12. ALLISON
Chapter twelve
ALLISON
H is hand runs over my skin, and his warm breath on the crook of my neck drives all coherent thought from my mind. When his hand dips lower to massage my stomach, I gasp because nothing has ever felt better than this. Soon after his hands reach that special button of mine and start to massage it, his lips follow the exact path they did; kissing down my torso until he finally settles between my legs.
Jacob. I think fondly, reminiscing about the last couple of days after our heated episode.
Jacob has remained the perfect gentleman, caring and attentive to both Maddie and me, calling us his girls any chance he gets. But since that day, he has taken a lot of care not to touch me in any way that could be misconstrued as anything other than innocent. Despite that or because of that, I can’t get him off my mind.
The amount of attention I pay him is so much that I catch myself watching him, especially when he is with Maddie. I can’t stop imagining things I know I shouldn’t be. It’s not my fault. He was the one who put my mind there! I defend myself internally, but it’s no use because I can’t escape my mind or the sensuous pictures it conjures to torture me.
I make a resolute decision to keep Jake out of my mind and turn my attention back to the person who has gotten almost every second of it for the last day. Maddie is decked out in a pink onesie. She looks every inch the princess I call her, but she has been anything but princess-like today; irritable and refusing all attention and care from me. It was a struggle getting her to cooperate long enough to give her a bath and now she is refusing even a single swallow of her food.
“Hey, baby. Do you want to eat yet?” I bring the bowl closer to her in hopes that she will take a spoonful at least, but like before she refuses, almost hitting the bowl out of my hand when her flailing limbs connect with it.
“Maddie, you’re going to have to eat eventually, so please do it sooner rather than later.” I sigh, tiredly. Neither Jacob nor I were able to get any sleep because she had fussed all night, and if she wasn’t sleeping, we couldn’t either. It had been a long night for the both of us, and this morning isn’t looking any better. “Baby, your uncle won’t be back until much later today so you’re going to have to help me out here.”
Just like before, Maddie ignores me completely in favor of tugging at her ear. Eventually, her screams become loud enough—and her face red enough—that I give up on the mushed breakfast. I take her out of her high chair and bounce her in my arms for a while, walking around the apartment to try and soothe her.
Exhaustion creeps up on me, even though tiredness seems to be nowhere in sight for Maddie.
A couple of hours later, though, it is clear that Maddie’s refusal to eat is not stemming from a desire to act out or frustrate me, but rather born of illness.
Fear shoots through me.
Maddison is sick and besides taking care of her fever, I have no idea what else to do. Even after I run her a lukewarm bath, she is still burning up and is now tugging at her ear which is red and inflamed.
My first suspicion is an ear infection but searching the internet doesn’t yield any concrete results, all it does is make me even more worried when I see the possible illnesses that could have symptoms close to what she is showing. I need to call Jacob!
He doesn’t pick up on the first couple of rings and when he finally does, I am more relieved than I have ever been in my life.
“Hello Jacob. Can you hear me?” Panic is evident in my voice, and he can hear it, clear as day.
“What’s wrong, Allison? Talk to me.” He is calm and that gives me enough presence of mind to be calm, too.
“Maddie is burning up; the restlessness from yesterday is worse and now she is crying uncontrollably as well. She also has a fever and her ear is red. I don’t know what to do except take her to the hospital.”
“Okay. Hold on a bit, okay? I’m cutting everything short right now, and I’m coming home.”
“I could just go to the hospital—”
“Please wait for me.”
I chew on the inside of my cheek for a minute, considering. “I’m going to see if Sherry is home. Maybe she’ll have advice.”
Jacob is quiet for a minute. I can picture his thoughtful face. “But you’ll wait for me to come with you to the hospital?”
“Yes. I’ll wait for you.”
I hang up, and gather the diaper bag as quickly as I can while shoving my feet into shoes. I don’t even care that I’m still in sweats and a t-shirt.
I make my way to Sherry’s with Maddie in my arms and ring her doorbell.
“What’s wrong?” she asks instantly, eyes flickering across my face and Maddie’s.
“I think Maddie is sick, she’s been running a fever, and I can’t get her to cool down. She’s also refused to eat anything all day.” I feel like I could burst into tears.
Sherry ushers us both in, but I don’t take a seat, preferring to pace with Maddie clenched in my arms.
“Let me take a look at her, Allison. It will be okay, I promise.”
Her reassurance does the job, and I relax enough to hand Maddie over to her. Sherry checks her over for a couple minutes, looking closer at the inflamed patch right behind her ear. “Oh baby…shhh. It will be alright.” She comforts Maddie. Turning to me she continues. “It’s an ear infection and, from the look of it, it’s a nasty one as well. Are you taking her to the hospital?”
“I’m waiting for Jacob. He said he’ll be here soon.”
“Good. Now you just need to calm down and rest a bit, girl. Worrying does absolutely no good to anyone. So just focus on keeping her calm and comfortable until Jakey gets here,” she advises.
I feel better with Sherry here. She’s a “real” grownup.
I’ll keep her safe, Emily, I think, my eyes welling with tears as I look at Maddie’s crumpled expression.
Maddie is no longer wailing in pain, but she is clearly uncomfortable. I murmur a couple of words to her but she doesn’t respond to them, worrying me further. Thankfully, Jacob calls my phone right then.
“I’m in front of the house. Where are you guys?”
“We’re at Sherry’s. I’m coming out right now.” I end the call and make my way over to Jacob with Maddie in tow. “Thank you, Sherry!” I call out as I leave.
Jacob hugs the both of us when he sees us, looking Maddie over for just a second before he gets back into the driver's seat. “I can drive,” he tells me.
Jacob drives with precision, sticking to the speed limit and only slowing down when we pull into the hospital. As I watch him drive, his complete sense of calm in this situation rubs off on me, centering me on what’s important—getting Maddie to a doctor who can treat her.
We need to provide her information once we get inside.
* * *
“And you’re her mother?” The nurse assumes, not even looking up from where she’s typing on the computer.
I try to answer, but it’s like my throat is swollen shut. The tears are back. I miss Emily so much right now, it feels like I could die.
“I’m the legal guardian,” Jacob steps in before I have to give an answer. “Is there a problem?”
“Not really. We just need to know. There’s a father on file here, and I’m afraid we are going to have to contact him.”
“There’s no need for that, I assure you. The court has appointed me legal guardian.” Jacob tells her. “And I doubt you will be able to contact him even if you tried. I have tried doing it myself, as have the courts.” He finishes, and I am surprised that he had tried doing that himself. I didn’t know that.
I knew about the court hearing—a brief, two-hour stint at the town hall a few weeks ago. Jacob had just told me the matter was settled. At the time, I hadn’t really cared to get more details.
“The doctor will be with you shortly.” The nurse leaves and we settle, getting ready for an uneasy wait in very uncomfortable chairs.
* * *
After an equally long and uncomfortable wait, we are approached by the pediatrician.
“Hello, sir, ma’am.”
“How is she?” Jacob gets straight to the point, skipping the niceties.
“She’s doing okay, but the ear infection is quite serious. When babies react this strongly to such a common strain, I would normally recommend a surgery to insert small tubes in her eardrums to help with managing further infections. They won’t prevent all infections, but they’ll help manage them much more easily.”
It makes me instantly uneasy. I glance at Jake, and he looks just as uncertain. I turn back to the doctor, crossing my arms as I wait for him to say something. Jake shifts, his brow furrowing in thought before he finally speaks up. “Is there another option?”
“Certainly. We’ve started her on an antibiotic treatment, but that will take a much longer time in comparison. The decision is ultimately up to you as the legal guardian.”
I don’t know what option to push Jacob towards. Having Maddie spend more time here than she absolutely has to, because I prefer an antibiotic treatment instead of the surgery, seems like two messed up options. I don’t like the idea of a surgery on her eardrums, or tubes in her.
For once, I’m glad that Emily didn’t file papers for me to take care of Maddie. As much as I craved that validation when I first lost her, I’m so grateful Jacob is here and that this is his call.
It makes me feel instantly guilty, but the relief is there, anyway.
I place a hand on Jacob’s back to offer him some level of support. He turns to look at me, silent questions in his eyes. I hesitate, unsure if I should put this decision on him, but then decide I want him to be involved. I shake my head, rejecting the thought of surgery. No, the antibiotics are the better option.
“The antibiotics. Put her on them, and we’ll be here while she gets better.”
“Okay, sir.” The pediatrician leaves, retreating back into the ward.
“It’ll be okay, Jacob.” I take his hands in mine, giving them a squeeze.