Chapter 3
Chapter Three
Troy
“But here’s the thing: I think she’s actually right,” I typed into the phone. “I probably do need to be more social, but that seems like a ridiculous thing to worry about. I’m a grown-ass man, you know? This is stuff that twelve-year-olds worry about, and I’m twenty-freaking-three.”
I set my war-torn phone aside and considered the creation before me.
At the moment, it wasn’t much. In the spirit of the holidays, I’d decided to go with a Christmas tree, but not the usual Christmas trees with full, lush branches filled with pine needles.
Instead, mine would be twisted metal—copper, stainless steel—junk, basically.
I had a vague idea of where I was going, but most of this project would be something I figured out as I went along.
That was part of the joy of junk assemblage, working with the unpredictability of the pieces.
My phone beeped. I swiped a finger over the broken glass to read the message.
“I think even grown-ass men need to socialize. It’s not stupid to want friends. Humans are social creatures, or something like that. I think I read that at some point.”
I grimaced. Somehow, I’d known that Godofdiscord would agree with my sister but having that confirmed didn’t make me feel any better.
‘Okay,” I said, “But risk and reward, right? How do you know if the emotional labor that goes into having relationships is worth it? You’ve worked retail, right? Emotional labor sucks.”
I set the phone aside and took my wire pliers.
I worked on straightening out a length of wire I’d recovered from the scrapyard up the road.
They were always happy to unload the stuff other people didn’t want.
For a reasonable price, of course. Nothing in the world was free, even if I knew most of this junk would’ve just sat around and rusted in the rain.
My phone beeped again. I finished straightening the wire and set it aside.
“No, I’ve never worked retail. Thank God.
But I get what you mean. Isn’t being alone just as exhausting, though?
I mean, if we’re talking emotional labor, I think being alone is even worse.
Then, you have the labor of having to deal with absolutely everything yourself.
You don’t have anyone to share your problems with.
That’s why we’re friends, right? Because sometimes, you just really need to talk to someone. ”
That was probably true. Godofdiscord and I had met because we’d both been in the same buying and selling group.
I’d been looking for junk, and he’d been trying to sell a bunch of his friend’s old sewing supplies or something.
It was a decent group, but prone to a lot of spam.
And Godofdiscord always had something witty to say.
I’d liked his comments quite a bit, and after about four months of that, Godofdiscord sent me a private message. We’ve been friends for nearly a year.
Well, online friends. I’d never met him in person.
“I guess that’s fair,” I replied, “But if I have online friends, why do I need real ones, too? They’re more effort anyway. If you wear me out, I can ignore you. It’s harder to ignore real people.”
And boy, did I know that. I grimaced at the icon announcing I’d received a new text.
It was Skye, reminding me that I’d promised to call our mom.
The whole thing was absolutely ridiculous.
I’d moved to Bluehaven to get away from my family, and now, Skye had decided that it was her duty to come down here and hound me into going back home.
If I ever had to go back and face my parents again, it would all be too soon. No, it was best for me to stay away and survive on my own. I couldn’t even face my parents after what I’d done.
“Sometimes, you need those people in real life to check on you, though,” Godofdiscord replied.
“I really think—okay, I know your sister is overbearing. You’ve said that before.
But maybe she has a point. I don’t know that it’s really healthy to have ALL your friends online, especially with how easy it is to lie on the internet. ”
Despite the seriousness of the conversation, I couldn’t help but crack a smile. “So have YOU been lying to me?”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I’m the exception, though. Not the rule. I wouldn’t have any reason to lie because I’m perfect.”
I sighed and set the phone aside. For a few seconds, I worked in silence, but my thoughts wouldn’t quiet. Godofdiscord and Skye had a valid point. I wasn’t going to deny that. But didn’t I already have enough to do?
I looked at my dismal apartment. It was a cramped space, the kitchen and bedroom crammed into one room with a bathroom the size of a closet.
The carpet was brown and badly stained, so badly in fact, that I wasn’t entirely sure if brown was the carpet’s original color.
There was a single window, cracked and taped back together.
The walls were horrific, solid white but scraped and roughly patched over.
Shockingly, the place had been in even worse shape when I’d arrived.
The rent was cheap, and I’d spent small portions of my meager salary to clean the place up.
It still wasn’t enough. I had more debt than I cared to admit. I’d looked at bankruptcy at least a million times, but all the laws and paperwork made my head spin. And attorneys cost money. Besides, I was determined to dig my way out of this. That's your twenties, right? Just trying to survive.
My phone beeped.
“Okay, look. Devil’s advocate. What’s the absolute worst thing that will happen if you do go out and meet someone? You know you don’t have to swear loyalty just for grabbing a beer or watching a game, right? Small steps!”
That was easier said than done, though, and I’d always suspected that Godofdiscord was probably a social butterfly, anyway.
He was one of those horrible monsters who actually seemed to like being with and around other people.
In my weaker moments, I’d admit that I did kind of admire that about him.
I knew I had some serious issues with opening up to people but being closed off was a much safer option.
“In all my spare time, right?” I asked. “Look; I’m not saying you’re wrong. But people take time and effort. I’m already working insane shifts at work and focusing on my art. I just don’t have time even to just casually go out with people. I don’t really have the money either.”
Godofdiscord would be the only person I’d ever admit my money problems to.
I frowned. Maybe all my friend problems would be much easier to solve if I didn’t actually have to look at people.
Fat chance of that happening, though, unless I decided I was going to meet all my friends at masquerade balls.
“Okay, but we’re talking one outing. It’s not like you’ve got to go see Hamilton or something.”
Admittedly, that was another fair point. I sighed and collapsed onto my bed, kicking off my shoes as I stared at my phone. Why did he have to make everything sound so easy?
“You sound just like my sister,” I muttered.
And there was little more I hated than my sister being right about something.
“I didn’t ask you for advice,” I replied.
“Don’t worry! The advice is free!”
I sighed and tossed the phone onto the nearby chair, which I’d gotten from a yard sale. It was an absolutely hideous thing, a yellowish-brown shade with a couple of holes in it. No bugs, though. That counts.
Against my better judgment, my thoughts returned to Seth.
Drinks really wouldn’t have been that much, especially since I didn’t drink much.
Maybe a beer or two. It wouldn’t have hurt to have a round with him and talk over motorcycles, especially since he clearly had access to such impressive bikes.
I’d only seen things like that in catalogs.
And he was a mystery, too. If he was so wealthy, why did he bother with a tiny, local shop? It's not like he couldn't afford something better. Before us, he said he’d gone to Mallory’s. I’d known Mallory, and he did good work. But he wasn’t exactly “the mechanic to the stars’, either.
I’d done good work on Seth’s bike. That much, I was absolutely sure of. But it had been a small problem really, easily fixed with a new part. $150, and Seth’s bike now purred like a kitten. It felt ridiculous to charge so little for a bike worth $300,000.
“Okay,” I said slowly, “Maybe I could have gone out and had drinks with the guy.”
But how did I know that wouldn’t have led to another problem?
There really wasn’t any way to win by hanging out with someone as attractive as Seth.
If the invitation had been a date, I’d have had to lie and say I wasn’t interested in men.
And if it hadn’t been a date, I’d have likely spent the whole night wondering if it was a date and wishing it was a date. So, it was best not to have gone.
Now I kind of wished I had.
I tossed my head back against my pillow and thought about my phone.
Now that I was in bed, I stretched out my spine and slowly unworked all the muscle pains that came from constantly leaning over things.
My posture was terrible, too. And yet I still thought of grabbing my phone and asking Godofdiscord what he thought about all this.
That was pointless, though. I knew he’d say the exact same thing that Skye had.
He’d insist that I had to try new things and that I probably should’ve gone to have drinks.
“Really,” I said, trying to sort my thoughts out, “It’s too early to tell.
For all I know, Seth is one of those guys who comes back after his bike is fixed and blames his mechanic for… something. Like Gloria.”
I grimaced. Gloria’s damn part still hadn’t come in, and I’d overheard her screaming at Janet about it. The whole conversation had been over the phone, without the speaker on, but I’d still heard quite clearly. Gloria Dalloway was just that loud.
My phone beeped. With a sigh, I rolled over and buried my face in my pillow. That was probably Godofdiscord, and I probably should’ve told him I would talk to him later, rather than just dropping off the conversation. But he’d figure it out. This wouldn’t be the first time I’d done that.
I propped myself up onto my elbows and frowned at the wall.
Seth was handsome and he knew bikes. But really, that was all I knew about him.
There was no reason to keep thinking about him.
This was just this absurd sensation of lust, and, given time, it would go away.
Then, life could go on like it had before I’d met him.
And really, that was the best possible outcome for something like this. Seth was like a mosquito bite—annoying, distracting, and impossible to ignore. Eventually, he’d probably go away, and everything would be fine.