Chapter 29
“ANXIETY” DOECHII
I wince with every step as I creep inside the house. Everything is so sore, especially between my legs. I knew sex with Ryder would hurt, but I didn’t realize just how painful it would be.
Opening the back door, I listen for any sounds that someone is already awake. When I checked the time in Ryder’s bedroom, I almost had a panic attack. It’s six in the morning and our parents should already be up and around. I don’t know how time passed as fast as it did.
Because you were busy getting fucked by your brother , the guilty voice in the back of my mind whispers.
My heart races and my stomach churns. I’m engaged, damn it. I haven’t been in a lot of relationships, but I’m not one to cheat, no matter how big of an asshole Justin is.
Unless it’s with Ryder.
My dad will kill me if he ever finds out about this.
My hand trembles as I slide the door shut behind me. I tiptoe through the living room, heading straight to the staircase so I can lock myself in my bedroom.
I freeze and squeeze my eyes shut. Crap. Justin will be in there, waiting for me like a viper in its den.
“Madison?” Carolyn says. “Where have you been?”
My eyes snap open, and I turn. My stepmother is already dressed for the day, wearing loose black dress pants and a cream-colored sweater. It’s so bland and boring compared to her son’s sense of style. A claw clip holds the bulk of her hair in place, though a few loose tendrils frame her face.
I avert my gaze and fumble with my phone. “I didn’t want to be anywhere near Justin.”
She sighs and crosses her arms over her chest. “He’s not here. He left in a rush last night after you two went outside. Care to tell me what happened?”
I blink. “He didn’t stay the night?”
She rolls her eyes and steps toward me. “I just told you he left last night. What happened?”
My stepmother has a thing for gossip. She always wants to know everything about everybody.
I refuse to allow her to insert herself into my business, however, because that big mouth of hers will tell my father and her friends.
But if I tell her nothing, she’ll bug me until I crack and spill everything.
“We had a little misunderstanding,” I say.
Carolyn looks me over, her dainty eyebrows pinching with a frown that she smooths out as fast as it appeared. “You didn’t come back in last night. Where did you go?”
Shit. She knows.
“I had a friend pick me up so I could crash at her place.”
Carolyn narrows her eyes. “Which friend?”
“Does it matter? I don’t have to answer to you.”
“You’re my daughter and I worry about you.” She scoffs. “Is that too much for you?”
“Leave me alone.”
I storm past her and into the kitchen. I don’t know what I’m doing here when I want to lock myself in my bedroom and soak in the bathtub to ease the aches.
Carolyn follows me. “Why are you getting so defensive when I’m just asking questions?”
I grab a chilled water bottle from the fridge and pop the cap off before I drink half of it in just a few gulps.
“Madison, I’m talking to you.”
I roll my eyes and stride past her, heading out of the kitchen so I can get away from her. Carolyn grabs my shoulder, jerking me back and forcing me to look at her.
My heart pounds against my chest, and my hands tremble.
I’m so tired of having to answer to people who think they have full control of my life.
Is it too much to ask for some privacy and a sense of freedom without someone breathing down my neck to know where I’m at, who I’m with, where I’ve been, and so on?
“I’m twenty-one years old and don’t need to tell you everything. I’m here, aren’t I?” I try to keep my voice steady, but a few words come out squeaky, which only makes me more frustrated with myself.
Carolyn clutches her pearls, her long, skinny fingers splayed over her chest. “Who do you think you are, talking to me like that?”
“Obviously not your daughter, so don’t act like I am. I’m so tired of everyone in this hellhole wanting to control me without ever giving a shit about me.”
Carolyn narrows her eyes. “No one is controlling you.”
“Yes, you are! You’re making me marry that asshole when I’ve made it clear that I don’t want him.”
She steps closer to me, her expression turning thunderous.
“You’ve known you’d be part of an arranged marriage since you were ten, so don’t act like this is something new.
You’ve had plenty of freedom to do whatever you want.
You had a normal childhood.” She reaches toward me, and I jerk back before she can touch me.
“Honey, I think you’re having a serious case of cold feet now that the wedding is around the corner.
It’ll be fine. Justin is a great kid and will take?—”
A cold breeze puffs against my backside.
Carolyn turns her attention past my shoulder, and her scowl morphs into a gentler expression. “Oh, good. You’re awake. How do you feel about spending the day with me?”
I stand frozen with my heart in my throat.
Don’t look.
Don’t look.
Act normal, even though you want to get an eyeful of your sexy-as-sin brother.
The cold blast of outside air fades as warmth cocoons me once more. Amber and cypress fill my lungs. A shudder rolls through me at the memory of Ryder’s body over mine and his deep, husky voice filling my head with naughty things no brother should ever say to his sister.
“Spending the day doing what, exactly?” Ryder’s voice is flat, like he’s already bored with the conversation. It’s the complete opposite of how he talked to me not even ten minutes ago.
Carolyn huffs, but a playful smile lifts her lips.
“What, are you too good to hang out with your mother now? We can go shopping for Halloween. Maybe even have brunch at Susana’s.
It’ll be on me, of course.” Remembering that I’m still here, she frowns at me.
“Honey, go to your room and get into something more appropriate. There are men in this house.”
I glance at my top and leggings. How is this inappropriate? It’s weird she would think that, especially around people who are supposed to be family. It's also odd, considering I wore this to dinner. Is she afraid my father will lose all willpower if I'm showing too much skin? Gross.
I glare at her and cross my arms over my chest. Now I don’t even want to go to my bedroom, just out of spite.
Ryder’s hand ghosts over my lower back as he moves in closer behind me. I peek at him from the corner of my eye as he pretends to step around me, but then his hand descends to my ass and squeezes. Right here, in front of his mother, who doesn’t even notice because she’s too focused on his face.
“I’ve already got plans,” Ryder says.
Carolyn’s shoulders slump, and her previous excitement fizzles out. “Really? With who?”
There she goes again with the twenty questions, but I would be lying to myself if I said I’m not curious who Ryder plans on hanging out with when I’m dying to spend more time with him.
Ryder squeezes my ass again, and I turn, catching his brief smirk before he schools his expression once more. “Friends.”
Carolyn sighs and shakes her head. “Fine. When are you next free?”
Seriously? Fine? No pressure to tell names and spill all the juicy details?
My earlier irritation spins back. I bite my tongue so I don’t lose my cool on her again. I drop my arms and storm out of the room.
I need to get out of this house and away from everyone for a while. The best way to cope and clear my head is a day spent with my friends. When Carolyn brought up Halloween, it reminded me I still need to shop for my costume for the party.
“So why are we eating here at the mall and not at Susana’s?” Nova asks, then picks up her half-eaten slice of pizza.
I shift in my seat and swallow my bite of food.
The cheeseburger isn’t as good as Susana’s, but I don’t want to risk running into Carolyn while she’s out shopping.
I don’t want to tell the full reason to my friends.
We’re talking about my stepbrother and me.
I can’t tell them what’s happening without them scrunching their noses and heavily judging me.
“Well,” I say, drawing out the moment so I can think of something good and believable.
“Bet you ten bucks it’s because she doesn’t want to see Justin,” Olivia says around a mouthful of sub sandwich. She smirks and uses a napkin to swipe some mayonnaise from her lips.
Nova snickers. “Justin would never show his face in that place. It’s too low-brow for him.”
I shudder at the mention of him. My best friends hate Justin as much as I do.
My mind goes back to the bathroom, when he forced me onto my knees. Then last night when he almost pushed me off the deck.
“But going to Susana’s would hurt his precious reputation.” Nova bites into her pizza with a smug smile. She’s right. Justin may be unhinged, but he would never dirty himself by going somewhere on the poorer side of town.
“It’s not because of Justin,” I say, ready to change the topic.
Olivia turns to me. “So why are you avoiding Susana’s?”
I look away from my friends to focus on my half-eaten order of fries. “I just wanted a different view this morning. Besides, shopping .” I wave a hand toward all the shops that are calling my name. We barely touched the stores here, and I still need a few more items for my costume.
Nova snorts a laugh. “Girl, you’re turning different shades of pink. You’re hiding something from us. Spit it out.”
“There’s nothing to tell,” I say a little too fast.
They share a look, then turn to me at the same time with smirks that are downright evil. It spells trouble, and I’m not prepared to get them off my trail.
“Uh-huh. Sure,” Nova says.
Olivia leans forward and whisper-yells, “Are you messing around with a server at the restaurant or something?”
“What? No!” I face-palm and shake my head. “I just don’t want to see my stepmother there, okay?”
“That’s a valid enough reason for me,” Nova says. “So, we’ll stay away from Susana’s.”