52. Chapter Fifty-One
Chapter fifty-two
“ I know it probably sounds funny… hell, it sounds strange to me… but I’m going to miss Tane Brown in a way.” As soon as the words leave my mouth, I flinch. What a cringe thing to say.
“You’re going to miss Tane? What the fuck is wrong with you?” Devon narrows her eyes.
“I know, I know. Not the person… not the things he did or the people he hurt… but, you know. It feels like in a warped kind of a way he’s the reason we’re all here, together.”
“I think I get what you mean but that’s a weird way to say it. And yes, we’re better for having known him. But I wouldn’t say it’s worth the cost… to us or anyone else.” She gives me a pointed look. "In fact, if I had to call it, I'd say this feeling stems from your deep-seated daddy issues."
I laugh. Where her words would once have stung, I take them for what they are. A gentle poke at a truth. “I wholeheartedly agree. Maybe it’s safer to say I’m grateful for the experiences that led us to this point rather than suggesting a Tane Brown Appreciation Day. And he, in fact, was quite insignificant to the whole thing once the ball got rolling.”
“Yep, you’re right. He just happened to be ‘the guy’. The truth is, there are plenty more where he came from. Always will be. The next guys, bigger and better, readying themselves to take his place. We’ve just managed to eradicate the ones most interested in the island.”
“We’ll always have to be on the lookout. Remain vigilant. To some people, we’re going to be seen as the new Tane Brown. ”
“Ugh. That’s some terrible branding.”
“Yep, won’t be putting that on our sports bras, I can tell you that much,” grins Devon.
“I can’t help but think about how everything is coming to an end. How we’ve been through so much together," I say. "It feels a bit like when you finish high school and everyone writes, ‘never change’ in your yearbook, and promises to keep in touch. But in reality, we all know that’s a lie. People drift away at the best of times. It’s natural to grow in different directions. But the thought of being away from you guys now–it seems surreal and horrible to me. I don’t want to go back to the ‘before’, but I also don’t want to jump into a future that doesn’t have you in it in this same way.”
“Well, you know what… I’ve been thinking along similar lines. What if we take this further? What if we start to expand our compound to really support our joint operations. We can maintain our separate interests, and we’d do that outside of this. But the things we’re interested in working on together? We could go all in. Maximize our resources. Build something great.”
Wow. To think we didn’t used to be able to get these guys in the same room together for more than ten seconds without a punch being thrown… it really does feel like a different time. Like her wild idea is an actual, tangible possibility.
“What have you learned from all this, anyway?” I glance at her.
“Oh god," Devon pleads, "please don’t make us go around in a circle with the guys like some sad after-school special.”
“No no, I was asking you in particular because I’ve seen you go through some massive hurdles and I’m mad proud of you.” I shrug. "You've taught me that you can go through hurdles and you don't have to jump over them, by the way," I add.
"What do you mean?" Devon looks confused.
“Let’s not pretend you’re some type of dainty pole vaulter, gently leaping over challenges to get past them. You’re all spit and venom, ignoring the rules, and bashing through the obstacles like a roller derby jammer in the final minutes of a close bout. But how you get to the other side rarely matters. It’s that you get there. "
“You’re the best thing that ever happened to us, you know?" Devon says, her expression softening as she squeezes my arm. "I don’t know if we’d even still be here unless it was for you. And now you’ve taken something that was okay… maybe even very good.. and you’ve made it into something amazing.”
“I feel the same way about you," I say, reaching out to squeeze her hand. "My old life just seems drab and boring, like you and the guys have brought color and sound and light into it. We’re nobody and nothing without you.”
Devon smiles and her cheeks flush slightly. “You flatter me, but I feel exactly the same way about you guys. Everything seemed complicated and kind of… I don’t know… empty, I guess, before I met you. And now it’s just so… full.”
Of course, Brick leads the guys into the room right at this moment, overhearing the conversation. He immediately cracks up and jabs Slade in the ribcage with his elbow. Slade laughs in turn, and the others soon follow. “We have no problem keeping you full, my dear,” grins Brick.
“Oh stop it, you!” But I grin back. He’s not lying.
“I don’t like that this has made me trust strangers more than I did before.” Slade complains.
Brick wiggles his eyebrows. “Oh Slade, has this cured you of your stranger danger?!”
“No, Brick.” Slade shakes his head and scowls. “We are meant to have stranger danger. Stranger danger is a good thing! It keeps us alive!”
“What about accepting people as they are, and expanding our sense of community by surrounding ourself by people who may not be exactly like us?” Brick puts his pointer fingers to his thumbs and closes his eyes as if he’s deep in meditation, humming to himself. When he eventually opens them again, they’re twinkling with amusement.
“brICK!" Slade explains, his eyes flicking to the dishcloth in his hand like he's contemplating swatting him with it. "Goddammit you are frustrating.”
Brick smiles sweetly. “But you love me.”
Slade sigh, visibly exasperated, but a little smile gives him away, tugging at the corner of his mouth like the hands of a toddler at the hem of their mother’s shirt in the candy aisle at the grocery store .
"For real, though," says Slade. "A moment of truth…you’d think with everything going on it would just encourage me further into the shadows. To force me into some hermit life, surrounded by the only person I can ultimately trust—myself. Yet, here I am. And it’s like this entire process has softened me somehow. Normally I wouldn’t like it, and god knows I’ve fought against it enough. But with you guys—and Angel in particular—I guess you’ve helped me to realize it’s okay to trust. And even love."
My heart almost bursts with pride at Slade sharing his feelings with the group in this way.
"Are you saying you love me, Slade?" Brick asks, grinning. Oh god, he just has to keep pushing it. Slade's eyes narrow and for a moment I think he's going to snap.
But instead, he opens his mouth to speak. “Yes, Brick.” he says, squeezing his mouth together in a thin line while his eyes meet Brick's. “I do love you.” As soon as the words come out, it’s almost too much. Slade's body tenses, as if waiting for a blow to come out of left field, just because he uttered those words.
Brick is unable to contain himself. “Slade, are you saying that if we were in some world involving MM, where there were swords crossing all over the place, you’d want to cross swords with me?”
I laugh and shake my head. This guy.
Instead of running to the kitchen to grab a sharp knife, Slade just laughs. “Yes, Brick. I guess that is what I’m saying. Although it’s purely hypothetical, so don’t get any ideas.”
Brick beams. “Slade likes me. He really likes me.”
I can't help but laugh again.
With Brick on my team, life will never be boring.
As if on queue, Brick reaches out and gently touches my jaw. "My sweet Valkyrie. We have a surprise for you…"