Chapter 9 Greer #2
I step closer and know, without a doubt, the girl in the brand-new bright-green puffer jacket and matching snowpants is Avery.
I remember her outfit because I was jealous of the damn thing.
It was just the right color green and was perfect in every way.
I knew it would make my red hair stand out, too.
It was my dream snowsuit at age ten, and of course, Avery got it, and my parents couldn’t afford it.
“Greer!” Little Avery scream-giggles. “Cooper is licking my face!”
I knew before she said my name who was with her, but now she’s confirmed it.
My gaze falls to my past self, and I take Little Me in.
She’s wearing a pink hand-me-down snowsuit that clashes with her coloring.
It’s a size too small, yet somehow she looks like a giant pink snowball.
My past self struggles to move in the snow, and I remember hating how hard it was to play in it, always wondering if I was going to rip it.
A strong wind ruffles my hair, and I tuck it behind my ear, watching as my younger self pulls down a green knit hat with a black poof on top over her short red hair.
“Cooper!” my high-pitched kid self yells playfully.
She tugs on Cooper’s collar, and he turns his attention from Avery to her.
His big body nearly tackles her to the ground, and she giggles.
The two of them roll around in the snow, and soon, she and Avery are making snowballs and throwing them in the air for Cooper to try to catch with his mouth.
Every time the snowball bursts, they erupt in laughter.
My heart beats quicker as a hazy memory comes to the surface. This was a snow day, and Avery and I had gone sledding on a hill down the street from here. We spent hours there before the sun started to set then came back to play in the yard before we had to go home for dinner.
“Why am I dreaming of this?” I ask Kai.
His gaze remains on the two children as he says, “You look happy.”
My brow furrows at his non-answer, but my attention is drawn back to the girls. Past Me throws a snowball to Cooper, and he misses. Her face lights with a bright smile, one I’d forgotten I even have the capability of producing.
He’s right; I was happy that day. What kid wouldn’t be after getting a snow day and sledding with their best friend?
A squeal draws my attention to Past Avery. She has snow on her face and is snort-laughing. “Oh, you’re so gonna get it, Greer!”
Avery makes a ball and throws it, then Past Me reciprocates.
This goes on for a minute before they call a truce and drop back onto the snow, Cooper running excited circles around them.
I walk a bit closer, observing the two friends looking up at the colorful sky.
A minute later, Cooper lays down, and Past Me shifts on the snow with an uncomfortable grimace.
“What’s wrong?” Avery asks.
“There’s a hole in my snowsuit; my back is wet.”
Avery scrunches up her nose before she smiles bright in excitement. “Do you think Santa will bring you a snowsuit like mine? I know you wanted one!”
The happiness Young Me felt winks out completely. She looks into Avery’s blue eyes, and I know before she speaks where this is going. This was a great day until it wasn’t. Until this conversation. This is why I didn’t remember at first, because I tried hard to forget it.
I turn to Kai, deciding it’s time to get some answers. No more dodging.
“Why am I dreaming about this?” My question comes out like a whip. When he doesn’t answer, I continue with my hands on my hips. “Better yet, why are you here with me?”
“Watch, Greer.”
“Kai, answer me—”
“Watch.” He stops me. “I’ll explain later.”
I don’t know why I listen, but I huff and turn my attention back to the two girls, even though I know where this is going now.
“Santa’s not going to bring me one,” Past Me says.
“Why not?” Avery responds innocently. “You still have time to put it on your list! And we’ve both been good this year.”
My nostrils flare. “That won’t matter, Aves.” Aves. I forgot I used to call her that.
“Of course it matters, Santa is magic. He always gives you what you want if you’re good!”
“Being good has nothing to do with it.”
“It does—I got what I asked for last year!”
“That’s because your parents buy you everything!” Past Me yells. The words come out mean—meaner and louder than I remember them sounding.
“They do not!” Avery shoots back.
“They do, too. You get everything on your list because they buy it.”
“But Santa—”
She snorts and cuts her off. “Santa isn’t real. Santa is your parents.”
My cold heart pounds in my chest as Avery’s little face falls. “What do you mean?”
“Come on, Aves. We’re ten now.”
She sits up in the snow, and Past Me goes along with her. Avery wrings her mittened hands, and it’s hard not to miss the tears forming in her eyes. “My mom and dad said he’s real.”
“They’re lying to make you feel good.”
Avery sniffles, and I swallow the lump in my throat.
“But he eats all the cookies I leave out, and my parents are asleep when he comes down the chimney.”
“Don’t be dumb. They sneak downstairs when you’re asleep! They eat the cookies themselves or throw them out.”
“You’re lying.”
“I’m not! My cousin told me. He said my parents can’t afford to get me the things I want, which means Santa can’t get me what I want. Because they are him!”
Avery sniffles again and wipes at her pink cheeks. “You’re just jealous that Santa must like me more than you.” She stands.
I see my past self get angrier, and I turn to look away, but Kai stops me, closer to me than he was before.
“Almost done.” His warm breath tickles my skin, and I look back despite myself, even if there’s an itch in my throat to ask him how he knows what’s going to happen since this is my memory—dream—whatever it is.
“I’m not lying, Avery.”
“No! Santa’s real.” She turns on her booted feet and runs toward her house that’s lit up with Christmas lights. It looks exactly how it does to this day—or least what it looked like the last time I saw it. Three stories, white siding with green shutters, and a wraparound porch.
This neighborhood is older, so a lot of the homes were redone, like Avery’s had been, while my parents’ and a few others stuck out like sore thumbs.
Especially during the holidays, when the newer ones were all decked out.
Avery’s dad made sure all the lights he put up were expertly done and on timers to come on as the sun went down.
It’s funny, because there was a time I dreamed of my future residence looking like her parents’ house at Christmas.
Now I avoid all decor and have a sleek condo instead of a cozy home.
The echo of Avery’s loud sob rings through the air before the front door to her house slams shut.
The larger and prettier wreath on her door swings and nearly falls to the ground at the force.
Past Me exhales a tight breath as Cooper comes running back after attempting to chase Avery.
He barks at her as if he’s mad at her, too, and she crosses her arms over her chest.
“She had to know, Coop.” The dog barks in question. “She did. Life isn’t nice to you just because you’re good. Like my cousin said, there’s no such thing as Santa.”
“Greer Louise Mallory!”
Present Me’s skin prickles. I swing my gaze from the scene before me to my front door, where a younger version of my mom is standing. She has red hair and a curvy frame like mine. Her hands are on her hips, and she’s got a red apron tied around her waist.
“Get in here right now!” she scolds.
Kai and I watch as Young Greer pulls her ski hat from her head and bites her lower lip. There’s no missing the tears in her eyes, another thing I forgot about that day.
“Greer!” she yells louder this time.
“I’m coming!” I scream back.
I take a step forward to follow her, but Kai’s hand on my shoulder stops me. At his touch, memories of what happens inside flash through my mind like I’m watching a movie of my life.
My mom yelled at me for what I told Avery, told me how disappointed she was in me for ruining Christmas for my best friend.
I tried to argue back, but my mom sent me to my room after she told me how upset she was in me—but not before she added, “If Santa is real, you’ve been a very naughty girl now, Greer. ”
Kai pulls his hand from me, and the memories stop. I gasp, feeling like I had been holding my breath. It’s dark around us now; the winter sun has already set.
The lights from the house allow me to study Kai’s eyes. They’re no longer warm but sad. No, not sad—full of pity. Which is even worse.
I exhale a loud breath. “What’s going on? How did you do that?”
“You needed to see that,” he says, not answering my question. “And I know you’re upset, but there’s still more to see.”
My brow furrows as he reaches for me again, but I step out of his path.
I don’t need to see more of this night. I remember how much I cried in my room, not eating dinner or speaking to my parents.
Not only because I knew I hurt Avery but also because I remember wondering if Santa truly was real—if my cousin was wrong and I for sure wouldn’t get what I wanted because I was a bad girl.
Spoiler alert, I didn’t get the snowsuit.
That was one of the worst Christmas mornings I’ve ever had.
It wasn’t until I got older that I understood that my parents couldn’t afford it, that not getting it had nothing to do with me being bad.
But this Christmas changed everything for me. It made me feel like I was bad.
“Greer.”
I blink away the sting in my eyes, replacing the sadness with anger.
I huff, but the air doesn’t turn to ice from my breath.
It’s a reminder that this—whatever the hell this is—can’t be real.
It just can’t be. Because how do I explain what I just saw?
What Kai showed me with his touch? That doesn’t happen in real life.
It could only happen in dreams—or something else.
“This is a nightmare,” I say.
“It’s not,” Kai answers.
I shake my head. “It is. It has to be.” I bring my hand up and smack myself.
“What are you doing?” Kai’s alarmed tone only makes me laugh.
“Waking myself up.” I hit my face harder, but like the cold, I don’t feel anything.
Kai’s hands grab mine before I can hit myself a third time. “Stop it, Greer. That’s not going to work.”
“No? It’s my nightmare, right? My brain? I can wake up!” I go to yank my hand from his to hit myself again, but then he snaps his fingers.
The scenery around us changes, and my stomach drops again, but this time, I don’t land in a snowbank. I’m standing in what looks to be my parents’ living room. A fake pine tree with no decorations on it yet sits in the corner, and boxes labeled “Christmas Stuff” litter the floor.
Fuck me, is this another memory?
Kai’s gaze is intense as I look at him. The light of day makes it easier to see his angelic features. I studied them before but not like this. High cheekbones, soft, wavy brown hair, and damn, he is tall. I’m five-nine, and he towers over me.
I shake my head. Why am I thinking about his looks right now? I need to focus. I have questions, and I’m pissed…or freaked out…actually, both.
“Give me answers now, Kai! Why can’t I wake up?”
“That’s a complicated question,” he says.
“It’s not like I’m going anywhere. I’ve got time.”
His cheek twitches. “I told you; we’re on a timeline.”
I groan. “You’re making no sense. You said you’d explain.”
He pauses, thoughts passing through his brown eyes before he says, “I told you, I’m a Nephilim.”
“And what exactly is that?”
“Half angel, half human.”
I snort. And before I know it, the snort turns into a maniacal cackle. But Kai doesn’t flinch, doesn’t move. He just waits until I stop laughing.
“You’re serious?”
“I have no reason to lie.”
“Then show me your wings.”
His twitching cheek turns into a half grin. “That’s an intimate question to ask someone. Though you have seen a lot of me already, haven’t you, Princess?”
My cheeks tinge pink, but I clear my throat.
I’m not going to talk about that in this crazy mindfuck of a situation I have going on, especially because Dream Him bringing that up doesn’t make sense.
However, it would make this more of a nightmare, given I was caught watching when I should not have been.
I level my gaze at him. “I’m not a princess.”
He shrugs. “If you say so.”
“I do say so.”
We stare each other down, but he doesn’t blink, just keeps grinning. I have the urge to both kiss him again and punch him in the face. God, my emotions are all over the place, and even Nightmare Me—or whatever I am right now—doesn’t like it.
“Emotions are a liability. Control is power,” I say softly, making Kai frown.
“Are you okay?”
I huff. “I don’t know—you tell me. I’m having the weirdest night I’ve ever had with one of the hottest men I’ve ever met, and I can’t wake up from it. Oh, and somehow I relived a bad memory, so…just trying to take back a bit of control where I can get it.”
“Emotions aren’t bad, Princess. And I’m one of the hottest Nephilim you’ve ever met, not a man.”
I groan. “God! I really need to wake up. This is completely mental.” I move to hit myself again, but Kai catches my hand and holds it.
“Attempting to hurt yourself won’t do anything.”
“Then for the love of everything, please tell me what is happening. I don’t care if it’s complicated.”
He exhales a soft breath and squeezes my hand. “I waited to explain so you could experience that memory fully without the information I’m going to tell you now. It was important that everything felt raw and real, like how it happened that day.”
“This isn’t a dream?”
“No, it’s not. I’m guiding you through specific events that helped shape you into what you’ve become. When you’ve seen all that you need to see, you’ll be back in your bed at the inn, safe and sound. I promise.”
I try to catch up with all he’s said, and when it fully sinks in, anger boils in my veins. Every nerve in my body lights up, and rage seeps through the pores of my skin, so much so I should be sweating. But this version of myself doesn’t.
“What I’ve become?” I repeat in question, my voice oddly calm.
“Yes, Greer.”
I want to ask what he means, but I don’t need to—because even in my subconscious, a near stranger is insinuating I’m an Ice Queen.
I cross my arms and lift a brow, trying to mask the unease crawling down my spine. I think he’s telling the truth, but the logical part of my brain won’t let me fully believe it. Nephilim aren’t real—more specifically, ones sent to show me my past and point out what I’ve become.
No. Despite everything he’s said and what I’ve seen, this has to be a nightmare I can’t wake myself up from. And if Nightmare Kai says I won’t be able to until he shows me whatever I’m supposed to see, then what choice do I have?
“Fine, Angel Boy. Let’s get this over with.”
His brow pinches. “It’s Nephilim.”
“If you say so.”