Chapter 36 #2
Ryder doesn’t move, keeping his cheek flat on my chest and his eyes closed. He curls his arms underneath me and hugs me as he gets more comfortable. Any second now and he’ll pass out. “In the morning, you’re moving out of here and coming home with me. I don’t want you anywhere near Jerry.”
I don’t need to ask why he doesn’t want me around my father. With us staying together, this person will leak the info to Dad. If I stay, I’ll have to face his wrath.
“He won’t be happy about it.”
“I don’t give a shit,” he growls.
I close my eyes and continue massaging his scalp and playing with his hair. Ryder shudders and hums in approval, reminding me of a cat curling against his favorite person.
“He’ll know about us,” I whisper.
He’ll find out either way, but I’ll feel safer with Ryder.
Ryder stays quiet for a moment before he asks, “Do you want me to continue being your dirty little secret?”
My fingers tremble and my heartbeats double-time against my ribs. Hearing the change in tempo, Ryder raises his head and looks at me with a guarded expression.
“I don’t want to keep you as a secret, but I?—”
His face falls flat, and he pulls out of me, then climbs out of bed. I sit up and watch as he disappears into the bathroom, flipping on the light before he shuts the door behind him.
Shit. I fucked up.
I wait for him for what feels like forever, hoping it’s taking him a little longer than usual to grab a towel to clean me with. Then I hear the shower turn on and the water pounding against the tile floor. I groan and fall back on the mattress, flinging my arm over my eyes.
Way to go, Maddy. You confessed your feelings, made love, then made him feel dirty by wanting to keep him as a secret.
I can’t lie here and risk Ryder coming into the bedroom, closed off and refusing to open up to me again. Setting aside my worry, I shoot off the bed and join him in the bathroom.
Mist curls in the tiny space, the small mirror above the sink already covered with a layer of fog. I open the door to the walk-in shower and shut it behind me. Ryder takes up the majority of the tiny space, but I don’t care. At least he’ll have a difficult time escaping me.
Ryder keeps his back to me, his head bent forward underneath the stream of hot water.
I hesitantly step forward and wrap my arms around him in a hug, pressing my breasts against his firm back.
My chin quivers when he stiffens beneath me, clearly not enjoying my touch, but he doesn’t step out of my hold or push me away.
“You’re not my dirty secret, Ryder,” I whisper, and close my eyes. “I’m a coward. I’m terrified of the world judging us and doing everything in its power to tear us apart.”
Water cascades over us, hitting the tile floor and breaking the tense silence.
“I want you. I’ve wanted you for so long, and I’m scared of losing you.” My voice cracks, and I press against him, my palms flat against his stomach and chest.
Still no response.
“I’ll leave you alone.” I loosen my hold and back away.
Ryder catches my wrist and faces me, his eyes narrowed and lips pulled down in a scowl. “Do you trust me?”
I don’t hesitate with my answer. “Yes.”
He tugs me closer, and I lay my hand over his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart.
“Then trust me when I say that I’ll always keep you safe and we’ll always be together. There’s nowhere I won’t follow you, in this life or in death.”
I shiver at the conviction in his deep, husky voice. “You don’t plan on hurting yourself, do you?”
Ryder shakes his head, and wet strands of hair flop into his eyes. “No, baby.”
Taking a calming breath, I nod.
I trust him and his promise that he’ll take care of this. It’ll be scary, facing my father about my relationship with Ryder, but I can’t deny us anymore.
I push up on the tips of my toes and kiss him.
Ryder groans and releases my wrist to cup the back of my head.
My lips part on a sigh, and he takes advantage by slipping his tongue into my mouth.
It’s not a sweet kiss like we shared moments ago in his bedroom.
This one is full of desperation and a fiery need to consume.
It’s full of hopes and promises, putting my mind at ease; he’ll take care of me.
Whatever happens will happen, because in the end, we’ll still have each other. We’ll still be together.
What Dahlia told me the other day finally clicks.
Fuck what people have to say about my relationship with my brother.
No one else matters because the only thing I care about is the man holding me like he’s terrified I might disappear.
He loves me. I’m not the ghost anymore, and I refuse to lose him because I’m too much of a chicken to face my fears.
Ryder ends the kiss and rests his forehead against mine. “I’ll say it one more time, doll.”
I stare into his eyes, silent and waiting.
His fingers tighten in my hair, pulling at the strands. “You’re moving out in the morning and living with me. Whatever happens, we’ll face it together.”
I brush my lips against his. “Okay.”
Ryder blesses me with a brilliant smile, then turns us around and shoves me against the shower wall. “Good. Now, hold on to me. I’m about to use you like a toy.”