Chapter 30
Ava
Idon’t remember getting back to my apartment.
One second I’m walking away from Harrison and the kids while Snooki cries for me down the hallway.
The next, I’m standing alone in silence so complete it rings in my ears.
My apartment looks exactly the same as I left it.
But somehow it’s different now. Emptier.
About now, Snooki would be climbing into my lap while Ollie pretended he totally didn’t save me a seat beside him on the couch.
Connor would be casually showing me the latest zombie sketch while secretly watching my face the whole time to see if I liked it.
And once the kids were asleep, Harrison would whisk me into his bed, curl himself around me while I slept wrapped in my six-foot-four lumberjack until dawn.
My chest caves inward.
Because for one terrifying, beautiful moment, that loud little family felt like mine.
And now they’re gone.
My phone lights up again, and I wipe away another wave of tears.
Gabe.
Sixth call.
I close my eyes.
God, can’t he take a hint?
I don’t want to talk about it. Least of all with my little brother, who’s probably sitting beside Mama right now trying to figure out why I sound like someone died.
Maybe someone did.
I don’t want comfort.
I don’t want advice.
I definitely don’t want to hear that everything happens for a fucking reason.
I just want to bleed in peace for a minute.
I stare at the screen until it finally goes dark.
A second later another text from Hannah comes in.
Hannah
Please answer me.
I’m here for you.
Add it to the growing pile.
Three missed calls from Hannah.
Three from Mrs. D.
Two from Zac.
But Harrison?
Not a word.
No text.
No call.
Not even a stupid passive aggressive thumbs-up emoji.
Nothing.
More tears blur my vision as I stare and stare. Like if I look hard enough his name will magically appear.
It doesn’t.
The kids haven’t called either.
But honestly, I’m a little relieved.
I couldn’t take their crying right now. I’m too fragile for it.
Another text comes in.
Chase
I’m here for you.
Anytime. Anyplace.
I shut off my phone.
He’s probably talking to them right now.
Giving them the we’re getting a divorce talk.
Explaining how people leave. How eventually, they’ll move on.
I already know I never will.
Of course, he’ll spin it so he’s the good guy and I’m the monster.
You’re not the good guy, Harrison.
You’re the asshole.
A broken sound escapes my throat before I can stop it.
Because I’m the idiot who’s in love with the asshole.
I curl tighter into the corner of the couch as another wave of sobbing crashes through me so hard my stomach hurts.
Outside, waves crash against the beach below.
I left the patio doors cracked open even though the ocean air is freezing because somehow the sound makes me feel less alone.
A few hours ago we were buying books and drinking cappuccinos while I silently planned the rest of my life.
Forever.
Then he broke a guy’s jaw.
Then my heart.
I drag another blanket around myself until I’m buried in oversized throws and heartbreak.
It feels like somebody hollowed me out with their bare hands and left me here to feel every second of it.
And it hurts.
I squeeze my eyes shut.
I should call the police.
Hello? My whole world disappeared. Nope, the rest of the universe didn’t notice a thing.
Another tear slips down my cheek.
Then another.
Then suddenly I’m crying so hard I can’t breathe.
Because the worst part isn’t Iceland.
Or the reporters.
Or even the way Harrison looked at me like loving me wasn’t worth the price.
It’s Snooki crying in my arms.
And Ollie begging me not to leave.
It’s Connor standing there trying so hard to be strong while his entire face fell apart.
And me, not being able to do a thing about it.
God.
How the hell do people survive this?
I shove my fist against my mouth to keep from screaming.
Mourning the family I lost.
And the man who let me go.