Chapter 41 #3
I’m not sure why I wasn’t asking them what we would do next, but none of them were bringing it up, either.
I fear this being a honeymoon period, and once I reunited with Ria, it would all come crashing down.
So when we finally find a spot to stop for the night, I find myself deep in thought as I stare at our fire.
“Penny, why are you so quiet? Is everything okay?” Ryker asks, sitting down beside me and putting his arm around my shoulders.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lie, while shrugging. “I guess I’m just thinking about Ria, what happens if she’s not there…”
What happens afterwards?
“Try not to worry about it. Silver said that she was fine when he last saw her and she has good people taking care of her. If she’s not there when we arrive, then we’ll just wait.” He shrugs as he smiles down at me.
“Just like that? You’re fine just waiting for an unknown amount of time? You have no problem with that?”
“Red,” he says with a sigh, running a hand through his hair as he turns to face me directly.
“When are you going to get it through your pretty little head that I have no problem following you anywhere? We’ve been in this together from the beginning, haven’t we?
” I nod at him and he continues. “And have I ever said or done anything that’s made you think there’s a timer on this relationship?
Or that I need something more from you?”
“I guess not,” I tell him as I bite my lip and look at my hands nervously.
Why did I feel so nervous all of a sudden?
I felt like my emotions were heightened and any small problem was going to send me running.
But I’m not sure why I feel like that, because he was right.
None of them had ever done or said anything to make me think that they would leave, so why was I still in fear of that happening?
“Good, now you don’t have to worry anymore, here,” he says, passing me a piece of dried meat. It’s easy for him to say that, but I definitely don’t feel any less worried.
“I’m just going to go relieve myself behind the tree over there,” I tell them as I stand up and walk through the trees behind us. Luckily, they’re dense enough that I don’t have to go too far.
When I’m finished my business, I head back to camp and hear Silver’s voice.
“Don’t you guys get it? She clearly has a deep fear of abandonment.
” I halt in my tracks at his words. Is he talking about me?
“First she lost her brother, her twin brother, and then her parents. Then Ria was all she had left, she clearly saw her as a sister and she lost her too.”
“But we told her, time and time again, that we’re not going anywhere,” Ryker says, sounding exasperated.
“It doesn’t matter,” Drake replies. “I don’t even think she’s fully aware of it herself. But I’ve been watching her carefully for the past few months, and I can see it. She’s absolutely terrified of you leaving her, any of you.”
Was that true? Is my fear of them leaving me deeper than I thought? Is that what’s got me all freaked out today?
“And it’s more than that,” Silver continues. “ I think she does all these crazy things because she’s afraid you’ll get bored with her.”
“Wait, you’re saying you think she marched into the market that day by herself because we might be bored with her otherwise?” Ryker asks, sounding confused.
Fuck, if they think that’s true, they’ll be pissed. Was it true? No, I shake my head at myself. That’s definitely not why I marched into that market. It was because I wanted to do something special for them, I wanted them to know how strong I was, that I could do it on my own…
“No,” Silver continues, “That’s not what she’s thinking when she does it, I’m sure.
She was probably upset from the fire incident, she wanted to prove to you that she was capable.
She thinks that if she can’t do things for herself, that you’ll get bored with her.
I think it’s a combination of her wanting to keep you interested and to show that she’s strong. “
Is that really what I do? His words don’t exactly hurt, more like I’m surprised that he’s the one to see it when even I didn’t.
“So, how do we help her?” Apollo asks.
Drake is the one to answer. “We just keep reassuring her that we’re not going anywhere, and make her realize that we’re stronger together, all six of us.”
“Five of you,” Silver corrects him.
And out of everything that I’ve just overheard, those last three words are the ones that hurt the most. I’m so tempted to turn and find somewhere to sit on my own, and stew in my thoughts, but after everything that’s just been said, I know that marching off into this dense forest by myself is stupid.
I don’t want to be taken by another group of bandits because of my own stupidity.
So instead, I march forward, making as much noise as I can so they know I’m coming.
I don’t look at anybody as I fumble through one of the packs the men were carrying, looking for a blanket.
Nobody says a word as I find a rock free spot on the grassy ground between where Ryker and Brax sit by the fire, and lay down on my side staring at the flames as I pull the blanket over me.
“Baby?” Brax asks, his hand resting on my calf. Something about his concerned voice causes my emotions to ramp up quickly.
“I’m fine,” I whisper, but my breath hitches on the last word, and I know they all hear it. I tuck my head to my chest and pull the blanket over my head, embarrassed by my reactions.
Why was I getting so emotional? And why did it feel like my heart was being pulled out of my chest?
I ask myself those questions, but I know the answer.
It was because of Silver’s rejection. In my mind, those three words cemented the fact that he doesn’t want to be with me, even though I loved him.
Why can’t I just be happy with the five mates I have?
Under the blanket, I cover my face in my hands and try to muffle the sound of my crying. God, I’m so pathetic, why would any of them want to be around me? No wonder Silver doesn’t want me.
I hear a loud whack, followed by a grunt. Did someone just get punched? My body is lifted and I’m settled in Brax’s lap, his arms wrapping tightly around me as he tucks my head under his chin and rocks me back and forth silently.
We sit like that for a long time, and I’m grateful he doesn’t say anything. I’m not sure that he could say anything to help, anyway.