Chapter 19
Zane
While everyone is in the kitchen, visiting or finishing making dinner, my gaze remains fixated on the closed bathroom door. She’d been upset when she left; I could tell that much. And who can blame her?
This is a whole lot more than the small dinner with my mother I’d been led to believe we were having.
“Maybe you should go check on her,” Garrison offers. “She looks a bit overwhelmed.”
Weston grunts in agreement.
“Yeah. You’re right. Be back.” I move over toward the bathroom door. “Tessa?” I ask, keeping my voice quiet so I don’t bring attention to us.
A few seconds later, she opens the door.
Her eyes are red-rimmed, and the bathroom window is wide open.
Momentary anger shoves through the concern, and I push into the bathroom, closing and locking the door behind me.
All while Tessa’s expression remains the same—neutral.
“Were you going to climb out the window?”
“I thought about it,” she replies honestly. “But, no.” She swallows hard and closes her eyes. “I don’t deserve any of this, Zane.”
I cross my arms. “Why is that?”
“The list is too great to share right now. We’d never leave this room.”
She’s a few feet away from me, so I take a step closer. “I have no complaints about staying right here.” Truth is, having her pressed against me on the back of my bike shoved aside any and all rationality about why a relationship between us won’t work.
The only thing that matters is Tessa.
Everything else will work itself out.
“What if you found someone who wanted what you could offer? Who understood?” Her simple words have been running through my mind since she spoke them. Was she asking for herself? Because she understands?
Her eyes widen, pupils dilating, but she remains where she is. “Zane, your family knows what I did to you.”
“They know that you left because you felt like you had no choice. They know that you were trying to save me. I may not agree with it, but I see it, too.” I rest both hands on the bathroom sink on either side of her.
She looks up at me. “You deserve all of this and so much more, Tessa.” I whisper the words now, my gaze dropping to lips I long to taste.
But I won’t take that next step.
It has to be her.
“I shouldn’t have left.” A tear slips down her cheek. “I wish that I had never gone over there. Then maybe—” She closes her eyes. “Maybe I wouldn’t have lost you.”
Reaching up, I cup her cheek, letting my thumb caress soft skin I’ve spent nearly two decades dreaming about. “Tessa.”
She opens her eyes.
“I’m right here.”
Her gaze drops to my lips, and it takes everything to keep myself rooted here with distance between us. Please, I want to beg. Please drop those walls and let me in.
Those gorgeous brown eyes widen, and she looks up at me. The moment between us becomes so heavy that I can hardly breathe. It’s as though everything that’s been building since I found her on my boat comes crashing into us like waves against a shoreline.
So close.
She’s so close.
A heavy knock obliterates the moment, and Tessa looks away from me.
“Hey! Dinner is ready!” Anastasia calls out.
A laugh bubbles out of Tessa, and she covers her face with both hands as she rests her forehead against my chest. I lean down and press a kiss to the top of her head. “Anastasia has a talent for ruining moments, doesn’t she?”
Tessa’s laughter dies as I pull away. “Maybe it’s for the better.” She wipes her eyes and takes a deep breath.
“No,” I reply without hesitation. “We’re not done here, Tessa. Not by a long shot.”
They told me I’d be afraid standing here at the end of the aisle, but it’s not fear that has my heart pounding or my palms sweating. It’s anticipation because, any moment now, Tessa will be walking through those doors and heading straight to me.
The deed in my pocket is my gift to her. Land we can build a home on. A future. It’ll be a while before I can afford to actually do anything with it, but it’s a beginning.
Maybe once we get back from our honeymoon, we can get started.
My mom smiles at me from where she’s sitting in the front row. Anastasia is in the back, likely getting ready with Tessa since she’s the Maid of Honor. Beside me, Weston stands strong. My brother in everything but blood.
The double doors open, and my heart leaps into my chest. But instead of Tessa dressed in white, it’s Anastasia who’s coming toward me.
Her expression is enough to kill the joy in my heart as I rush down the aisle toward her. “What is it?”
“I’m sorry, Zane. I’m so sorry.”
“For what? What’s wrong?”
Her eyes fill with tears. “She’s gone. Tessa is missing.”
The coffee in front of me is not at all strong enough to combat the night of tossing and turning. I never thought I’d admit it, but I’m honestly missing my sister’s couch. Because having Tessa only a few yards away, behind a single door, was nearly too much to handle.
Unfortunately, without knowing who’s after us and realizing how far they’ve been willing to go up to this point, staying with Anastasia longer than we had to isn’t an option. She may not care about the danger, but I do.
So much so that Weston is currently crashing in her guest room, just in case, while Sawyer spends his free time sitting in her café and keeping watch, and spends his nights sleeping in my mom’s guest room.
I’d tossed and turned all night, playing that moment in my head over and over again until finally I had gotten out of bed just to peek in on Tessa and make sure she was still there.
My Bible is open to Ephesians 2, though I stopped reading about five minutes ago when my brain stopped processing anything I was putting into it. I bow my head. Lord, help me, please. I’m drowning here.
The bedroom door opens, and Tessa steps out wearing leggings and a long t-shirt that falls mid-thigh.
My mouth dries at the sight of her.
So absolutely breathtaking.
“Morning,” she greets with a hesitant smile.
“Morning. Coffee?” I question as I get to my feet to prep her a cup.
“Thanks.”
“Yeah.” I plaster myself against the counter so she can move past me, but it’s not far enough. Her shoulder brushes against my chest, and I have to fight the urge to pull her closer just so I can have more of it. More of her.
Strength. Lord, I need strength.
After getting her a cup of coffee and refreshing mine, I slide back into the booth. She takes her mug and sips from it while her gaze remains out the window at the bright sunshine reflecting off the ocean’s glassy surface.
“How did you sleep?” I ask her.
“Not great,” she admits. “Just had a hard time falling asleep.”
“You and me both,” I reply.
She offers me a partial smile, then shifts her attention to my Bible. “Ephesians, huh? I kind of remember that one. Armor of God, right?”
Hope surges through me. An opening.
“That’s the one,” I tell her. “Right now, I’m on Ephesians 2. ‘For we are all God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things He planned for us long ago,’” I say, reciting Ephesians 2:10, a verse I’ve had memorized for as long as I can remember.
“How many times have you read through the Bible?”
“A few,” I reply. “But that’s the great thing about God’s Living Word. Every time I read through it, I find something else that hits harder than it did before.”
“What is it this time? Or is that verse it?”
“Actually, it’s Paul’s ministry I’ve been really focusing on lately.”
“Paul?”
“He was Saul before and actively hunted and persecuted Christians until he was chosen to spread the Good News about Jesus. He did a lot of horrible things, but the Lord used him as an instrument to spread His Gospel. I guess it’s really resonating with me lately that light can come from the darkest of places. ” My gaze locks on hers.
“You’re a good person, Zane.”
“I’ve done a lot I’m ashamed of, Tessa. And there are so many days when moving forward feels impossible. I guess I just wonder if Paul ever felt like that, too.”
She doesn’t respond, just takes another drink of her coffee and turns her attention back out the window.
Silence descends upon us once more, and since I’m not really sure there’s a great opening for what I want to ask her, I close my Bible and jump right in.
“Will you go to service with me today? I haven’t been in a while now, and I’d really like to go. ”
She turns toward me. “Church?”
I nod, trying not to hold my breath as I wait for her answer.
“I don’t—I don’t have anything to wear.”
“No one there cares what you wear,” I tell her. “But we can call Anastasia and see if she has a dress or something you can borrow if you want? If you’re uncomfortable, then that’s okay, too. We have about an hour before service starts.”
Her gaze shifts from the Bible to me, out the window, then back to me. “No, it’s fine. If you want to go, I’ll go.”
They’re the exact words she spoke to me the first time I asked her to go to church with me.
I know she’d only gone because she was afraid to go home, and maybe it’s a similar reason here, but I can’t keep the joy from saturating my heart.
Maybe if I can remind her just how powerful her faith is, she can find it again.
She can find Him again.
“It’s been a while for me, too,” she says as she nervously toys with her mug.
“How long?”
Her gaze levels on mine, and the heaviness in it isn’t something I miss. “Since the last time we went together.”
It’s a day branded in my memory, like so many others from that time of my life. The time I spent with her. Every moment is etched into the very fabric of my being. “The Wednesday night service before our wedding.”
She nods. “I don’t even remember what the sermon was, but I remember sitting there, wondering how I could speed up time so we could just be married already.” Her soft laugh lacks all humor. “I guess it’s a shame I couldn’t figure it out.”
Reaching across, I cover her hand with mine. “Things aren’t set in stone, Tessa.”
“In some cases, they are.” She pulls her hand away, retreating even after the closeness last night, and stands. “I’ll get ready to go. I’m sure I can find something to wear.”