Chapter 5
Chapter Five
Rick drummed his fingers on the steering wheel as he drove Ernie’s minivan through Las Vegas on Interstate 15. He shook his head as the black-glass pyramid of the The Luxor Hotel flashed past. “This is the cruelest shit I’ve ever heard of. Driving through Vegas to get to a redneck bachelor party in the mountains. That’s ruthless as fuck, TJ.”
In the passenger seat the Chief looked up from the book he was reading. “Trust me, it’s the best way.”
Rick glanced up at a huge sign announcing the Bellagio Hotel. “Come on. We’re here. Surely we can stop overnight. Maybe catch a show at the Spearmint Rhino.”
TJ shook his head. “Negative, we need to be in Fallon by lunchtime.”
Rick glanced in the rear-view mirror. The other two passengers, Dean and Ernie were fast asleep. “Is that where we’re changing teams?”
“Yeah, why? You getting tired?”
He yawned. “A little.” Rick had been driving since they left San Diego five hours earlier.
“OK, pull into the next gas station and we’ll grab some coffee and switch.”
Twenty minutes later Rick sat in the passenger seat with a can of energy drink in one hand and his phone in the other. TJ was now behind the wheel, and Dean and Ernie were awake.
“Are you kidding me?” Rick exclaimed as he stared at the phone.
“What’s wrong? Already run out of Tinder matches?” asked Dean.
“No, worse. There are literally zero strippers within a hundred miles of Oakridge, Oregon.”
“Oh no, essé. What are you going to do? You might have to dress up and give Mike a lap dance,” said Ernie.
“You’d like that, wouldn’t you? You sick little midget.”
“No need to get racist,” replied the Latino.
“What, how is midget racist?”
“You were implying that Mexicans are much shorter than black men.”
Rick turned with a cocked eyebrow. “Brother, you’ve got a serious complex.” Returning his attention to his phone he missed the wink that Ernie shot Dean.
“OK, looks like your crappy little town has a pole dancing studio. That’s pretty much stripping, right?”
TJ shook his head. “It used to be such a quaint place.”
“Is that where you grew up?” asked Ernie as Rick thumbed an email on his phone.
“No, used to visit a lot. My grandfather built the cabin when I was a kid. We’d head up there most summers. Swim in the lake, raft the river and hunt deer. Some of my best times were had in those mountains.”
Rick continued on his phone.
“What about you, Dean?” asked TJ. “You and Mike get out in the wilderness much?”
He nodded. “Yeah, we grew up on Navy bases though, so we spent more time in the water. The old man was posted to Pearl for a few years. We got up in the mountains there a fair bit.”
“Mike doesn’t talk much about his dad,” said Ernie.
Dean nodded. “When dad died he took it pretty hard. They were real close. Mike idolized him. I was always closer to mom.”
“Jackpot!” Rick punched his fist in the air.
“Tinder match?” asked Dean.
“Better, we’ve got ourselves a pole dancer for tomorrow night.”
“You could turn a nun’s picnic into a gangbang, couldn’t you Rick?” growled TJ.
He grinned. “What can I say, it’s a gift.”
* * *
Ali’s face was glued to the window of their hired sedan as it turned off the highway and entered the McCredie Springs Country Club. “Oh Mike, it’s beautiful,” she exclaimed as he drove them along a tree-lined laneway. They’d flown up from San Diego mid-afternoon and driven the sixty miles from the city of Eugene to their destination.
Mike parked the car in front of a grand southern-style mansion. As they stepped outside a man in his fifties dressed in jeans, boots and a McCredie Springs embroidered shirt appeared from inside.
“You must be Mike and Ali,” he declared in a deep voice.
“That’s us.” Mike shook his hand. “Oh, and we’ve got Axe in the back.”
“The hero, right?”
Ali smiled. “The one and only. Thank you so much for letting us bring him along.”
“Hey, it’s no problem at all. We’ve got a villa set aside for people with dogs. My name’s Brian and if there’s anything you need, you let me know.”
“Thanks, Brian. I tell you what, this has to be the prettiest place I’ve ever seen,” said Ali.
“We try. Now, I’ll show you to your villa. The boys will bring your luggage along momentarily. Mike, if you leave your keys in the car, they’ll park it for you and drop them off with the bags.”
They let Axe out of the sedan and followed Brian down a stone pathway that weaved between tall birch trees. Birds flitted among the branches, their calls filling the air.
“You’re welcome to let Axe run in the forest. However, we’ve got horses in the bottom paddock. They’re fine with dogs, but Axe might not like them.” He gestured to a velvet smooth green. “Mike are you much of a golfer?”
“I certainly am.”
“Good, because I find that nine holes take about the same time as the deluxe spa treatment. Which, I might add is included with your room.”
Ali grasped his arm. “You mean you won’t be joining me?”
Mike laughed. “Hey, someone has to look after Axe.”
She kissed his cheek. “So that’s why you wanted to bring him.”
They reached a quaint weatherboard cottage perched in the woods. Two stories with a deck it was framed with vine-laden trellis. As they climbed the steps to the porch Ali spotted a hot tub nestled in the garden.
“Mike, this is the best.”
Brian swiped an electronic lock and pushed open the bi-fold doors revealing an opulent living area. There was a kitchen, dining setting, couches and a chandelier hanging from the ceiling.
“There are two bedrooms upstairs, both with their own bathrooms.” He reached out and ruffled Axe’s ears. “If you need anything just holler.” He slipped away outside leaving the three of them alone.
“The boys have outdone themselves,” said Ali as she climbed the stairs to the second floor.
Mike followed her and Axe upstairs. “The selection fiasco didn’t exactly set the bar high.”
“OK, now this is nice,” announced Ali.
The master bedroom opened up onto a balcony with views out over the valley. White gauze curtains danced in the breeze. He turned around and was confronted by a dazzling white bathroom with an enormous brass-footed bathtub.
Ali was standing in front of it smiling. “I think we’re going to be very comfortable here.” She frowned and nodded toward the bed.
Mike looked over and saw Axe sprawled on the duvet. “Someone already is. Axe, off.”
The dog jumped down and disappeared downstairs.
He turned back to Ali as she slipped her summer dress’s shoulder straps off and let it drop to the floor. Beneath it, she wore lacy white underwear. She pouted her lips and pointed to his pants. “Mike, off.”
* * *
It was early morning when TJ parked the van in front of a log cabin nestled among the trees on the shore of a lake. He stepped out, took a few paces, lifted his arms wide and sucked in a lungful of crisp mountain air.
The other three occupants of the van were a little slower to gather themselves. Dean and Ernie climbed out of the back of the van and stretched. Rick continued slumbering in the front passenger seat.
TJ opened his door. “Rise and shine cupcake, it’s time to get this place ready for action.”
Rick opened one eye. “You sir, are an asshole.”
The boys unloaded their bags and boxes of supplies as TJ unlocked the cabin. He swung open the door and childhood memories came flooding back. The bunkhouse was exactly how he remembered it. It consisted of a single open room with bunks across the back and a massive fireplace at one end. At the other was the kitchen with its lake facing windows and an old cast iron cooker.
“Wow!” Rick let out a low whistle as he entered carrying a carton of Bulleit Bourbon. “Hey Pops, you shoot that?” He placed the booze on a rough-hewn table in the center of the cabin and gestured to a stuffed black bear in the corner of the room.
TJ shook his head. “Nope, grandma killed that one with her bare hands.”
Rick frowned.
“Chief, this is a pretty special place,” said Ernie as he and Dean entered with cartons of food.
“Yeah, man. Thanks for bringing us up here,” added Dean.
“My pleasure, boys. Right, Rick, you check the raft. Should be in the boatshed. Dean, you get those rations stowed.” He pointed to the shelves in the kitchen. “Ernie, lay the map on the table. I’ll fire up the stove and get some coffee on. Full mission briefing in fifteen.”
The men snapped into action like a well-oiled machine. Exactly fifteen minutes later with mugs of coffee in hand they gathered around the map that Ernie had pinned to the table.
“OK boys, we’re here.” TJ used the tip of a bowie knife to show their location. “Eugene city is over here.” He pointed off the map. “McCredie Springs is here.” He tapped the tip on the edge of the National Forest. “And the river is here.” He traced a thin blue line that ran through the middle of the forest from north to south.
“Looks pretty remote,” observed Ernie.
“It is. Twenty-two miles of untouched wilderness.”
Rick unscrewed a bottle of bourbon and sloshed it in his coffee. “We’re taking guns, right?”
“We’re on the river. What are you going to shoot, fish?”
“The guns are for protection. Haven’t you seen Deliverance?” Rick exposed his teeth in his best impersonation of a hick. “Hey boy, you squeal like a pig?”
TJ rolled his eyes. “This is Oregon, not West Virginia.”
“Same shit. We need guns.”
TJ tapped the bourbon bottle with his blade. “You going to be sober at any stage of this activity?”
Rick considered his point. “Nope.”
“Then no guns.” The Chief checked his watch. “I need to be at the airport in two and a half hours. I’ll drop you boys at McCredie on the way through. You get eyes on the target and when I get back we’ll make the snatch.”
Rick raised his hand. “Question.”
“Shoot.”
“Can I stay here and get things ready for tonight?”
“Sure, but don’t wander off into the woods. The bears are pretty active this time of year.”
“Bears? What the fuck TJ, what hellhole have you brought us to? This is supposed to be a bachelor party not the god damn hunger games.”
TJ spun the Bowie knife in his palm and flicked it into the wood. “Rick, stop being such a pansy, you’ll be fine.” He gestured to the others. “Get your gear sorted. We roll in thirty.”
* * *
Leonie grabbed her bags from an airport conveyor belt and joined the women waiting at the exit. It was nine in the morning and they’d caught the first flight up from San Diego. As maid of honor she was responsible for the group of six. The bachelorette party consisted of two of Ali’s friends from college, her assistant Naomi, a girl she played tennis with and Ernie’s wife, Maria.
“OK ladies, is everyone ready?”
They let out a resounding cheer and Leonie led them out of the arrivals lounge. She spotted TJ standing alongside a minivan. She waved and he strode over.
She gave his cargo pants, checked shirt and baseball cap a once over. “Look at you, all rugged and outdoorsy.”
He frowned at her bulging bags. “You do know you’re only here for two nights.”
“It’s not all for me. I’ve packed vital party supplies.”
He let out a grunt as he lifted the bags. “Lead pipes?” Lowering them into the trunk he slammed it shut. “We’ve got a little over an hours drive. There’s a liquor store on the way. Is there anything else you ladies need before we reach the resort?”
Leonie glanced around the group. Everyone looked to her expectantly. “Sounds good.”
The girls clambered aboard and soon they were on the highway heading south.
“So how come Mrs. Chief wasn’t available for this little foray?” asked Leonie from the passenger seat.
“Emily was keen, but she’s away on a business trip.”
“Ah, that sucks. What line of work is she in?”
“She’s a food critic.”
“Get out of town.”
TJ laughed. “What, too civilized for a sailor?”
“No, just not what I expected.”
“I was a chef before I joined up.”
“Do you clean as well?”
“Huh, I guess so. Why?”
“It’s the ultimate package. Cooks, kills and cleans. You’re Casey goddamn Ryback.” Leonie reached into her handbag and removed a hip flask. “OK ladies, let’s get this party started.”
The van filled with laughter and TJ shook his head. He pressed the accelerator a little harder. The sooner he got to McCredie the sooner he could offload the six women.