Chapter 26
“SICK THOUGHTS” LOU BLISS
I roll onto my side as I slowly wake from a deep sleep. The pillow beneath my head is perfectly soft, and the warm blanket I snuggle into smells like Ryder. If lying on a cloud while being hugged from behind by my stepbrother came in a package, this would be it.
Wait.
My eyes snap open, and I pop my head up to take in my surroundings. Colorful LEDs give the shadowed room a deep- blue hue bordering on violet. Band posters cover the walls, and clothes are strewn over the floor.
This isn’t my bedroom.
Last night’s events rush back to me. Parts are spotty, thanks to the alcohol, while others stand out from the rest.
Anger squeezes my throat and tightens my chest as I remember how Justin got upset with me for drinking so much, then dragged me outside to teach me a lesson. It could have ended worse than it did if not for Ryder stepping in and sending Justin inside with a bruised ego.
Hurt and self-pity override the anger.
I threw myself at Ryder, and he rejected me, then left me all alone in his room. I passed out not long after he disappeared, but not before I shed a few tears. It’s silly, I know, but I can’t stop the ache in my chest.
He left me here.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed about waking up alone. After what happened with Justin, all I want is to be held and told he’ll never hurt me again. I’m tired of being a punching bag—a girl to be bossed around by shitty men.
My bladder screams at me, reminding me how much I drank.
I push back the sheet and crawl out of bed.
Dizziness hits me, and I stumble a few steps before I catch myself on the nightstand.
I drop my chin and take a few deep, calming breaths.
Cool air kisses my legs and my bottom. I crack open my eyes and notice I’m not wearing my clothes.
Pinching the T-shirt between my fingers, I frown at it before it clicks in my head.
It’s Ryder’s shirt.
After he left, I must’ve drunkenly stripped out of my clothes and thrown on one of his shirts to stay cool while I slept. It’s larger than him and fits me better than the hoodie he let me borrow. I still haven’t returned it, too attached to it to give it back.
Shaking away the strange, warm feeling glowing in my chest, I go to the bathroom to relieve myself.
I’ll admit, I drank too much last night. But in my defense, I couldn’t stand another sober moment around Justin and my father. Hell, even Ryder’s absence bothered me, because for whatever reason, he makes me feel safe when no one else has.
After I finish relieving myself and washing my hands, I crawl back into bed and check the time on my phone. It’s three in the morning. I don’t know how I woke up so early after being dead to the world. My head is still foggy. I could sleep for a week and it wouldn’t be enough to recover.
My gaze slips to the covered window. Wind whistles against the panes and through the crack in the sill. I cover myself with the thin sheet and cuddle the spare pillow I hug closer to my chest.
There’s no way I’m going outside in the cold to sneak into my bedroom and sleep the rest of the morning.
Besides, I don’t know if Justin camped out in my room or if he opted for the guest bedroom.
It’s not something I’m willing to risk finding out, either.
Knowing my luck, the jerk will be in my bed like he has every right to it.
Something shifts, similar to clothes rubbing together.
My breath catches in my throat, right along with my heart, as I shoot into a sitting position. I glance around the room, my gaze freezing as it lands on Ryder, who’s sitting on the floor in the corner of the bedroom. I guess I didn’t see him before.
My cheeks warm when I realize he must’ve seen me wearing nothing but his shirt. It doesn’t pool around my knees like it would on a skinny girl. The hem stops above my pelvis, and I just know Ryder got an eyeful of my ass when I went into the bathroom.
Ryder stares back at me, his face covered with the same skull mask I found in here the other day.
Butterflies fill my stomach. I knew I had a thing for masked men, but it hits differently when it’s Ryder.
He’s wearing the same dark clothes and boots from earlier.
The only pop of color is the silver chain around his throat that sparkles beneath the blue LED lights.
My thighs squeeze together on their own to dull the ache building between them. I wonder what it would feel like to grab his necklace and tug him against my body. To feel his long fingers wrapping around my throat right before he kisses me.
“What are you doing down there?” I whisper, too afraid to speak any louder.
Ryder leans his head against the wall behind him and shifts his hips to get more comfortable. “Watching you.”
I frown, but my stomach flips at the deep rumble in his voice. “Why?”
He remains silent.
I avert my gaze, but it slips back to him, drinking in the desire reflected in his eyes. He doesn’t hide it from me, letting me see how much I affect him.
Oh yeah, he saw everything when I got up.
It’s strange, having his attention after years of him ignoring me. I expected him to treat me the way he promised he would, even in the privacy of his bedroom. The longer he stares at me, the more I want to grind over his cock like I did the other night, but I’m afraid he’ll reject me again.
“I want you willing . . .”
Fighting back the urge, I lie back on the bed and curl onto my side with my eyes closed.
The room falls quiet except for my breathing and the occasional shifting from Ryder as he sits across the room.
The weight of his stare tingles on my face and doesn’t let up, even after ten minutes of trying to fall back asleep.
It’d be so easy to turn onto my other side and give him my back, but deep down, I enjoy this. I love that he can’t look away from me.
I bite my tongue to stop myself from begging him to join me on the bed. I’d look like a desperate fool.
After several minutes, Ryder must think I’m asleep because he rises and stands at the end of the bed, where he strips out of his shirt.
The muscles in his stomach ripple with his movements as he tosses the garment onto the floor and fixes his skull mask back in place.
My mouth waters at the view of his defined, lean muscles.
Black ink runs over his ribs, up his chest and neck.
Then my eyes land on his Adonis belt, and I can’t look away.
Veins bulge above his pelvis, his black cargo pants sitting low on his waist.
My inner walls spasm as I imagine licking him there. Feeling his fingers thread through my hair as he guides me to his groin and makes me take his cock into my mouth.
He’s your brother.
I pinch my lips together to hold back a frustrated growl.
He tugs the button free on his pants, and the familiar sound of a hissing zipper fills the silent room.
Ryder is literally putting on a show for me and doesn’t even realize it.
I only feel bad that I don’t harbor an ounce of regret for being a peeping Tom while he changes into something more comfortable.
At least he’s finally joining me in bed, but under the presumption that I’m asleep.
A shaky breath escapes me as he shoves his pants down. He stops right before he frees his cock.
He turns and tilts his head, amusement filling his gaze. “You’re awake.”
I don’t know how to respond.
Yeah, I’ve been awake for a minute and have been watching you undress without you knowing, because I’m a creep. That wouldn’t go over too well. At least, I don’t think so, but Ryder is always full of surprises.
He drops his hands from the waistband of his pants, then steps toward me with unhurried movements that remind me too much of a panther creeping up on its prey. I sit up and scramble backward to the other side of the mattress, putting as much space between us as possible.
Don’t come any closer , I want to scream. I’m trying so hard to be a good girl and not jump your bones.
Ryder stops directly in front of me, leaving only two feet of space between us, which he could easily cross by bending over and grabbing me. I shudder at the thought—not in repulsion, but excitement.
“Don’t be shy now, sis. There’s no need for it after everything we’ve done,” Ryder murmurs. I don’t need to see his face to know he’s smirking.
I barely shake my head. “I’m not being shy.”
Walk away.
Walk away.
Don’t do this.
“Yeah?” His breathy laugh goes straight to my heart and between my legs.
Jesus. What is he doing to me? I haven’t heard him laugh in . . . I’m not sure how long. Too long, to be exact .
“I don’t want to see my brother naked, is all,” I say without thinking.
Liar , the tiny voice in the back of my mind whispers.
Goddamn right, I’m a liar. I need to lie when my heart is on the line.
Ryder bends down and lays his huge palms flat on the mattress. The tips of his fingers are mere inches from touching my toes. He doesn’t move any further than that, purposefully drawing this out when we both know what’s about to happen.
“How long are you going to lie to yourself?” he murmurs. “Because we both know I turn you on.”
The fresh memory from the other night floods my mind—Ryder’s husky moans and him urging me to come while calling me his little sister .
If I lie to him and myself until I’m blue in the face, will it erase what happened, as well as his memory from that night? I don’t think it will, but my resistance toward him is weakening at a blinding rate.
Ryder’s fingers inch closer to my feet. His chest expands as he inhales, and when he lets out his breath, a growl joins it. “I can smell your wet pussy from here.”
A wave of dizziness slams into me, and I catch myself before I fall over and make a fool of myself. I’m not the fainting type. Blood? Doesn’t make me light-headed. Gore from scary movies? Meh. Ryder talking filthy to me? Yep. That’ll do it.
“We can’t do this,” I say.