Chapter 12 – Emma
CHAPTER 12
EMMA
I couldn’t help but blush as I glanced back over my shoulder at the dreamy-eyed Nathan behind me.
He’d been so stoic and impassive, I really wasn’t sure what to make of this.
I figured he would withdraw his affection and put his defenses back into place, the same way he did after he kissed me. But that wasn’t the case at all this time.
Where's Mr. Hot-and-cold?
I think every girl has the fantasy of a man like him looking at her like that . You know the look… The kind of look that makes your heart feel like a square of butter sliding down a hot dinner roll. I felt dumb for thinking it, but Nathan felt like more than a fling... More than a distraction... More than a lay, or a man, or anything I've ever lived through before.
I’d put my life in his hands, and he’d come through time and time again. Not only that, he didn’t treat me like some fragile thing. At every turn he made me stronger and more capable than I was even a moment before.
That was an incredible feeling, one I hoped I could carry with me, always. The boat tilted precariously, knocking my thoughts to our surroundings.
“Woah.” Cold water sloshed over my lap and I gasped. “Hey, Captain, how ‘bout I get a turn driving?”
I turned to look over my shoulder, finding Nathan staring forward blankly, non-reactive, and alarmingly empty-handed .
“Nathaniel…” I reached out and slapped his leg.
“Where’s your steering branch?”
“It… I tried to–” He stammered, pointing over his shoulder. “There was a–”
“Nathan!”
“It got caught. My grip. Leopard hand... Not good.” He scrunched his shoulders toward his ears.
His leopard hand?
“Daaaaammiiiiit.” I put a hand over one side of my face. “Okay so now should we just–”
“Look out!” His eyes widened and he grabbed hold of the sides of the raft as it smashed into a boulder.
I screamed, losing my balance and nearly flipping us over trying not to fall off.
Nathan leaned in the opposite direction, righting our little wooden vessel just in time.
Leaning forward, I gripped each side of the raft and clung to it for dear life as panic welled up in my chest.
“It’s okay, calm down. You're so calm.” He furrowed his brow as I stared daggers at him.
“Don’t…” My nostrils flared. “...tell me to be calm right now!”
White water churned around us, and Nathan slid the lower half of his body off the back of the raft, trying to get control by using his feet against the oncoming rocks and riverbed.
“I’m gonna take us to the edge,” he yelled over the roar of the water. “Stay where you are. Precious. Pretty. Emma. Stay.”
“Okay, good plan.” I nodded as my pulse raced dangerously high.
Kicking us toward the calmer side of the water, he steered us under a cluster of frazzled tree roots.
“Grab on, Emma.” The muscles in his neck corded as he strained to keep the raft steady. “We’re going to have to climb."
I stood up on my knees to try and grab a low-hanging root, but it was no good.
"Aughh!" he let out a grunt with the effort.
We drifted past it, and as I reached for the next one, the raft tipped. Everything went into slow motion, but I couldn't stop myself from falling backward. Nathan’s eyes went wide and the back of my head smacked into something hard.
Everything went black.
When I opened my eyes, everything was a blur, the rush of water from all directions threatening to strangle me.
I kicked toward the daylight shining through the murky surface and gagged as I burst into the warm air.
My tangled hair matted itself together in a sheet over my face like some bad movie-monster in a lagoon.
I wiped it aside as my elbow slammed into another rock, spinning me toward the middle of the river. Pumping my limbs as hard as I could, I choked, struggling to keep my mouth and nose above the surface, but it felt like the swirling water was half-done swallowing me.
My stomach wretched as another mouthful of mossy river water filled my mouth.
I kicked hard, pushing for another adrenaline rush that might help me muster the strength to swim to safety, but the world went darker and darker as my lungs screamed for air into the blackness.
Weightless, I floated downward and a tiny pinhole of light appeared in the distance. The pain melted away and I reflected on everything that brought me to this point.
Over the last few days, my life had spiraled out of control. I remembered the plane going down, and I was more upset about the life I hadn’t lived than I was about dying. But it wasn’t just because I’d spent more time studying than partying. And it wasn’t because I worked too much. It was that I’d failed to see the best moments in my life for what they were.
Putting pennies on train tracks with Jax when we were kids. Catching a beautiful wave the first time I was able to stand up on my surfboard… A stolen kiss in the middle of a monsoon. Jumping off a giant rock into a swimming hole, getting chased through the jungle by bad guys and surviving… fighting off the friggin king of the jungle with a tree branch.
My life had been amazing, and no matter what happened now, I was grateful for every solitary second of it–especially my time spent with Nathan. For someone who had been so dead set on avoiding love, I’d managed to get pretty lucky in that regard. Gratitude swelled in my chest until it felt like I might burst.
I just wish… I’d had a little more time with him.
The tiny pinhole of light grew brighter, expanding until it was almost blinding. I felt a firm grip on my wrist, tugging me against the relentless current. My knees scraped against sand and rocks, the pain barely registering as I was drug along.
A searing agony ripped through my lungs, and I instinctively rolled to one side, water spewing from my mouth in violent spurts.
“That’s my girl.” Nathan's voice cut through the haze, his hand firmly patting my back. “Thank you, God.”
I violently fought for a breath until I finally sat up.
“I thought I’d lost you.” His arms closed around me and I buried my face in the curve of his neck, trembling from exhaustion.
“Not... this time.” I panted, pulling him close.
As the fog of my near-death experience started to clear, I felt more and more alarmed by the supposed epiphany of what would have been my final thought in this world.
In typical Emma fashion, I started to backpedal, rationalizing that the entire thing was my cerebral cortex dumping all its reserves of DMT and serotonin to ease the stress of a dying brain.
Somehow, the thought of wanting to spend the rest of my life with one person was more terrifying than the plane crash, a swarm of wasps, almost bitten by a venomous snake, and getting shot at… Not to mention the giant furry death machine that almost ate us.
There's no way I can trust my own judgment at a time like this.
This isn't love.
There isn't such thing for me...
Not for me.