Chapter 27
Austin
I get lost in Grayson’s warm eyes, and I say the words in my head that I haven’t had the courage to say out loud, “I love you.” I think it again and again as we’re connecting in the most intimate way.
“Dirty sex with you is a divine experience,” he says, pupils wide.
“Divine?” I choke on a laugh. The church I grew up in would not appreciate the analogy. “Back in the day, they’d have burned us at the stake.”
“Nah, we’re not witches.” He circles his hips, and his cheeks rub my balls. “We’d keep it on the down-low.”
“I’d never be able to keep you a secret,” I confess.
“We can fight about this or sleep.” He yawns. “Some of us didn’t nap.”
“I’ll get a cloth to clean you up.” Before I shift him off me, he’s shaking his head.
“Stay inside me as long as possible and let me sleep covered in you.”
I pet his hair and down his back, more than happy to sleep with his cum stuck to me. It only takes a minute for his breathing to even out and a soft snore to escape his throat.
His weight grounds me as I listen to him breathe and faintly feel his heartbeat. This is heaven.
When I wake up, he’s no longer on top of me. Missing his weight, I’m driven to tug him back, but I’ll wake him if I do. I settle for being the big spoon and wrapping myself around his body.
“Love waking up with you.” He kisses my forearm. “I hate it when we can’t sleep together.”
“Me too. Damn rules. Maybe I’ll sneak you into my home game hotel room.” I nibble on his ear.
“Mr. Perfect Rule Follower breaking the rules? I’ll believe it when I see it,” he scoffs.
“I’d do anything for you.” My voice is rough with emotion. It’s true, but the darkness still lives in me and I could let him down even if I don’t physically hurt him.
“I know,” he says and rolls to face me. “You’re my person.”
Morning breath be damned, I kiss him.
“Talk to me, Tinny.” We share my pillow. I could pretend not to know what he’s talking about, but I won’t lie to him.
“How can you be so sure of me when I’m not?” It’s frustrating to crave him and stress out that it will trigger something terrible.
“In some ways, we know each other better than we know ourselves. Sometimes we have to fake it until we make it.” He bites his lip and reaches for his phone.
“It’s easier said than done. I started using an app to help me.
” He shows me an app for anxiety and intrusive thoughts.
He hits play on an acronym for overcoming fear.
“This is one tool, or you could use journaling, affirmations, or meditation. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.”
“Do you use it for the guy’s sexy accent?” I ask to change the subject.
Gray glances away and clears his throat. “I’ve never told you this before, but my mind tells me I don’t fit in. Most of the time, I feel like I’m an outsider tagging along in your life.”
“Sunshine.” I cup his cheek and force him to look at me.
“You’re my rock. I’m a disorganized disaster if left to my own devices.
You are the only person in my life who makes it easy for me to just be myself and relax.
I don’t have to pretend to be someone I’m not.
And that is invaluable to me.” My thumb strokes under his jaw.
“I love being that for you. That you trust me to be here and catch you if you fall or bring you back if you’re overwhelmed.”
“You are.”
We lie in silence and listen to the voice explain how to invite your fear in and accept it. It reminds me of Gray telling me to bring things into the light to take away their power.
It’s a short audio file, and we stare at the screen until it ends. Gray flips his phone over, and I internalize the words, and they make me brave enough to trust Grayson.
“I chose the flogger the night before last because it’s not as loud or as personal as a spanking.” He runs his knuckles over my stubble. “Let me show you how trustworthy you are.”
I need our physical expression of love to match our emotional connection. Once again, those three words are on the tip of my tongue, but I don’t say them. I’m not sure if he means to show me now or in general. I lose myself in him, swept away with love and longing.
I’m not rushing this. It’s my turn to worship him.
As I kiss each knob on his spine, goosebumps appear on his arms, which makes me smile. He’s taken by surprise when my hand cracks his ass.
“Yesss,” he hisses, speaking into the app on his phone. “Hey Annie, set another timer for five minutes.”
“Tell me if you want to stop before the alarm.” I knead his pink flesh.
“I would’ve set it for fifteen minutes but thought you might get twitchy.” He wiggles his lower half.
“Twitchy.” I tap his balls. “We’ll see who’s twitchy.”
“Me. Pick me.” His laugh morphs into a groan as my caress becomes a thunk.
“I’ll always pick you, Sunshine. You’ll never have to worry about where you stand with me. You’re mine.” My goal is to show him with my words and actions that he’s the center of my world. It kills me that he hasn’t realized that without him, I’m nothing.
I take in the expanse of his back and the round curve of his ass, needing to take my time to get started. I’ve watched the spanking video several times on my own and follow its instructions as his skin turns pink. “Do you like the strikes or the thuds better?”
“Both. All. Don’t stop.”
I’m mesmerized by the way his body undulates under me, seeking my hand. The fear of my darkness hasn’t left, but I trust Gray if I lose control. I search my mind and body for any of the telltale signs it’s going to make an appearance and find nothing.
I’m consumed by him, and there’s no room for anything else.
His skin’s on fire, and the pink has turned to red. I catalog the intensity of every sound coming from him to decipher the patterns he likes best. His favorite seems to be a caress, and a thunk, followed by two sharp strikes in the middle of his cheek.
Gray has opened up an entirely new world for me. I’m high from touching his skin, the sting on my hand, and the rush of lust flooding me. My head has gone floaty, and I tingle all over.
“Tinny, please,” he pleads. “I need to come.”
He’s so pretty as my fist circles his cock.
I barely notice his release in my hand until he whimpers with more pain than pleasure.
“Sorry.” I rest my forehead on his spine to catch my breath.
Removing my hand from his cock, I bring it to my mouth and savor his release. He watches me over his shoulder with hooded eyes.
“Good?” he asks.
“The best.” I dip so my tongue swipes his cock.
He swings a leg over my head so he can sit up facing me. “Now it’s your turn.” His mouth swallows my desperate length.
Gray sucks once and I explode, no longer able to hold back. He drinks me down, suckling me after I finish.
We collapse into each other’s arms and make our way up to the pillows.
“How was that?” He searches my eyes. “Did the darkness creep in?”
The grin that takes over my face makes him laugh.
“I like our system of checking in.” I palm his ass.
“Seriously, thank you. I never imagined how different it would be to fall in love with my best friend. Besides better sex than I could dream of, you’ve given me your trust, both with your fears and your body.
” I stiffen with my admission of love, but he doesn’t take it seriously.
“So, you’re saying my dick has magical powers?” he teases.
“Magical healing, you’ve cured me of the darkness. I don’t think it will be a problem anymore,” I say with confidence and hope.
His face becomes serious, and my heart flip-flops with anticipation.
“Tinny…” His fingertips graze my cheek. “I’ve loved you almost all my life, and I’ve fallen hopelessly in love with you.”
My face splits into a grin so wide my skin tightens. “I love you too.” I say the words, and my heart is so full it could burst. But then it’s hard to breathe, my vision gets blurry, and I hear my name echoing in my ears.