15. Roxie
ROXIE
He lost that right the second he tried to break me.
“Remember when I said not all men are the same?”
Screamer and I are sitting at a picnic table at the park. It’s mid-day, so the place is empty, leaving us to talk about whatever we want with no distractions. I’m not entirely certain this is a good idea, but I refuse to let my fear win out.
“It was, like, less than an hour ago, so yeah.”
We each take a few bites of our food, and he seems to be trying to find the words to explain. Eventually, he sets his half-eaten burger down and levels his gaze on mine.
“I had an older sister, Ally,” he begins.
“She was, hands down, the best big sister I could’ve asked for.
She wasn’t like a lot of older siblings, ya know?
” The question is rhetorical, and he continues.
“Ally always included me when she hung out with her friends. I adored her, and I knew the feeling was mutual. We were nine years apart, but she didn’t treat me like I was a pesky baby brother.
Even when she went off to college, she would let me visit some weekends, or she’d come home to spend time with me. ”
When he stops to eat some fries, I say, “She sounds amazing.”
He gets a faraway look in his eyes and stares off into space. “She was. Then she met Brian. I still remember when she brought him home to meet our parents.”
“You don’t have to tell me,” I say, his pain washing over me to mix with my own.
Screamer whips his eyes to mine. “Yeah, I do.”
“Okay.”
He takes a deep breath. “Brian was great at first. Our parents seemed to like him, and when Ally married him, I was excited because I was getting a brother. But after the wedding, everything changed. Ally stopped coming around as much, stopped calling and texting. Family dinners were somber because she always found a reason to back out. Mom and Dad were worried about her, and so was I.” Screamer scrubs his hands over his face.
“When my dad and I finished fixing up his old Harley, I made the two-hour drive to see her, to confront her about what was going on with her. At first, she didn’t want to let me in the door, but I forced my way into the house.
” After blowing out a breath, he continues.
“Fuck, Roxie, the bruises. She’d tried to cover them with makeup and certain clothes, but I saw them.
” At this admission, I cringe, knowing I’d done exactly the same thing.
“I begged her to leave with me. For hours, I pleaded, but she refused. She kept insisting that Brian hadn’t meant to hurt her.
Fucking hell, she was so brainwashed, conditioned to believe the best of him and the worst of herself and everyone else. ”
I got lucky.
As he talks, all I can think is that I got lucky. Jace was an asshole, and yes, he hurt me badly, but I got out. I left, and I’m alive because of it.
“What happened to Ally?” I ask when he goes quiet.
“I was eighteen, and she’d promised me she’d come see me for my birthday.
When she didn’t show, my parents suggested we go see her.
” He shrugs like none of this is a big deal, but his eyes shine with unshed tears.
“I was mad that she didn’t come, so I chose to stay home and prepare for the date I had the next day.
I needed condoms of all things.” Waving his hand dismissively, he goes on.
“Anyway, the best the police were able to piece together is that Brian had murdered Ally and was trying to clean up the crime scene when my parents got there. He killed them so there wouldn’t be any witnesses.
I’m sure he would’ve come for me next, but the neighbors heard my mom’s screams when she saw Ally’s body and called nine-one-one. Cops picked him up that night.”
“Good,” I say vehemently. “At least the bastard is behind bars.”
“Fucker’s six feet under.”
“Oh. Well, even better,” I tell him honestly.
“I killed him,” he admits, and I should be surprised, but I’m not.
“He was deemed incompetent to stand trial and admitted to a state mental institution. Soulless Kings helped me break him out, and I took his life the same way he took Ally’s, took my parent’s.
” Screamer reaches across the picnic table and grabs my hand before I can pull away.
“I meant what I said, Roxie. Not all men are the same. I’m nothing like Brian.
I’d never hurt a woman, never lay a finger on one.
But I am like him in one crucial way… I’m a murderer. ”
My mind tumbles over his words in an effort to read between the lines.
But there are no lines. He’s baring his soul to me, admitting his flaws, his sins.
While I don’t condone violence, don’t agree with vigilante justice or biker justice, I get it.
Someone had to make Brian pay for his crime, and unfortunately, that someone was Screamer. The system failed him.
“I’m sorry you had to go through all of that.”
“That’s just it, sweetheart. I don’t want your sympathy. I told you because I want you to know that you might be able to hide whatever happened from your brother, but I see more than most. I’ve made it my life’s purpose to see what others don’t.”
“I…” I pull my hand out of his and rest it in my lap. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I showed you mine,” he says. “Time to show me yours.” Screamer softens his tone with a smile, and I find myself wanting to tell him. “Besides, if you don’t tell me, I’ve got other ways to find out what I want to know.”
“Let me guess… your club’s tech guy?”
“Honestly, I’m surprised Shuffle hasn’t had LTMC’s techie do some digging.”
“He knows I’d kill him if he did. My brother may be oblivious and an asshole, but I know he loves me in his own way. He’s just more focused on the club, which has worked to my advantage.”
“Still, I don’t get how he didn’t pick up on the broken ribs, the yellowish tint under your makeup, the timidness you’ve displayed despite being raised around bikers.”
My eyes widen. “How… How’d you know?”
“Like I said, I see more than most. So, care to enlighten me?” When I don’t say anything, he asks, “Did you know the man in the diner?”
“What?”
“The man in the diner, the one dressed like a pussy. He came in, and your entire demeanor changed.”
“Oh, um…” I shake my head. “No. He just reminded me of someone.”
That’s not entirely true. Yes, the guy reminded me of Jace, so much so that I can’t be sure it wasn’t him. And if it was? Well, that’s a problem for some other time, like when I’m not with Screamer.
“Okay.” The way he says the word, it’s clear he’s not sure whether to believe me. “So, he reminded you of the guy who broke your ribs.”
I nod and take several calming breaths. “Growing up, I always knew I wanted to leave Marble Falls. I was tired of living around the biker lifestyle and needed to see what else the world has to offer.” Realizing how that sounds, I add, “No offense.”
“None taken.”
I smile gratefully. “Anyway, I moved across the country, to the east coast. I got a job, made friends, met a guy. All the normal things people do at my age. Jace was everything I thought I wanted, the exact opposite of a biker. Again, no offense.”
He chuckles. “Sweetheart, you’re here with me, not him. No offense taken.”
“Right. So, things with Jace were great. Then he proposed, and he changed. I should be planning my wedding, but instead, I’m here, hiding.”
“I’d say you’re here to heal not hide.”
“Maybe, but it doesn’t change the facts.
I fell for a man who made me a fool. He became controlling and mean.
It was little things at first. He didn’t like a shirt I was wearing or the color of my nail polish.
Then it turned into him not liking my friends and the time I spent with them or the phone calls with my brother.
I thought he just loved me, ya know? I thought he wanted me all to himself but in a good way.
I grew up around possessive men, so I brushed it off. ”
“There’s a difference between being possessive and being controlling,” he says. “If you were mine, I’d be possessive as hell, but that doesn’t mean I’d tell you how to act or what to wear or who to be friends with.”
“What does it mean?” I ask, suddenly needing to know.
“It means you’d belong to me. I’d protect you with my life, love you with everything I have, and take care of you so that you want for nothing.”
“Does that go both ways?”
“What do you mean?”
“What if I was possessive of you? Would that piss you off?”
Screamer grins widely. “Fuck, no, sweetheart. If I’m with a woman, if we’re committed to each other, that protection, that love and care… it better go both ways.”
I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear. “Good to know.”
“But we’re not talking about a relationship between us. I want to hear the rest of your story.”
The fact that he’s not focusing on what could be between us or making any move to hit on me or get in my pants lights me up from the inside out. He genuinely seems interested in me as a person, and that’s what I crave right now.
Well, that and his dick.
Shaking that thought away, I dive into the last night I was with Jace.
“We had a dinner party. Some of Jace’s colleagues and friends were at the house.
Everything went off without a hitch, or so I thought.
When everyone left, he went off on me, accusing me of looking at a male friend of his too much and all sorts of things.
He became physical. I managed to get away and to our bedroom, but it did me no good.
” Wringing my hands in my lap, I fight off tears.
“He beat the shit out of me that night and then left me there to bleed. I got to my cell and texted my friends. They came right away and helped me pack up and get the fuck out.”
“Good friends.”
“The best. When I left, I got a rental car under a different name and slowly made my way to Marble Falls. It took me two weeks because I wanted to heal as much as I could before facing my brother. I also dumped my cell and got a new one with a new number. Obviously, the wedding’s off, although I never officially told him that. ”
“You leaving should be enough for him to get the picture.”
“You’d think. He confronted my friend, Greg, at the gym about where I am. Greg, Sammie, and Melody don’t know I’m here, so even if he could get them to talk, there’s nothing they can tell him.”
“Smart.”
“I just…” I huff out a breath. “I just wish I’d been smart sooner, ya know?”
“I do, but you can’t put that on yourself. You were being abused. Maybe not physically at first, but he manipulated you. You got out when it counted.”
“I guess.” I look into his eyes. “So, I showed you mine. And now I need a favor.”
“I’m not gonna tell your brother.”
Relief whooshes out of me in a long exhale. “Thank you. I know I should, but I can’t face his judgment.”
“I might not know Shuffle well, but our clubs do work together on occasion. I don’t think you’re giving him enough credit.”
“Trust me, he’ll judge. Maybe not me specifically, but he was never on board with my decision to leave and giving him a reason to say, ‘I told you so’ is the last thing I can deal with.”
“Okay. I won’t tell him. But please think about clueing him in if for no other reason than it wouldn’t hurt to have him watching your back.”
Instantly, I bristle. “I don’t need him to watch my back. I’m a grown ass woman and can take care of myself.”
Screamer holds his hands up in surrender. “Whoa, Roxie, I didn’t mean to imply that you can’t. Shit, I’m all for you being an independent badass, but what’s the point in having an MC in your corner if you don’t use it to your advantage?”
He has a point, and it’s a big reason I came back here, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to admit it.
“I’m ready to go home,” I say, standing and gathering my trash.
He sighs. “Yeah, okay.”
We toss our garbage in a can on the way to the truck, and he opens my door for me, being the perfect gentleman. It simultaneously grates on my nerves and warms my heart. When he pulls up to the LTMC clubhouse, the prospect from last night is at the gate.
“Hey, Screamer.” He ducks his head to look at me. “Hi, Roxie. I don’t think we were actually introduced last night, but I’m Mark. Really sorry about Seth.”
Screamer glances at me with questions in his eyes, but I ignore him. “Wasn’t your fault, Mark. Can you just buzz us in, please?”
“Sure thing.”
The gate opens, and a minute later, the truck is in park in the gravel lot in front of the clubhouse. I take off my seat belt and open the door, but Screamer gently grabs my arm, forcing me to turn and look at him.
“What?” I ask.
He opens the center console and snags a pen and napkin. After writing something down, he hands the napkin to me. “Here’s my number. Ya know, in case you ever need anything.”
“Oh. Thanks.”
“Roxie?”
“Yeah?”
“I’ll give you a call when your bike is ready to be picked up.”
I smack my forehead with my free hand. “Shit, I guess you need my number, too.”
He laughs at that. “It’s in the shop’s system from when you came in the first time.”
“And let me guess… even if it wasn’t, you have your ways of finding it?”
Screamer winks. “You got it.”
“Well, thank you for the food.”
“Anytime.”
“See ya.”
I shut the passenger door behind me and stride to the clubhouse entrance. As soon as I step inside, my phone vibrates in my pocket. I ignore it, thinking it’s Screamer who I’m sure put my number in his contacts as soon as he could.
My room is quiet, and as I set my cross-body on the bench at the foot of my bed, my phone vibrates again, and then again.
“Geez, chill,” I mutter when I pull it out of my pocket.
My entire body seizes when I see the number that accompanies the texts. It’s not a saved number, but I’d recognize it anywhere: Jace.
Jace: You’re really letting yourself go, Roxie. That’ll have to change when we get back home.
Jace: Leaving me was a mistake. Shacking up with a Texas hick is just the icing on the cake. You’ll pay for that.
Jace: Ignoring me isn’t going to make me go away.
I throw my cell onto the bed and curl up on top of the comforter in the fetal position. How did he get my new number? Was that really him at the diner? And more importantly, how the fuck is he going to make me pay?
As I play different scenarios in my head, my phone buzzes with a notification. Fear races through me, and I want to ignore it, but I don’t. Jace doesn’t get to have that kind of power over me anymore.
The screen is lit up, and I silently thank God when it’s a different number.
Unknown: This is Screamer, or Ben if you’d prefer. I meant what I said… call me if you need anything. And Roxie?
Me: What?
Screamer: Thanks for listening today. It’s been a long time since I’ve talked about Ally, and it felt good.
I lower my phone and smile. No, Jace doesn’t get to have power over me. He lost that right the second he tried to break me.