Chapter Twenty-Eight
Leena
Three short knocks on the door pull me from thoughts of blue-gray eyes and my fingers in soft brown hair. Tossing and turning most of the night before falling into a restless sleep, I have been up for a little while, just staring at my ceiling.
Charlie slowly pushes open my bedroom door, poking her head in. “Coffee, Mama?”
“Yes, please!” Pushing myself up, I arrange the pillows behind me.
She hands me a cup of coffee, steam visibly floating off the creamy caffeinated goodness.
As I take my first sip, Charlie crawls under my covers.
She purposefully tucks her cold feet against my calves, causing me to wince and almost spill the coffee all over both of us.
Soaking up the heat from the cup wrapped in my hands, I savor each swallow. Glancing down at my best friend cuddling up next me with her eyes closed, I carefully set my cup on my night stand. Shimming back down, I rest my face on my hands and sadly tell her, “I ran away again last night.”
Her eyes pop open to study my face, and she stays quiet as I work to gather my thoughts. “I want him. I don’t want to fight this thing anymore.”
“So what happened?”
“We were in the parking lot. He was waiting by my car when I got off last night.”
“Oh my god! Really?” She squeals and wiggles closer.
“Mm-hmm.” Fiddling with my nose ring, I eye her before making my next admission. “We ended up kissing against my car.”
“What?!” Charlie shrieks. She sits up immediately, crossing her legs under her. She brings her hands to her mouth, eyes wide. “Tell me everything!”
Sitting up too, I tip my head back against the headboard and sigh. “It was so freaking hot, Mama.” Just the memory makes my core clench. “He lifted me up and pressed me against the car.”
“Aye!” she cries, fanning herself. “That does sound hot. So why do you look so sad about it?”
“I heard an ambulance pulling in and I freaked out.” Wincing, I squeeze my eyes shut as I tell her the next part. “I pushed him away and told him it was a mistake.”
“Leena!”
Charlie calling me by name makes me feel worse.
“I know.” Groaning, I flop onto my back. “I just . . . was worried about being seen like that. I don’t want to run anymore, but I’m not ready to be under the microscope and have everyone whispering about us and our relationship.”
“What people say about you behind your back is not your business. You need to focus on what makes you happy, not what everyone else thinks.”
“Hitting me with the hard truths this morning?”
“Here’s another hard truth: that man is down bad for you. But that doesn’t mean he won’t give up, Leena.”
I swallow against the lump in my throat. I know she’s right, that is one of the things I’ve been obsessing over since I got home last night. Looking away, I have to rapidly blink my eyes to stem the sting of tears.
Rubbing my shoulder soothingly, Charlie leans her forehead against mine.
“Mama, I know you’re scared of these big feelings and how it could make you the center of attention.
But you need to ask yourself if he’s worth it.
Can you stand the pressure of the gossip for a while?
Because you know, even if you are the topic everyone is talking about, it will only be until the next big thing happens. ”
“I want him to be worth it, I really do.”
“Then talk to him. Let him know what has you so scared. Maybe you guys can, I don’t know, see how things go quietly, hide whatever is happening for now. If it fizzles out, then no one needs to know.”
“I guess . . .”
“Think about it, Leena. I would hate to see you lose something special before you ever really gave it a shot.” She pecks my nose and rolls out of bed. “Love you, Mama.”
All afternoon, my mind is whizzing all over the place. I try taking an everything shower to pamper myself, but I can’t stop the questions flying around inside my head.
Is he worth taking a chance on? Can I really ignore being the latest juicy scandal everyone is prattling on about?
Can we maintain our professional boundaries while being in a personal relationship?
Would he be willing to sneak around for my sake?
If we fizzle out or end badly, can I put it aside at work?
Can I see him or hear about him with someone else?
My gut burns at the thought because, either way, I hate the thought of him with anyone but me.
What does it say that I’m so doubtful about us?
I’m sitting at my puzzle table in the fading evening light, shifting through the pieces without really seeing them when my phone buzzes with a text.
Sylvie: Babes you better come get your man!
Me: ??? Wrong number, who dis?
I laugh at my corny response. I’ve been single for so long, it only makes sense she texted me by accident, intending that for someone else.
My phone buzzes immediately after I set it down.
Sylvie: [picture of Julian]
“What the fuck?” I’m looking at a picture of Julian sitting at the upstair’s bar in Nonna’s. He looks wrecked.
But wait, why is Sylvie sending me this picture of Julian?
Me: How do you know who this is? And what makes you think he’s ‘my man’?
Sylvie: It’s cute how you think I don’t know everything…
Sylvie: And that you seem to have forgotten I’m the one who reviews security footage
Me: OMG!
Sylvie: If I wasn’t completely committed to your sister, I might make a play for him because it was HOT!
Me: If you were into dudes and not completely gay you might make a play for him.
Sylvie: Yeah that too!
I zoom in on the picture of Julian. His large hand is wrapped around a lowball glass on the bar top, his shoulders slumped in a way that looks all wrong on his tall and confident frame.
His profile is set in a hard mask, but I can just make out the downturn of his mouth.
If I didn’t know better, I would think he just got off a seven-day shift of very little sleep. The exhaustion radiates off him.
I did that to him.
Sylvie: But there are lots of women, and guys, who would be interested in him.
Me: I’m coming!
Sylvie: Because you’re reliving how that hallway hook-up was or the picture I sent?
Me: Sylvie! I AM ON MY WAY!
Sylvie: Hahaha, oh!
Me: Do NOT let anyone flirt with him!
Sylvie: What am I supposed to do? Throw down for you? Over a MAN?!
Me: Why are you like this?
Sylvie: Because I’m pretty and you love me so I get to be annoying.
Me:
Paralyzed by indecision, I’m sitting in the parking lot of Nonna’s. Gripping the steering wheel, I lean forward to look up at the lights glowing from the lounge upstairs.
If I go in, I cannot run away again.
If I go in, there is a chance someone could see us and laying low won’t even be an option.
If I don’t go in, someone could sit down next to him and remind him there are other people who wouldn’t make him work so hard.
It’s the last thought that has me climbing out of my car. When I reach the front door, I hold the handle and take a large breath, feeling like I just sprinted across the parking lot.
Entering the restaurant has a calm settling over me. This familiar place has been a huge part of my life with some of my earliest memories here. Mina and Matteo may have renovated and made the restaurant their own, but the comfort I feel here has not changed.
I scoot around a group waiting to be seated and head for the stairs. As soon as I hit the landing, my eyes zero in on the bar, and Julian seated at the very end.
Still alone. Thank god.
His shirt strains over his shoulders when he runs a hand through his hair. That silky hair I grabbed hold of last night. His Adam’s apple bobs as he takes a swallow of his drink. My tongue unconsciously mimics the way he licks across his lip.
Quickly glancing around the lounge, I slightly sag in relief when I do not immediately recognize anyone.
“About time!” Sylvie whisper-hisses as she comes from the bathroom hallway.
I turn to her, slightly grateful for the delay because I have no idea what I’m going to say to Julian.
Hooking her elbow through mine, she says, “Babes, I’ll be expecting a full explanation for whatever is going on with that man. You have obviously been holding out on us.”
“Why didn’t you say something about the hallway before today?”
“I figured you had your reasons. And you better be thankful it was me and not your brother or sister who saw what I did.”
“Oh, believe me, I am.” My eyes cut back over to Julian. “How long has he been here?”
“The bartender just served him his second drink. But I didn’t look up what time the first one was put in.”
“Thanks, Sylvie,” I whisper. “It’s complicated, and I’m not really sure what this is . . . I’m going to go over there.”
“Get it, girl!”
Chest expanding with a deep inhale, I wipe my sweaty palms against my thighs, then shake out my wrists. Giving my sister-in-law a wobbly smile, I move toward the bar.
“Hey, Doctor.” Stopping behind the seat next to him, my voice shakes. “Is this seat taken?”