. Perhaps I would have married Rob, and I’d probably be divorced now—seeing as how he can’t handle change in the least!
I’m not him, am I? I can’t be that anal. Or am I?
Thankfully, so I don’t have time to do a deep dive into the reflection of life because we arrive at the camp and Jake parks in a shady spot under a magnolia tree. We follow the music, and when he grabs my hand, I feel like the luckiest woman in the world. I have a smile that’s brighter than the blinding shine of a magnifying glass on a sunny day.
We are suddenly engulfed with the attention of everyone in the room. And I surmise this is what it’s like when he walks into a room no matter the location. Jake takes it in stride as he fist-bumps the boys.
I find Ellie in the chaos, and I drag Jake across the room—amid the sounds of the kids singing the camp song.
The long picnic tables are filled with snacks and drinks. The buffet table by the cafeteria holds a huge cake decorated with the blue and purple camp colors. The song ends and the PA system produces static as the camp direction steps to the mic.
“I see everyone is here. It’s the last day of camp and I’d like to give a special thanks to all the camp counselors and volunteers who made this possible.”
There are cheers and applause.
“I also want to thank Jake Rivers. Jake, come up here.”
I glance at Jake and he smiles and shrugs as he takes the stage.
“Jake jumped in to help coach these past two weeks and I can’t thank him enough. I hope you come back this summer.” The director pushes his glasses up his nose and hands the mic to Jake. “Say a few words,” he says, looking in our direction.
Jake leaves me to take the mic.
Ellie hugs me and she’s beaming with pride as she watches Jake on the small stage.
“I want to thank everyone for making me feel welcome. I had a great time, and I can’t thank you enough for making me feel at home.” Jake is oddly—humble. He hands the mic off and walks to us as he receives a plethora of clapping, cheers, and high-fives as he makes his way to us.
I clap along with everyone else. Ellie pops in front of me and after high-fiving him, he hoists her in the air and gives her a bear hug.
“I knew you could do it,” she says.
He tousles her hair and for a minute, it looks as if his blue eyes are misty. “Did you eat your weight in sugar today?” he asks, wiggling his way out of the emotional moment in the nick of time if I had to guess.
“Uh, huh.” She puffs out her chest and experience has proven she’ll be a handful for Jake tonight.
With Ellie in tow, we walked around the tables so the kids could say goodbye to Jake and we left before the parent pick-up began to avoid the traffic.
Ellie is high on sugar, but I know she’ll crash later and tomorrow she’ll have to switch gears because spring break is over.
Once we’re home, Jake plays catch with Ellie in the front yard. I text Maggie that we’re on for tonight. I’m filled with enthusiasm as I flip through outfits in my closet. I pull out a pantsuit and heels. On second thought, do I need heels?
What’s the point if I don’t deviate from my everyday footwear of comfy sneakers?
Maybe I need to show Jake what I look like when I go out. A smile tugs at my lips. Suddenly, it’s important to me to dress for a night out. I can’t compete with designer labels, but I do have a little black dress that shows off my curves. I push myself to reach the corner of my closet and pull out my dress. I haven’t worn this since my last date night with Rob. I dust off the black velvety material. It’s time to make new memories even if Jake can’t join me.
I’m not rushed like I normally am because Jake is with Ellie and I admit there are many benefits to his presence. I slip into the shower and wash my hair. When I’m done, I towel off and blow out my long tresses, making sure the hair that cascades over my back has a soft curl to it.
When I enter the living room, Ellie is practically bouncing with excitement about her evening with our famous football player.
“Jake and Ellie’s Night. Wahoo!” she chants. She hugs me tight knowing I’m leaving and when I kiss the top of her head, she smells like vanilla and mischief.
“Jake, you’re in charge,” I say with a stern voice, with a face to match.
“We’ll be fine. Don’t worry,” he says. He joins me at the door and kisses me. “You’re a vision, Samantha McAllister. I’d love to carry you up those steps,” he whispers. “On second thought, I could just take you on the porch,” his voice rasps with desire and naughtiness.
I give his chest a playful whack. “Don’t you dare!”
“Every man at the event will swarm to you like ants to the watermelon.”
“Really?”
“You have no idea how beautiful you are Sam, inside and out. Any man would be lucky to have you give him two minutes of your time.”
“And you?” I can’t believe I’m fishing for another compliment.
“I can’t get enough of you,” he whispers as he leans in to kiss me again, and when I look into his eyes, I see how vulnerable he is for the first time and my breath catches in my throat.
“I have to go,” I reply nervously.
“One day, you won’t be able to run away so easily,” he threatens.
“I have no idea what you’re referring to, Maggie is here,” I say, as I see her headlights approaching and by the love of God, I don’t have to finish the sentence.
“You’re lucky,” he jokes as if he’s reading my mind. “Have a good time. Don’t worry about us. We’ll be fine.”
By the time I glance over my shoulder, Ellie has joined him at the door and they both wave.
Famous last words. I know I can trust him but it doesn’t stop me from worrying. I need to get a grip on the anxiety and the guilt I have over leaving Ellie. However, Jake is like family and I have to give him a chance to succeed as any person would. Only I’m not normal.
And my gut tells me we’re not ready for this trial by fire.
Maggie rolls to a stop so I can get in and I have to admit that I feel like an adult out for a night on the town. Maggie is smug as hell about me actually being out in public without the little rugrat attached to my hip.
“I thought I’d never see the day!” she teases.
I make myself comfortable in her posh BMW and buckle the seatbelt. Needless to say, she doesn’t have any kids—yet. I smile at the thought of the possibility of future milk spilled by her future kid all over her expensive floor mats.
“I should have put money on it,” I reply with an evil grin.
I can’t believe how light and playful I feel. So this is what it’s like to be an adult with a hall pass.
The night goes by in a blur and Jake was right. For the first time in my life, I notice the men in the room giving me the once over. Jake was right! I’ve never noticed men ogling me before.
In the first five minutes, I discover what it feels like to be an available single woman. But I’m not available—am I?
I smile and greet everyone before the evening progresses with adult conversations, wine, and culinary gossip. But as much as I’m enjoying my evening, I wish Jake was here with me.
“Penny for your thoughts,” Maggie says, handing me another glass of wine.
“Nothing.”
“Yeah, right. You’re gone for an hour and you miss that handsome hunk you left at home. You should have taken him, not me.”
“I had plans with you. I’m glad we have the chance to get out tonight.”
“You should have chucked me for him, I would have,” she smirks.
“I know. But I can’t.”
“Sam, my God. No one judges you as harshly as you judge yourself. Live a little.”
I sip my drink. “I know.” And I wonder if Jake wants me to be more fun, exciting, and cavalier when we’re together. I’m sure the single women he dates are more entertaining than me. Will he tire of me and my life of routines and childrearing?
“Jake is great. I don’t know why you haven’t locked him down.”
“Like I can lock anything down but a window!” I reply scoff.
“You never give yourself credit for anything. You’re amazing. You run a business, and you’re raising an incredible tiny human all by yourself. That’s epic!”
“You make it sound so, so, noble— like it’s an impossible feat. I’m not all that.”
“Yes, you are. And Jake is in love with you.”
“No, that’s not true.”
She stares me down, “Samantha McAllister, that man has it bad for you and you know it. It’s time you stop hiding behind Ellie and seize the day.”
I nervously chuckle. I love her being my black hat advisor and the way she commands me to act on my baser instincts and needs. She permits me to step outside my comfort zone and history has shown that she has an uncanny ability to pick her spots wisely. So, at her decree, and my gut instinct, I decide that it’s time to move toward with Jake.
I nod and lift my drink to her. Her glass clicks mine and she says, “Seize the day, woman!”
“Seize the day,” I murmur. It’s going to take a pitcher of drinks for me to do that!
Now that I’m filled with a new resolution, I’m anxious to get home and wrap myself around that irresistible man in my house and my bed.
It’s after midnight when Maggie drops me off in my driveway. The house is quiet as I creep into the kitchen and I wonder why the lights are still on. Once I adjust to the light I immediately spot the mess—flour dusting the counters, a few forgotten chocolate chips dotting the floor, and an empty mixing bowl in the sink with cookie batter coating the sides.
I smile. Cookies. I take in the plate of fresh cookies and then I see the first-aid kit sitting on the kitchen counter.
What the fuck?
Panic and a weird weight settle in my stomach. I storm into the living room like a decorated general going to war.
I round the corner and I find them on the couch—Ellie curled up under Jake’s protective arm, her tiny finger wrapped in a Band-Aid. She’s sleeping with a content look on her face and she’s holding her stuffed lion Jake won for her. It’s an idyllic scene and I would have enjoyed it if my anger hadn’t bubbled over. I should sleep on it, but I can’t.
Jake senses my presence and glances up. His face is unreadable. “Hey.”
I zero in on Ellie’s hand. “What happened?” I ask, my tone is not friendly. Apparently, it’s louder than I realize and Ellie rises into a sitting position as if a spring launched her.
She sleepily confesses. “I was making a cheese sandwich for Jake, but the knife slipped, and I got a little cut. But it’s okay! Jake fixed it.” She rubs her eyes, then she gives me a look that tells me to lower my accusatory tone before I speak again.
Jake stands and shifts defensively. “It wasn’t bad, Sam. Just a tiny?—”
“You let her use a knife?” My eyes zero in on him. I move around him to Ellie and inspect her finger. The tiny cut is clean and slightly larger than a paper cut. It’s not serious and maybe I’m overreacting but I can’t stop myself from judging him and right now, my mind is screaming, “I told you so. He’s not ready for this.” And I can’t override the guilt that it’s my fault for trusting him.
The words snap out sharper than I intend, and Jake straightens. “I didn’t let her?—.”
“She’s five, Jake!” my voice rises, fueled by panic and dismay. “She could’ve really hurt herself!”
Ellie’s smile fades, and her lower lip trembles.
Jake’s jaw tightens. “I know that. I was right here. She wanted to surprise me with dinner, and the butter knife slipped. I handled it.”
I shake my head, and my adrenaline acts like lighter fluid that fuels a bonfire. “You shouldn’t have let her near it in the first place,” I huff. My eyes narrow and I should have backed down when I notice his proud shoulders slump apologetically. He feels bad about it and I should take that as a sign that he heard me and that he’s conceded defeat.
But I don’t heed my basic instinct as my motherly instinct to protect Ellie overrides my better judgment.
Jake exhales in frustration and runs a hand through his hair. “Sam, I get that you’re upset, but you’re acting like she lost a limb. She’s fine.”
Is that a condescending tone in his voice? He’s challenging me to admit defeat, and conveying the fact that I’m overreacting. He has no right to judge me. I’m her mother.
“That’s not the point,” I snap. “You were supposed to watch her.”
His eyes flicker with something I can’t quite place. “I did.”
For a moment, neither of us speaks. The room is thick with tension, and we’re both uncomfortable. We’re at a standoff over my need to punish him and his need to challenge my standards.
Ellie sniffles. “Don’t be mad at Jake, Aunt Sam. It was my fault.”
Damn it. She knows Jake is in trouble. My chest tightens.
I sit next to Ellie and scoop her into my arms. I kiss her finger. “It’s fine, Ellie,” I reassure her but I send a menacing look to Jake as if it’s his fault she’s upset.
I turn my attention to Ellie and take in her soft teary eyes and immediately feel like the worst person alive. I know Jake feels bad over the accident so why am I so mean to him?
It was an accident. I know that kids are unpredictable but damn, this is my kid and it’s my job to keep her safe. This is why I rarely leave her. I don’t trust Jake, in fact, I don’t trust anyone but my mother and Maggie.
I’m a control freak.
I take a breath, trying to get a grip on my emotions. Then I brushed a hand over her hair and consoled her. “Sweetheart, it’s not your fault. I just—” I glance at Jake before looking back at her. “I just worry, that’s all.”
Ellie’s tiny arms tighten around my neck and she hugs me. “I’m sorry.”
I swallow hard. “It’s okay. I love you. It’s past your bedtime.” I stand up, meeting Jake’s gaze. “We need to talk. ”
He nods, knowing he’s not off the hook and that I’m on the warpath.
“Sure,” he says but his expression is unreadable as he scoops her into his arms. “I’ll tuck her in,” he says. I nod in agreement and he disappears, carrying her up the steps. He returns a few minutes later.
“She’s tucked in and was asleep before I reached the door,” he says.