Chapter 4 #2
“Alright. I get that part. But what I don’t understand is why you don’t want them to find someone for you.
From what I heard, your parents were casting a wide net and working hard to find a man for you.
That’s an impossible mission but they took it on.
They clearly love you. And I can tell you’re close to them by how much you’re freaking out right now. Don’t you trust them?”
“Of course, I trust my parents.” Seamus sounded affronted at the implication that he didn’t.
“Then why didn’t you trust them to make an arrangement for you?”
“It’s not that I don't trust them. It’s that I don’t want an arrangement at all.”
“I see.” DJ nodded. “Do you have a girlfriend who’s an outsider so they won’t accept her? Is that the problem?”
“No,” Seamus said firmly and quickly. “That’s not it. But actually…” His cheeks reddened. “I lied to them another time and told them I had a girlfriend, but it wasn’t true, and I ended the ruse quickly.”
“Oookay.” Furrowing his brow, DJ considered all the information he had learned. “I don’t get it. If you’re single and you trust your parents, why are you making up all these elaborate stories? Why are you so dead set against entering into an arrangement?”
He opened his mouth as if to answer, but no words came out.
“Seamus?”
“I…” Looking confused, he stopped before he could complete his thought.
Assuming he was too embarrassed to share the reason for his actions, DJ reached out and patted his hand. “Hey, it’s okay. You don’t need to be ashamed. Whatever it is, I won’t judge you. I just need to understand everything so we can figure out what to do now, okay?”
“It’s nothing like that.” He shook his head.
“Then what is it like?” DJ tried again.
“I don't know how to answer that question. I’ve never wanted to get married. It’s why I left Claddagh. I don’t want that life. I never have.”
“What life?”
“You know. A wife, kids. It’s never been for me. I don’t want it.”
“You don’t want it,” DJ repeated, trying and failing to understand.
“Right. I don’t want it.”
“So…you want to be all alone?” he asked, bewildered. That made no sense.
“I’m not alone. This is Hope. I have friends, neighbors. There are good people here, caring people. You know how it is.”
He had said the same thing to his sister many times. “Sure. I love it here too, but Seamus, you could have more.”
“You’re single too, right?” Seamus said. “They wouldn’t have set up the arrangement otherwise. You don’t have more and you’re good with that.”
“Yes, but I don’t have a choice. There is no potential for an arrangement for me. I actually am gay. That’s not a lie I tell to get my family off my back.”
“Fuck.” He cringed. “Sorry. That was a shitty thing to say.”
“It’s fine. I'm not mad. I’m just trying to understand.” Trying and failing. “You don’t want to share your life with someone ever? You never have and you’re sure you never will?”
“Yeah, I just…” He rubbed his lips together.
“Look, I understand that it doesn’t make sense, and I don’t know how to explain it, but growing up, when I looked at my dad and my older brothers and all the men around me excited about getting betrothed and married, I couldn’t relate.
I didn’t want a wife the way they did. It has never been for me and I’m not going to change my mind. ”
“That’s why you left Claddagh?” DJ confirmed.
“Yes.”
“And even though you’ve told your parents you feel that way, they haven’t stopped trying to make an arrangement for you and they never will?”
“Yes.”
“So to stop them, you told them you’re gay?”
“It was a dumb, impetuous thing to do, but yes.”
“And then they blew up your plan and actually managed to secure an arrangement with a man?” He pointed at himself.
“Yes. I’m sorry.”
“And now, you’re stuck because if you tell them the truth, they’ll be hurt that you lied, concerned about why you did it, disappointed that they failed, and they’ll keep insisting that you take a wife?”
“Right. All those things. Plus, they’re worried sick about me.
I already knew that, but when my dad called earlier…
” He sighed. “He sounded so fucking relieved. Like this had been weighing on them and they were happy it was finally resolved.” He looked at DJ, green eyes full of sorrow. “How can I take that away from them?”
He drew in a deep breath and reclined into the chair, taking time to think through the situation and their options. There really was only one choice.
“Well,” he said. “It seems to me that the best way to get everything you want is for us to move forward with the betrothal and get married.”
“Excuse me?” Seamus said, sounding flabbergasted.
“Look, they don’t live here and I can’t imagine they visit much, if ever, right? They want you to go to Claddagh to see them?”
“Right?” he said, sounding more like he was asking than answering.
“Right. And you have no interest in marrying anyone ever or, if I understand you correctly, entering into any level of romantic relationship?”
“Right.” He sounded very certain that time.
“Well, then what’s the harm in us getting married? It won’t interfere with anything else you have going on or any plans you have for the future. Your parents will be relieved. And there’s no way for them to know it isn’t the kind of marriage they expect.
Looking stunned, Seamus stared at him, not speaking. Eventually, he blinked a few times and said, “What about you?”
“What about me?” DJ asked.
“You won’t mind?”
“It won’t interfere with my life.” He sighed, resigned to his situation. “I don’t want to leave Hope either and, realistically, I’m never going to find a husband in the community.”
“But…” Seamus frowned. “If you want a relationship, you can find someone here.”
“Well, we can cross that bridge if we come to it, but honestly, I doubt that’ll ever happen.
I don’t have a ton of options here and I work too much to see my friends, let alone date.
There’s almost no chance I’ll get to a place where marriage is on the table.
Plus…” He breathed out and cleared away the sudden thickness in his throat.
“Other people don’t see relationships the way we do.
I know you don’t want it, but you get it.
Your brothers, your father, those people you mentioned being so excited about having a wife?
Marriage means so much to them. In Claddagh, when they say forever, that’s what it is.
I don’t know if I could ever settle for anything less than that.
I don’t want to.” He shook away his melancholy.
“Anyway, I meant what I said before. I’m your friend, and friends help each other out.
We’ll follow through on the betrothal and get married. ”