34
34
Juniper
The question hit me like a slap.
“Are you joking?” The distance left me cold, but I stumbled around the coffee table, taking some much-needed space.
“You look like a fucking queen in his dress. You keep his ring on your sideboard like a goddamned trophy, what am I supposed to think, Juniper? I told myself over and over again that it didn’t matter, so long as I got to keep you.” Callum stared at me with an honesty no other man had ever offered, like he’d placed his aching soul on the butcher’s block and handed me the knife.
“But it does matter, with you, everything matters. Every emotion is amplified, bigger than they have any right to be.” His Adam’s apple bobbed.
“Before, I thought the torture of wanting you but never having you would be enough to kill me and now, fuck … I haven’t even had you, not really, and you’ve ruined me.” His hand scrubbed across his ruined lip.
I wasn’t certain he even felt the pain.
“If I’m in your bed, sweetheart, I need to know exactly why I’m there or – or I’m out.”
My brows pinged up, unable to hold back my surprise.
“Is that an ultimatum?”
He nodded choppily, as though stunned the words had passed his lips.
“ Yeah – yes. I guess so.”
I should have told him to screw his ultimatum.
Sent him out into the night and carried on with my lonely little life like he hadn’t left an irreparable Community-Ken-shaped hole in it …
because I knew, without a doubt, Callum Macabe had the power to ruin me too.
But deep down, I knew I craved the rebuilding that could only come after total destruction.
“You’ve got some fucking balls, Macabe.” I continued my slow journey around the table, enjoying the way he tracked my every move.
He’d been honest with me, and he deserved my honesty in return, so I said, “The only reason I wore this dress is because I look phenomenal in it and thanks to you I’ve finally reached a point where I don’t look at it and feel terrible about myself. I didn’t think you’d even recognise it.”
His teeth flashed and I knew he wanted to reach for me.
“The way you look in that dress is a particular fantasy of mine.”
Every part of me heated, from my fingers to my breasts and down to my toes, but I forged on.
“I danced with Alistair tonight to hear him out. So I could put the past behind me and start us on a clean slate. He apologised and I accepted – though it’s probably null and void at this point – so long as he agreed to take the ring back.” I blew out a breath, steeling myself for the next omission.
“You weren’t exactly wrong when you said I kept it like a trophy, just not for the reasons you think.”
“Tell me,” he urged softly.
“You can tell me anything, even if it’s something I don’t want to hear.”
“The past few weeks have helped me realise—” I cut off, nervously licking at my lips.
“Screw that – you have helped me realise that I’ve been using it as a kind of physical representation of how unlovable I am.”
If it were possible to see a heart break in someone’s eyes, Callum’s did exactly that.
“ Sweetheart —”
“Just hear me out, please?” Though it looked like it pained him to do it, he nodded, his taut muscles telling me he was physically holding himself in place.
“All this time I’ve been viewing Alistair, even my birth parents, as the villains in my life. Evil masterminds twirling their moustaches while they plotted the most painful methods to wreck me. I can see now that I’ve been giving them too much credit, because the truth is …” The words wobbled past trembling lips.
But I had to get this out, needed him to understand all the ways he’d helped me heal.
“The truth is … they just didn’t love me enough.”
“ Fuck … love.” He met me in two strides.
Strong arms gathering me until I felt his pounding heart.
I instantly felt stronger.
“They didn’t deserve you. Not for a single second—”
“It’s okay.” My hand brushed his chest, luxuriating in the heat of him.
“That’s what I’m saying. This isn’t a movie. This is real life, full of fucked-up, messy decisions. Their actions weren’t calculated or malicious, they were just … life.” I swiped at the wet beneath my eyes.
“It wasn’t right. But because of that, I found my family … I found you.”
“Nothing will ever stop me from fighting for you,” he promised, the words a whisper on my lips.
Then as if he couldn’t hold back a second longer, my back hit the wall.
He tilted my chin up, nothing but wonder in his expression.
“I love you. Even when it hurt, I loved you.” For just a glimpse I saw the hopeless, desperate man hiding beneath all that charm.
“I love you so much I’m not sure those words truly mean anything.”
“They mean everything.”
His lips traced my brow.
“I’ve had a lot of time to think of alternative ones.”
I started to reply, but he pressed a finger to my lips.
“It’s my turn, okay? I’ve been waiting a long time to speak these words to you.” He waited for my nod, that hand sliding around to cup my cheek.
“I’ve loved you from the moment I set eyes on you, but it was the night in Glasgow that solidified it for me, when I knew I needed to be more than a placeholder for your revenge.” When I winced, he pecked a kiss to my nose.
“I wanted your friendship and your time, as much as you would give me.” He kissed my neck.
“I wanted to be familiar with you; your mind and your body. I wanted to learn the songs you sing in the shower and the shit TV shows you watch when no one’s around.”
His lips brushed mine, there and gone so quickly, I chased them.
“Questions of you kept me awake at night. What books were on your bedside table? How did the precise beat of your heart sound? What would the touch of your tongue around my cock feel like?”
It was a travesty I hadn’t tasted him yet .
“I wanted to hear you sigh my name and then scream it. I’ve ticked a few of those off the list, but I’m so fucking selfish when it comes to you, I need more. I want my voice to be your favourite sound in the entire world. I want you to be as addicted to my taste as I am yours. I want to take you on an actual date and watch you go sweet for me, and when we get home, I want you to give me shit and pull my hair, right before you crawl for me. And if you can’t give me that, you can be damn sure I’m desperate enough to accept your friendship … but I’m going to need a minute to get there.”
He finished and the silence hung, thick, tangible and oppressive.
His chest labouring like he’d spent years running to this very moment.
The words were too perfect, every alarm bell told me not to believe them.
But this was Callum.
So I tilted my head and said, “You want me to crawl?”
His jaw pulsed, like he was worried he’d said too much.
“On occasion.”
“And when I’m not on my hands and knees?”
“Then I’ll be the one crawling.”
My pulse pounded in my ears, the moment sliding from sweet to sensual in a single heartbeat.
“Prove it.”
His nostrils flared but he offered no complaint as he held his ribs and slowly lowered to his knees, eyes on mine.
I got off on every moment of it, the knowledge no other woman had ever had him this way.
“Did you hurt yourself?” I nodded to his hand.
“I took a tumble during the game.” He lifted my foot to his chest and unbuckled the strap.
One then the other. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep up just fine.” My shoes hit the floor with a clack and he drew back, awaiting my next move.
Fighting to keep my breathing even, I brushed his thick hair back from his forehead, marvelling at the carnal grunt that punched from him at the slight touch.
He wanted me.
He’d been telling me so for weeks, but the truth of it was finally sinking in: this kind, generous man wanted only me.
“I wreck everything,” I whispered, uncertain if it was honesty or a final effort to scare him away.
“It was partly my fault things broke down with Alistair … After my dad died, I shut down. Stopped communicating. He got tired of caring. I might wreck this too.”
His hands dragged up the backs of my legs and squeezed, steady and sure.
“Then wreck me. Just don’t leave me.”
“Take off your shirt,” I said roughly.
He heard the promise in the statement because he tore off his jacket before I even got the words out.
His shirt and tie came off next, releasing it from the waist of his kilt, he wadded the fabric and tossed it aside.
I almost swore at the sight of his bare chest. He was a work of art, hard lines and roped muscle.
I let myself stare, leaving no patch of skin untouched.
I’d accused him not too long ago of being a pretty boy.
That couldn’t have been further from the truth.
The tapered V at his hips pointing to the trail of hair below his belly button was pure male.
There was no other word to describe him.
Especially with the dark bruise spreading across his rib cage, matching the cut on his lip.
“That looks painful,” I noted, tracing my nails across the edge of it.
“I can’t believe Alistair hit you.”
“Worth it.” He voice was thick as he nodded to me with eager eyes.
“Take off your underwear.”
Fisting his hair, just as he’d asked me to, I dragged his head closer.
He grinned up at me and, for once, it was a little savage.
Both sexy and feral.
“You seem to be mistaken, Macabe. I’m in charge, remember?”
“You’re in charge,” he agreed.
Yet his hands roughly palmed the backs of my thighs, creeping up to cup the globes of my arse.
“Good, up on the bed.” I stepped out of his reach and he stood, not taking his eyes off me for a second as he backed up, palmed his bruised ribs and lowered himself to the end of the mattress.
“You might need to go on top.”
“I promise to be gentle with you,” I cooed, grazing my nails across his nipple, just hard enough to make him wince and then shudder.
“Or don’t.” His teeth gritted, gaze dragging down my body.
“Dress. Take it off.” When I made no move to comply, he fingered the hem, pulling the fabric taut.
“I’m all about give and take and, so far, wee harpy, I’ve done a fuckload of giving. It’s my turn and I can’t stand to see you in another man’s dress for another damn second.” Another tug, this one rough.
“Take it off or I tear it, your choice.”
I considered this just long enough to torture him, then retreated out of his reach.
Taking my sweet time as I found the zip along the side and languidly inched it down.
He didn’t breathe. Watching with enough heat in his eyes to set the dress aflame as he waited for what came next.
“ Red ,” he groaned, as the dress dropped below my bra, scrubbing a distracted hand over his mouth.
The fabric pooled at my waist, then hit the floor with a soft sigh.
“Fuck … you look so fucking pretty like this. Spin for me.”
I didn’t, biting my lip instead.
His fists clenched and I knew it was with the effort of staying seated.
“Are you going to be trouble, Juniper? Please say yes.” We shared a charged look, remembering that night in Glasgow.
“Undoubtedly.” Giving in to the urge to touch him, I crept close enough to grasp his shoulders.
His thighs split automatically and I climbed over him, settling against his cock that pressed through his kilt.
“No touching … not yet.”
Like snapped rubber bands, his hands pinged around my hips.
I laughed, pushing them back to the mattress.
“You don’t follow instructions very well for an army man.”
“Harpy, I’m close to blowing just looking at you, I can’t even remember my name right now, let alone follow instructions.” His assessment sent a delicious curl through my lower stomach.
I was going to devour this amazing man, but I wasn’t through playing quite yet.
Sliding from his lap, I returned to his pile of clothes and collected his tie.
Lowering to my knees between his muscled thighs, I gathered his hands behind his back, looped the material around them once and paused, waiting for his reaction.
His startled eyes shot to mine at the same moment his nostrils flared in such obvious arousal, I had to squeeze my legs together.
“Problem?”
He shook his head, seemingly incapable of words.
That wouldn’t do. I traced a finger around his wrist.
“I need to hear you’re all right with this, Callum.”
His nod was rapid, eager.
“I’m good – more than good.” By his reaction I assumed he didn’t have a safe word.
I asked anyway. “ No . Should I?”
Looping the fabric twice around his wrists, I tied a comfortable bow, all the while placing soft kisses between his pecs.
“Say stop and I’ll untie you immediately. Or you can pick something else … anything you like.”
While he deliberated, I slid a finger between his skin and the fabric, testing it wouldn’t pinch.
“ Ivy .” His thighs tightened around my hips.
“Perfect.” I trailed my fingers down his abs, and he sucked in a breath.
“Lean back on your elbows.” He watched me with hunger that almost beat my own and I flicked up the hem of kilt, almost losing an eye when his cock sprang free from the weight of the plaid, the tip already swollen and glistening.
Looking up at him beneath my lashes, I quirked a smile.
“A true Scot, Macabe. I like that.” And then I closed my mouth around him.
“ Juniper .” His eyes squeezed shut and hips snapped, filling my mouth more thoroughly than I’d anticipated.
I choked a little and moaned, curling my fist around what was left of his magnificent length.
So thick, my fingers didn’t meet around the middle.
I dragged him all the way to the back of my throat, getting off on the way his breath rattled, and his fingers twisted in the sheets.
“You have a gorgeous cock, Macabe,” I mumbled around the tip, mouth stuffed full.
“You’re making me blush.” A single glance at his face confirmed he spoke the truth.
Nails dragging up his thighs, I hummed around him, and his thrusts stuttered, stomach flexing as he fought to regain some kind of control.
I curled my lips in, making sure to leave the red stain of my lipstick behind.
“ Fuck … look at me when you do that, Juniper – fuck, slow …” he begged.
“I need you to go slow.” He collapsed back on the bed, barely seeming to notice his arms crushed beneath him.
He was coming apart, his chanted, “ Fuck , fuck , fuck ,” bordering on delirious.
I soaked it all in, working him as torturously slowly as he’d requested until his back bowed.
“Harpy … Get that sweet arse up here, I need to taste that tattoo again.”
I hummed around him.
“I’m having too much fun here.”
“ Fuck … it’s too good. I’m going to lose it.” His thighs squeezed me tightly.
“I can’t come yet.”
“Why?”
“Because there’s no fucking plane of existence where I’d allow myself to come before you do.”
I laughed, licking all the way up his length one final time.
“Male pride is a beautiful thing.” Pressing my thighs together as the throb between my legs bellowed in agreement, I kept right on teasing him.
“Ask me.”
“ What? ” His head shot up.
Still on my knees, I kissed the inside of his muscled thigh sweetly, a dichotomy to my devilish command.
“I said, ask me.” Another kiss.
“If you want to be inside me, beg for it.”
“Please.” The word tore from him without ego.
“Get up here and let me inside you, let me touch you, let me … let me make you feel good too.”
My legs were shaky as I stood, clutched his shoulders for support and hiked one leg over his waist, utterly transfixed by that full masculine mouth as he pleaded for what only I could give him.
I locked my ankles around his back, goosebumps rising at the caress of his bound hands on my calves.
Calloused fingers brushing the tops of my feet.
“Still doing all right?”
“Yes.” His thundering chest brushed mine.
“That answer might change if I don’t get inside you in the next five seconds.”
I cupped the back of his head, capturing his lips with mine, savouring the drag of his stubble against my skin.
“You are doing so well, baby.” I shifted in his lap, letting his cock lodge against my clit, only damp lace separating us.
“Need to fuck you, harpy.”
My fingers dragged over his nipples.
“Beg me one more time. I think you can do better.”
“Please.” The groan was unlike any sound I’d ever heard from him.
If I hadn’t trusted before that he belonged to me entirely, I did now.
Bending, I riffled through the bedside drawer for the box of condoms I so rarely used, tore open one with my teeth and pressed his kilt against his stomach with one hand, rolling the condom down him with the other.
He was trembling, head hanging between us to watch every movement.
“You look so good beneath me,” I said, dragging my underwear down.
I knelt far enough back to admire his form.
“I’ll look even better inside you.” He licked his lips.
“Get on with it.”
“Who’s in charge here?”
He tugged at his bound wrists as he lined us up.
“I’m the one tied up, sweetheart. Now fucking ride my cock, I know you’re as desperate for it as I am.”
We both groaned as the first inch disappeared.
He felt so big, so perfect, in this position it took three slow thrusts to seat him fully.
“ Juniper ,” he sighed.
“Fucking made for me.”
When I fully sank down, I pressed a soft, Hello kiss, to his lips, along with a little nice to meet you wiggle.
“ At fucking last ,” he growled right back, pressing a kiss to the centre of my chest.
Too far gone, I could only wrap my arms around his neck as I rode him with languid rolls of my hips, moaning at the hot throb of him deep inside me.
Fucking made for me , the words echoed, and my heart ached with them.
This man who took care of everyone else and took so little for himself.
Unable to use his hands, Callum sat straighter and bent his knees, firmly situating me in his lap, taking me as hard as his constraints allowed.
“Take that off.” He nodded to my bra.
“I want your nipples in my mouth.” I snapped it open, gasping and clutching his head as he followed through, sucking my nipple between his teeth and curling his tongue around the bar.
Loving my breasts as thoroughly as he loved every inch of me.
“So fucking perfect.” He whispered the words against my skin, like they weren’t for my ears but a prayer of thanks.
“How is this so perfect?”
“Because we’re us and that’s everything.” I dropped my head to his, quickly losing control of this ride.
It was near impossible when he worshipped me with his mouth.
But when he did it with his words …
it became unthinkable to hold back even the tiniest piece of myself.
“I want that vicious little tongue next.”
I didn’t hesitate, crushing my lips to his.
Loving the clack of his teeth against mine, the claiming onslaught as he left no spot in my mouth undiscovered.
He kissed me like he wanted to fuse our souls together.
I met him stroke for stroke, feeling no guilt in our shared pleasure as I angled my hips to take him deeper.
“Say my name, sweetheart.”
“Callum,” I sighed at once.
“Touch yourself, let me see it.”
My hand started its descent, making it all the way to my trembling stomach when I realised it wasn’t my own hand I craved.
“I need you to touch me.”
All it took was a single tug at the tie and I was flat on my back.
The pain in his ribs second to this pleasure apparently because his hands were everywhere, in my hair, between my legs, dipping into the curve of my waist, strumming my nipples like his favourite instrument.
I answered every touch, writhing against the sheets as he dragged in and out of me, pulling my thighs around his hips until I felt that elusive pressure against my G-spot.
My hoarse cry made him grin wolfishly, then find that spot again and again.
“Callum,” I whimpered his name like a question, not even sure what I was asking for.
But he knew. He always knew.
“You’re so close.” His breath was hot against my ear, his body finally pressing mine into the mattress.
The weight of him threatened to crush me but I clutched him tighter, locking my legs around his waist. “I can feel you tightening around my cock, sweetheart, it’s fucking heaven, I’ve never felt anything like it.” Goosebumps rose everywhere his lips touched as he talked me right up to the cliff edge.
“You’re perfect. So fucking pretty.” His hand grasped my thigh, pushing it higher, spreading me open for him as he took me over and over.
“You act like a bad girl, but I know your little secret … you are so,” he kissed my jaw.
“Fucking.” His lips fluttered over my nose and my back bowed.
“Sweet.”
“Callum.”
“That’s it … that’s it, sweetheart. Roll your hips, take whatever you need. I’m yours. I’m going to get you there … I’m always going to get you there.” My eyes squeezed shut, hearing only his voice as it caressed every single one of my nerve endings.
“No one’s ever made me hard like this, gotten me off like you do. A single look and I’m fucking gone.”
I whimpered.
It might have been his name.
It didn’t matter, I was too busy floating away.
He didn’t even have his fingers between my legs.
It was just his words and his cock.
I’d never gotten off from penetrative sex alone …
but this, he was talking me through it, loving me through it.
“I’m close … I’m so close, Callum.”
“I know … I’ve got you. I fucking love you, Juniper.” Hand tightening beneath my back, his voice turned strained, fighting not to come first. “My Juniper … mine . I’m going to keep you. Keep on loving you. Now come for me, keep swallowing my cock and come for me. Come for me.”
The words crumbled to staccato syllables, followed by mindless ramblings that echoed only in my head as I joined my lips to his, my orgasm rolling through me like an ocean swell.
Slow to build and slow to release.
It caught me in its clutches, holding me right above the precipice as Callum’s lips tore free and his harsh curse melded with my cries.
Our hips refused to slow, his kilt dragging over my rib cage as he fucked me over and over, still impossibly hard inside me.
“What the fuck … what the fuck … Juniper .”
“Don’t stop.”
“Fuck … Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Both of his hands planted either side of my head.
His eyes wide with disbelief as he matched my pace through the final throes of pleasure.
Only when my body turned pliant did he collapse on top of me, then immediately roll onto his back, dragging me with him until I sprawled over his chest.
I slumped against him, my ear to his racing heart as we clung to one another like survivors of an apocalypse who’d just discovered they were the last two people on earth.