6. Chapter Five
Chapter six
I sit in my room, the morning sound of bird calls loud through the screen on my window. The heavy air presses down on me as I replay the dark events that brought me here, grappling with this twisted new thrill coursing through my veins.
Because while the birds are light and happy and free, I feel the opposite. And it has both nothing and everything to do with the guys.
I pace back and forth, my mind racing as fast as my pulse. I've always been the calm in the storm—okay, that’s a complete lie. I’m sassy, and occasionally a bit of a brat. Yet when it comes to our group, I’ve consistently been the voice of reason in our morally gray crusade against Tane Brown. The need to ally. To think things through calmly and deliberately without rushing in, no matter how tempting.
But now something primal stirs within me, something that hungers for the fight, for the blood.
I can't ignore it anymore.
"What's happening to me?" I mutter through gritted teeth. This isn't who I am, who I'm supposed to be. I'm losing myself in the violence, and I'm terrified by how much I crave it.
I hear the fall of footsteps down the hall and spin around. There’s a gentle tap on my door, and Skyler enters, his face etched with concern.
"Talk to me, Devon. Let me in," he says gently.
My hands tremble. "I don't know if I can stop this darkness inside me," I confess, my voice ragged. "Hurting them, it's starting to feel too good. I can’t stop thinking about the way Denzo’s eyes looked when we…" My voice trails off, my mind warring with itself, simultaneously horrified and delighted by the memory.
Skyler steps closer, his eyes boring into mine. "You don't have to face this alone. We're all struggling in our own way. But we have each other."
His words steady me, but my blood still sings for the fight. I don't know if I can resist its siren call for long. But, looking into Skyler's eyes, I find a flicker of hope. Maybe together we can lead each other out of the shadows, back into the light. He’s been through so much himself. Maybe we can grow through this together like we have so much else.
But I can't get the image of Tane's man out of my head—the satisfying crunch of bone and cartilage under my knuckles as I pummeled his face. The thrill of delight I get each time I think about the way Brick painstakingly disemboweled the man, stringing his intestines up on a rack like authentic ramen noodles.
Or the intense FOMO I have of not being present when the guys put Angel’s stalker through a twisted game where he had to eat his cousin’s dick and his own tongue, finally being decapitated by Angel herself. The artistry… just… incredible.
It’s got to the point where these types of thoughts make my pussy clench. Yep, I really do need help.
"I'm losing myself," I rasp. "When I'm in the thick of it, I don't see enemies anymore. Just targets. And I’m consumed by thoughts of this stuff all the time. Who will be next… how far we can push the boundaries."
Skyler's jaw tightens, his eyes clouding with concern. "Maybe we need a break from all this. Get away for a while, clear our heads." I know his words are meant to provide comfort, to give me an out if I need it. He's just as eager to end this as I am.
I let out a harsh laugh. "A vacation? Isn’t that what we just had, kind of? You really think Tane will simply let us walk away? This is the time we need to galvanize and strike, not think about ‘getting away from it all’."
Skyler’s gaze meets mine and he studies me for a moment, and then nods. "So we'll make him," Skyler says, determination in his voice.
Loud footsteps echo in the hallway. I whirl around to see Dom striding into the room towards us, his face unreadable.
"Am I interrupting something?" he asks coolly.
Skyler shakes his head. "We were just talking options."
"The only option is finishing what we started," Dom says. His eyes bore into mine, and I feel a spark of that primal hunger flare up in my gut.
He's right. The only way out is through. I curl my hands into fists, ready to drown my doubts in violence once more. I can worry about any lasting effects after the fact. For now, I need to embrace my bloodlust and do what needs to be done.
I nod slowly, the fire in my veins overtaking any lingering doubts. If this is who I need to become to protect my family, then so be it.
"You're right," I say to Dom. "It's time to end this, once and for all."
Dom's mouth twitches into a sly smile. He can sense the darkness taking root inside me, feeding on my rage and desperation. He recognizes the same darkness in me that exists deep within himself. Maybe he should come along next time Brick and I are exploring our dark sides.
"That's the Devon I know," he says. "Ruthless when it counts."
Skyler frowns, clearly uneasy with how readily I've embraced Brick’s violent counsel, and the way Dom is egging me on. But he doesn't argue further, just gives my shoulder a gentle squeeze.
"Just promise me you'll be careful," he says softly.
I meet his worried gaze steadily. "I promise."
But we both know it's a hollow assurance. There are no half-measures in this world we inhabit. And I've already crossed lines from which there is no coming back.
All that's left is to charge forward, consequences be damned. Tane and his men will feel my fury soon enough. I'll paint the walls red if I have to, and to be honest, I very much want to.
My hands curl into claws, ready to tear into warm flesh and break bones. I take a deep breath, steadying myself before I speak again.
"You're right, Dom. We'll face whatever comes together. But I'm still struggling with these violent urges inside me. It's like there's this primal part of me that hungers for the thrill of the fight, for the taste of blood."
I pause, hating to admit these dark desires out loud.
"I don't want to become a monster, but I can't deny that hurting Tane's men made me feel powerful. Unstoppable, even."
Dom regards me with concern, but no judgment.
"That rush of power can be addictive," he says. "But we have to remember who we are—and what we're fighting for. We're Snakes, not animals. But, that said, I think we’ve realized that the ends do justify the means if we really are going to take Tane down. And it’s not terrible if you get some enjoyment out of it." He shrugs. "I know that’s the way I’ve come to deal with the more violent aspects of this lifestyle."
I nod, but uncertainty gnaws at me.
"We’ve learned that defending ourselves isn't enough anymore. The only way to win this war is to fully embrace the darkness. We just need to hope that we’re able to return to our usual principles when we’re on the other side of all this."
Skyler nods his head firmly. "We’ll find a way, Devon. When this is all behind us.”
His unwavering faith gives me hope. I meet his gaze with renewed resolve.
"You're right," I nod. "We’ve all learned that we can’t always stick to our code… it’s just not practical these days. Everything is getting more ruthless, more fierce, more deadly. But no matter what Tane throws at us…our approach might just need to change in the meantime. I won't completely lose myself to the shadows… I’ll just lean into them a little more than I usually do."
The darkness still calls, but if we stick tightly enough together, we can hold on to the light.