Chapter 3
It was another day in the ICU.
I loved my job, but sometimes, it could get to you.
The things that you saw were terrible—people suffering and dying, devastated friends and families.
As a nurse, I was trained to take it all in and present a calm, unflappable image. I wasn’t only the caretaker of the patients but sometimes of the families. Additionally, I was constantly educating, and you might get an idea of my work. It was far more than procedures. Many had no idea.
When I was growing up, I didn’t know what I wanted to do when I became an adult.
As a teenager, I panicked as I crept closer to graduation.
It wasn’t until I was sixteen that I knew what I wanted to do.
Once I did, I set my goal to obtain it, which I was proud of. I’d been an RN for eight years—the last four in the ICU. I’d spent the first four in the ER and on busy med-surg and oncology floors. I still sometimes helped them out on the oncology floor.
It should’ve been the end of my shift, but a late admission came in straight from a doctor’s office.
I didn’t feel right leaving it on the afternoon nurse, who was just getting started and had a ton to do on her shift, so I stayed to help.
I didn’t have anything urgent waiting for me at home.
My dog, Fenrir, was cared for, although he was always eager to see his mom. He’d get in his walk and playtime, eat, then want to snuggle until I went to bed. That was the biggest part of my life outside of work. Some people would call it pathetic, but I found it peaceful and safe. I wasn’t into upheaval and angst. I’d had enough of that growing up.
Opening the chart, I started to scan the demographic information on the patient.
The name made me freeze.
The words Santiago Luna stared back at me.
Surely, it wasn’t him. It had to be someone else with the same name. Neither name was unusual, especially in Florida. Shaking, I scrolled further and came to the date of birth. The age was right, and he lived in St. Augustine.
Fortifying myself, I continued further into the chart to his history and physical section.
As I read it, I knew that I wasn’t in luck.
It was the Santiago Luna I knew.
What would be the odds that he’d come to my unit? Sure, I worked in the hospital in St. Augustine, but thousands of residents lived here and never ended up in my unit. Why did he?
My heart raced, and I was having trouble catching my breath.
There was no way he’d want to see me.
I’d do the paperwork, but Viv would have to do the actual assessment and get him settled.
Reading more, I saw that he had two decubitus ulcers on his bottom that were infected.
He was to be placed on intravenous antibiotics and a strict wound care regimen to get them to heal.
Hopefully, they would respond quickly, and he’d be transferred to a regular floor in a few days.
I was off for the next two. There was a chance when I came back, he’d be gone.
The paperwork part of his admission, except the assessment documentation, took longer than I wanted.
I set up the room for him.
All departments were notified before he arrived.
The pharmacy delivered the antibiotic, and I had it in the fridge in the med room.
When the door opened, an orderly brought Santiago into the unit, and I knew it was him—the years hadn’t changed him that much.
He looked the same, only older.
I kept my head down and peeked up to watch him covertly.
Viv greeted him and directed him to his room. They’d get him changed into a hospital gown and bed. He’d be on a strict two-hour turn schedule to take pressure off those wounds and to prevent him from developing others.
I was an ICU nurse, but I loved wound care.
It was my specialty.
When setting up and transcribing his orders, I called his doctor and requested that he add some supplements and asked for a different treatment protocol.
The one I had in mind would be better. Doctors were rarely experts in wound care. They tended to order the same basic things that they learned in school, while nurses were specialists in what to use.
Viv came to the desk after she had gotten him situated.
“Paige, I can’t thank you enough.
I’ve got it from here.
You’re a lifesaver.” She hugged me, and I patted her back.
“You’d do the same for me.
It’s hell when you get hit with an admission as soon as you walk in.
It was no trouble.
I’ll see you in a couple of days. Enjoy your days off,” I told her as I stood up. She and I had the same schedule, just different shifts.
“You, too.
Do you have any plans?” Viv asked.
“No, I’ll have to see what strikes me,” I told her.
“Well, enjoy. Bye.”
“Goodbye,” I replied, then got my things from the nurses’ locker room.
I was on my way home minutes later.
As I drove, I had to fight not to think about Santiago and the past.
It was something I tried not to revisit often.
It was for my mental health. Regret and guilt hit me.
***
Fenrir was using me as his sofa, as usual.
We’d spent the weekend mostly relaxing.
He came with me when I had errands, such as grocery shopping.
I knew some people and places didn’t allow dogs unless they were service animals, but he was well-behaved, and I hated leaving him alone. He got enough of that when I worked. I was fortunate that no one complained.
We always attracted attention, and people loved to pet him.
He was all black and an interesting mix of a Border Collie and a Pomeranian.
His fluffy fur was so soft you had to touch it.
Fenrir liked attention and people in general, but he adored kids. I had a hard time getting him away from them. He’d whine and pull on his leash to go to them.
He and I were watching a Thanksgiving special.
Well, I was.
He was dozing.
It was only a couple of weeks until the holiday. I loved and hated holidays. I loved the excitement and the different things you could do. I hated that I spent them alone with Fenrir. Unless I was invited to an acquaintance’s house, which made me feel like an interloper, I had no one to share them with. My family wasn’t one I wanted anything to do with, even if they would invite me, which they didn’t.
I still did the decorating, baking, and cooking.
I shared a lot of what I made with my work friends.
They never turned down food or treats.
I had to work tomorrow, and for once, I was dreading it. I wondered if Santiago was still there. I’d resisted calling and asking anyone. If I did, they’d want to know why, and it would spread like wildfire to the entire ICU team that I had a past with him. That was the last thing I wanted to recall or have talked about. They were great people, but they loved to gossip. I preferred to keep my business to myself. As the time whizzed by, I eventually gave in to my tiredness. It was time to go to bed. I gently pushed Fenrir off my lap. He gave me a grumbling growl.
“Hush, it’s time to go to bed.
Let’s go outside.”
His head popped up, hearing the words bed and outside.
He knew what those meant.
I didn’t have to fight to get his leash on him.
The weather wasn’t bad outside, so I didn’t need a jacket. He sniffed a bit before finding the spot he wanted to leave his scent for the night. Once he was finished, we went back inside. I secured the house for the night and then went to bed. Fenrir slept in the bedroom with me, but not in my bed. He had his own at the foot of it, where he lay between me and the door. He had a very developed protective instinct. I didn’t doubt that if someone broke in, he’d attack them.
I tossed and turned for a while before exhaustion took me.
I hadn’t slept worth shit for the past two nights.
I hoped tonight would be better.
***
Monday arrived sooner than I wanted.
My sleep hadn’t been any better, and walking into the ICU, facing God knows what, made me feel uneasy.
But I had no choice.
My patients and team deserved me to be here and to do the best job possible, regardless of who may be on the unit.
The first thing was getting the report from the outgoing shift.
I listened but was distracted by thoughts of who was on the patient roster.
I hadn’t had time to check it before the report started.
“Room three, Santiago Luna, is here for infected decubitus ulcers.
He’s a paraplegic.
He’s on IV antibiotics, and we believe they’re doing the trick for his infection.
The culture and sensitivity are due back today, to be sure. He’s getting the prescribed wound care. Paige, I see you got your hands on his orders,” Terry said. He grinned at me. They all knew my love of wound care and the types of wound treatments I added.
“Guilty,” I said.
“Well, let’s hope he listens so it can work.
He’s tough to get to adhere to the two-hour turning schedule.
He likes to sit up.
He insists on working on his laptop. He does some kind of work remotely. We heard that he had friends in and out all weekend. It seems that he’s associated with a local biker group. Anyone heard of the Horsemen of Wrath?” Terry asked.
My heart leaped.
Oh my God, why hadn’t I thought of them? He’d been part of their circle all those years ago.
I guess I thought after his accident, they would’ve moved on.
I was wrong. More prayers were sent up. Hopefully, they wouldn’t recognize me if they visited or if I had to care for Santiago. I thought I looked different from how I did back then.
The rest of the report was a blur.
At the end, we were given our duties.
I wanted to vomit when the charge nurse, Emma, gave us our patient assignments.
“Paige, you’ll have bed two.
She’s being transferred today to a regular floor… and room three.
Since you wrote his wound order protocol, you should be the one to do it.
We know you always love to have wound patients,” she said with a smile. I forced myself to return it. I didn’t tell her this was the first one I didn’t want. Again, there would be questions I didn’t want to answer.
Everyone rose—half left for home, and the rest to start our workday.
I went to see my other patient first.
It didn’t take much to be done with her.
She was waiting for the paperwork to be finished so that she could be transferred. I promised her I’d get it done as soon as possible.
I took a fortifying breath before entering Santiago’s room.
Pasting on a smile, I briefly knocked and heard him say, “Come in.” I entered, going into nurse mode.
“Good morning, Mr.
Luna.
I’m your nurse for the next eight hours.
My name is Paige. Let’s review the day, shall we? We’re waiting to get the test results back, which I’ll check on after I leave you. The test ensures the antibiotic your doctor ordered is the right one to clear up your infection. I’ll be performing an assessment first. Later, I’ll be back to do your wound care.” I paused. When I did, he spoke.
“Hello, Paige.
It’s nice to meet you.
You’re in luck.
This isn’t my first time in the ICU, so I know the routine. I know about cultures and all that. As for my wound care, could you make it anytime but eleven o’clock? I have a client call at that time. I don’t demand much attention, so you won’t be running yourself ragged coming to take care of me.” He gave me a brief smile.
Nothing in his expression or speech indicated he recognized me.
Some of the tension eased in my body.
I returned his smile.
“While I appreciate that, I’m here if you should need anything, so don’t hesitate to ask.
And I can accommodate your request for your call.
However, I will need something from you.”
“What’s that?” he asked, puzzled.
“That you adhere to the turn schedule.
You know, if the pressure isn’t relieved, no amount of antibiotics or wound care in the world will heal those up.
I understand you’re working.
However, if you want to get out of here, then comply. I’m pretty nice and easygoing, if you do as you’re told for your health. Don’t do it. You’ll make me into the dragon who breathes fire. It’s not a pretty sight, so I don’t recommend you push me to it,” I warned him.
He studied me for several moments, and then he chuckled.
“I like you.
You don’t take any shit.
I ignore the turning because I get into the zone and forget.
It’s not intentional. However, I’ll try not to piss you off, but I think I’d like to see the dragon at least once,” he teased.
I laughed.
“Beware what you ask for.
I’ve been known to scare patients enough that they comply just to get off this unit.
Don’t worry, I’ll remind you.
I’ll set an alarm to be sure neither of us forgets. Now, let me do my assessment, and then I’ll be off. I’ll be back to do your treatment later. I have a discharge to process. Be good, and that might be you soon.”
“Assess away, oh mighty dragon lady,” he said, spreading his arms.
As I assessed him, we chatted about his work.
When I was done, I made sure he was repositioned on his left side.
I helped him get his tray and laptop placed so he could still work, although it wasn’t as seamless as if he were sitting up.
He grumbled a little until I pretended to growl, then he grinned and stopped.
Back at the nurses’ station, I sat in relief.
It appeared that I was fortunate.
Santiago Luna didn’t recognize me, which would bode well if any of his friends visited.
If he didn’t know who I was, why would any of them?
***
It was day three as Santiago’s nurse.
We’d gotten into a routine—one that worked not only for him but also for me.
He was adhering to the turning protocol.
The antibiotic was changed on Monday to a different one after the C&S returned, showing that the first one wouldn’t resolve his infection. The actual wound care being performed was ideal for his type of issue. The signs of infection were almost gone from the two sites. Once they were, the actual healing would really start.
As I cared for him, we chatted about a variety of topics.
I learned a lot about his work.
He was knowledgeable and talented.
I had no clue how to do ninety-nine percent of the stuff he did on computers. He assured me that the medical field was a mystery to him in the same way. I was relieved he didn’t recognize me, and we got along.
There had been visitors.
Most wore the leather cuts of the Horsemen of Wrath MC.
I learned they weren’t called a vest when I called one that, and Santiago laughingly corrected me.
He said he didn’t want me to be uneducated.
My good fortune was holding.
None of his visitors recognized me.
When introduced, they were polite and showed concern for him.
I no longer cringed or wanted to hide under the desk when I saw someone come to see him.
It was getting close to the end of my shift.
I’d seen a visitor enter his room earlier.
He hadn’t stopped at the station.
However, he was hard to miss. The man strolled in, exuding confidence. He was a tall man. That caught my attention first. At five feet eleven, I towered over a lot of men. It was hard to find one I had to look up to, even if a little. If my estimating powers were right, the visitor was between six feet three and four.
He wore a cut, so I knew he was a Horseman.
He was dark-complected.
I couldn’t see his eyes, but I’d bet money they were dark, too.
His hair was a very deep brown, almost black. He had it shaved over the ears and around the back, but the top half was long. He had it pulled up in a topknot. I never found that look appealing on a man, but on him, it worked. He had a thin mustache and a beard. The beard was noticeably peppered with white. I’d put him in his late thirties. His arms were exposed. I gulped when I saw his massive arms and the veins that curved up them, especially the lower half.
I purposefully stayed away from Santiago’s room because I didn’t want to drool on his friend accidentally.
However, I needed to remind him one more time to turn and check if he needed anything before the end of my shift.
Knowing I had no choice, I got up and went to the door.
I knocked.
“Come in, Dragon,” Santiago called out.
I rolled my eyes.
He’d gotten into the habit of calling me Dragon or Dragon Lady, never Paige.
He even referred to me as such to his friends.
I didn’t mind.
It was nice to joke with a patient rather than argue. I came gliding in.
“Yes, it’s me.
You know what time it is.
We’ve got to roll,” I said cheerfully after barely glancing toward his friend, who sat beside his bed.
“Here, let me get out of your way,” the man said.
His deep voice caused an internal shiver of something to go through me.
I had to prevent myself from physically quivering.
As he stood and moved back, I had to say something.
“Thank you.
It’ll only take a minute, then you can return to visiting,” I assured them.
Santiago could reposition himself independently, but using pillows to help prop him up was difficult to do by yourself.
As he used the triangle handlebar installed over his bed to lift and shift his body, I grabbed the extra pillows and stood on the right side.
After he moved, I helped him roll further and added the pillows behind his back and thighs.
“How’s that? Does it feel okay? Do I need to adjust them?” I asked after they were in place.
“Nope, they’re perfect.
You need to teach some of these others how to do it, Dragon.
They push and prod forever.
Why can’t you be here twenty-four seven?” Santiago asked.
“And when would I sleep? Don’t forget, Fenrir is home.
He wouldn’t like me to stay gone all the time.
He’s awfully possessive.”
“I know, damn it.
He’s lucky to have you.
You’re here tomorrow, aren’t you?”
“I am.”
“Good.
Shit, where are my manners? Let me introduce you.
This is my best friend, Scorpion.
He and I have been best friends since birth. Both our dads were members of the Horsemen since before we were born. He’s been my rock all my life. Scorpion, this is my guardian angel nurse. You can call her Dragon or Dragon Lady, or if you want, her real name, Paige.”
Turning to face Scorpion for the first time, I saw his face up close.
I was struck with panic.
The beard had hidden his face from afar, but up close, I recognized him.
He and I had met, and it hadn’t been pleasant. He was holding out his hand, smiling, when I saw his hand fall, and his expression changed to anger.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” he snarled.
My mouth fell open, but nothing came out.
I was caught in one of my worst nightmares.
My feet were frozen to the floor.
As Scorpion glared at me, I heard Santiago yell, “What the hell is wrong with you? Why’re you yelling at her, Scorpion? Have you lost your mind?”
Scorpion glanced over at his friend.
He was scowling.
“No, I haven’t lost my mind, but you must’ve.
Why the fuck would you allow her in your room, let alone to touch you?” he snapped.
“What the hell does that mean? Why wouldn’t I let her in or touch me? She’s my goddamn nurse!”
“Tiago, don’t you know who this is? Surely, you haven’t forgotten,” Scorpion asked in disbelief.
“Forgotten what?” Santiago replied.
“This bitch is the reason you’re in that bed.
The reason you can’t walk.
This is Paige Worthy.
The selfish bitch who took her parents’ car without permission and went joyriding one night. She was in an unfamiliar area and not used to night driving. She hit you. She should’ve never been out that night. It’s her fault your whole life was changed!” Scorpion shouted.
I knew we’d have someone here any moment with the hollering.
I didn’t need this, but I knew there was no way it wouldn’t spread.
I watched the astonishment overtake Santiago’s expression as he looked at me.
I couldn’t stay and hear his condemnation of me. It was hard enough hearing his friend say it. I’d heard worse in the past from him. Swinging around, I rushed for the door.
“Come back here! You’re not running this time,” Scorpion shouted.
I headed for the station.
There was a private room behind it.
If I got in there, he couldn’t follow me.
Only those with an employee badge could. I thought I would make it when my arm was grabbed and I was spun around. Scorpion loomed over me. Rage radiated from him. His grip on my arm was tight, biting into my flesh. He shook me.
“What the hell are you doing back in St.
Augustine? Didn’t you cause enough pain and suffering the first time you were here? You might’ve gotten away with what you did with the law, but not with me.
You still need to pay for what you did to him.”
“Excuse me, but what’s all this hollering about?” Emma asked, calmly interjecting herself.
I hadn’t seen her coming until she was beside us.
I was totally focused on Scorpion.
I knew she was scared, but her outer calm helped me find mine. You could be as afraid as you can be on the inside. Just don’t show it.
“I’ll tell you what’s wrong.
You have someone like her caring for people.
Don’t you know who she is? What she is? She almost killed my friend thirteen years ago.
Because of her recklessness, she put him in a wheelchair, and then blithely got away with it. Barely got a smack on the hand for what she did. She should’ve stayed away from St. Augustine,” he snarled.
If I’d been able, I would’ve argued with his statement that I got only a hand slap.
He had no idea what that incident did to me or my life.
Nor did he know the whole story.
One I was determined never to tell.
“Sir, I need you to lower your voice and calm down.
I won’t have you disturbing other patients or guests or berating and manhandling my staff.
Let go of her this instant,” Emma demanded.
“Like hell, I will.
She was in my friend’s room.
She’s been nursing him.
She shouldn’t have contact with anyone, but especially him.”
“Sir, that’s not your call.
If you don’t desist, I’ll be forced to call the police,” Emma told him firmly.
Slowly, his grip eased, and I had my arm back.
It ached horribly, but I refused to show any indication he’d hurt me.
Scorpion was still glaring at me.
If looks really could kill, I’d be dead.
“Well, if you want someone like her treating people, that’s your call, but she’s not to go near Santiago Luna.
He’s off-limits to her.
If I find out you ignore that, there’ll be hell to pay.
We don’t want the likes of her breathing the same air as him,” he sneered.
Movement caught my eye.
Sweeping my gaze behind and off to the side of him, I found several staff members and a couple of visitors standing there.
Their avid stares and their whispers made me feel sick.
Coming up behind them toward us were two hospital security guards. I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me. My face flushed red. With my complexion, it wasn’t hard to do. My nightmare was getting worse.
“What seems to be the trouble?” the lead security guard asked.
I wasn’t familiar with all of them.
“This gentleman is upset with one of my nurses.
He got loud and had a hold of her.
We’re trying to rectify the issue,” Emma explained.
“We can detain him until the police come.
If he grabbed her, then it’s an assault charge,” the second guard added.
I knew I had enough witnesses to vouch that he had done it, but having this man arrested was the last thing I needed.
He already had a reason to hold a grudge against me.
What would he do if I had him thrown in jail? My stomach rolled at the thought.
I shook my head.
“There’s no need to file any charges.
He just got overwhelmed for a moment.
Could we please take this elsewhere? I don’t want to disturb anyone,” I pleaded.
Emma cast me a sympathetic look.
Before she could say anything, another voice spoke.
I almost closed my eyes and groaned out loud.
It was the director of the ICU. She was one you didn’t want to be on her radar. She seemed to relish making her staff’s lives difficult. I’d stayed off her shit list until today. Dread filled me. Surely, I wouldn’t lose my job over this. It had nothing to do with my clinical expertise or ability to care for people, and I didn’t have a criminal history.
“We’ll take this to my office.
Emma, Paige, sir, come with me.
Guards, you can remain in the hallway in case we need you,” she said dismissively.
A motley group left the ICU and walked to Director Montel’s office.
She closed the door and indicated that we all take a seat at the table.
She sat in her chair behind her desk.
“Now, who wants to tell me what the ruckus was about on my unit?”
“I’ll tell you what it was about,” Scorpion immediately stated.
After her nod, he launched into the story and didn’t leave anything out.
He painted my character as black as coal.
I had to fight not to cry.
If someone told me that story, I’d want nothing to do with the person either. When he was done, Director Montel looked at me in consternation.
“Paige, is what this man said true? Are you responsible for what happened to his friend, a patient you’ve been caring for for days?”
“Yes, technically, but —”
The director cut off my rebuttal.
“Sir, I apologize profusely for this.
I assure you that neither I nor the hospital had any idea of this.
I can promise you that Nurse Worthy won’t be assigned to Mr.
Luna, nor will she have further contact with him,” Montel hastily assured Scorpion.
Based on his scowl, it wasn’t enough for him.
Could or would he demand more? If he did, would she comply? My hands were clenched under the table where they couldn’t be seen.
I was fighting not to vomit.
Emma kept casting concerned glances my way when the other two weren’t paying attention.
Scorpion remained silent for a long time before he answered the director.
“I can’t tell you how to run your business, even if I want to.
However, I want it made crystal clear that Paige Worthy is to have zero contact with Santiago Luna.
Zero.
If I discover she has, then there will be hell to pay. Your hospital doesn’t want that. This meeting is over. I’ve wasted enough time on this and her. I need to go back and see my friend. I can’t stand to be this close to her,” he said hatefully.
“Thank you for your time.
Yes, please see your friend.
I’ll take care of everything,” Montel said as she stood.
I kept my eyes averted as he rose and walked past me. I felt his gaze burning into me. She escorted him to the door, and then I heard her mumbling. She was undoubtedly talking to the security guards and giving them their orders.
While she did, Emma leaned over to whisper, “Paige, I’m so sorry.
I don’t know what to say.”
“There’s nothing to say,” I said, but had no time to say more because the director had returned.
Her door was shut again.
She was glaring daggers at me.
“I can’t believe this! You’ve exposed me and this entire hospital to a lawsuit and God knows what else, Paige! Why wasn’t this disclosed?”
I refused to be cowed.
I threw back my shoulders and came to my feet.
It had me towering over her.
“Because it has nothing to do with my performance as a nurse.
Nor is it reportable.
Director, no criminal history has been hidden, as you seem to imply.
What happened was an unfortunate accident when I was underage. Do I wish it hadn’t? Of course, I do. I didn’t need or want the story bandied all over the hospital to feed the insatiable gossip mill. My personal life isn’t anyone’s business, not even yours. It was more than unfortunate that Mr. Luna ended up as my patient. Could I have mentioned it? Sure, but I didn’t see the need since he didn’t recall who I was. It hasn’t affected his care, I can promise you. He’s on the path to healing and will soon be moved off the ICU. You can ask him if I’ve done anything he hasn’t liked. I know my orders are going forward. No contact with him. Got it. I’ll steer clear of him.”
“It’s more of a matter of professional courtesy that you should’ve told me.
Why would you come back here after what happened? I recall that you moved here about a year ago.
Why?” Director Montel asked.
“My reasons are none of your business.
May I go? I have work and a final check on my other patient before leaving for the day.”
I knew she disliked my response and the fact I wasn’t kissing her ass, but there was no reason to.
I hadn’t committed a crime, hurt anyone, or endangered anyone—end of story.
Finally, after I stared her down, she waved her hand.
“Go.
Emma, I need you to stay.
We have things to talk about,” she said pompously.
I gave Emma an apologetic look and mouthed sorry.
The walk back to the unit felt like it was over in a blink.
When I entered it, the staff was gathered at the desk, whispering.
When they saw me, they got quiet.
One guess who they were talking about. Ignoring them, I got to work, checked my last patient, and finished my documentation. I kept my head turned away from Santiago’s room. The door was shut, so I assumed Scorpion was still with him.
It was a relief to leave.
A few people tried to ask if I was alright and what was wrong, but I smiled and brushed off their concerns.
It was all I could do not to run to my car.
I didn’t know how I did it, but somehow, I made it home and into my place before I lost it. I fell to my knees in my living room and bawled. Fenrir came running over to me. He was whining and licking at my tears, nudging me. He’d never seen me this way. I was too scared and hurt to stop. I let the emotions pour from me. It had been a long time since I’d let go. It was time.