Chapter 13
Austin
Hitting Liska’s foam roller seems ridiculous, but Grayson wants to help, and since the darkness deprived me of a fun night with the team, I could use a stress release.
That’s a massive understatement.
I got lost in his body behind mine, craving his touch and how we fit together. For a second, I forgot about the team, and it was us, me and Gray. As soon as the thought to spin around and grind on him popped into my head—boom. The darkness closed in.
Gray readies himself as he holds the roller out in front of him.
I bounce on my toes and hit it. This room has the underlying pungent sweat of Liska which keeps my focus off Grayson.
“You hit a puck like that, and you’ll never score,” he taunts me.
I smash my fist into it hard and grin because it surprises him. The release of tension is a relief, so I do it again and again.
“Pretend this is the darkness. What do you want to say to it?”
“Not today, Satan. Not today.” But as the words leave my mouth, the darkness creeps in.
“Nope. Don’t back down now. Stay on top of the black gunk ruining your night. Who’s in charge? You or it?” Gray’s calm tone centers me.
“I’m in charge, you piece of crap.” I punch with each of my next words. “Get. Out. Don’t. Come. Back!” The effort increases my heart rate and I pant. Adrenaline courses through me, and I regain my control. The foam breaks on the last hit, but he tosses the smaller piece aside.
“Keep going. Show it who’s boss.”
“You’re good for nothing. A screen door on a submarine. Go suck a Timbits box, ya beauty,” I ground out a purely Canadian insult, and Grayson’s grin takes over his face.
“You tell ’em.”
The foam breaks a couple more times, but Grayson won’t let me quit. I’m not even sure what comes out of my mouth as I rage at the darkness within me.
It’s not fair.
Every time I let myself think of having Gray again, I’m taken over by terror.
It’s like the darkness knows I don’t deserve him. And I don’t.
Finally worn out, I sink to my knees, out of breath. “Thank you.”
Grayson sits cross-legged facing me. “Feel better?”
I take pause, taking stock. There’s no filth running through my veins, and there’s a lightness I’m grateful for. “Yeah.” I have the urge to throw myself into his arms for comfort.
There’s a knock at the door. “You okay in there?” Trevor asks.
“Yup. But tell Liska, I’ll buy him a new foam roller. After the dance lesson, we had a boxing lesson.” Grayson yells through the door but his eyes don’t leave mine.
“Not asking questions,” Trevor mutters, and walks off.
When we go back to the living room, the dance music has been turned off, and Leo and Benz have left along with Drake and Lucky.
Finn and King are on the couch with Liska, Griff, and a couple of other teammates. King’s wide blue-green eyes find mine. “I hope I didn’t stress you out.”
“Nuh-uh, honey britches.” Finn slaps his knee and turns to give us a death glare. “That had nothing to do with you.”
I’m unsure what to say, but Grayson slings his arms around my shoulder. “Not you at all, King. We’re trying something new for your captain. When he gets mad about something like his favorite backup getting hate online, instead of pretending he isn’t mad, he’s finding an outlet.”
Everyone buys his story because it rings with some truth. After hanging out and making sure King is in a good headspace, we head home.
In the elevator, I say, “Thanks for the cover story. It totally worked.”
He gives me a strange look but doesn’t speak. It’s a quick ride to our apartment. Technically, we could walk, but it’s cold as balls out.
Grayson gives my shoulder a squeeze and passes me to enter his room. I’m not ready to let him go yet. My traitorous body aches to be near him. His hand on my shoulder isn’t enough. I’ll take platonic accidental brushes of our legs because I’m so hungry for him.
“How did you know that would help me?” When he faces me, I plop on the couch, inviting him to join me and he does.
“I mean, I wasn’t sure, but the way you described it sounded like it was out of your control, and I tried to give you that control back.”
“You knew the moment I thought it might take me over and wouldn’t let me stop.” I stretch my legs, and my right side tingles when our legs touch. My entire body melts.
“That was the point. I’m not afraid of it or you,” he says, and I open my mouth to argue, but he stops me.
“Worst-case scenario, remember. For argument’s sake, let’s say it took you over and you devolved into a blackout rage and attacked me.
I’m not helpless. I can defend myself, and don’t forget, no one wants their captain to break his fist on his bestie’s face.
” He frames his face with his hands, slow-blinks at me, and smirks.
He’s so kissable. I should’ve noticed before Vegas.
“More like they don’t want their captain to beat the crap out of their friend and trainer who patches them up.”
“Same difference,” he says.
My stomach swoops remembering him pressed against me earlier, and I need that again.
“Will you be in the locker room for the next dance party to ensure my hips are moving in the right direction?” I ask without thinking.
“If your hips move in the wrong direction, that’s a huge medical issue.” He bites his lip. A lip I’d love to lick. “I’d love to help you keep rhythm but…” He trails off, and I feel stupid.
“No, you’re right. You have a job and can’t worry about my hips.” The heat of my embarrassment creeps up my neck and across my face.
He stands abruptly. “Don’t worry, Tinny. I’ll always worry about your hips.” He winks with a sly smile and strides quickly into his room.
He winked at me.
What does that mean?
All I know is that his hands are capable of magic, and it might kill me if he never touches me again. Every day is harder than the last to do the right thing, especially when Gray isn’t afraid of what I might do to him.