31
31
Juniper
Isle of Skye Guidebook
Ceilidh: (pronounced kay–lee) descended from the Gaelic word céilidhe to “visit”.
Historically, this referred to any type of social gathering.
In modern times it’s a good excuse for a fun-filled evening of traditional dancing and music.
Don’t worry, you don’t need to know the steps to join in!
The song was far too quick for the awkward two-step Alistair and I fell into, the fiddle and piper feeding off one another’s energy in a tantalising chase from the small, hastily erected stage in the corner of the tasting room.
From every side, hands clapped and feet pounded, the vibrations forcing us closer together.
“This place is really nice.” Alistair eventually spoke over the thrum, chattering nervously as though I were a complete stranger and not the woman who’d once applied a daily ointment to his backside during an allergy flare-up.
“I wonder why Kier hid it away all those years? I worked here for a summer as a teenager, I didn’t even know this room existed.”
Heather shot me a worried look from where she manned the bar.
“ Need help? ” she mouthed.
I shook my head. Better to get this over with.
Clasping a hand loosely over his shoulder, I turned my back to the room and the cool blue eyes scorching a line down my body, staring at the knot in Alistair’s tie.
“Should we cut straight to it?”
“You didn’t answer my calls.” A self-deprecating smile cutting over his bristled jaw.
“I should have known you wouldn’t take it easy on me.” His tone was as dry as his grin, but it still managed to piss me off.
I could feel the stares.
Hear the whispers. My name would be all over the village by morning, so no, if he wanted to do this with an audience, I wouldn’t take it easy.
“It’s no more than you deserve.”
The hand at my waist clutched tighter, like he worried I might turn into smoke and disappear before he could say his piece.
“I know. I’m sorry for the rambling … and ambushing you the second you walked through the door. That wasn’t cool. I’ve dropped by the inn a few times – Ada said you were out.”
My head cocked.
I might not have seen him in six years, but I knew Alistair in a way many didn’t.
He was always so … unflustered.
Beneath his put-together smile was a layer of something I couldn’t quite put my finger on.
Panic, perhaps? Desperation .
Not my business .
“Why? Kinleith is big enough for us to avoid one another.” It wouldn’t be quite that easy with me technically dating his brother.
Wait, was I dating his brother?
That’s what tonight was supposed to be about, but Callum hadn’t made a single move across the room to me.
“I wanted to put things right between us and you wouldn’t answer my texts so—”
“I don’t owe you an answer.” I pushed down the urge to stomp my pointy heel onto his foot as he pushed me away, spinning me, then drawing me back in.
“You ended things over a bloody video call, Alistair,” I hissed, glancing around to make sure no one overheard us.
“You said I was the love of your life, got down on one knee and asked me to marry you, then only six months later – just after my dad had died, no less – you broke up with me in a two-minute conversation. Why does it suddenly matter now?” The guitarist pounded his foot as the short, crisp notes gained speed.
A woman nearby threw her arms up with a cheer.
Alistair adeptly twisted us, avoiding the collision.
“I should have come home earlier.” His throat bobbed.
“I’m a coward.”
“Coward is putting it kindly.”
He nodded like a bobblehead, adeptly leading me into a new rhythm while keeping a respectable distance between our bodies.
He’d always been a capable dancer.
“When it all went down, I thought a clean break would be better for both of us. Even then I knew I’d behaved like a bastard, but I convinced myself you wouldn’t want to hear from me.” He shook his head roughly, looking so damn apologetic.
“Callum tried to warn me otherwise … and with every day that passed it only got harder to cross that line.”
“You acted like a bloody scared little boy, running the moment things got tough.” My voice whipped.
For years I’d imagined throwing those words at him, now I’d gotten the chance and didn’t feel an ounce of satisfaction.
His lips pinched. “I deserved that.”
“And you were selfish.”
“Yes.” His eyes held mine, head dipping as he said, “I deserve every single one of those insults, and if you want me to stand here all evening while you scream at me, I’ll do it.”
I didn’t dare say I’d barely even gotten started should it unleash the dragon fire I’d been swallowing down for over half a decade.
“Back then, climbing the professional ladder meant everything to me. I was so self-centred; I couldn’t see past my fear of losing everything I’d worked for. The prospect of moving back to Skye felt like a step backwards on that ladder … several rungs, if I’m being honest.”
I reached for that fire now, surprised to find the well in my belly only half full.
“I never asked you to come back to Skye.”
“ June .” My name was a gravelled sigh, like he’d been holding it in since our last conversation.
“You’re still living here and I’m still in Glasgow. One of us would have made the decision to end it eventually.”
“ Oh … so you did me a kindness?”
“No.” The word cut like a blade as he spun us again, just enough for me to catch a glimpse of the bar from the corner of my eye.
Callum was standing in exactly the same spot and I couldn’t help drinking him in.
Almost as tall as the low-hanging pendant lights, his head cut above every other man, bar Mal, in his vicinity.
He’d kept his curls unstyled.
A little messy. I hadn’t had a chance to see all of him yet, but I knew from previous experience how well he filled out that kilt.
I wanted this to be over, I wanted to be in his arms where everything felt better.
Callum smiled and my heart swelled, his fingers playing with the frosted glass in his grip, only …
it wasn’t at me but the pint-sized blonde at his side.
Jill Mortimer . The woman was as persistent as black mould but admittedly far more appealing.
They looked really bloody good together .
Alistair’s voice jolted me back to our conversation.
“I’m trying to say I was an arrogant wee shit back then. Even if we hadn’t worked out, I should have been there for you, like you would have for me in a heartbeat. We were more than a couple, June, we were best friends. I failed at that.”
I felt like I’d been blasted onto another planet.
If there was one thing Alistair could be relied upon for it was his absolute certainty on being right, and nine-point-five times out of ten, he was .
His intelligence and confidence had been a big part of my initial attraction.
Now he stood in front of me, not only admitting to being wrong but apologising for it.
That frankness smothered any fire I had left.
Like hot coals tossed into snow, I practically sizzled under his stare.
Wilting beneath the urge to just let all of this go.
I kept moving for a few moments – feet shuffling from side to side as one song bled into the next – considering the two possible paths before me.
One where I remained cocooned safely in my bitterness for another six years and the second …
I didn’t know that I was brave enough to take it.
I’d let this grudge mould me for so long, I didn’t know who to be without it.
“If I decided to forgive you, what happens then?”
His smile sat right on the cusp of hopeful.
“Then, I suppose we’d be friends again … Only if that’s something you’re ready for.”
“I’m not sure.” My shoulder brushed his chest as he spun me beneath his arm.
“I’m not asking you to forgive me. I don’t expect you to.” When I came back to face him, the bleakness in his expression caught me off guard.
“I know I don’t have the right to ask you for anything but … I feel like there’s this gaping hole in my chest and you’re the only person who can fill it.”
“Alistair … I’m not …” Shit , I couldn’t believe I had to say this.
“I’m not in love with you anymore, I haven’t been for a long time.” I’d been hurt that his actions left me feeling small and unwanted.
That wasn’t love. It was exactly what Heather had said, the loss of my own self-worth.
“I know that,” he said, a little hollowly.
“I told you, I want to spend time with you. To be … friends.” His eyes, almost identical to Callum’s, flicked away as he spoke.
Flustered. Hesitant.
“Do you think it’s possible?” So damn hopeful.
Shit . We couldn’t tell him tonight.
My attention shifted as we swayed, searching for Callum.
Would he understand a blinked SOS code?
“If I say yes, will you take the ring back?” I asked Alistair.
His rhythm faltered and I knew I’d surprised him.
“Deal.” But the word was heavy.
Like a rock dropped into water.